A person with very low self esteem..and the very attractive guy who likes him

[woogexx]

So I have suffered from depression for the last two years, I was diagnosed with BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) am a gay male and only within the last few years have I developed this to such an extreme level. i haven't ever had a insanely good high self esteem, but this is definitely the bottom of the barrel.

Anyway's to say the least I have a very poor outlook on my physcial self-worth.

Getting to the point- there is a very attractive man that always comes into my work and doesn't really flirt with me, just gives me constant eye contact. Like stares! At the beginning when i could first start feeling him looking at me, i just brushed it off like "no way! Yea right" lol Im imaging it, however at work today one of my co workers says "Oh my god, that guy was totally staring at you and checking you out" verbatim lol

However, my sad, lonely, scared self has no courage to say or do anything about it. He scares the hell out of me, I would never think a guy like that would ever be interested in someone like me. I just shut down when hes around, I wander off, I walk away and I most certainly don't say anything lol

In my younger days I had all kinds of hot guys all over me and didnt think twice about it.....funny, back then in this same situation we would have already went out on a date..

Can anyone relate? at the very least it feels good to vent and get the story out of my head...even if it is on....LPSG lol

 

[earllogjam]

Before you go building up an imaginary romance, you need to determine if he is really interested in you that way. I stare at people I am not attracted to and certainly at people I am definitely not infatuated with.

Stare at him back and when you catch him staring at you just smile (that ain't that hard). If he smiles back there might be something there. If he averts his eyes, chances are he's not really into you that way.

Good luck.

 

[crescendo69]

Just wait until you're 57 with no steady job and all sorts of physical problems. But you are none of these things. You are relatively young, healthy, intellegent, working, and apparently good-looking enough to attract someone and probably others. "In my younger days.."? You still are young, so do yourself a favor and get over the shyness and self-defeating attidude. You may seek some counseling, which is probably covered by your health plan at work. And that is about as tough as my love gets.

 

[erratic]

Before you go building up an imaginary romance, you need to determine if he is really interested in you that way. I stare at people I am not attracted to and certainly at people I am definitely not infatuated with.

Stare at him back and when you catch him staring at you just smile (that ain't that hard). If he smiles back there might be something there. If he averts his eyes, chances are he's not really into you that way.

Good luck.

He beat me to it. QFT.

 

[D_Tam_Ponds]

Do guys really make there determinations of who is and isn't into them on which directions someone's eyes are pointing? Oh man, I'm in trouble! I always end up looking away, because I'm a chicken.

 

[Pierced1953]

i can relate because i've been afraid to ask this lady out for months. I just did and she is all for it.

give him a look back and go for it. just as i was adviced the other day and it worked out great so far.

 

[D_JohnUpHerPipe]

Sort yourself out and try speaking to him, don't bother with the eye contact nonsense. Ask him if he wants to go out for a drink and if he says yes he says yes, if he says no he says no. I am not exactly an expert on men but i know what you mean about depression, one thing i will tell you is that all these things you are feeling are in your head, now you can either wallow in self pity and let your life slip through your fingers or you can take a deep breath, embrace your life and stop worrying so damn much! After all, you are going to be miserable if you let yourself feel that way.

 

[monel]

Sort yourself out and try speaking to him, don't bother with the eye contact nonsense. Ask him if he wants to go out for a drink and if he says yes he says yes, if he says no he says no. I am not exactly an expert on men but i know what you mean about depression, one thing i will tell you is that all these things you are feeling are in your head, now you can either wallow in self pity and let your life slip through your fingers or you can take a deep breath, embrace your life and stop worrying so damn much! After all, you are going to be miserable if you let yourself feel that way.

Well said. Best post on this thread in my humble opinion. Carpe diem.

 

[helgaleena]

Above all, take 'baby steps' whilst 'going for it'. Like me you know you have a tendency to beat yourself up. So give yourself permission to take it slow. The tortoise wins.

 

[Sharpone]

Sort yourself out and try speaking to him, don't bother with the eye contact nonsense. Ask him if he wants to go out for a drink and if he says yes he says yes, if he says no he says no. I am not exactly an expert on men but i know what you mean about depression, one thing i will tell you is that all these things you are feeling are in your head, now you can either wallow in self pity and let your life slip through your fingers or you can take a deep breath, embrace your life and stop worrying so damn much! After all, you are going to be miserable if you let yourself feel that way.

It's painfully clear how much you don't understand depression...and I hope you never have to. It is a physical disorder and biologically based. It's like telling someone with the flu who has been vomiting all night to go out and jog two miles. There is no "just snap out of it" resolution.

woogexx, as helgaleena pointed out, give yourself some time and ease into it. I like the idea of starting with a smile. Good luck with everything!!!!

 

[dad4you]

Me? I am giving up.. scaling back my expectations.. and getting a dog for companionship for the last part of my life. At 60 there are still a few guys who send me lust notes, however they all seem to be so far away.
I didn't even get started with men until I was 40, so to the OP.. hang in there and believe that someone will find you worthy of companionship. You are ONLY 28!!

 

[helgaleena]

dad, you sort of have to expect that situation because you are in Idaho. And dogs are wonderful, any pets are a blessing. The OP should consider getting a dog too, if it's possible where he lives.

 

[B_subgirrl]

It's painfully clear how much you don't understand depression...and I hope you never have to. It is a physical disorder and biologically based. It's like telling someone with the flu who has been vomiting all night to go out and jog two miles. There is no "just snap out of it" resolution.

Well said. If you can 'just snap out it', it ain't depression.

 

[Rikter8]

I agree with the eye contact. It's as simple as being friendly. If that's not where it goes - then that's OK too. You presented yourself to be the friendly one.

Have you been on a vacation out of your state, or noticed things that tend to break your depression up a bit?
Mabee a move or life change is in order?
If its only been affecting you the last two years, what do you think triggered the change? Death in the family? Career change or position change? Physical condition? Major life event (Purchased a house, breakup, large purchase of other sorts)?

This is just my observation as you stated you felt more "Normal" when you were younger.
Like the others have said, it's not something you just snap out of - but you can work to reduce the triggers and the symptoms.

Life aint easy, and it takes a lot of effort not to be miserable.

 

[_Jonesy]

I relate to this thread massively. I have no confidence and cannot approach a girl even if I know she likes me. HOWEVER, if I am forced into the situation or literally after the first word, I am in my element. It is the fear of making the first move, but that 1 second is only the hardest bit.

I know it is impossible to just go for it, and it is also a lot easier said than done, I know that. I am currently trying my best just to suck it up, but I am yet to actually go for it. Thing is, if I knew they liked me as obviously as in the OP's situation I would have made an effort to sort of small talk even if I was terrified of the idea.

My advice? Next time he comes in, try to work around him, and see if he makes that first move. After that I'd imagine your old confidence will come back faster than you think.

 

[123scotty]

well woogexx why not just fuk him whilst whistling the theme tune to bonanza. that should break the ice. or maybe just say hello hows you today. ps lets know what one you try

 

[AZZAWA]

I have a similar problem. I tend to think the worse is going to happen when I ask a guy out but i never really visualized what the worse is. So, what do you think the worse thing could be? Would he start screaming out loud saying you are a loser, a queer, an asshole? Probably not. The worse thing is something more like him saying "Hey, I am already dating someone" or " I am flattered but not into guys". Either way, what you have in your mind as the worse thing that could happen is probably far fetched and unrealistic. Who knows he may just smile back and say "Yeah, lets meet up for a drink".

 

[scottredleter]

It seems like you are in a good situation to talk to him... you are working there, it wouldn't be weird for you to walk up top him and ask him if needs any help finding something... If you start talking to him, you may get a better idea as to weather or not he is interested. And for God's sake, turn off the little recording in your head that tells you that you aren't good enough or good-looking enough, or hot enough or butch enough or what ever hurtful things that you've become accustomed to telling yourself.
If I've learned one true thing in this life, it is that no matter who you are, there is someone out there who is into you. Over my life my body has changed from time to time... I've gotten fatter and skinnier... more muscular and more lithe... whenever those changes took place, a whole different lot of guys were there who were into what ever physical attribute was prominent at the time.

Your body is just a space suit that allows you to walk around down here... take care of it, but it's not 'YOU.'