a question for gay men.....

[blooeyz]

This is a great post.

The main stream media portrayal of men who had sex with men had an adverse impact on my self exteem. Once I moved to Boston and saw how every type of man had same sex feelings, it was so liberating.

I think we have to be thankful for those brave souls who paved the way for us to be more ourselves.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Ok, having read through the first page, it only took that much, i am somewhat shocked at how reactionary in a negative way some of you are being.

The op is expressing an opinion which is relevant to what he feels about being gay, he then gets some quite unnecessary hostility for having those feelings, being his own gay self, from other members claiming that everyone is different and not to judge whilst at the same time getting knickers in a flap over the fact that he is different.

Not all gay guys (myself included) feel comfortable as others being gay. Sometimes, the wider gay community seem alien, maybe because the visible ones are the more flambouyant, more uninhibitted or uncaring, all different but none representing a smaller slice of a gay population which DO cringe at some gay things.

I am dissapointed to be honest with the response to this guy's post. Bitchiness and spitefulness seem to have veiled the replies, a negative trait for anyone, but another associated with gay queenie type guys.

If that offends you, stop being such a bitch, and be more welcoming instead of having a go at somebody who clearly wants to talk.

You may be bored of the whole 'coming out' stuff, i am, it was a while ago and i can't be asked to help anyone deal with their own issues, but attacking them because they are not hunky dory with all the things that you are is a wedge that reinforces a negative image which he has issue with, myself included.

Oh please I don't give a shit what kind of person he is, I don't know him from adam, I'm offended by the obnoxious opinions he's expressed, and if you want to call me or anyone else in particular bitchy and queenie Mitchy then have the balls to do so, I'm pissed off to see the umpteenth thread which is a veiled excuse to bash camp or non-straight acting gay men and in which the OP describes aspects of my sex life as "one of the most disgusting things a human being can experience".

He doesn't want to talk he wants congratulation about his disgust for other people, and perhaps if you'd bothered to read more than the first page you would have seen where I explained that. That this thread is loosely about coming out issues is a sham.

If you think I'm unwelcoming of that kind of thing, I'm fine with that.

 

[TomCat84]

Ok, having read through the first page, it only took that much, i am somewhat shocked at how reactionary in a negative way some of you are being.

The op is expressing an opinion which is relevant to what he feels about being gay, he then gets some quite unnecessary hostility for having those feelings, being his own gay self, from other members claiming that everyone is different and not to judge whilst at the same time getting knickers in a flap over the fact that he is different.

Not all gay guys (myself included) feel comfortable as others being gay. Sometimes, the wider gay community seem alien, maybe because the visible ones are the more flambouyant, more uninhibitted or uncaring, all different but none representing a smaller slice of a gay population which DO cringe at some gay things.

I am dissapointed to be honest with the response to this guy's post. Bitchiness and spitefulness seem to have veiled the replies, a negative trait for anyone, but another associated with gay queenie type guys.

If that offends you, stop being such a bitch, and be more welcoming instead of having a go at somebody who clearly wants to talk.

You may be bored of the whole 'coming out' stuff, i am, it was a while ago and i can't be asked to help anyone deal with their own issues, but attacking them because they are not hunky dory with all the things that you are is a wedge that reinforces a negative image which he has issue with, myself included.

Hey, my original post to his OP was to point out (in a polite way) that he might be getting flak because of the negative ways he portrays other gay people.

 

[deleted3782]

anyway, because of that i didn't come out till i was 26, and even then i was kicking and screaming.... i still get my share of flack from all kinds of people who seem to think i should be living my life in a different style because of my sexuality, but i'm much more confident when i tell those people to FUCK OFF....

has anyone else here had the same issues? did it affect how you came out or if you came out at all? i would love to hear other people's views on this matter....

In my case, lots of things similar, a few things different. I came out late in life, and I do get ribbing from those who know I don't like anal. I only have one gay friend IRL, and he gives me a hard time about my preference. That said, I don't get any flack by people who think I should live a certain lifestyle. I think most people don't care about my lifestyle, to be honest.

How did it affect my coming out? I was less impacted by mainstream media and more impacted by my peer group. As I saw how the effeminate boys were treated by classmates, I learned early to adjust my behavior. I kind of like making up my own rules anyway.

As I developed relationships with guys, I found an expectation that I had to have anal sex. I have very little interest in it for the same reasons you do...and that leads to big conflicts and break-ups. I have yet to meet another gay or bi guy IRL who doesn't like anal.

Being different can be a bit isolating and can make you the target of teasing, even when its within the context of a group that sometimes experiences isolation and teasing themselves. I like being different though. :wink:

Always glad to talk to you about this privately.

 

[TomCat84]

In my case, lots of things similar, a few things different. I came out late in life, and I do get ribbing from those who know I don't like anal. I only have one gay friend IRL, and he gives me a hard time about my preference. That said, I don't get any flack by people who think I should live a certain lifestyle. I think most people don't care about my lifestyle, to be honest.

How did it affect my coming out? I was less impacted by mainstream media and more impacted by my peer group. As I saw how the effeminate boys were treated by classmates, I learned early to adjust my behavior. I kind of like making up my own rules anyway.

As I developed relationships with guys, I found an expectation that I had to have anal sex. I have very little interest in it for the same reasons you do...and that leads to big conflicts and break-ups. I have yet to meet another gay or bi guy IRL who doesn't like anal.

Being different can be a bit isolating and can make you the target of teasing, even when its within the context of a group that sometimes experiences isolation and teasing themselves. I like being different though. :wink:

Always glad to talk to you about this privately.

And this is 100% A-OK! If the OP had started the thread with the same tone you did, it wouldn't have touched off the "bitchy" responses. The difference is that you expressed your preferences sans offensive words like "disgusting" and "flamer" and "faggy".

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

In my case, lots of things similar, a few things different. I came out late in life, and I do get ribbing from those who know I don't like anal. I only have one gay friend IRL, and he gives me a hard time about my preference. That said, I don't get any flack by people who think I should live a certain lifestyle. I think most people don't care about my lifestyle, to be honest.

How did it affect my coming out? I was less impacted by mainstream media and more impacted by my peer group. As I saw how the effeminate boys were treated by classmates, I learned early to adjust my behavior. I kind of like making up my own rules anyway.

As I developed relationships with guys, I found an expectation that I had to have anal sex. I have very little interest in it for the same reasons you do...and that leads to big conflicts and break-ups. I have yet to meet another gay or bi guy IRL who doesn't like anal.

Being different can be a bit isolating and can make you the target of teasing, even when its within the context of a group that sometimes experiences isolation and teasing themselves. I like being different though. :wink:

Always glad to talk to you about this privately.

Tomcat got in before me, but i have to say that in one way or another I can sympathise with everything you've posted Exwhyzee. I was never one for fitting in to anyone's expectations and I still don't.

And as Tomcat says if this thread had been started by a post like this I would have been really delighted by it as an opportunity to discuss important issues, and not an excuse to bash other people and express disgust of them.

 

[mitchymo]

Oh please I don't give a shit what kind of person he is, I don't know him from adam, I'm offended by the obnoxious opinions he's expressed, and if you want to call me or anyone else in particular bitchy and queenie Mitchy then have the balls to do so, I'm pissed off to see the umpteenth thread which is a veiled excuse to bash camp or non-straight acting gay men and in which the OP describes aspects of my sex life as "one of the most disgusting things a human being can experience".

He doesn't want to talk he wants congratulation about his disgust for other people, and perhaps if you'd bothered to read more than the first page you would have seen where I explained that. That this thread is loosely about coming out issues is a sham.

If you think I'm unwelcoming of that kind of thing, I'm fine with that.

From what it looks, and i have now read onwards, it just looks like your response is indicative of the offence which you personally have taken and not an offence that is universal. He does'nt appear to be intending to insult any specific group but he IS pointing out something which bothers another specific group of gay guys who are not represented very well in the mainstream, and that causes confusion amongst some gay guys who feel different based on the primary perception.

Its all very well saying gay guys are different, but the media rarely shows more than the cliched stereotype.

I did'nt name names Hilaire out of respect of you, i was being considerate.

 

[Rikter8]

1. Not out, and not sure when or If I'll ever come Out other than to family

2. Understand totally about bias that some gay folks have against guys that don't act gay (I dont try to understand it..because its fricking stupid). (And the opposite)
Laugh if you may for those that live in larger cities..but in rural areas, and the Midwest, your split into two groups. Butch and effeminate.
Guys don't care to hear about my hobbies, or interests. Almost every one I've gone out with has zero interest in my hobbies, and seem to be more interested in choir, clubbing, and hanging with their lesbian friends. I'm not "queer" enough apparently - if there is such a thing, but I'm also not in the "loop".
Is it all about me? Of course not. But trying to find a person with similar interests is near impossible, especially if your a car guy. That's why I have autos in my profiles. It shoo's away those who dont know/don't care and keeps my life less drama filled.

3. I choose to be a top and versatile only on special occasions. I find anal relatively painful, and Its fun..but not something I crave. I don't find anal sex disgusting unless the guy isn't clean - then and only then do I get repulsed. Not because of the result, but because of the lack of attention before doing the deed.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

From what it looks, and i have now read onwards, it just looks like your response is indicative of the offence which you personally have taken and not an offence that is universal. He does'nt appear to be intending to insult any specific group but he IS pointing out something which bothers another specific group of gay guys who are not represented very well in the mainstream, and that causes confusion amongst some gay guys who feel different based on the primary perception.

Its all very well saying gay guys are different, but the media rarely shows more than the cliched stereotype.

I did'nt name names Hilaire out of respect of you, i was being considerate.

When did I say the offence was universal? He is intending to insult people when he calls them faggy, and flamers, and calls what other people do in bed one of the most disgusting thing a human being can experience. I'm shocked you don't see that. I don't think the issues you're talking about are served by those kinds of insults and disgust do you?

If you want to be considerate of me then address me directly and if you have insults you want to use about me because of what you see as something negative about my opinions then call me them. You don't respect me when you clearly refer to me as a bitchy queen, obliquely of otherwise.

 

[D_Relentless Original]

Hey Hilly, gee man, its only a thread, come spend the night with me and i'll look after ya', no anal tho'

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Hey Hilly, gee man, its only a thread, come spend the night with me and i'll look after ya', no anal tho'

Yeah just another thread bashing camp men. But I'll take the offer anyway :smile: ( and I'm not particularly camp or straight acting myself, and I'm cool with no anal :tongue

 

[mitchymo]

When did I say the offence was universal? He is intending to insult people when he calls them faggy, and flamers, and calls what other people do in bed one of the most disgusting thing a human being can experience. I'm shocked you don't see that. I don't think the issues you're talking about are served by those kinds of insults and disgust do you?

If you want to be considerate of me then address me directly and if you have insults you want to use about me because of what you see something negative about my opinions then call me them. You don't respect me when you clearly refer to me as a bitchy queen, obliquely of otherwise.

Well i don't see the intent to insult. I do'nt either see the logic in taking offence with someone who finds anal sex disgusting. The thought of vaginal intercourse does'nt much appeal to me....

I am not, and was not, calling you a bitchy queen. I was associating your behaviour in context with that which is obviously relevant to the way the op feels about the typical perception of a gay.
I don't know you well enough Hilaire to be able to determine what gay sterotype you might be, (up to now, i pegged you as a preppy type) so why would i want to call you a bitchy queen? It seems to me simply like you've taken more offence than anyone else would have cared to.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Well i don't see the intent to insult. I do'nt either see the logic in taking offence with someone who finds anal sex disgusting. The thought of vaginal intercourse does'nt much appeal to me....

I am not, and was not, calling you a bitchy queen. I was associating your behaviour in context with that which is obviously relevant to the way the op feels about the typical perception of a gay.
I don't know you well enough Hilaire to be able to determine what gay sterotype you might be, (up to now, i pegged you as a preppy type) so why would i want to call you a bitchy queen? It seems to me simply like you've taken more offence than anyone else would have cared to.

Cool yeah, I'm totally overreacting, and what I said to Exwhyzee is conveniently irrelevant because yeah I was taking offense at someone not enjoying anal sex, not expressing irritation at the way that preference had been expressed; that anal sex was one of the most disgusting things a human being (i.e. everyone) could experience (because there's no difference between that and saying "vaginal sex doesn't much appeal to me" at all, what was I thinking?). How foolish of me. Oh and for the record, not a stereotype of any kind actually.

So who were you calling a bitchy queen then? Tomcat?

 

[mitchymo]

Cool yeah, I'm totally overreacting, and what I said to Exwhyzee is conveniently irrelevant because yeah I was taking offense at someone not enjoying anal sex, not expressing irritation at the way that preference had been expressed; that anal sex was one of the most disgusting things a human being (i.e. everyone) could experience (because there's no difference between that and saying "vaginal sex doesn't much appeal to me" at all, what was I thinking?). How foolish of me. Oh and for the record, not a stereotype of any kind actually.

So who were you calling a bitchy queen then? Tomcat?

I was'nt calling anyone a bitchy queen, i used bitchy and queenie in parts of my post to refer to your response specifically, that's how it came across. Nobody else took the offence even though TomCat pointed out that it may cause some. I don't see how it would unless you have reason to take it as such, which you did on the basis that you see the op as meaning to cause insult. I did'nt see any such intent in his op so as such i saw your response as an over-reaction, yes.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

I was'nt calling anyone a bitchy queen, i used bitchy and queenie in parts of my post to refer to your response specifically, that's how it came across. Nobody else took the offence even though TomCat pointed out that it may cause some. I don't see how it would unless you have reason to take it as such, which you did on the basis that you see the op as meaning to cause insult. I did'nt see any such intent in his op so as such i saw your response as an over-reaction, yes.

Yeah, fine, circular, I see your response to the OP as blinkered by your own concerns and not seeing the intention to insult is mystifying. We should quit while we're ahead.

 

[mitchymo]

Yeah, fine, circular, I see your response to the OP as blinkered by your own concerns and not seeing the intention to insult is mystifying. We should quit while we're ahead.

Yes , agree. There is a huge difference between being insensitive and malicious tho.

 

[B_Nick4444]

has anyone else here had the same issues? did it affect how you came out or if you came out at all? i would love to hear other people's views on this matter....

not quite the same issues, in terms of pressure from others, or disparagement

as a teen, for example, I wouldn't dream of performing fellatio -- I've gotten over that, but I would never do a number of other things (my first sexual act was to top one of my prep school buds, who asked for it, so anal was never a problem)

didn't affect my announcements, since I never had to make any. Late teens, early twenties consisted of a lot of MMF action with my best buds, but on my own, I never did anything with women/girls, so everyone around me put two and two together.

so as far as my sexuality, there was never any of the traditional angst

 

[1longharddude]

Live your llife, try not to harm others, speak your opinions and fuck anyone who gives you shit about that. PEACE

 

[helgaleena]

what 1long said. ^ ^

I read the first post as a female who had to accept my gay side, but I was hard put to find the actual question. It was all the OP spewing about his own POV...and assuming that he was not alone, but not welcoming any differing viewpoints. I quickly decided he would not want to hear what i would say about the question, whatever it was. I still don't know what it is, but I will add anyway:

I have been told that I don't know enough about how to act female. However I have never ever been accused of being masculine! Maybe it's the huge hips that hinder any confusion, I dunno... Lesbians have butch and femme stereotyping, yet even there I didn't seem to blend in. My conclusion is that I am a new, separate, hermaphroditic species.

 

[B_Nick4444]

My conclusion is that I am a new, separate, hermaphroditic species.

so, the avatar is actual portrait?