A person's sexual history

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Ramsey, Feb 7, 2010.

  1. Ramsey

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    I'm starting this thread to break the thought that a person's sexual past is none of the new person's business.
    First, I will say why I think it's a bad idea to keep one's sexual past a secret, then I will admit some possible points that it may be necessary or condoned.

    But let's face it folks, people fuck around, A LOT nowadays. Yes, there are lots of monogamous people and people who don't seek out sex unless it's with someone they care about (I fit into both these categories) but I'm finding that we are in the minority. So, most people end up having lots of sexual partners (and some people sicken me, when they start getting into insane numbers like the triple digits. Seriously, why?) And obviously, the more people you fuck, the higher the chance of STD's (or STI's as some want to change it to).
    Yes, there are condoms, but they can break, slip off, whatever. Now, your dick is exposed (or your pussy) to whatever the other person may have-and now you could be infected. And if you share yourself with lots of people, you have an incredibly high chance to spread the disease further. Now, I'm not on here to advocate monogamy, but this IS one of the benefits.

    Also, if you are going to have sex with someone, you need to be able to trust the other person. Does your partner need to know details? Maybe not, but if you've been around the block, or country, who you are having sex with deserves to know. If you are going to be intimate enough with a person to share your body with them then you can be intimate enough to open up to that fact.

    Now, I will concede that sometimes people just want to know out of insecurity. This could end up being a whole different thread, the way things work here.
    Yes, a person's past is their past, but it is NOT just harmless fun, you cannot rationalize it that way. There are too many sexual diseases out there, and lets not forget the fact that it creates new human life. And yes people can lie, but if you are going to lie about having an STD, then you need your head checked.

    I'm not saying to go around telling the world who you've slept with, but no one has the right or the excuse to say (if someone asks you) "it's none of your business". If it's none of their business, then you don't have any business having sex with them.
     
  2. Lex

    Lex
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    I disagree. A person's sexual history is theirs. When you consent to have sex with them, you are automatically agreeing to, by proxy, have sex with everyone with whom they have been intimate.

    Assuming that someone will be fully truthful about their sexual history or STD status is a recipe for catching STDs.

    What, exactly, does one gain by supposedly knowing intimate details about someone's sexual history?
     
  3. Ramsey

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    It gives the person more information to consider if they really want a part of it or not. If I knew a partner has been with over 100 people, I'd say hell no. Either they are far too promiscuous for me, or they have some deep issues that they just get out with sex.

    And, if like you say, "I disagree. A person's sexual history is theirs. When you consent to have sex with them, you are automatically agreeing to, by proxy, have sex with everyone with whom they have been intimate." That doesn't sound like a very private thing anymore. So as you say, you are having sex with all these people, but you can't know about all those people?
     
  4. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    I most certainly do. History doesn't matter - the only way to be safer is through pre-intimacy testing, frequent testing thereafter, and adhering to the rules of that particular relationship.

    That's all my partner asks of me and that's all I ask of him. Sometimes you just have to let people know that your previous intimate/personal experiences are none of their gotdamn business, either they respect it or leave. Fuck 'em.
     
  5. sxjTheFirst

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    I partly agree in the sense they can't outright lie. Other than that giving details and numbers is going too far. Practice safe sex until you get to know the person well if that's ok. Or lead by example and be monogamous.
     
  6. NotSoDumb_Blonde

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    I see your point, but I think you are covering up an issue. Insecurity. I mean, come on. If a person has slept with 100 people, and you've not picked that up by the time you are ready to have an intimate relationship with them, then it must not factor into 'who' they are. Maybe it was in the past, past. Maybe it was youthful fun. Maybe it was a job. Who cares? If you like the person enough to have sex with them, and by the sounds of it, that means relationship, then you should be good with them no matter who they fucked before. That sounds harsh, but if there are no diseases, no reasons NOT to have sex, and you are all into your partner, who they are body, mind, and soul, then their past sexual partners really don't matter.

    When you start asking the number question, it's not only rude, but it smacks of insecurities...

    Now, on the other hand, if you are simply asking 'have you done this?' or 'have you tried this?' because it turns you on, or you simply want to know if your partner is familiar or cool with something you want to do, that's another thread, I think. But to judge a person's worth by how many partners they've had? I dunno if I'm comfortable with that because no matter what, you will judge them. For example if a guy I liked, was dating let it drop that he'd been with triple digits? I'd be SUPER insecure...not only because I'd wonder if he could be 'faithful' but because I'd worry that I might not be as 'good' in bed as all these other partners....silly in a way, and yeah, I might work through it, with the right person (Julian comes to mind...), since by the time we were in a relationship I would feel secure with him, but still...those concerns would come up. And in reverse, don't get mad, but--- if a partner told me he'd been with like two other women (I'm assuming he's my age so in 30s) I'd be a bit worried...for other reasons! LOL!

    So, if someone wants to 'share' their sexual history, sure, sure, but I think it isn't necessary, and to be honest, personally, I'd just rather pretend they didn't exist until me!! LOL, just kiddin'. But I think it creates more problems (if the number is high or too low) then anything else.

    Just give me two reasons why you should know the number of people. Just two. They can't be disease, because there are tests for that. So two other reasons why you need to know. ;)
     
  7. Ramsey

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    I'll be able to give you a more thorough answer later today, but I have been noticing how the disease rate is definitely not going down, if not going up, and kind of being frustrated with some promiscuous people's (NOT pointing fingers here) attitudes that they don't have to tell anyone. If they have no disease fine, but I also just don't see sex as something to be taken lightly.
    And maybe to clarify my original post, I was not saying to ask for details (specific numbers, names, etc.)
     
  8. helgaleena

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    If they don't want to tell you what you want to know, they might lie. It is better to practice safe sex with new people in your life, always.

    If you are talking about full disclosure with a long term partner, there have been threads about that here many times before. Seach for them.

    This is why I like to encourage mutual masturbation and oral between partners as fully as much 'real sex' as intercourse. Of course it's not the same, but it can be just as pleasurable if not moreso than the babymaking, fluid slopping contact.
     
  9. dolfette

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    and here was me relying on silly things like condoms and testing to keep myself safe. i feel such a fool!

    well, that and bothering to get to know the person in more than a just a sexual sense before dropping my knickers.
     
  10. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    I say that the only bit of sexual history that people need to know is that which has to be taken into the future. So, a new partner has a right to know about any children you have. And any diseases that are incurable or have yet to cured. The irony about this of course, is that one get a diseases whether they've had only partner or 100 partners. So anyone who is trying to dig into that part of the history, well, I just can't help you.
     
  11. Drifterwood

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    #11 Drifterwood, Feb 7, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2010
  12. dolfette

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    very interesting.

    in my experience the more promiscuous are often more aware of their sexual health.
    and a lot of less promiscuous people allow that to lull them into a false sense of security.

    besides, a dishonest and untrustworthy person is going to lie about their past. risk conflict by refusing to answer.
     
  13. Drifterwood

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    This was my feeling based upon experience etc and it was good to find proper research to support it.

    Ignorance and inexperience are far more dangerous.
     
  14. D_Cateryke Cheesysmell

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    A person's number should not be given, or asked for...it's kind of like a universal don't ask, don't tell. If you are reasonably certain that it is true when a person tells you they're clean, and you trust them, it makes the risk assesment easier. If you have any doubts, plan accordingly. If you aren't sure about them yet, or if they are just a random hookup, use common sense and a rubber.

    I think the "trend" toward promiscuity, such as it is, exists in the media messages we see every day, but not so much in real life....How many movies/commercials/shows/music videos...etc. have you seen where someone gets to have awesome sex on a flimsy pretext?? (not counting porn here) How many of your friends/acquaintances do you know who actually get to have frequent sex on flimsy pretexts? (that pretext can't be; "I'll give you $100")

    I think it's percieved that people are more promiscuous because a lot of us secretly (or openly) wish it was that way...it means we'd have an easier time getting laid than we actually do. We talk about it more, we see more examples of it, and God knows how we want more of it.... but look around and ask, honestly, how much more often we get it than not. You may have one slutty friend...out of how many single friends?
     
  15. Serial Kisser

    Serial Kisser Well-Known Member

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    Wow. Judgmental much? If a person gets tested and is clean, I don't see any reason why their number would matter to you. Everyone's different. Some people love to fuck around and others don't. It's a matter of preference. So I'd check your judgments at the door, because I'm sure you're not perfect.
     
    #15 Serial Kisser, Feb 7, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2010
  16. Serial Kisser

    Serial Kisser Well-Known Member

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    No, you're not pointing fingers. You are throwing a blanket of judgment around everyone of the "promiscuous people" who have commented back on this post. Seriously, what's your deal? You're frustrated, get over it. Not everyone is going to agree with you on this. It sounds like it's a personal problem you need to deal with yourself and listening to others' opinions isn't going to help because majority of them aren't agreeing with you. That happens so much on this board. People ask for advice and then dissent because the majority of the comments back do not support the OP's opinion !
     
  17. Serial Kisser

    Serial Kisser Well-Known Member

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    You can still contract STDs from oral.
     
  18. Corius

    Corius New Member

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    I recall that the packages of condoms always declared that they were for "the prevention of disease only" but everyone knew better; guys did not worry about stds--but they did not want the consequences of an unplanned pregnancy. In my town any guy who got a girl pregnant would marry her--no ifs, ands or buts!

    My first sex partner was the new guy in town. We were just fifteen and our friendship/love reached the point where the sex happened and seemed so natural and right. He was as inexperienced as I was but we learned by doing for the next two years. The sex confirmed the bond between us and was fantastic.

    Sex to me is personal and private. I have never discussed my sexual history with any partner; nor would I ever have dared to probe their sexual history. But, I have never had sex with any person I was not already deeply in love with.

    One is forced to conclude that the so-called sexual revolution has not been positive in encouraging healthier attitudes toward other persons as possible sexual partners. One is reminded of President Reagan's "wisdom" (borrowed from his pronouncements on the neuclear disarmament): ''TRUST BUT VERIFY."
     
  19. helgaleena

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    True
     
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