A mistake that I will carry with me.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by OhWiseOne, Jun 25, 2011.

  1. OhWiseOne

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    I posted this as a blog but I thought it may be a good thread for people to read and learn from my mistakes.

    In a split second, literally in the time it takes to hit the send button on a text I have lost someone very special to me. Am I at fault? yes. Should they be angry? yes. Was the text a mistake? yes. Did I mean to hurt them? absolutely not. In that moment I no longer have someone in my life that I could talk to, rely on to be there and never judge me. It took many conversations, ups and downs, anger and laughter for us to get to a place where we could talk about anything and it's gone. I tried to explain what happened but complete silence and I guess I understand that. Will we ever speak again? In my heart I wish we would but I also know in my heart we probably won't. I will miss them everyday. I will think of them when I hear a frog, bird or sitting on my bench under the trees. They will be in my spot in the sky where I keep my memories and visit when I need clarity and comfort. Because of my actions I have lost someone that I can never replace. I will always wish them the best and never want any harm to come to them. I will carry this mistake and emptiness which may never go away.
     
  2. HiddenLacey

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    You never know, you may be forgiven depending on the person and what it is you said. I try to be careful to not say something that I cannot take back. The way I feel in the heat of the moment normally fades if I give myself time to calm down. Even if the person doesn't forgive you, it never hurts to apologize.
     
  3. OhWiseOne

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    Thanks for the comment. But I do know, I violated the trust in they eyes but in really didn't. I tried to apologize but as I said silence.
     
  4. D_Count_VonDickskin

    D_Count_VonDickskin New Member

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    I understand what it is like to say something out of anger/frustration and instantly regret it. Most of the time you can patch things up, but it takes time. I have had things happen in the past that myself and the other person have just begun to talk as friends again and it has been 10 years. Just remember time heals most.
     
  5. poultrygeist

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    Silence does not mean this person no longer loves you, nor does anger; for the opposite of love is simply the loss of feeling anything at all. Words, in my opinion, do not cause someone who loves you to no longer love you. Even harsh words said in haste in the moment. This is especially the case if this person felt the same way about you that you feel about them.

    Silence may be your best option for the healing to happen. Silence tells me that this person wants time, that nothing can be said right now to fix things. Silence, while painful, may be a blessing that can save this friendship or relationship. Don't chase them, don't pursue them, don't text, call or write. I'm not saying dissociate from them completely; occasionally (every few days or so) call or text them to let them know you're still thinking of them. But be kind patient and hopeful by simply giving them the space they want and need. The connection you have with them may not be over. But you will need to be patient. Showing them (by giving them space and silence) that you are patient and that your friendship is waiting on them when their anger subsides may even strengthen the relationship.

    Don't lose hope. Things may turn out to be just fine.
     
  6. OhWiseOne

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    I will give all the space she wants. The term dissociate is so hard to think of. You have put it in very simple and clear terms.
     
  7. watchwatcher7

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    I know exactly how you feel. I am having a similar problem at the moment, but time will heal, just wish the best for them and hope things will get better with time.
     
  8. OhWiseOne

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    No matter how bad I'm feeling I will always wish them the best. I am the one in the wrong.
     
  9. Sklar

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    Sometimes silence is all the answer you're going to get.

    Look back, learn and try to remember the mistakes of the past.

    Sklar
     
  10. OhWiseOne

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    I believe you are right about the silence. It can be the worst pain someone feels, if that makes sense.
     
  11. SprinkleMe69

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    Hit the nail right on the head with this one. Wow.
     
  12. MickeyLee

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    what exactly did you say?
     
  13. RawDog

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    Glad I'm not the only one curious.
     
  14. B_Nicodemous

    B_Nicodemous New Member

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    Other than the very good general advice given, without knowing more of the specifics (what did you say, what led up to you saying it, etc) i am afraid that i can't offer any other advice beyond what has been said.

    Can you share some more or are you afraid thart it is so specific that your identity will be easily recognized by people you may not want it to be revealed to?
     
  15. OhWiseOne

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    Head slap.....ouch!!!!!!!!!! lol
     
  16. OhWiseOne

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    The advice given has been very helpful even though I have not put everything on the table. Yes this is a forum for discussion but I feel that certain things are private and should remain that way. I appreciate the interest but please respect my decision to keep some things on a private level.
    Sorry if that sounded snippy it wasn't meant to.
     
  17. MickeyLee

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    oohh, you did something really bad.... really, really bad.

    ya original post reads like domestic abuse morning after.
    if she's got sense, she'll keep the contact black out going.
     
    #17 MickeyLee, Jul 3, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2011
  18. B_Nicodemous

    B_Nicodemous New Member

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    Not snippy at all. We all of us chose what to share and what not to. No wrong or right in that (which is why I asked the way I did) I have a comfort zone as to what I can share and feel free doing so on an open forum. I don't think any of us took offense with your wanting a modicum of privacy.
    Huh. I didn't get that at all fron the OP. Sorry to disagree with you ML but here was my interpretation: To friends or lovers got into a heated argument about something that in retrospct was a non issue. Things escalated and one of them (the OP) probably brought up something that was a "not even if we are about to kill each other angry" subject (we all have them) and hit the send button (so much worse than a face to face convo IMHO) and was imediately "Oh shit...." but once sent the hurtful hateful thing was already out there. The other party sees it, is wounded deeply, can't believe the other would go there, feels utterly betrayed and cuts of lines of communication as they process things.

    I could be waaaayyyy the fuck off but just wanted to present another possible senario.

    You know i still love you no matter whos right, ny dear ML :kiss:
     
  19. MickeyLee

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    i have an evil stalker, he prefers wanna be abusive boyfriend, he's posted the same lament/regret/lesson learned/hurt sentiment more times than i can count.

    could very much be my issue. cuz i got heaps of em :smile:
    i still ain't inclined to coddle or coo someone with the same accent.
    post history says more than one post, ya know?

    i heart you like limited edition hologram covers, Mr. Nico.
     
  20. OhWiseOne

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    It's nothing like that nor would I abuse anyone. Somethings are to be kept between two people.
     
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