a Question for Genuine Straight Men?

[Corius]

Reminds me of a wise decision I made when I had my first genuine sex experience. It was with the new guy in town and we had bonded in friendship bordering on the true love it became. We both considered oursleves to be regular guys; there were no models for m2m loving relationships--certainly not m2m sexual relationships. Fortunately, we did what came naturally and it all seemed so right; we were two happy fellows who learned by doing and were smart enought to keep it to ourselves.

Yet, the morality snoops would have had a field day had they known of our relationship. Thanks to the wonderful zone of privacy we had at his home, that did not happen. But, we agreed that what happened sexually between two persons was so personal that it should remain private. We were richer for having discovered the joys to be had on a side of our sexuality which we had not even considered before. Blabbing about one's sexual activities has never appealed to me. What the public sees is all that they are entitled to. And, with family and friends who are decent enough not to probe, the aura of mystery that surrounds sex is preserved and the enjoyment of sex is not put in jeopardy by outsiders.

 

[dongalong]

I recently told my straight mates that I am gay thinking that nothing would change. I am no longer being invited to any get togethers , I met one of my mates in the gym locker yesterday and when I greeted him , he covered up , much to my horror. My question is :

Why are straight men scared to be friends with Gay men?

I also love sport , gym , cars like most men do , What all of us do in the bedroom is private , so what's the problem , cause now I am all alone.

In their minds you have gone from "one of us" to "one of them"

You'd probably get the same reaction if you became a born again christian or neo-nazi.
By labelling yourself as gay, you have made it clear that you have different interests that they can't identify with, limiting conversation subjects etc.
Locker room nakedness has become uncomfortable to your mates because they don't want to become the object of desire for a gay man.

I think that they would probably have been more friendly with you if you had told them that you are bisexual, that way you would be considered at least partly "one of us".

You shouldn't expect the same kind of friendship as before because most str8 guys don't want to know about your gay sex life, it makes us start imagining things that we'd rather keep out of our heads.

The only way to renew their interest in you is to supply them with women, find as many "fag hags" as possible and do some introductions! :wink:

 

[thick111dick]

In their minds you have gone from "one of us" to "one of them"
You shouldn't expect the same kind of friendship as before because most str8 guys don't want to know about your gay sex life, it makes us start imagining things that we'd rather keep out of our heads.

The only way to renew their interest in you is to supply them with women, find as many "fag hags" as possible and do some introductions! :wink:

Youre the kind of ignorant douchebag he called "friends"

man, you dont have pictures of your dick up, so im guessing youre not large. so then youre clearly coming on this site to check out the big dicks. (who buys a gold membership without pics?) HAHAHA!

youre hardly straight.
and clearly not qualified to speak for straight guys.


Your comment should have read: "it makes us start imagining things that we'd rather ignore. Those thoughts make it very difficult to pretend we're straight and not actually interested in cock ourselves. (we are.)"

so funny that so many straight guys on here 1. dont have pics, 2. arent large and 3.love to make comments, yet its pretty evident that they are far more gay/bi than they like to admit. (if youre not showing, youre looking.)


many out-of-the-closet-fags have more character and balls than most stright guys.
* * * * * * * *
and my friendship with my groupd of friends is no different than it was when we were 15 yrs old - theyre TRUE friends. its possible. just not with guys like you.



CHUMP.

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

Best of luck to you. It sounds like a shitty situation.

I think even the best-intentioned of straight guys sometimes fall prey to homophobic impulses. Even in my own life, I admit to having spoken some choice inappropriate words. I don't have any gay friends to my knowledge. I wouldn't be opposed to having gay friends; they just don't run around in the same circles that I do. I had a few gay friends in undergraduate school, but they probably weren't the best representatives of their orientation. They were rather shallow, callous, catty, and downright rude to people without good reason. Even if they were straight, I would not have hung out with them.

The point is, you don't sound like that. You sound like a pretty good guy, and I think you'll find people who appreciate that regardless of your sexual orientation. As far as befriending straight people, unfortunately, you may have to keep your orientation to yourself. Once revealed, some straight guys (not all) constantly worry about whether or not you're checking them out, even if they have made playful advances in the past. A friend of a friend of mine said that when he found out that the dude wasn't straight, he got worried because they would play grab-ass and make suggestive jokes at each other, but now he's worried that the other guy isn't kidding about the advances.

Hypocritical, I know. But that's how it goes.

I'm just as sympathetic to you going out there and finding new friends, too. Girls tend to do okay with gay boy friends, and there are guys out there who don't care one way or another so long as you don't put moves on 'em. I would give it a shot with your old chums. Hell, be direct; what the fuck is your problem? If that isn't a go, just leave 'em alone. They may need time to come around.

 

[DckHntr_09]

very well put, DeeBlackThorne. your words shed some light on how i was in the same situation as Island Club Guy. I was so hurt because he and i got really close in a 3yr period then it all stopped when i told him that i was "bi". It didn't matter that I was drunk it just mattered that because now he didn't know how to deal with it. But i let it go but the scar is still there. anyway!

Island Club Guy CT, if they can't except you for who you are, then f*ck. well, not literally but tell them that they can kiss your a** with their tongues out. Find people who could careless what side of the bed you on. I know i don't. i'd be more inclined to join in or ask for an invite. lol

 

[D_Whitcomb Whistlereed]

Don't worry about it too much. The same thing happened when I came out to my friends. Some understood, but some didn't. Friendships will change. You can't really expect them to treat you the same. You're not the same to them anymore. However, the true friends will try hard to see past it and eventually your gayness will be a normal part of their lives. Also, the thing about your friend covering up at the gym: that's to be expected. Most girls would cover up in front of their guy friends, and most guys would cover up in front of their girl friends. Usually this is an issue of sex, not gender. So don't be offended.

 

[MisterMark]

This coming from somebody who does not have a problem with gay people, but does not agree with the 'majority' scientific community that gay people are born. I believe it is a lifestyle choice, and is an unhealthy thing to have in your life.

So where did you get your Ph.D. in human sexuality? Bob Jones University?

 

[Torque8]

..... and there are guys out there who don't care one way or another so long as you don't put moves on 'em. I would give it a shot with your old chums. Hell, be direct; what the fuck is your problem? If that isn't a go, just leave 'em alone. They may need time to come around.

This is pretty much the way I feel, otherwise I'd have ended my relationship with my present workout bud when he came "out" to me. Sex isn't part of the equation or the basis of our friendship and at the core, I don't feel threatened.

 

[dongalong]

Youre the kind of ignorant douchebag he called "friends"
CHUMP.

What's with the flaming?

I gave the OP an honest answer to his question reflecting the reality of life, obviously you don't like it but flaming me won't change anything and we will continue acting the same way.

Nearly all my friends are str8 so I have the knowledge to answer the OP's question correctly, however I do have gay friends and don't treat them any differently but then again, they don't force their homosexuality onto me.

As for suggesting that I am a closet gay for being an anonymous member at LPSG, that is just lame and show's your complete ignorance.

 

[TheWB]

if the worst thing that happens when you tell your friends you're gay is the they cover up when they're nude in the locker room.....thats not a big deal...quit complaining.....seriously it was "horror" when he was nude and covered himself up when someone greeted him? i swear some of you people live in a fantasy world and then wonder why people think you're wierdos

 

[musclemonkey5]

Sorry, I didnt mean any offense. You are entitled to your beliefs of course tho they do not make sense to me. But the starter of this thread is pretty new at this, he said he had just come out. So my honest advice to him (and all gays actually) would be to avoid guys like you: those who say they are ok with gays but talks about "wrong" "lifestyle choices".

Ok look douchebags, as I said I don't have a problem with gay people. I'm sure that you have opinions too about what is or isn't healthy to have in ones life. And I would think as gay men that you could understand that there is a lot of stuff you will have to deal with in your life that a str8 person wouldn't, because that is the way society is right now. What is important is that even though I don't think the gay lifestyle is a wonderful path to walk, that I'm not judgemental about the people themesleves or try to convince them they are living a way I don't think is good for them.
I only mentioned my personal views as a way of giving incite to the thread starter as to where my observations are drawn from. He wanted an honest answer, I gave him one. That doesn't mean I am including myself in the circle of intolerant people I described, just trying to help him understand maybe why some of his low life friends were ditching him.
I have several gay friends and I have never made their gayness an issue. That I think their life would be better off if they were str8 is a private view.
Back off bitches!

 

[MisterMark]

And I would think as gay men that you could understand that there is a lot of stuff you will have to deal with in your life that a str8 person wouldn't, because that is the way society is right now.

Like what? I'm sincerely curious about what straight guys think of gays, not in a sexual way, but what you imagine the lives of gay guys are like: the good, the bad, etc.

I've had a few straight guys tell me they think it would be easier to be gay because they wouldn't have to deal with complicated relationships with women, children, etc. I've told them that, yeah, maybe on a micro level, there are some things about being gay that are easier than being straight, but on a macro (societal) level, there's no question in my mind that it's easier to be a straight guy.

 

[invisibleman]

I recently told my straight mates that I am gay thinking that nothing would change. I am no longer being invited to any get togethers , I met one of my mates in the gym locker yesterday and when I greeted him , he covered up , much to my horror. My question is :

Why are straight men scared to be friends with Gay men?

I also love sport , gym , cars like most men do , What all of us do in the bedroom is private , so what's the problem , cause now I am all alone.

Well. At least you know how you were valued as a friend to that straight guy. Why not find some friends that can handle who you are.

A friend should like you for who you are. Whatever.

Meet some other people in your life. It is disappointing to have a friend and find out that they aren't your friend. So, you just deal with it. Move on. Find some new friends.

Would you rather not be yourself and have a bunch of friends? Or be yourself totally and have a bunch of friends? (I would rather be myself and have a bunch of friends.)

 

[jj8inch]

I just recently became friends with an openly gay guy who when i first started talking to him didnt know he was gay. But, as of right now I think we have more in common than I do with my straight friends.

 

[invisibleman]

Ok look douchebags, as I said I don't have a problem with gay people. I'm sure that you have opinions too about what is or isn't healthy to have in ones life. And I would think as gay men that you could understand that there is a lot of stuff you will have to deal with in your life that a str8 person wouldn't, because that is the way society is right now. What is important is that even though I don't think the gay lifestyle is a wonderful path to walk, that I'm not judgemental about the people themesleves or try to convince them they are living a way I don't think is good for them.
I only mentioned my personal views as a way of giving incite to the thread starter as to where my observations are drawn from. He wanted an honest answer, I gave him one. That doesn't mean I am including myself in the circle of intolerant people I described, just trying to help him understand maybe why some of his low life friends were ditching him.
I have several gay friends and I have never made their gayness an issue. That I think their life would be better off if they were str8 is a private view.
Back off bitches!

Sounds like my mom. What would she have known about gay men and lesbians? Other than, the AIDS stigma, Paul "Jaded and Shady" Lynde, Antonio "Sassy Lips" Fargas, and Bea "And then there's (fucking!) Maude" Arthur.

But that is a perspective of straights. (Gay men and lesbians take note.)

And some gay men who haven't come out...men who have a lot of straight friends...because they don't have any gay friends because they have straight friends...Of course, that guy would be disappointed when he came out to his buds thinking that they would be with him and ended up being not the true friends he thought they were.

Out in the world, you can lose your family, your friends, and anyone else. Honestly, it does hurt. But you can find other family members...new friends that will support you and love you for who you are. You can meet gay men...straight men...straight women...lesbians...to be friends with.

I think that you should be who you are and as honest as you can with your friends. You will know then who your friends are and who they aren't.

 

[invisibleman]

I just recently became friends with an openly gay guy who when i first started talking to him didnt know he was gay. But, as of right now I think we have more in common than I do with my straight friends.

That can happen.

 

[D_Cock_Hudson]

Those men I was at school with who came out (after we had left school) were shunned by a few, but accepted by most.

 

[D_Jerry_Atric]

Those men I was at school with who came out (after we had left school) were shunned by a few, but accepted by most.

That's usually how it is.

When I was in highschool I was friends with out bisexual/gay students but almost all of the gay guys my age were really super femmey queens and I just could not relate to them with the super over the top femininity, the constant gossip/drama, and the idea that they were the most important thing in the world or acted that way.

 

[D_Jerry_Atric]

Like what? I'm sincerely curious about what straight guys think of gays, not in a sexual way, but what you imagine the lives of gay guys are like: the good, the bad, etc.

I've had a few straight guys tell me they think it would be easier to be gay because they wouldn't have to deal with complicated relationships with women, children, etc. I've told them that, yeah, maybe on a micro level, there are some things about being gay that are easier than being straight, but on a macro (societal) level, there's no question in my mind that it's easier to be a straight guy.

Yes that is true.

Heterosexuals can easily find relationships and sometimes even lasting ones a lot easier than gay/bisexual men can and it can be easier for heterosexuals to find people who they are more easily sexually compatible with.

 

[D_BobN_Weave]

Yeah, thats awful, I am friends with a few gay people(girls and guys) and it is the exact same treatment as my straight friends. Hell, I have even busted out "gay" jokes, and they bust a gut.

Friends should accept you for you, and not for your sexual preference