A morality question: revenge

B_theaussieone

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“Last night I had a revelation
Somehow I have to make you pay
It's all about manipulation
And what it takes to get my way
I don't believe in soft solutions
No one makes a fool of me
Without receiving retribution
No one hurts me and goes free

I'll play on your fears, I'll leave you in tears
You'll never be the same, my friend
You're walking a line, it's a matter of time
You'll never rest easy again

I've got the power to bring you down

I've heard it said, to err is human
It's forgiveness that's divine
I thought about forgiving you, but
I want revenge, I want what's mine
I think it's time to settle scores now
It's time to set the record straight
You'll know it's coming, you won't know how
Or when, you'll have to watch and wait

I'll play on your fears, I'll leave you in tears
You'll never be the same, my friend
You're walking a line, it's a matter of time
You'll never rest easy again

I've got the power to bring you down

You know, it feels intoxicating
To be intimidating
It's invigorating
To see you shaking

I've got the power to bring you down

You know something, you see it coming,
You know I will stop at nothing.”

~ Red Delicious



Well this puts on a good arguement.
 

nudeyorker

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^ Yes but you may want to consider that some people channel their need for revenge into writing poetry, or songs or making films or painting a mural as a cathartic alternative to enacting revenge.
 

uberhund

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Forgiveness does not mean that you think what someone did to you is right: if what they did was right it doesn't need forgiving! Forgiveness is the acceptance that we all mess up sometimes, or that a basically good person may have been behaving badly because they were under stress or in a bad situation. It doesn't mean it was right for that person to shove, or speak rudely or whatever else, but how awful it would be if we were never to be forgiven for anything we did wrong! And how unworkable relationships would be! The person that said 'love means never having to say you're sorry' has clearly never been in a relationship: I find that if you love someone, contrition and forgiveness are an essential part of getting along.
 

Bbucko

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I'm not religious at all, so I avoid talking about morality. However, I live by a strict code of ethics that, in most cases, does not allow for fudging or nuance. This code of ethics is comprised of bits of life lessons and certain uncompromising truths that I've somehow always seemed to understand, and was pretty well set in stone by my early 20s. Whenever I've veered off its proscriptions, I've paid heavy consequences to my emotions and my spirit.

Revenge, any kind of vengeance, is strictly prohibited according to my ethical code. This does not make me weaker, it makes me stronger; as someone who has survived living with HIV for almost 27 years now, I understand a thing or two about strength (and resolution, for that matter).

I had the opportunity to extract a couple of pounds of flesh from two people who'd recently done me wrong, to seriously inconvenience them in a manner that was universally recommended as fitting retribution for months of misery they'd (purposefully) caused me. I wanted to do it so badly: they had stolen from me, lied to me, vandalized some of my possessions and disrupted my home. I was completely justified.

But in the end I simply could not break my code of ethics to suit any anecdote, no matter how much it would have been seen sympathetically by those around me and no matter how "good" it would have felt to do. In the end, the strength of my convictions outweighed everything else, but I'm not sure which was more stressful: completing the agreement or denying myself the lust for revenge.
 

Icarium

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Revenge outside of sports just shows the bad side of you and your insecurity of the situation. The best form of revenge is to simply move on, put it behind you and be successful.

Revenge leads to hate which leads to anger which leads to the dark side.

Life is far too short to be plotting revenge when you can be planning moving on........
 
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Hey im all for the forgiveness thing. As an agnostic I don't base it on any religious ideal. It just seems that you can obsess over something and it does you harm, so in most things in life when you are wronged its probably best to let it go.

Now that thats out of the way, I think there are things which require avenging. If someone close to you was seriously injured or killed and was completely innocent in the circumstances then I think its appropriate to make the perpetrator pay, and pay harshly.

My uncle some years ago had a favorite dog that as dogs do, barked at night. Now my uncle lived in a rural area and his nearest neighbors were in subdivision nearly a quarter mile away that had recently been built. One of these neighbors was upset because of all the howling that the coyotes do and of course which caused my uncle's dog to bark back. The neighbor could not do much about the coyotes but he complained to the authorities about the dog, asserting that the dog caused the coyotes to come around. Well the sheriff he just politely told them that coyotes howl and dogs bark and that was the nature of living in a rural area.

Few weeks later the dog is poisoned and dies. A few weeks after that the neighbor who is out of town has his house burned down, not sure if my uncle or any of his ranch hands had anything to do with it. But the dog that died had some pups and they got big and barked and the coyotes still howl and the neighbors, they don't complain.
 

helgaleena

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Revenge is best served cold. By that I mean that revenge colored by emotion, especially angry and immediate emotion, is likely to be done in a sloppy and consequential way that causes even more harm.

Willhorse's little story sounds like a very thoughtful and careful use of vengeance, if indeed it is an example of vengeance and not a series of coincidences.

Whatever you do in the way of retaliation, be absolutely certain you can do it without feeling an emotional reaction that can make you stupid.

I remember once that when I was in traffic court, I caught a glimpse from behind of an attorney that I identified as the one who had royally bungled my ex-husband's defense and caused him to be sentenced to prison. I had such an urge to run up and strangle the guy I literally saw red and I felt lightning rushing into my hands. But then the guy turned around and it was somebody else entirely! It was like a pail of water had been thrown on me. I nearly fell over.

Thank goodness I didn't run forward and do that thing before the poor man turned around.
 

B_ILIW

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I think vengeful people are not mentally healthy. I define mental health largely as adaptability (how one acts in situations and how they interact in the wider world) as well as mood. Somebody who is persistently negative in thought or emotion is not, IMO, mentally healthy. The key IMO is not to accept that a wrongdoing is justified or warranted, but for one's own wellbeing to forgive and move on, and never let oneself get in such a position to be wronged again. IMO, this is the true value of forgiveness.

Besides, I think revenge has always been considered unethical. I don't think it's just our modern society that looks down on it.
 

D_Humper E Bogart

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Revenge pretty much defines all the wars of the 21st century, but whether it works at a smaller scale is anoyther thing. The best revenge is probably to piss someone off so badly they shame themselves IMHO, but most people are not worth the mind-games.

Forgiveness? Sounds like an excellant way to become a doormat. At the very least one should stand their ground and if they are in the wrong, except that and move on.
 

Mogluver

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Life is too short to be hung up on wanting the "pound of flesh" out of someone who has wronged you. The minute that you exact punishment on the individual you are caught in the cycle of payback, once there it is difficult to leave, as the behavior is self reinforcing. I have seen more people waste their lives in the cycle of getting even, if that gives you satisfaction, then you have made your choice and your issue is finished.

It's taken a long time in my life, but I have learned to live above the petty things that sometimes happen, it's just not worth lowering myself in behavior. Besides, if they do bad things to you, they will strike another, just sit back and live and learn. BTW, Good Luck!