A New Gay Looking For Some Love Advice

canadian_guy486

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I’m not really sure if I’m doing this right. This is my first post, and usually I stick to looking to see if there are any nudes on here of random hot guys I see on Instagram, but I would really like some relationship advice. My story is a bit unusual and complex. I’ve been in the closet my entire life up until 2 years ago. I’m in my mid 30s, and I’ve only ever had one serious relationship that I’m currently in. The reason for my late blooming is that I come from a pretty traditional European family that I’ve been afraid to come out to as gay. I’ve only come out to a handful of friends but that’s about it. 2 years ago I was tired of being alone and couldn’t take this secrecy anymore, so I came out to a couple of friends, and I made the venture onto the dating apps. With my first shot, I met a wonderful guy who I have similar likes and interests, and we hit it off pretty quickly. Within a month we solidified our relationship and made it official and took ourselves off the market. It was very quick, but we’ve been together ever since and coming up on 2 years.

Here’s where it gets complex. As I explained before, I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone before I met my current boyfriend. A lot of firsts were accomplished with him. I had started a long distance relationship with someone years ago who lived out of country. It was basically a texting, Snapchat, and FaceTime relationship. He visited a handful of times, but 97% of the relationship was long distant and virtual. He was tired of the distance and lack of physical interaction so he ended it. He was the first man I had ever been with sexually, and after that, I have only been with 2 other men (my current boyfriend included).
When I decided to finally put myself out there for the first time, I loved the excitement of meeting new people and dating and getting to know people. Everything was so new and exciting and scary, so nothing ever really went beyond a few coffee dates. When I met my current boyfriend, it was wonderful. It was new and exciting and great. But lately I’ve been feeling really torn inside. Like I’ve said before, I’ve only recently come out later in life, so I never had that period in my 20s of meeting people, having new sexual experiences etc. It’s my own fault for that. I had my whole adult life to explore and figure myself out, but I was too scared of being “caught” and my family and friends finding out. The man I’m with now is the one I’ve been experiencing all these new experiences with. Going on dates, having a boyfriend, many sexual firsts, etc. But I’m starting to feel like I’ve missed out, and I’m starting to yearn for that experience of flirting with random cute guys, meeting new people, trying new things, “building up my resume” so to speak.

My boyfriend has told me that his last serious relationship didn’t end well, and the guy treated him poorly and was very demeaning. He said after they broke up, he basically went buck wild and pretty much banged the memory of his ex out of him. When he tells me that, I almost feel jealous. Not because he was with other men in the past, but because he got to have that experience of meeting different guys to have fun with, even if it went nowhere, and I never got to experience that. So here I am, 2 years into my very first and only real relationship, never having “played the field” a day in my life. I feel awful even thinking this, because my boyfriend is so amazing. He’s so kind and caring, and his family has welcomed me with open arms and made me feel like a part of their family. But I just can’t shake this feeling. It’ll come and go, but it’s always there. Always in the back of my mind. I worry that I will always feel this way and that feeling will never go away, and I will grow resentful of my boyfriend as the years go on. I will constantly yearn for that experience of meeting new guys and getting to know them and have fun with them. But I want to be with my boyfriend. I know he is the guy I need. I almost want to push pause on our relationship, go out and get all of that out of my system, and then unpause it and go back to him ready to commit and settle down.

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m too invested in this relationship now to even suggest a break. My friends absolutely adore him, and I’m sure once I build the courage to come out to my family, they will love him too. His family is amazing and so similar to my own. I know it would be stupid of me to lose this and give this up, because it will be a challenge to find something like this again in my small city. He’s told me a few times that when a relationship ends for him, it’s basically a one and done thing. Blocked, erased, and cut out. So if I do decide to do anything, I have to accept the fact that it would be over for good.

I would really appreciate any advice. I honestly didn’t know where else to go. I don’t have any gay friends at all, all my friends are straight, and while they are great, they just don’t understand.
 

Vasko

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Welcome to the human race - always want what we can't have; the grass is always greener on the other side... That in itself is just us humans.
If it was the other way round - that you were not in this relationship but meeting hook-ups after hook-ups - you might be writing why you cannot find someone to settle down with. You clearly love this man and you do appreciate everything you have and you even recognise that it is the fact that you are with him, that is giving you the confidence/curiosity to even think about playing the field.

Only you can decide how much of a "loss" or "lack" this is to you that you have not done the no-strings-attached sex. You could try to just talk to your boyfriend that you wonder what it feels like to have slept around or you could try seeing a counsellor to talk this through.

Clearly, you don't want to just throw away the relationship to have a wild time, only to find after a while that you prefer to be in that relationship, after all.
Also - just because you're gay does not mean that you have to have slept with a lot of guys :)
 

noirman

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If you discuss this with him candidly, and he won't agree to to your having sex with others, I think the choice is clear: Either give up someone you love for random sexual experiences or stay with him. If I were in your shoes, I would opt for love, which is much harder to find and more satisfying than promiscuous sex.
 

Runaway Reinder

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you basically won the lottery, the random sex with strangers thing is exiting, but the exitement doesnot last long, you will get bored of nasty sex with strangers pretty quickly, i give you 1 year before deep into you starts growing the nostalgy of what you have now, or the need to fin what you already have.

you will reach your lowest when you cant even get a hug from a sexual encounter with someone, they jut come in, bang you (or you bang them) and they leave.
 
D

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agree with the other posters on here - don't believe the hype and stereo types of going out and sowing your wild seeds, its not that much fun going out to try to find someone, be rejected, reject others, get infections or worse, meet real shitheads etc. Your bf has told you he's met guys who've not been good for him and you openly admit that he's everything you could want, so why are you so determined to ruin something good?

is there some underlying lack of belief in yourself that you really do deserve this guy? Is there something about coming from that traditional family set up (which many of us do btw) that you think you shouldn't do this or that its still somehow wront?

you need to understand your own motivations for these thoughts - maybe go to a counsellor to understand them and put them in perspective?

Also, think of this from his perspective - does he worry that you might leave him because of your lack of experience? I am in the position of your bf, with a fabulous guy with whom I'm his first. I've been very open with him about my fears that he'll feel he's missed out on experiences etc and his response - he'd waited for the right guy to come along why would he then go out looking for someone/something else when he's got me. My fears subsided.

The point is, as others have said, you need to discuss your fears, either with him, or us, or a counsellor, and understand why you have these fears and put them into context.

But if you're with a great guy, who is right for you, believe me and others, they don't come along that often so grab him with both arms and hold onto him, and enjoy learning together about each other - but also open up your communications and be honest with him as to how you're feeling and why.

good luck
 

MrJohnLu82

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I understand your struggle. I had been through it.
By the way, you will have to bear the consequences of your decision. It may even end up really ugly like getting rejection, lonely, sex disease or even AIDS.
It is not easy to get a real nice guy to be with in gay circle.
Ask yourself a serious Question... What are you seeking? Fun or a serious Relationship?
 

Notaes

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I’m not really sure if I’m doing this right. This is my first post, and usually I stick to looking to see if there are any nudes on here of random hot guys I see on Instagram, but I would really like some relationship advice. My story is a bit unusual and complex. I’ve been in the closet my entire life up until 2 years ago. I’m in my mid 30s, and I’ve only ever had one serious relationship that I’m currently in. The reason for my late blooming is that I come from a pretty traditional European family that I’ve been afraid to come out to as gay. I’ve only come out to a handful of friends but that’s about it. 2 years ago I was tired of being alone and couldn’t take this secrecy anymore, so I came out to a couple of friends, and I made the venture onto the dating apps. With my first shot, I met a wonderful guy who I have similar likes and interests, and we hit it off pretty quickly. Within a month we solidified our relationship and made it official and took ourselves off the market. It was very quick, but we’ve been together ever since and coming up on 2 years.

Here’s where it gets complex. As I explained before, I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone before I met my current boyfriend. A lot of firsts were accomplished with him. I had started a long distance relationship with someone years ago who lived out of country. It was basically a texting, Snapchat, and FaceTime relationship. He visited a handful of times, but 97% of the relationship was long distant and virtual. He was tired of the distance and lack of physical interaction so he ended it. He was the first man I had ever been with sexually, and after that, I have only been with 2 other men (my current boyfriend included).
When I decided to finally put myself out there for the first time, I loved the excitement of meeting new people and dating and getting to know people. Everything was so new and exciting and scary, so nothing ever really went beyond a few coffee dates. When I met my current boyfriend, it was wonderful. It was new and exciting and great. But lately I’ve been feeling really torn inside. Like I’ve said before, I’ve only recently come out later in life, so I never had that period in my 20s of meeting people, having new sexual experiences etc. It’s my own fault for that. I had my whole adult life to explore and figure myself out, but I was too scared of being “caught” and my family and friends finding out. The man I’m with now is the one I’ve been experiencing all these new experiences with. Going on dates, having a boyfriend, many sexual firsts, etc. But I’m starting to feel like I’ve missed out, and I’m starting to yearn for that experience of flirting with random cute guys, meeting new people, trying new things, “building up my resume” so to speak.

My boyfriend has told me that his last serious relationship didn’t end well, and the guy treated him poorly and was very demeaning. He said after they broke up, he basically went buck wild and pretty much banged the memory of his ex out of him. When he tells me that, I almost feel jealous. Not because he was with other men in the past, but because he got to have that experience of meeting different guys to have fun with, even if it went nowhere, and I never got to experience that. So here I am, 2 years into my very first and only real relationship, never having “played the field” a day in my life. I feel awful even thinking this, because my boyfriend is so amazing. He’s so kind and caring, and his family has welcomed me with open arms and made me feel like a part of their family. But I just can’t shake this feeling. It’ll come and go, but it’s always there. Always in the back of my mind. I worry that I will always feel this way and that feeling will never go away, and I will grow resentful of my boyfriend as the years go on. I will constantly yearn for that experience of meeting new guys and getting to know them and have fun with them. But I want to be with my boyfriend. I know he is the guy I need. I almost want to push pause on our relationship, go out and get all of that out of my system, and then unpause it and go back to him ready to commit and settle down.

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m too invested in this relationship now to even suggest a break. My friends absolutely adore him, and I’m sure once I build the courage to come out to my family, they will love him too. His family is amazing and so similar to my own. I know it would be stupid of me to lose this and give this up, because it will be a challenge to find something like this again in my small city. He’s told me a few times that when a relationship ends for him, it’s basically a one and done thing. Blocked, erased, and cut out. So if I do decide to do anything, I have to accept the fact that it would be over for good.

I would really appreciate any advice. I honestly didn’t know where else to go. I don’t have any gay friends at all, all my friends are straight, and while they are great, they just don’t understand.


You said yourself if you end this that he may not be there to welcome you back. It’s a chance you will take if you end this relationship. You said he is the one for you! If he is the one why take a fucking chance on loosing him? I’ve been married 36 yrs and have no desire to take a chance on loosing her. If your happy I would forget about everything else. If not end It and go forward. How often do you find someone you click with? For me, I would never fuck with loosing the love of my life! I have everything I could ever ask for. I love women but not enough to risk everything I have! Best of luck!
 

Gj816

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I’m not really sure if I’m doing this right. This is my first post, and usually I stick to looking to see if there are any nudes on here of random hot guys I see on Instagram, but I would really like some relationship advice. My story is a bit unusual and complex. I’ve been in the closet my entire life up until 2 years ago. I’m in my mid 30s, and I’ve only ever had one serious relationship that I’m currently in. The reason for my late blooming is that I come from a pretty traditional European family that I’ve been afraid to come out to as gay. I’ve only come out to a handful of friends but that’s about it. 2 years ago I was tired of being alone and couldn’t take this secrecy anymore, so I came out to a couple of friends, and I made the venture onto the dating apps. With my first shot, I met a wonderful guy who I have similar likes and interests, and we hit it off pretty quickly. Within a month we solidified our relationship and made it official and took ourselves off the market. It was very quick, but we’ve been together ever since and coming up on 2 years.

Here’s where it gets complex. As I explained before, I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone before I met my current boyfriend. A lot of firsts were accomplished with him. I had started a long distance relationship with someone years ago who lived out of country. It was basically a texting, Snapchat, and FaceTime relationship. He visited a handful of times, but 97% of the relationship was long distant and virtual. He was tired of the distance and lack of physical interaction so he ended it. He was the first man I had ever been with sexually, and after that, I have only been with 2 other men (my current boyfriend included).
When I decided to finally put myself out there for the first time, I loved the excitement of meeting new people and dating and getting to know people. Everything was so new and exciting and scary, so nothing ever really went beyond a few coffee dates. When I met my current boyfriend, it was wonderful. It was new and exciting and great. But lately I’ve been feeling really torn inside. Like I’ve said before, I’ve only recently come out later in life, so I never had that period in my 20s of meeting people, having new sexual experiences etc. It’s my own fault for that. I had my whole adult life to explore and figure myself out, but I was too scared of being “caught” and my family and friends finding out. The man I’m with now is the one I’ve been experiencing all these new experiences with. Going on dates, having a boyfriend, many sexual firsts, etc. But I’m starting to feel like I’ve missed out, and I’m starting to yearn for that experience of flirting with random cute guys, meeting new people, trying new things, “building up my resume” so to speak.

My boyfriend has told me that his last serious relationship didn’t end well, and the guy treated him poorly and was very demeaning. He said after they broke up, he basically went buck wild and pretty much banged the memory of his ex out of him. When he tells me that, I almost feel jealous. Not because he was with other men in the past, but because he got to have that experience of meeting different guys to have fun with, even if it went nowhere, and I never got to experience that. So here I am, 2 years into my very first and only real relationship, never having “played the field” a day in my life. I feel awful even thinking this, because my boyfriend is so amazing. He’s so kind and caring, and his family has welcomed me with open arms and made me feel like a part of their family. But I just can’t shake this feeling. It’ll come and go, but it’s always there. Always in the back of my mind. I worry that I will always feel this way and that feeling will never go away, and I will grow resentful of my boyfriend as the years go on. I will constantly yearn for that experience of meeting new guys and getting to know them and have fun with them. But I want to be with my boyfriend. I know he is the guy I need. I almost want to push pause on our relationship, go out and get all of that out of my system, and then unpause it and go back to him ready to commit and settle down.

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m too invested in this relationship now to even suggest a break. My friends absolutely adore him, and I’m sure once I build the courage to come out to my family, they will love him too. His family is amazing and so similar to my own. I know it would be stupid of me to lose this and give this up, because it will be a challenge to find something like this again in my small city. He’s told me a few times that when a relationship ends for him, it’s basically a one and done thing. Blocked, erased, and cut out. So if I do decide to do anything, I have to accept the fact that it would be over for good.

I would really appreciate any advice. I honestly didn’t know where else to go. I don’t have any gay friends at all, all my friends are straight, and while they are great, they just don’t understand.


Have you considered role playing with your boyfriend..if you're both versatile then you could as was stated above arrange some nasty sex with each other. Meet up at a local spot say while walking through the park with all this covid going on. Take him back home and let him shag the taste out of you. No kissing, hugging or intimate stuff. Just a hook up with your boyfriend playing the John that is going to give you a primal fuck. My guess is he'd be into it.

Why take a chance on messing up a good relationship over 15 minutes of lust? Only you can decide what is right for you. As you've already said he's everything you want. No sense in taking a chance on catching something you can't get rid of. Especially since you've been in this relationship for two years. He seems to be into you and you him.

There grass isn't greener on the other side. Even if you think it is. Be content with what you have. As has been stated above, random sex with strangers has its own set of problems. You end up alone and unfulfilled. As the saying goes, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Good luck.
 

talkthetalk

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You definitely don't want to lose out on a good relationship. It's hard to find a good partner, especially as a gay guy (there are fewer of us!). But I wouldn't totally rule out the possibility of having the best of both worlds...

Personally, if I were in your shoes, I'd prefer some form of "open relationship" over putting your relationship on pause and then playing the field. With an open relationship, you could stay in your relationship, but both you and your boyfriend would have the freedom to play with other people (or even date other people) on the side. There are two main ways people do it: 1) you "play separately," meaning each of you does your own thing with other people, or 2) "play together," where the only outside sex you have is as a pair (like threesomes or swinging).

Gay men are way way more likely to be interested in open relationships than are straight people. The way I see it, LGBT people have thrown out the "rule book" of sexuality, and so we can allow ourselves a bit more freedom to make our own rules. Lots of gay couples have open relationships -- and sure, sometimes they bring heartache, jealousy, distance, and STDs, but sometimes they're really fuckin fun and drama-free. A successful open relationship is all about trust, clear communication, and boundaries. In my last relationship, my partner and I opened it up a few years in and honestly it worked out really well. We came up with a plan that allowed each of us to explore without hurting the other person or growing distant.

If an open relationship sounds interesting, you could try and test the waters a bit with your boyfriend... maybe if you see a hot guy out on the street or even in a movie/show, you could look over at your boyfriend, and see if he's checking the guy out. Maybe comment on the other dude. It can start a conversation just to tease your boyfriend about the way he's into another dude (like, "oh, you like his chest, huh?" or something like that). Maybe suggest watching porn together. It can be a safe way to open your minds to new ideas. Based on his interest in all this, you could then bring up some form of open relationship.

If an open relationship is totally off the table, I'd suggest just trying to enjoy your relationship for what it is and then finding some other outlet for your wandering eye... it could be as simple as porn. It could be flirting with an acquaintance when your boyfriend's not around. I agree with Gj816 that role play can be a great idea. It can help you see each other with new eyes, as strangers. It satisfies the human craving for novelty.

As an aside, "playing the field" is not all that fun. It's fun to seduce someone, and it's fun to have sex -- but that can happen over the course of just a few hours. Going on a bunch of dates trying to find a guy who you click with is not very fun, in my experience.

It's normal to wonder what's out there, to want to try something new, but be careful that you're not running away from intimacy. Speaking from experience, a LOT of gay men have issues with trust, intimacy, and commitment. You don't want to just be looking around the corner for something new, you want to try and deepen what you already have.
 

canadian_guy486

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Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond and provide some advice. I’ve read everyone’s responses and will using the advice the best way I can. The feelings are still there, and while they may not be as strong right now, they still creep up and linger. It sounds like there’s a common piece in everyone’s responses, that I would be stupid to give this up over a chance to have unfulfilling hookups.

I can confidently say that my boyfriend would not be accepting to the idea of an open relationship. I previously jokingly suggested a threesome one time, and he got pretty upset by that suggestion. Monogamy is a key factor in our relationship and he plans to keep it that way. The best thing I can do right now is to push these feelings aside and make the most of what I have, and remind myself that finding a good life partner is not easy, especially when you’re gay and in your mid 30s.

I appreciate everyone’s time and advice.
 

Gj816

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Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond and provide some advice. I’ve read everyone’s responses and will using the advice the best way I can. The feelings are still there, and while they may not be as strong right now, they still creep up and linger. It sounds like there’s a common piece in everyone’s responses, that I would be stupid to give this up over a chance to have unfulfilling hookups.

I can confidently say that my boyfriend would not be accepting to the idea of an open relationship. I previously jokingly suggested a threesome one time, and he got pretty upset by that suggestion. Monogamy is a key factor in our relationship and he plans to keep it that way. The best thing I can do right now is to push these feelings aside and make the most of what I have, and remind myself that finding a good life partner is not easy, especially when you’re gay and in your mid 30s.

I appreciate everyone’s time and advice.


Just get him to give you an uninhibited animalistic raw sex session every so often. A little grudge fucking just might do the trick.
 

F-Ball612

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I'm in the same boat as you man... I think it's the coming out in your 30's that's the reason why we feel like this...

I also have an amazing guy that I would love to spend my life with but he's only the second guy I've ever dated and I can't get rid of the feeling that I need to explore a lot more and catch up on all those missed years of playing the field and having fun...

At our age most guys want commitment and something long term but for guys like us we are trying to relive our youth when we were hiding from ourselves and trying to make up for lost time..

I haven't decided what I am going to do... I play with the idea of fooling around every now and then... Haven't done it yet and my bf is definitely not into an open relationship

Basically I know what your going thru man... It's a tough one
 

wsnki07

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"We always think we are worthy of more, but rarely do we act as if we're worthy of what we already have."

I agree with many of the posters here. The grass often appears greener on the other side. And as long as we're focusing on what we don't have, we will never feel satisfied with what we do have, until we're forced to mourn what we had.


As for the discussion of open relationships, I think that relationships can evolve over time. So he may be strictly monogamous now, but that can change down the line. It's something worth having a serious discussion about rather than an indirect question disguised as a joke.

Two things to address is where your stance of opening up the relationship stems from vs his stance against it.

If you want to open up the relationship because you feel it's lacking or you're missing out, that's very different than feeling fully satisfying and wanting to contribute a bit more variety. Basically ask yourself if your desires are to benefit the relationship or to benefit yourself?

And then find out his stance against it. Did he have previously bad experiences with it. Did his ex prioritize random dudes over his own needs?

Having an open discussion can air all of this out. I'm not saying it will be comfortable, but vulnerability and honesty will reveal whats best for the both of you.

Good luck
 
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I have a slightly different take on your situation. Please read with an open mind.

Your heart is telling you something that you want to do. Throughout your message, it is fairly consistent: you want to have more sexual adventures and encounters. I think you came here to listen to what other people had to say, but I also think you came here to see if someone would give you permission to do what you are yearning for.

The issue as I see it, is that you haven't lived your gay life yet, and you really want to. Yes, you found someone who is wonderful. Many people do. People also grow out of relationships and move on. It sounds what is keeping you from leaving your current boyfriend is guilt, because of his last break-up, and the fact that he is genuinely a nice guy. He as a person isn't the reason why you want to leave. It is you that has changed. You are the one that wants to leave because you've grown, and want to see more, and it cannot happen in your current situation.

That's totally fine. It happens all the time. People outgrow where they are and move on. It happens with jobs, where people live, and many other examples where a shift from this to that is needed. It's just with relationships things get a little more complicated. But, like realizing you need a career change, or a moving to a new area, it boils down to something inside you telling you it's time, and then doing it. Have you ever seen those people that stay in the same job for 40 years because it's comfortable, has benefits, and checks all the boxes, yet they hate it and themselves because they want to do something different but don't? Yeah. Sometimes you need to move on, for you.

I've met many wonderful people throughout my life. Some were dicks as well. But, you need to experience the shitty bits once in a while to help you grow, and learn. I definitely sowed my oats, and had a couple of longer term relationships along the way. Currently, I am in a 10 year+ relationship, and we are openish (whatever that means). I don't regret any of it.

In that relationship process, over those years, I started out with a limited set of experiences and tools. With time that grew, as did my perspectives and maturity. The person I was back then is not the person I am now. Additionally, the people I found to be attractive changed, as did my sexual tastes. I changed, and evolved, and I feel very enriched having lived my life like that.

So, my perspective is that if you want to go out and explore, do so. But, like I said, that journey is going to change you, hopefully for the better. Be safe, open-minded, and own your actions.
 

fournineteenfiftynine

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I’m not really sure if I’m doing this right. This is my first post, and usually I stick to looking to see if there are any nudes on here of random hot guys I see on Instagram, but I would really like some relationship advice. My story is a bit unusual and complex. I’ve been in the closet my entire life up until 2 years ago. I’m in my mid 30s, and I’ve only ever had one serious relationship that I’m currently in. The reason for my late blooming is that I come from a pretty traditional European family that I’ve been afraid to come out to as gay. I’ve only come out to a handful of friends but that’s about it. 2 years ago I was tired of being alone and couldn’t take this secrecy anymore, so I came out to a couple of friends, and I made the venture onto the dating apps. With my first shot, I met a wonderful guy who I have similar likes and interests, and we hit it off pretty quickly. Within a month we solidified our relationship and made it official and took ourselves off the market. It was very quick, but we’ve been together ever since and coming up on 2 years.

Here’s where it gets complex. As I explained before, I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone before I met my current boyfriend. A lot of firsts were accomplished with him. I had started a long distance relationship with someone years ago who lived out of country. It was basically a texting, Snapchat, and FaceTime relationship. He visited a handful of times, but 97% of the relationship was long distant and virtual. He was tired of the distance and lack of physical interaction so he ended it. He was the first man I had ever been with sexually, and after that, I have only been with 2 other men (my current boyfriend included).
When I decided to finally put myself out there for the first time, I loved the excitement of meeting new people and dating and getting to know people. Everything was so new and exciting and scary, so nothing ever really went beyond a few coffee dates. When I met my current boyfriend, it was wonderful. It was new and exciting and great. But lately I’ve been feeling really torn inside. Like I’ve said before, I’ve only recently come out later in life, so I never had that period in my 20s of meeting people, having new sexual experiences etc. It’s my own fault for that. I had my whole adult life to explore and figure myself out, but I was too scared of being “caught” and my family and friends finding out. The man I’m with now is the one I’ve been experiencing all these new experiences with. Going on dates, having a boyfriend, many sexual firsts, etc. But I’m starting to feel like I’ve missed out, and I’m starting to yearn for that experience of flirting with random cute guys, meeting new people, trying new things, “building up my resume” so to speak.

My boyfriend has told me that his last serious relationship didn’t end well, and the guy treated him poorly and was very demeaning. He said after they broke up, he basically went buck wild and pretty much banged the memory of his ex out of him. When he tells me that, I almost feel jealous. Not because he was with other men in the past, but because he got to have that experience of meeting different guys to have fun with, even if it went nowhere, and I never got to experience that. So here I am, 2 years into my very first and only real relationship, never having “played the field” a day in my life. I feel awful even thinking this, because my boyfriend is so amazing. He’s so kind and caring, and his family has welcomed me with open arms and made me feel like a part of their family. But I just can’t shake this feeling. It’ll come and go, but it’s always there. Always in the back of my mind. I worry that I will always feel this way and that feeling will never go away, and I will grow resentful of my boyfriend as the years go on. I will constantly yearn for that experience of meeting new guys and getting to know them and have fun with them. But I want to be with my boyfriend. I know he is the guy I need. I almost want to push pause on our relationship, go out and get all of that out of my system, and then unpause it and go back to him ready to commit and settle down.

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m too invested in this relationship now to even suggest a break. My friends absolutely adore him, and I’m sure once I build the courage to come out to my family, they will love him too. His family is amazing and so similar to my own. I know it would be stupid of me to lose this and give this up, because it will be a challenge to find something like this again in my small city. He’s told me a few times that when a relationship ends for him, it’s basically a one and done thing. Blocked, erased, and cut out. So if I do decide to do anything, I have to accept the fact that it would be over for good.

I would really appreciate any advice. I honestly didn’t know where else to go. I don’t have any gay friends at all, all my friends are straight, and while they are great, they just don’t understand.
I think you said it yourself: "But I just can’t shake this feeling. It’ll come and go, but it’s always there. Always in the back of my mind. I worry that I will always feel this way and that feeling will never go away, and I will grow resentful of my boyfriend as the years go on."
 

ZodiacDragonfly

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I didn't have any issues with my sexuality I knew at 7 years old I was "bi" it has now grown into pan sexuality as I date cis men & women and trans men and women and let me tell you STAY WITH YOUR HAPPY RELATIONSHIP... I came out to my close friends literally our last day of senior year because like I said I never had an issue with my sexuality... and as I got older I became less and less private about it and here I am at 26 and my last real relationship was when I was 18 (my on again off again MS/HS gf)... straight girls will not date me bc I'm bi/pan so they feel I'm going to cheat with a man.... gay men don't take my interest in women seriously AT ALL until they come around my friends and a story of me and a female comes up then when it gets real for them they make rude demeaning comments about my sexuality which always leads into the fight that starts our break up... trans people don't like dating me bc they want to feel valid in their newly explored gender and feel less than bc I dont solely have interest in their new specific gender and I'm more open with my sexuality... I cannot find monogamy to save my life... which was fine when I was 19 and moved away from home but now here I am in my late 20s (26) wondering if I'll ever run into someone who is 1 single 2 out of the closet (I'm barely "masc" but bc I have straight guy friends, a deep voice, and dress terribly... closet cases FLOCK to me bc I'm not as threatening to their masculinity/sexuality bc I'm not flamboyant) or 3 ok with my sexuality... also couples think bc I'm bi/pan that I want to be their unicorn (3rd in a 3some)... I wish I had what you have maybe if I was less confident about who I was and his away until I was in my mid 30s I'd be able to find someone who is interested in monogamy with me... so up until 18 I was with a few people but mainly my on again off again gf, at 19 I moved away to Chicago and for 3 years I was slitting it up towards the end of that 3rd year I was tired of the hook ups and 3somes and wanted to date... I had made a reputation for myself where I was so I moved to California right before I turned 22 and hoped to begin dating here I am 4 years later absolutely no luck besides a 2 week relationship I had with a guy when I was 23... I can barely get a date unless it's at someone's house... people will hook up with me whenever wherever but let me suggest anything more and it's a solid no now here I am not hooking up and still dateless and no relationship in sight the only offers I get are from couples looking for 3rds which I am not interested in over joined couples for 3 somes and it's awful I'd much rather do 1 on 1 sexually and romantically... also moving to California I thought I'd meet more out of the closet men or atleast more sexually fluid people and once again no it's not happening... unfortunately bc of a medical condition I have with my stomach I cant take prep either so people with HIV I cant even date bc I cant take prep and need to protect my health obviously... trust me it's no fun on this side it is when you're young and exploring but its damn near impossible to find a compatible monogamous partner in the LGBT community (Ls not included they love relationships lol)... and if your partner is not with the idea of breaks, 3somes, or opening the relationships count yourself lucky... because if you want to spice up your sex life there's alot you can do that feels like you're with other people... watch porn together or have it on in the background while you fuck, role play with costumes and be completely different people cops robbers, customer and massage therapist making house calls, or literally roleplay and leave to goto bars separately and pretend to be strangers meeting serendipitously and take eachother home for a "1 night stand" if one of you is hairy SHAVE EVERYTHING OFF and it can also literally feel like a new man... there's so much you can do sexually with a partner that isnt always as comfortable to do with someone you dont know