a question for gay men.....

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by concupisys, Jul 19, 2010.

  1. concupisys

    concupisys Active Member

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    so i submitted a post a few minutes ago to a thread where i made some comments about how gays are portrayed in mass media, and how it had a huge impact on my coming out.... when it came time for me to discover my sexuality and i realized i was attracted to men, it scared the shit out of me because of the way gay men are portrayed in mass media.... i know i'm savvy enough to see through all the junk and come to my own conclusions, but as i discovered my taste for men i was disgusted by the stereotypes that mass media and the gay scene as a whole put around men regarding their sexual tastes and lifestyles.....

    in more ways than not, i don't reflect the status quo of a normal, red-blooded gay man in society.... i'm not a flamer, i don't have a 'scene', i don't revolve my life around my sexuality, and i think anal sex is one of the most disgusting things a human being could ever experience on either end of the stick.... from a very young age, i was pegged as gay and suffered the repercussions of stupid adolescents who tried their hardest to assume all that they could about me based on what they thought i was.... like: imagine being 7 and your whole class calls you a faggot before the dictionary even had a term for it.... so i'd come to class the next day and ask the class why they were calling me a cigarette....

    as i embarked on my coming out process, i was amazed and depressed at how mass media portrayed gay people.... men specifically.... and not just general media made by anyone; it was other gay men.... i joined a couple of dating/hookup sites, and was even more amazed at the animosity i got from people who didn't understand my distaste for so many 'gay' things.... and people were downright mean about it.... they called me an 'internalized homophobic' and said i should submit to the things i wasn't interested in because it would make my life easier and i would 'get used to it'.... i'm sorry, but since when does ANYONE have to get used to having a dick up their ass to be accepted by a community of people who fought for centuries to be accepted by mainstream society?

    anyway, because of that i didn't come out till i was 26, and even then i was kicking and screaming.... i still get my share of flack from all kinds of people who seem to think i should be living my life in a different style because of my sexuality, but i'm much more confident when i tell those people to FUCK OFF....

    has anyone else here had the same issues? did it affect how you came out or if you came out at all? i would love to hear other people's views on this matter....
     
  2. midlifebear

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    Hey, just because you're gay doesn't mean your life options are: 1 interior decorator, 2 hair dresser, 3. florist, 4. being able to do anything "artistic." And a lot of gay men (and women) don't indulge in anal sex.

    I'd suggest that you have much greater problems than simply your supposed sexuality. Get over yourself.
     
  3. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    I don't see why your choices to live your life should concern anyone but you. You can not like anal sex as much as I can not like sushi - it's your choice and it doesn't make you less of a gay person for such a viewpoint. When people don't understand something they will find it very easy to criticise. Personally, I wouldn't waste my time getting angry with these people, I would simply move on. You don't have to be a sterotypical queenie guy to be a gay person, likewise however there is absolutely nothing at all wrong with that - we all identify with different things. Maybe these people appear to have an issue with who you are and your choices because it seems to be a bit of a bone of contention for you? People will quickly pick up on that.

    As for the mass media, I try not to let others thoughts, perceptions or opinions on me affect how I am. As long as you are comfortable being you, then it really shouldn't matter.
     
    #3 flame boy, Jul 19, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2010
  4. concupisys

    concupisys Active Member

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    good points gentlemen.... (though midlifebear could have been a little nicer about it....)

    i'm putting this thread out there because i know there are others who feel the way i do, and it would be a great help to start a dialogue about it.... i'm not looking for people to judge me, nor am i expecting anything sympathetic from anyone.... just tell your stories and share your points of view on this topic....
     
  5. TomCat84

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    Perhaps you get flak because you seem to be passing judgment on those who are stereotypically gay or do practice anal sex. You seem really angry and bitter. Just sayin...
     
  6. D_Tim McGnaw

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    This is just another one of those Camp=bad, "Normal"/Straight acting=good dichotomies which I hate. Yes you might have seen some high profile gay entertainers on TV or whatever, but no that does not mean all gay men are like that and no it does not mean that that is what gay men are expected to be like.

    You want to be camp and flamboyant, great be so, you want to be inconspicuous and "normal" (as you put it) then do that. You want to do whatever the fuck you want to do, you do it, no one really gives a shit, and stop imagining they do.

    Considering the current stream of animosity towards overtly camp gay men within gay culture and considering that appearing to be "straight acting" is the current expected social disguise gay men are pressurising themselves in to I'm surprised your not reveling in your new found cultural cache.

    Maybe you've just met a lot of arseholes, whatever their sexuality may be, and should stop judging people and get on with being delighted with yourself.

    Oh and bum sex isn't one of the most disgusting things a human being could experience, thanks very much, seriously? What world do you live in? Have you ever watched the news? Fuck off.
     
    #6 D_Tim McGnaw, Jul 19, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2010
  7. nudeyorker

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    That was somewhat my take on parts of your post too. I never have or will define myself on what Hollywood or Madison Avenue are selling. If you start your journey with your own compass; you will find the way to your destination much easier.
     
  8. TomCat84

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    Look, I understand your desire to not be judged, but YOU are doing a helluva lot of judging, not just in this thread, but in a good number of posts of yours that I have seen. In a few anal sex threads, you annoyingly announce your abhorrance of anal sex (not liking anal sex is perfectly ok), without contributing one bit to the larger question. The tone of your posts is angry and judgmental. If you don't wanna be judged, it's simple: don't do any judging yourself. Using terms like "disgusting" when referring to anal sex will obviously elicit defensive responses. I'm sure there are sexual things you do that would make me wanna vomit a bit in my mouth- but what you do behind closed doors is none of my business. Just don't feign shock and disgust at the mere mention of anal sex, when you yourself are on a LARGE PENIS site, which would disgust a great many people. Live and let live, and lose the judgmental attitude.
     
  9. concupisys

    concupisys Active Member

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    i get that tomcat.... deep down there will always be a part of me that feels negative towards the hyped-up world that created the life i experienced when i was younger, and how it shaped the adult i am today....

    that's not what this thread is about though.....

    let me put it to you like this:

    when i was in my mid 20's, i contemplated suicide because i discovered i was gay and figured it would be easier to die than somehow turn and be a part of a demographic i had little to no association with, and made me feel bad for placing my own boundaries on it.... it took my own research, conversations, and my quest for like-minded people to give me the confidence to stand on my own AS A GAY MAN and be proud of myself.... people need to realize that not everyone in that situation comes out of it and lives to tell about it....

    this thread is to share opinions and stories and breed confidence....

    NO HATE ALLOWED!!!!
     
  10. AlextheRedhead

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    The best way to be is yourself. I too am not fond of the ass bandits and am very happy to just worship cock and have my cock give pleasure to another guy.
    The world is a great big diverse space and there is enough space for everyone to be who they want to be.
    Enjoy your space!
     
  11. TomCat84

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    Dude, if you don't want it to be a part of the thread, keep the fucking judgment out of your first goddamned post. You can't say something like "anal sex is disgusting" and expect people to not comment on it. :rolleyes:

    EDIT: Missed the usage of the word "flamer". Ironic how you can dish it, but when someone gives it, you screan "NO HATE"
     
    #11 TomCat84, Jul 19, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2010
  12. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    No hate allowed? What the fuck are you talking about? You just called one of the most intimate, most intense sexual connections I can have with a man I love "one of the most disgusting things a human being could ever experience on either end of the stick" ? Where do you get off?
     
  13. nudeyorker

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    OK I'm going to take a walk and get some fresh air. I'm sure I'll be back to read the moderator reports on this.
    Why don't you all take a deep breath and maybe a short walk yourselves and calm this down a bit. OK?
     
  14. SilverTrain

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    Shouldn't this be posted in Gay Men's Issues?
     
  15. concupisys

    concupisys Active Member

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    actually, i said "i think anal sex is one of the most disgusting things a human being could ever experience"....

    that's me expressing my opinion.... ergo: I THINK....

    do you work in mass media hilaire? because you just misconstrued my words for your own purposes and to stir up controversy....

    edit....
     
  16. D_Tim McGnaw

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    Tbh Nudey, I've said my piece, I'm just a little tired of reading things like this, all the "faggy gays are evil" threads in which some members take the opportunity to tar enormous numbers of gay people with the same icky brush which obviously tarred the handful of arseholes they may have met in RL. Add to that the characterisation of what I do in bed as "one of the most disgusting things a human being could ever experience" and well it's a perfect storm.

    It's as annoying as the "all women are cunning bitches who're only interested in money/my girlfriend ran off with my best friend, why are all women evil?" type threads which rightly piss the female members off.
     
  17. D_Relentless Original

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    Good post Alex ^

    Also, is the OP judging or is he asking opinions?, i think the latter, you guys voiced your opinions;rather rudely i must say, let the OP have his.
     
  18. TomCat84

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    When a nicer way to say it is "I am not into anal sex"........"Anal sex is not my cup of tea"..........."The idea of anal sex does not turn me on". Believe me dude, I've run into more than a few gay men who aren't into anal sex. All of them were more tactful about it than you are.
     
  19. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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  20. TomCat84

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    Please re-read the original post, and note the general derisive bitter tone and usage of words like "flamer" and "disgusting"
     
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