A Plea To Husbands and Boyfriends...

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chaosbunny: gee, i think i'm a man! though i dont know what spackle means? is it an american thing?
it was my mother that taught me how to take care of my car too, though i quit driving because of knee problems. the rest of it i just taught myself as i needed it.
still pisses me off though, when the male members of my family claim they know what's wrong with the family pc, then mess it up worse before i have to come in and fix the mess they've made.

on the other hand, i'm lazy, so if there's a man around i usually do look helpless and bat my eyes... they like to feel needed don't they?!

 

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bblumbee: Sammy, Nona, Greeneyes, and all the other ladies who posted, I hear ya and completely relate to what you are saying.

I am from North Carolina and have been reared that women are allowed to do certain things, none which relate to "fixing" things, unless it is dinner (and guys, DO NOT GO THERE!!!). Coupled with this, I was also reared to be very feminine, a southern belle. I am a pageant girl... don't get me wrong, not all pageant women are 'feminine,' but the majority of us are.

The thing that frustrates me most is when a guy assumes you know how to do something. And, when you don't, you immediately become 'ignorant.' Example, and this is very simple, but nonetheless and example, my father nor my brothers allowed me to put air in a tire. I had NO clue how to do this, nor did I learn to pump gas until I was in college. That was a "man's responsibility." However, unforseen to the "men" in my life, I would soon leave and thus become and independent woman, with no "fixing" capabilities, so to speak. Anyway, I had a tire that kept getting lower and lower. A male friend told me to go and put air in it. I thought he would assist, but he did not offer and I did not want to look completely incompetent, so I tried it myself. In my attempt, however, a couple of college guys came over and offered some assistance, completely taking the hose thing from me and doing it.

I suppose it is fortunate that I am a flirt, I was able to get assistance from these guys, who seemed more than willing to help. I suppose that damsel in distress syndrome does pay off.

Many times we do ask to learn these things, but often times, men would rather do it themselves. I do not know if it's the timing or they simply do not want to explain the procedure. It is not that we do not want to learn, nor is it that we are incapable of learning... the problem is that men fail to teach us these basic life things for one reason or another. I am not certain as to why, but that is my theoritical assumption.

Oh, and for the cord thingies... I have tried putting the red thingie with the other red thingie and the "thingies" just did not work out! Go figure!

And Sammy, I still do not know how to change a tire, but like your girlfriend, I recently bought a new car and took it back because I thought they had placed a bike tire in my trunk! My old car had a "full size" spare; the new car did not. That was a laugh and embarrassing, but it happens.
Oh well... just my 2 cents...

bb

 

[Max]

The question is, in this liberated world, does it still work two ways?

I have to confess I could do a good 'helpless male' act at the launderette in my bachelor days, and never had trouble getting sewing, ironing etc. help.  (Including one peculair occasion when my lpsg qualifications were not only the cause of the sewing task but also seemed to elicit the help ... very honourably I ought to add.)  I still think I get better treatment in some ways and in some situations than a woman would.  But it works the other way about in other situations.

In marriage, however, we both work long hours, and therefore we tend to split jobs according to taste and skills, and in our case it doesn't neatly follow the trad pattern.  I like cooking -- she does not .. but it is interesting just how much credit even in liberated 2003 other people give me for doing it. Of course a man makes a great show of being the chef.   And inevitably I lap the plaudits up!

But I still can't iron (and I have to tell you that I don't think I ever mean to find out how to ...   )

 

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wvalady1968: [quote author=bblumbee link=board=99;num=1062334490;start=20#21 date=09/03/03 at 07:18:26]
my father nor my brothers allowed me to put air in a tire.  [/quote]

No one ever ALLOWED me to do anything. I'm an adult. I don't need anyone's permission. And that's been my attitude for a long time, now.

Take control of your life, if you aren't doing or learning things wou want. The only thing holding you back is fear of failure or embarrassment. But Bee, the truth is that there's a learning curve with everything, and the only people who don't make mistakes are the ones who don't do anything.

You CAN do anything you want. You just gotta try and not worry about perhaps looking foolish. In fact, you can have fun with it.

~~climbing down off my soap box~~

 

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bblumbee: Very true, and trust me, I have learned a great many things since then. There are still many things I need to know, and will learn. In time, I will learn. Allie, you are a strong woman independent woman and we can all learn from your lessons...

But, I must confess about one thing, I don't care if I don't ever learn how to change a flat tire. That looks like a messy and tedious job. I mean, I want to learn just in case of emergency, but I am not thrilled about applying the application to the learning. (Now I sound intolerable). lol

Max, you brought up some helpful ideas, too. I am a "liberated" woman, to some degree, but I too like the traditional roles. Sorry women, it is in my genes and my upbringing. Can't help it.

bb

 

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wvalady1968: [quote author=bblumbee link=board=99;num=1062334490;start=20#24 date=09/03/03 at 07:53:38]Very true, and trust me, I have learned a great many things since then.  There are still many things I need to know, and will learn.  In time, I will learn.  Allie, you are a strong woman independent woman and we can all learn from your lessons...  [/quote]

I've learned the most from all the mistakes I've made!

But, I must confess about one thing, I don't care if I don't ever learn how to change a flat tire.  That looks like a messy and tedious job.  I mean, I want to learn just in case of emergency, but I am not thrilled about applying the application to the learning.  (Now I sound intolerable).  lol

No, you don't sound intolerable. That's the whole point of being yourself, isn' it? Choosing what you want instead of having others tell you what you want.

Max, you brought up some helpful ideas, too.  I am a "liberated" woman, to some degree, but I too like the traditional roles.  Sorry women, it is in my genes and my upbringing.  Can't help it.

bb

Here again, don't apologize for doing what YOU choose to do. I love to cook and wait on my guy hand and foot sometimes, taking him dinner in front of the football game on TV, doing our laundry, etc. But as soon as he takes it for granted, Baby, it'll stop until he lets me know he appreciates me!!

 

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7x6andchg: I don't know - I've made plenty of mistakes ironing and I'm still not that good at it.

I live alone, too, which is probably part of the reason I have had to learn or was taught most of the "domestic" chores, so to speak: laundry, cooking, dusting, gardening, etc., etc.

I think it's good for a man or a woman to live alone for a period in his or her life - it...prepares them...for having to do both "roles"....and as a result they are much better off as human beings.

7x6&C

 

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wvalady1968: I love the way you think!! Wish I'd thought of that!!

When I got married to SFB, my very genteel Southern momma told me that the key to being a good wife was being 'a hostess in the living room, a chef in the kitchen, and a whore in the bedroom".

I almost choked. She'd never talked to me like that before! I only found out how raunchy she is when I "grew up".

 

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RedheadedSpdFrk: [quote author=bblumbee link=board=99;num=1062334490;start=20#24 date=09/03/03 at 07:53:38]But, I must confess about one thing, I don't care if I don't ever learn how to change a flat tire.  That looks like a messy and tedious job.  I mean, I want to learn just in case of emergency, but I am not thrilled about applying the application to the learning.  (Now I sound intolerable).  lol[/quote]

I'm with you on this one...
I know how to do.
I'm capable of doing.
I just refuse to do it.
I keep a cell phone with me at all times and call AAA at the slightest indiction of a flat. I'm completely convinced that tires only go flat when I'm dressed nice (either for work or a night out)...I've never had a flat tire when I'm changing the oil or doing the brakes.

I think that knowing how to do it and choosing to do it are very different.

"Sweetie, I can do two of three things in our marriage and you get to choose which two - I can cook, I can clean or I can be a wild thing in bed."

AnonyMs - I love that! I'm going to have to remember that one! LOL