A mistake that I will carry with me.

[OhWiseOne]

Not snippy at all. We all of us chose what to share and what not to. No wrong or right in that (which is why I asked the way I did) I have a comfort zone as to what I can share and feel free doing so on an open forum. I don't think any of us took offense with your wanting a modicum of privacy.

Thanks for understanding.

 

[helgaleena]

Sorry, but when one of the partners gets physical in the heat of emotion, it shows the capacity to be an abuser. He will have to learn more about himself and develop some internal controls.

OP, let her go and keep loving. In time you will find a steady and more nurturing relationship where your buttons get pushed less often. At least you know now that you have these buttons. Next time one gets pushed you can wrestle harder to stay centered, take that crucial deep breath, whatever. But with this one, it's not worth it.

 

[B_Nicodemous]

Where does it say he hit her?

I posted this as a blog but I thought it may be a good thread for people to read and learn from my mistakes.

In a split second, literally in the time it takes to hit the send button on a text I have lost someone very special to me. Am I at fault? yes. Should they be angry? yes. Was the text a mistake? yes. Did I mean to hurt them? absolutely not. In that moment I no longer have someone in my life that I could talk to, rely on to be there and never judge me. It took many conversations, ups and downs, anger and laughter for us to get to a place where we could talk about anything and it's gone. I tried to explain what happened but complete silence and I guess I understand that. Will we ever speak again? In my heart I wish we would but I also know in my heart we probably won't. I will miss them everyday. I will think of them when I hear a frog, bird or sitting on my bench under the trees. They will be in my spot in the sky where I keep my memories and visit when I need clarity and comfort. Because of my actions I have lost someone that I can never replace. I will always wish them the best and never want any harm to come to them. I will carry this mistake and emptiness which may never go away.

He was talking abourt hitting send on a text.

Silence does not mean this person no longer loves you, nor does anger; for the opposite of love is simply the loss of feeling anything at all. Words, in my opinion, do not cause someone who loves you to no longer love you. Even harsh words said in haste in the moment. This is especially the case if this person felt the same way about you that you feel about them.

Silence may be your best option for the healing to happen. Silence tells me that this person wants time, that nothing can be said right now to fix things. Silence, while painful, may be a blessing that can save this friendship or relationship. Don't chase them, don't pursue them, don't text, call or write. I'm not saying dissociate from them completely; occasionally (every few days or so) call or text them to let them know you're still thinking of them. But be kind patient and hopeful by simply giving them the space they want and need. The connection you have with them may not be over. But you will need to be patient. Showing them (by giving them space and silence) that you are patient and that your friendship is waiting on them when their anger subsides may even strengthen the relationship.

Don't lose hope. Things may turn out to be just fine.

Hit the nail right on the head with this one. Wow.

Head slap.....ouch!!!!!!!!!! lol

His "head slap" here was in response to SM69 post regarding PG's post.

I took it as "yeah he did hit the nail on the haed and I should be slapped upside mine for being stupid"

How I took it anyways.

 

[SprinkleMe69]

Nico you are so smart!!!!

Fuck it. I'll say it. Long distance argument/disagreement/silence blackout is over.

 

[helgaleena]

Where does it say he hit her?


He was talking about hitting send on a text.


His "head slap" here was in response to SM69 post regarding PG's post.

I took it as "yeah he did hit the nail on the head and I should be slapped upside mine for being stupid"

How I took it anyways.

Why thanks, I did misread that! It was only verbal abuse, if abusive at all.

If the OP wishes to learn from this, it is going to be far easier to break a bad mental habit! That is very good! :arms:

 

[B_Nicodemous]

what I thought anyhow. Yeah if there is a pattern then verbal abuse which can be on both sides at the sam time in some relationships (i think we have allllll seen those!)

If singile type slip then was bad judgement and a trigger finger o the send. I have done it, had it done to me. SOmtimes relationshio (be it with family, friend, or lover)recovers..sometimes not...sometimes only after a decade of distance.

Only time will tell and hopefully with his new 20/20 hindsight (and why can't my real sight ever be as good! grrr. tired of glasses, lol) he (and those he deals with) will be better served.

Best of luck to the OP.:hug:

 

[OhWiseOne]

My God...it was nothing physical or mental..it was just a huge fuck up on my part. WOW.....here's one problem with chat or txt....the meaning gets lost.

Nico....you got it exactly right.

 

[rembrandt1603]

These kinds of verbal altercations are actually very interesting. Being in them many times myself, you can always see the moment in which you have the potential to say something back, or launch an attack on the person. This may be something you can never take back (such as what you may have said), something so devastating to that particular person it seems evil, or a simple retort which may result in a few days of the cold shoulder. The person, in my experience, chooses which road to go down, every single time.

I've made the mistake once, and never again. Better to say something bad, not evil.

 

[helgaleena]

I guess I can share a little something from my own life. I have a pen pal in England, and we joke around but once I called him a 'Limey' and he almost nearly never spoke to me again. It took months before our friendship was restored and I had to apologize profusely.

Later he hurt me just as badly by calling me 'stupid'. I don't mind any sort of animalistic or profane labels, but that is my 's' word. I told him if he ever used that word on me again it would be over. Once again it took some months before his apology, but we are still friends. And we both know better how to stay that way.

 

[SprinkleMe69]

Exactly Helgaleena. It took us a week but we are speaking again.

I had to say it OhWiseOne. I just had to.

 

[MickeyLee]

the falling out of focus in this thread was between Wiser and Sprinkle?

 

[lotsofquestions]

if youre not going to tell us what you said than fuck off outta here!!!!!

 

[SprinkleMe69]

if youre not going to tell us what you said than fuck off outta here!!!!!

This kinda crap is uncalled for.

 

[OhWiseOne]

if youre not going to tell us what you said than fuck off outta here!!!!!

Not a problem dip shit..you don't deserve to know.....have a nice day.

 

[MickeyLee]

is attention seeking publicizing of personal drama.


y'all have fun.

 

[SprinkleMe69]

So says the drama queen. Buh-bye.

 

[OhWiseOne]

I will make it simple for all annoyed thread readers and you know who you are. I will request that it be removed.

 

[MickeyLee]

So says the drama queen. Buh-bye.

i'm an asshole. not a drama queen.

now have ya pet follow you off in a huff, dear.

 

[SprinkleMe69]

Remember you called yourself that. Lol

 

[MickeyLee]

is in my profile