a non-penis question

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by twoton, Dec 9, 2011.

  1. twoton

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    Ladies--
    Is there a 'best practice' for gently discouraging a female coworker from texting me off-hours with non-work texts? I can't afford to sour our work relationship as I have to work with her all the time, and we're very effective together. Over the past week she's started to text me.

    She is married, and she also has a so-called "work husband." The work husband is leaving for another job, and I don't want to fill for him.

    So far as I can tell, there's no 'attraction' on her part, but sometimes she's a little too 'familiar' for my comfort level.
     
  2. xX_Sarah_Xx

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    Whenever she takes it a step too far, I would ignore her. Don't respond to those texts. She'll catch on the vibe.
    If she comments on you not texting back, simply say "oh yeah, read it, was doing something else, forgot to reply". That doesn't make it too crude, and that lets her know you're not interested in anything out of the work relationship.

    I think that's possibly the best way to tell her without having to tell her and souring work atmosphere. Or it's how I would do it... :)
     
  3. OlderGuy

    OlderGuy New Member

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    twoton, good for you for asking the question. I agree with xxSarahxx, except if it goes too far, I would confront her gently and in a friendly way but make it clear you are uninterested.
     
  4. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    I have so many stalker texters and they don't stick around for long after they are 100% ignored.
     
  5. SprinkleMe69

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    Contact your HR department.
     
  6. twoton

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    We're a very small, largely independent division of a much larger organization. Only have about a dozen people. Essentially, I am the HR department. Which is to say, personnel is one of the hats I wear.
     
  7. SprinkleMe69

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    Oh my. Well hell I guess you could go to the main headquarters. You shouldn't be subjected to her advances. If it makes you uncomfortable there's no reason why you should have to put up with it.
     
  8. VernalTiger

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    My interpretation is that she's sending you non-work-related texts, and while she's not actively flirting with you, you're uneasy with the situation.

    You could go higher up the corporate ladder, but chances are this woman doesn't realise that her messages are making you feel uncomfortable. Let her know the situation gently, but I doubt it needs to escalate unless she doesn't respect your feelings.
     
  9. MickeyLee

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    i'd tell her with the holidays coming ya kinda at a time crunch/need to concentrate on office stuffs. is a nice way of letting her know she texting too often, and give you an excuse to not reply to her text.

    short of that.. declare non-work related texting a no-no.
    a direct order from HR :smile:
    abuse of power is the new black :tongue:
     
  10. twoton

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    Thanks for all the advice. The mistake I made in the first place was replying to her texts, which I knew I shouldn't have done from the outset.

    Anyway, I told her that I have to pay for each text, and I generally don't carry my phone with me, both of which are true. So we'll see how those reasons hold up.

    She's one of my best supporters at work, always got my back, and so I kinda feel like maybe sometimes I owe her a little more than I should.

    As for being uncomfortable--if I the gender roles were reversed, there's no question that I'd be able to make a case against some of the things she's said to me. But that's a whole 'nother situation, and one I can handle just by playing along.
     
  11. SandraSmithCarver

    SandraSmithCarver New Member

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    I think this is the best way to handle it
     
  12. molotovmuffin

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    Do not respond to any non-work related texts and make sure you keep a copy of all of them. I would also inform my immediate supervisor of the texts and your decision to ignore them. Always protect yourself...even if you feel you don't need it. I get the feeling you will.
     
  13. B_gundyone

    B_gundyone New Member

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    Just dont respond and she will get the hint or if you do feel the need to respond then do it in a way that derails the conversation. Unless she has mental issue she will figure it out. That is the best option in my opinion because if you do figure out a way to subtly tell her not to text you then you will look like an idiot. She can easily say that she was just being friendly and make you look paranoid which, in turn, will ruin your working relationship.
     
  14. twoton

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    Good point.
     
  15. Not_Punny

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    Mickey Lee had best suggestion (firsdt paragraph).

    Kill it with kindness.
     
  16. NightFish

    NightFish Active Member

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    Tell her what you told us, some people like honesty straight up...
     
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