I’m not really sure if I’m doing this right. This is my first post, and usually I stick to looking to see if there are any nudes on here of random hot guys I see on Instagram, but I would really like some relationship advice. My story is a bit unusual and complex. I’ve been in the closet my entire life up until 2 years ago. I’m in my mid 30s, and I’ve only ever had one serious relationship that I’m currently in. The reason for my late blooming is that I come from a pretty traditional European family that I’ve been afraid to come out to as gay. I’ve only come out to a handful of friends but that’s about it. 2 years ago I was tired of being alone and couldn’t take this secrecy anymore, so I came out to a couple of friends, and I made the venture onto the dating apps. With my first shot, I met a wonderful guy who I have similar likes and interests, and we hit it off pretty quickly. Within a month we solidified our relationship and made it official and took ourselves off the market. It was very quick, but we’ve been together ever since and coming up on 2 years.
Here’s where it gets complex. As I explained before, I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone before I met my current boyfriend. A lot of firsts were accomplished with him. I had started a long distance relationship with someone years ago who lived out of country. It was basically a texting, Snapchat, and FaceTime relationship. He visited a handful of times, but 97% of the relationship was long distant and virtual. He was tired of the distance and lack of physical interaction so he ended it. He was the first man I had ever been with sexually, and after that, I have only been with 2 other men (my current boyfriend included).
When I decided to finally put myself out there for the first time, I loved the excitement of meeting new people and dating and getting to know people. Everything was so new and exciting and scary, so nothing ever really went beyond a few coffee dates. When I met my current boyfriend, it was wonderful. It was new and exciting and great. But lately I’ve been feeling really torn inside. Like I’ve said before, I’ve only recently come out later in life, so I never had that period in my 20s of meeting people, having new sexual experiences etc. It’s my own fault for that. I had my whole adult life to explore and figure myself out, but I was too scared of being “caught” and my family and friends finding out. The man I’m with now is the one I’ve been experiencing all these new experiences with. Going on dates, having a boyfriend, many sexual firsts, etc. But I’m starting to feel like I’ve missed out, and I’m starting to yearn for that experience of flirting with random cute guys, meeting new people, trying new things, “building up my resume” so to speak.
My boyfriend has told me that his last serious relationship didn’t end well, and the guy treated him poorly and was very demeaning. He said after they broke up, he basically went buck wild and pretty much banged the memory of his ex out of him. When he tells me that, I almost feel jealous. Not because he was with other men in the past, but because he got to have that experience of meeting different guys to have fun with, even if it went nowhere, and I never got to experience that. So here I am, 2 years into my very first and only real relationship, never having “played the field” a day in my life. I feel awful even thinking this, because my boyfriend is so amazing. He’s so kind and caring, and his family has welcomed me with open arms and made me feel like a part of their family. But I just can’t shake this feeling. It’ll come and go, but it’s always there. Always in the back of my mind. I worry that I will always feel this way and that feeling will never go away, and I will grow resentful of my boyfriend as the years go on. I will constantly yearn for that experience of meeting new guys and getting to know them and have fun with them. But I want to be with my boyfriend. I know he is the guy I need. I almost want to push pause on our relationship, go out and get all of that out of my system, and then unpause it and go back to him ready to commit and settle down.
I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m too invested in this relationship now to even suggest a break. My friends absolutely adore him, and I’m sure once I build the courage to come out to my family, they will love him too. His family is amazing and so similar to my own. I know it would be stupid of me to lose this and give this up, because it will be a challenge to find something like this again in my small city. He’s told me a few times that when a relationship ends for him, it’s basically a one and done thing. Blocked, erased, and cut out. So if I do decide to do anything, I have to accept the fact that it would be over for good.
I would really appreciate any advice. I honestly didn’t know where else to go. I don’t have any gay friends at all, all my friends are straight, and while they are great, they just don’t understand.
Here’s where it gets complex. As I explained before, I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone before I met my current boyfriend. A lot of firsts were accomplished with him. I had started a long distance relationship with someone years ago who lived out of country. It was basically a texting, Snapchat, and FaceTime relationship. He visited a handful of times, but 97% of the relationship was long distant and virtual. He was tired of the distance and lack of physical interaction so he ended it. He was the first man I had ever been with sexually, and after that, I have only been with 2 other men (my current boyfriend included).
When I decided to finally put myself out there for the first time, I loved the excitement of meeting new people and dating and getting to know people. Everything was so new and exciting and scary, so nothing ever really went beyond a few coffee dates. When I met my current boyfriend, it was wonderful. It was new and exciting and great. But lately I’ve been feeling really torn inside. Like I’ve said before, I’ve only recently come out later in life, so I never had that period in my 20s of meeting people, having new sexual experiences etc. It’s my own fault for that. I had my whole adult life to explore and figure myself out, but I was too scared of being “caught” and my family and friends finding out. The man I’m with now is the one I’ve been experiencing all these new experiences with. Going on dates, having a boyfriend, many sexual firsts, etc. But I’m starting to feel like I’ve missed out, and I’m starting to yearn for that experience of flirting with random cute guys, meeting new people, trying new things, “building up my resume” so to speak.
My boyfriend has told me that his last serious relationship didn’t end well, and the guy treated him poorly and was very demeaning. He said after they broke up, he basically went buck wild and pretty much banged the memory of his ex out of him. When he tells me that, I almost feel jealous. Not because he was with other men in the past, but because he got to have that experience of meeting different guys to have fun with, even if it went nowhere, and I never got to experience that. So here I am, 2 years into my very first and only real relationship, never having “played the field” a day in my life. I feel awful even thinking this, because my boyfriend is so amazing. He’s so kind and caring, and his family has welcomed me with open arms and made me feel like a part of their family. But I just can’t shake this feeling. It’ll come and go, but it’s always there. Always in the back of my mind. I worry that I will always feel this way and that feeling will never go away, and I will grow resentful of my boyfriend as the years go on. I will constantly yearn for that experience of meeting new guys and getting to know them and have fun with them. But I want to be with my boyfriend. I know he is the guy I need. I almost want to push pause on our relationship, go out and get all of that out of my system, and then unpause it and go back to him ready to commit and settle down.
I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m too invested in this relationship now to even suggest a break. My friends absolutely adore him, and I’m sure once I build the courage to come out to my family, they will love him too. His family is amazing and so similar to my own. I know it would be stupid of me to lose this and give this up, because it will be a challenge to find something like this again in my small city. He’s told me a few times that when a relationship ends for him, it’s basically a one and done thing. Blocked, erased, and cut out. So if I do decide to do anything, I have to accept the fact that it would be over for good.
I would really appreciate any advice. I honestly didn’t know where else to go. I don’t have any gay friends at all, all my friends are straight, and while they are great, they just don’t understand.