a Question for Genuine Straight Men?

[jayfromnyc]

I have lots of gay friends, its no problem here.

 

[Alaboner]

I'd be kind of angry if one of my friends just came out of the closet. Not because they're gay but because they've been hidding it from me. I understand it's hard to tell but if you're lieing about that you must lie about other things.

It wouldn't change much.

 

[Beachboy19]

Hater much?

Sorry, I didnt mean any offense. You are entitled to your beliefs of course tho they do not make sense to me. But the starter of this thread is pretty new at this, he said he had just come out. So my honest advice to him (and all gays actually) would be to avoid guys like you: those who say they are ok with gays but talks about "wrong" "lifestyle choices".

 

[ginger_qboy]

str8 men suck!!!

BOOOOOO!!!!!!!

i love str8 guys! i'd rather chill with them than gay guys most of the time.

 

[MH07]

Why are straight men scared to be friends with Gay men?

Depending on the straight guy, here is the answers:
1. straight type 1: Is homophobic and a gay hater. Prejudiced
2. straight type 2: Is religious and thinks that being gay is unhealthy and a sexual addiction, and does not want to hang with people he thinks are unhealthy.
3. straight type 3: Is also interested in men and is therefore afraid of gay people, especially being naked around them.
4. straight type 4: Isn't religious but still doesn't really think gay people are completely right and doesn't feel comfortable around someone who has chosen that lifestyle.

This coming from somebody who does not have a problem with gay people, but does not agree with the 'majority' scientific community that gay people are born. I believe it is a lifestyle choice, and is an unhealthy thing to have in your life. However, I wouldn't stop being a friend with someone just because they told me they are gay. You might want to examine you're actions and stuff and see if there is some reason why these guys don't want to hang with you. Perhaps you are trying to be TOO open about it, and they would be fine if you were gay but didn't try to flaunt it or draw unecessary attention to it for no reason.
As others on here have said, they came out and their str8 friends had no problem with it, so maybe it is something you are doing, aside from what you do in the bedroom.

Not to be argumentative, but tell me: at which point in your life did you decide to be straight? Was it at age 8? Age 12? Age 16? When did you sit down and say, "Ok, having carefully considered all the alternatives, I have decided to be straight?"

I never "decided" to be gay, I was that way coming out of the womb. At no time in my life did I make a decision about it (and you didn't "decide" to be straight, either; you just "are").

Now, what you may be confusing is the act of BEING gay with the lifestyle choices people make (whether to live in the Gay-hto, flame around, hit the gay bar every time the door opens, or whatever), as opposed to "looking like everybody else."

EVERYBODY makes lifestyle choices, gay or straight. Some people live in the country and don't want the city lifestyle; others can't imagine living anywhere but the city. Some love art and theater, others love rodeo, still others love the movies and others just sit at home and watch TV. Some gay people live the "gay lifestyle", others don't. THAT is a choice.

The idea of choosing whether to be gay or straight: no, that doesn't happen. You are who and what you are, nothing more or less.

 

[EL_Duderino]

I really do feel bad for the thread starter.... that just plain sucks. I'm not really homophobic and have a gay friend or two but not any that im close with. If one of my very close friends came out I'm not sure how it would change our relationship, but I am sure that shortly after he came out I would feel strange around him and I really don't know how i would act toward him after that. The truth is not that many men can have good friendships with women so it makes snese that they can't manage one with a gay man.

 

[Beachboy19]

Not to be argumentative, but tell me: at which point in your life did you decide to be straight? Was it at age 8? Age 12? Age 16? When did you sit down and say, "Ok, having carefully considered all the alternatives, I have decided to be straight?"

I never "decided" to be gay, I was that way coming out of the womb. At no time in my life did I make a decision about it (and you didn't "decide" to be straight, either; you just "are").

Now, what you may be confusing is the act of BEING gay with the lifestyle choices people make (whether to live in the Gay-hto, flame around, hit the gay bar every time the door opens, or whatever), as opposed to "looking like everybody else."

EVERYBODY makes lifestyle choices, gay or straight. Some people live in the country and don't want the city lifestyle; others can't imagine living anywhere but the city. Some love art and theater, others love rodeo, still others love the movies and others just sit at home and watch TV. Some gay people live the "gay lifestyle", others don't. THAT is a choice.

The idea of choosing whether to be gay or straight: no, that doesn't happen. You are who and what you are, nothing more or less.

Dude, why do u even bother with people like that?

 

[nicenycdick]

Although you should give your friends more time and try to develop a new relationship with them, they may not be able to change. You may not live in a place where sexual mores are flexible enough to allow them to accept you. People have a natural tendency to follow the crowd...it is a basic emotional and developmental defensive process. This is especially true in a small town or city. Move to a more cosmopolitan place. A larger or more worldly city will have a more diverse and forgiving environment. Although I am straight, I could not imagine living in a place where others dictate how you should feel/think/make love.

 

[matticus201]

I usually never comment on these kinds of threads, because there's really no way I can compose a response that will succintly make my point. There's always a barage of different kinds of responses to these sorts of posts because people feel very strongly about the topic of gay-straight coexistence. But in this case, I'm gonna try.

To the OP, I'm so sorry your friends are acting that way. It takes real courage to admit that you're different. It's a shame that your friends can't see that right now. It's also a shame that they are exhibiting fear towards your honesty about yourself. Hopefully, if the friendships are strong enough, they will come around. If there's one thing I've learned, it's this... you simply cannot change the way people think or feel. You can only rely on your actions to truly display your personality and intentions. If they are afraid you want them, prove to them that you don't by not making unneccessary jokes about it. Show them that you are the same person you were before you came out. Show them that nothing has changed. If they are true friends, they will accept it in time. Never be ashamed or ill at ease about coming out. It's incredibly brave, and was the right thing to do. Living a lie is only going to eat you up in side. Nothing is worth compromising your authenticity.

Now, on to point #2. I am friends with gay and straight people of all sizes, shapes, religions, nationalities, political views and social classes. However, all of my friends have one thing in common... security. They all know who they are and aren't threatened by those who are different. Just because a man is gay doesn't mean that he wants to jump the bones over every other man on the planet. Yes, there are gay men out there who want nothing more than to convert straight men... but that ISN'T THE NORM. If you find it to be so, you should change the company you keep. Do I think straight men are attractive? Sure I do. But on the flipside, I also find women to be beautiful and attractive. However, I would never be disrespectful to a straight woman, nor would I be to a straight man. Why? Because I know what I want... a relationship. That's never gonna happen with a straight dude, BECAUSE HE'S STRAIGHT. Therefore, straight men have nothing to fear from me, or anyone who holds my views, and I would guess that's a huge portion of the gay population. Again, if you find this to be false, look outside your own bubble and realize that your limited experience might not be the only one. And, if your one of those arrogant individuals who thinks everyone wants them, well, that's your problem.

Finally, it's important to note that a straight person is never going to understand what its like to have to come out of the closet. For just one second, if you are straight, try to imagine the complete and total torture of never being able to express your true feelings, of having every day to hide your true self and put on the mantle of "normal person." Imagine having feelings so strong that you feel like you might any day go completely postal if you can't let it out, but you can't for fear of compete and total isolation and loneliness. Have you ever felt like that? Then, just maybe, you could begin to understand why some gay men tend to go more toward the extreme. They are releasing fear, self-loathing and feelings bottled up just for the sake of trying their damndest to live a normal life. Instead of ridiculing them, try and show them a little understanding. If the shoe were on the other foot, wouldn't you want that?

 

[Island Club Guy CT]

Our friendship is very much over , it seems like they also no longer come to our regular gym , not taking my calls , not visiting , its actually very sad the world we live in, i am not gay out of choice, i was born this way, I fight to be straight almost every day , but i can't change. I dont like being rejected, I pretended to long with them and i think they hurting. I also take part of the blame maybe i should have just shut up. I think Straight guys in their early twenties are insecure and imature seems like the older folk are more in tune with their sexuality.

 

[B_fullup8]

know i don't know you, but.. hug, bro. really feel for ya.
but keep gaining knowledge, experience and passion for what you believe is right, and leave them snakes in the grass! life gets better from here, coz you made the decision to stand against adversity and 'come out' and now you'll find people who love you for who you are rather than who they need you to be. and perhaps a few who will hate you for their own reasons, but fuck em anyway.

a little advise - stay out. going back to pretending may seem an easy short-term option, but will only set you up for a whole heap of shit later on.

 

[mucotevoli]

if these guys base their freidnship on your sexual orientation then they probably arent good friends and you are better off. it sucks to find out this way but a real friend would be able to get past this

 

[EFH33]

This is an odd question, because I had a friend in college come out after he graduated. He thought all of his male friends would turn against him, but we didn't. The funny thing is HE wound up alienating all of us. He came out, and we understood he wanted to explore his new gay life, but he cut all of his straight friends off. So, it was actually the gay guy in this scenario who turned his back on his straight friends.

 

[MattXXX]

If it counts, I've had a friend recently say she's a lesbian. Nothing's changed, although me and my other friends joke about it.

"I bet _________ has licked more carpet than me lately."

 

[ginger_qboy]

If it counts, I've had a friend recently say she's a lesbian. Nothing's changed, although me and my other friends joke about it.

"I bet _________ has licked more carpet than me lately."

I've never met a straight guy that's had an issue with lesbians. I appreciate the point you were getting at, but your example doesn't apply.

 

[thebuck]

Coming out to anyone can be very difficult at time. The more you like them, the harder the process. I would tell you that if they can't accept you for who and what you are, they were never really your "friends". A true friend is hard to find and when you do find this person, he/she will like you no matter who you sleep with. After all, it's your private business.

 

[matticus201]

This is an odd question, because I had a friend in college come out after he graduated. He thought all of his male friends would turn against him, but we didn't. The funny thing is HE wound up alienating all of us. He came out, and we understood he wanted to explore his new gay life, but he cut all of his straight friends off. So, it was actually the gay guy in this scenario who turned his back on his straight friends.

I totally understand this side of it too. It sucks that your friend alienated you. I think a lot of the time when people first come out they really don't know what to do... it's like they have to have all gay friends, live in the gay neighborhoods, go to gay clubs, eat at gay restaurants. It's hard to find a balance, at least was for me. It took me a good two years to realize that being gay is just a part of who I am, not the defining factor. Luckily the straight friends that I had before I came out were still there for me. I would have completely understood if they hadn't chosen to be.

 

[thick111dick]

so basically as long as you dont have to really deal with his gayness (heaven forbid if he pointed out a hot guy!).
its kinda like being friends with a chinese guy as long as he never eats rice or speaks in chinese.
you cant be selective of people. if theyre youre buds, you wouldnt care.
sounds to me like you have gay "friends" - people you hang out with, etc, but if you were truely their friends, youd have no problems what so ever withany thing they talk about. (assuming they speak as you and your straight buddies do, but in place of girl, its boy.)
ive had the same set of freinds for 16 years, all straight, since high school. i went thru university with them (and we all dated girls) and it wasnt until 25, when i came out. things were a bit weird for a short time (and on my part more than most of theirs) but things went back to normal. they are my true freinds and are mature enough to treat me as they did before.

saying you have gay "friends" doesnt make your comments ok.
i doubt you have real gay friends (someone you call to just talk. drinking buddies or someone you work with does not always mean "friend").
well, as much as some red neck isnt racist becasue he has a 1/2 black niece twice removed...

Being straight myself, I have to agree with musclemonkey5, the one thing that really turns me off is when my gay friends try to flaunt or draw unnessary attention to their sexual preference. Of my friends that are gay, we get along fine as long as sex doesn't enter the picture.

 

[thick111dick]

.

 

[thick111dick]

dude,
hater?
really?
youre the archaic one making your comments about gay being a choice.

and, you dont belong on here for two reasons:

1. you clearly dont have a large penis.. average at best.

2. you have warped views on homosexuality (its not a choice, duh).
this site caters to a lot of gay people. you knew youd piss off people with your comments about gay being a choice. so i think youre the hater.

and on a funny note:

since you dont have a big dick, then you couldnt possibly be here to show off (or you shouldnt be - this site is called LARGE penis support group). so then im left wondering - are you here to look at others?
now whos making the gay choice?

loser. keep your ignorant views to conservative sites.

you might want to try:
ignorant_and_funnylookingdicks.com

Hater much?