A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister are in a boat...

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by Osiris, Aug 28, 2007.

  1. Osiris

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    OK, there are only two rules when posting a religious joke here:

    1) The thread is non-denominational. All faiths are fair game.

    2) No offense meant or taken. It is for fun strictly.

    I'll kick it off.

    A young priest was summoned to deliver last rites to a parishoner. Since it was during confessional, he had quite a problem on his hands. He walked across the street to the synagogue and asked the Rabbi,

    "Would you be willing to take confessions for me?'
    "I'm not dong anything. Why not?"

    The two men squeeze into the confessional and the priest explains,

    "Just follow my lead."

    A young man enters:

    "Forgive me Father for I have sinned."
    "What was your sin my son?"
    "I committed adultery."
    "How many times?"
    "3 times Father"
    "Say 3 Hail Mary's and leave $5 in the collection basket."

    The young man leaves and a young woman enters.

    "Forgive me Father for I have sinned."
    "What was your sin my child?"
    "I committed adultery."
    "How many times?"
    "3 times Father."
    "Say 3 Hail Mary's and leave $5 in the collection basket."

    He turns to the Rabbi and says,

    "You got it?"
    "Sure! Go do what you gotta do."

    The young priest leaves. A young woman crying hysterically enters the confessional:

    "Forgive me Father for I have sinned."
    "So what did you do child?"
    "I committed adultery Father."
    "How many times?"
    "Just once."

    The Rabbi replies...

    "Here's what you do. Go have adulterous sex two more times, we're running a special. 3 for $5."
     
  2. whatireallywant

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    I just got sent this one today!

    A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
    The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
    The man, who was a priest, said. " I am a Father."
    The little boy replied. "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
    The priest looked up from his book and answered. "I am the Father of many."
    The boy said. "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!
    The priest, getting impatient, said. "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
    The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said. "Maybe you should wear a condom and your pants backwards instead of your collar."

     
  3. crescendo69

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    Good ones.
     
  4. Not_Punny

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    LMAO.... OK, here's one:

    A priest, a minister and a rabbi were discussing how they "divide" up the contents of the collections box.

    The minister said, "I take a piece of chalk and draw a line on the floor, then I throw the money up in the air. What lands to my right is the Lord's. What lands to the left I keep.:

    The priest said, "No, no, no. That's not how to do it. What I do is draw a large circle on the floor. I stand in the middle of the circle and throw the money up in the air. What falls outside the circle is the Lord's. What falls inside is mine."

    The rabbi shakes his head. "In my synagogue, God works in strange and mysterious ways. I simply throw the money up in the air. God takes what he needs, and I keep the rest."
     
  5. Osiris

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    I like it! LMAO!
     
  6. lafever

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    These jokes are funny, i don`t find them offensive at all and i`m catholic, only the self-righteous would be offended.:smile:

    Heres a good one for you osiris:

    Theres a white kid and a black kid and they grow up as best buddies, they go out on double dates together and go through high school thicker than thieves these two are. After graduation they get drafted into world war II, while over there they were sitting in a fox hole one day they both wondered if there was a god or not, they both prayed that if they got home safely that they would dedicate their lives to jesus. Well they made it home alright but an arguement arose as to wether or not jesus was black or white, for the next 30 years they argued and debated this. Ironically they both died together minutes apart from each other. The next thing they knew was that they were standing in line at the pearly gates. It wasn`t long and an arguement broke out between the two of them, st. peter shouts at them to come to the front of the line and asks them what is so troublesome that you two have to argue at heavens gate? They both looked at each other and told st. peter that they were discusing wether or not jesus was black or white. St. peter replies, is that what all the fuss was about, then wistles out loud and yells for jesus, i`ll let jesus answer this one st. peter tells them both. Jesus walks up and in a loud but loving voice says " vuenos `dias omigo`s"

    lafever

    P.s. My spanish sucks but you get the idea:smile:
     
  7. Osiris

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    I told this joke to one of the Spanish Monsignors at a meeting yesterday. he loved it. Thanks for the material.
     
  8. Duke610

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    A rabbi walks into a Manhattan bar with a parrot on his head.

    "My goodness," says the bartender, "where did you get that?!?"


    "Up in Brooklyn," replies the parrot, "there's hundreds of them!"
     
  9. lafever

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    Osiris,


    Your welcome, thanks for the nice comment.:smile: Sometimes i can push it close to the edge, let me know if i ever go over, if i do it`s non-intentional. Sometimes the best jokes are the ones that shock you the most.



    lafever
     
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