A question for the straight gentlemen!

[paigexox]

Do you feel that the responsibility during the events of intercourse, those preceding the act, or the "nurturing" there-after are overly biased to put the responsibility on the male?

It's been an enlightening experience for me over the years exploring my own sexuality, but I always find it striking how so many males end up in an unfortunate situation where they always felt the onus was on them. Often I have found this even made things unnecessarily awkward as it made power flux in the bedroom a bit... weird.

Case and point can be seen very clearly on this site. I fully understand what the acronym LPSG stands for, but in many cases there is very little help taking place for people encountering "endowed issues," and many more subjects that seem to be loathing in size race of fucking superiority to satisfy the opposite gender "better."

It is a real shame to see this, because I often feel too much importance is placed upon the size of male (I know, hypocrite!), and too little attention is given to those parallel dimensions of the female. I don't think it's so much a need to have an extraordinary dimension on one side, but rather a compatibility between partners that can extrude every last ounce of what is both *between* the couple. This is just one, of many possible examples that seem to demand more of the man -- cases I hope we could discuss a bit more.

Unless, of course, you like to silently shoulder a burden, or I've just gone totally bananas. :biggrin1:

 

[dude_007]

...Case and point can be seen very clearly on this site. I fully understand what the acronym LPSG stands for, but in many cases there is very little help taking place for people encountering "endowed issues," and many more subjects that seem to be loathing in size race of fucking superiority...

Thank God someone else has said this. I've been a member for about a week and already get that vibe here.

 

[hsarge]

Well, in general, its the male equipment that may/or may not be prepared for action. Also in many cases when the man orgasms the action is many times done. That is why men often feel the responsibility to maintain an erection while delaying ejaculation. There is the impression that a man must perform well in order to bring a women to climax, while a guy will climax to just about anything. These are preconceived notions are not always true.

 

[B_625girth]

of course, being a male, my equipment is supposed to be average or above in size and supposed to work flawlessly. being 58 yo, and being "over sized" since I was 16, this support group came along a little late for me. I already faced the issues of having a big cock years ago. being used for sex, too big for sex, big dick...little brain,etc. I had the problem of cumming too soon when I was younger, but I compensated by having a zero recovery time. and as time went along, I learned to delay. wait for the lady most of the time, cum with them, they love that. and in a few seconds, I was ready to go again.

 

[mexdude]

Ive know two girls that felt the same, well at least its less stress to know, that u dnt have to take the whole duty, still its what most men feel, that its us that must perform as good as possible

 

[Riven650]

I like the way you think paigexox.
You have it about right. The responsibility does feel like it lies with the man. The power, on the other hand, should be shared equally. I like a woman who can express her sexual needs, but I know I can be a little disarmed if a woman comes at me with an agenda of her own. I need a bit of time in order to get my head around, or get control, of what it is she fancies. So I think, when it comes down to it, I prefer to be in control even if in some of my fantasies I might be in a passive role.

In the real world, I don't think penis size is as much of an issue as many of us think, but the potential for cock size to be an issue is there. What I mean is that it can be weilded by either sex as a power play weapon, so men with small endowments feel more disadvantaged than they actually are. For the vast majority of women cock size is way way down on their priority list when deciding what attributes a potential partner should possess. I like to think that intelligence, thoughtfulness, resourcefulness, etc. have a much higher ranking than cock size - even for most of the real women who regularly post on LPSG.

 

[molotovmuffin]

I like the way you think paigexox.
You have it about right. The responsibility does feel like it lies with the man. The power, on the other hand, should be shared equally. I like a woman who can express her sexual needs, but I know I can be a little disarmed if a woman comes at me with an agenda of her own. I need a bit of time in order to get my head around, or get control, of what it is she fancies. So I think, when it comes down to it, I prefer to be in control even if in some of my fantasies I might be in a passive role.

In the real world, I don't think penis size is as much of an issue as many of us think, but the potential for cock size to be an issue is there. What I mean is that it can be weilded by either sex as a power play weapon, so men with small endowments feel more disadvantaged than they actually are. For the vast majority of women cock size is way way down on their priority list when deciding what attributes a potential partner should possess. I like to think that intelligence, thoughtfulness, resourcefulness, etc. have a much higher ranking than cock size - even for most of the real women who regularly post on LPSG.

Amen!

 

[B_subgirrl]

I'm not quite sure how I feel about this one.

I mean, I really hate how stereotypically men are supposed to work hard for our orgasms and our affection, and then they are just supposed to be grateful that we fucked them at all, regardless of how good it was. I've encountered this opinion countless times from female friends/family members who were pissed at the way I'd get up and run if a FB called.

But I also hate some of the views that more prevalent in decades past, that the woman should provide for the man's needs and that she didn't get much of a say in anything sexual.

Surely there is a happy medium out there? I think BOTH partners should be responsible for making sex good for both their partner and themselves.

And I've certainly never seen a partner as being the holder of responsibility if their cock wasn't huge and I therefore got less enjoyment from it. After all, the mismatch is the fault of my own body parts as much as it is theirs.

 

[redbear52]

Very good question, and my answer is yes, I think that speaking generally, more responsibility for both partners having a positive sexual experience tends to be placed on the male. It is commonplace for one to hear or read "he had a big cock, but didn't know how to use it". It is not at all common to hear it said of a woman "she didn't know how to use her pussy".

Although there are certainly many exceptions, with many couples, female orgasm seems to be a somewhat more elusive goal than male orgasm. Part of this results from the points brought forward by hsarge, that often men have difficulty delaying orgasm long enough to accommodate the (generally) longer period of time required for women to become completely aroused.

But the woman's mindset plays a huge role in their ability to become aroused or have an orgasm. The female pornstar Nina Hartley is a pretty bright woman, an RN and a magna cum laude graduate. She has said that a man cannot "give" a woman an orgasm, the woman has to be prepared to "receive" an orgasm, and I believe this to be true. There are times when a woman's mindset prohibits her from either having a positive sexual experience, or from having an orgasm, even if she otherwise enjoyed the experience.

It seems to me that a lot of guys tend to beat themselves up if their partner doesn't come, and feel that they were inadequate in some way. Of course, men tend to be naturally competitive and numbers oriented, so they tend to rank themselves relative to their peers based on numbers such as length and width of their penis, number of women they have slept with, and the average number of orgasms experienced by their partners.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

We evolved the way we evolved.
Males are, traditionally, aggressive in pursuit, and physically intimidating... Females are largely attracted by male physicality, but can also feel threatened by that same lusty power.

It is the man who sets the tempo and forcefulness of the sexual encounter... and he must tread a very fine line between expressing the heat and abandon a woman inspires in him, and being sensitive to how she is responding, when his forcefulness is exciting and when it is painful or frightening in a way she is not liking...

A woman takes care of the man, both in bed and out by being desirable, but moreso by expressing desire and heat for him, and satisfaction and serenity in how well he has taken care of her.

And a man takes care of a woman by making sure she feels the passion she inspires in him... but tempered in a manner that assures her that that power is there to shelter and protect her... that no matter how wild things get, she is always safe in his arms. That she can count on him, relax with him, and reveal herself to him.

In this sense, sex, for the woman, is her opportunity to abandon all reserve and indulge her animal passions, in a place she feels secure... it is why female orgasm is so much more than men's, in quality and quantity. While the male orgasm is more transient, allowing the male to be more conscious of her cues, both subtle and overt.

For the man, making love to a woman ought to be an exercise in being sensitive to another... ( experience men need to make them better men )

In short... yes... the onus is upon the male because the woman wants to feel secure... secure in her attractiveness, secure in his affections, secure in feeling safe to let down her guard and allow him entry...
And the man wants to feel that she wants his passion, that she desires him and feels lust for him, and he wants to see in her eyes that she believes him to be a good man. An exciting man.

For me... orgasm is good, but there is no greater satisfaction than when she makes it clear that she has been fully and profoundly satiated in every way she wishes to be.

That moment, after, when the sweat is cooling our skin, and we fold together, full length, and her hand digs appreciatively into my chest, and her body shudders in sweet echo of her crescendo...

That is the world, entire... for me.

I would do anything to have that moment.

I would do

anything

for she who offers it to me.

 

[houtx48]

There are only 3 straight gentlemen here.............and I wonder about them.

 

[B_big_dick18]

i love having pressure on me to perform well but thats also because my penis gives me the extra needed confidence in myself

 

[Supersized]

Having a large penis is a tool I use to survive. One of many.

 

[DeepDish]

I'm not quite sure how I feel about this one.

I mean, I really hate how stereotypically men are supposed to work hard for our orgasms and our affection, and then they are just supposed to be grateful that we fucked them at all, regardless of how good it was. I've encountered this opinion countless times from female friends/family members who were pissed at the way I'd get up and run if a FB called.

But I also hate some of the views that more prevalent in decades past, that the woman should provide for the man's needs and that she didn't get much of a say in anything sexual.

Surely there is a happy medium out there? I think BOTH partners should be responsible for making sex good for both their partner and themselves.

I think you've put this really well. Both of the extremes are unhealthy.

I've been in a position where I felt less like a partner, and more like a customer service representative charged with making sure everything was just so. It is really kind of stressful.

Finding that happy medium is so important.

 

[D_Barbi_Dahl]

I, for one, am fully participatory in my sexual experiences. I truly believe its all about balance, reciprocity, fun, collaboration, communication and mutually beneficial. If I'm with a guy and he isn't able to cum (rare, but it has happened) I feel like I didn't get the job done. If a guy is unable to help me orgasm thru his own skill, then I have no problem helping myself out to get there. Now that being said...if the sex isn't good, I'm not going to be with the guy for long. However...although I truly feel I need a big cock nowadays to orgasm from intercourse, I do value many qualities in a sex partner. But I'm certainly a part of the sex team. And I'm equally responsible for the enjoyment of the sexual encounter. Go TEAM!

 

[B_subgirrl]

I think you've put this really well.

Thank you :smile:

Go TEAM!

ROFL :biggrin1:. I agree though. It's definitely a team effort.

 

[GarthMerenghi]

What's the point in having sex if you're just going to make the other person do all the "work"? That's not very intimate is it?

The pressure on men is quite a daunting thing though, as a virgin I admit I'm kinda scared about not "performing" first time, even though logically it should be a thing you work out together and not her expecting me to give her pleasure and it probably will work out the good way, but there is still the lingering fear of that probably mainly thanks to the media's portrayal of sex.

 

[Drifterwood]

Sexual liberation is driven by the mind. Both sexes carry cultural baggage that inhibits their ability to express themselves sexually. A good lover of either sex will unleash the potential.

The positive for the well endowed man is the confidence that it brings and many things can flow from this confidence. This isn't exclusive to well hung men of course.

It is also important that people never loose sight of the fact that they are a sexual work in progress.

 

[RawDog]

Do you feel that the responsibility during the events of intercourse, those preceding the act, or the "nurturing" there-after are overly biased to put the responsibility on the male?

For both society and personally; Yes and no.

I think society has a general unwritten rule about the sexual responsibilities each party brings. The man's duty is supposed to be to provide and the woman is supposed to nurture that which is provided. Basically it boils down to semen. I provide the semen for your uterus to drink. I'm supposed to provide the healthy sperm as you are supposed to provide the healthy egg for. Once it leaves my body and enters yours, I have the responsibility to care for you as much as you have the responsibility to care for what we've created inside you.

From that perspective, for the sake of procreation, no, it's not overly biased at all.

But society being what it is, sex for the sake of conceiving is a relatively rare form of motivation. It feels good. It feels fucking good. There is nothing more pleasurable than a good fulfilling union between two (or more, if thst fits your fancy) people. That is the overriding motivation for sex. As far as that's concerned, yes we men are unfairly expected to bring more to the table that women are just expected to lie on.

On a personal level I am naturally curious and a sexual over-achiever. If I can give you more, better, faster, bigger, stronger orgasms (and the whole sexual experience in general), then I'll take from it a better experience as well. Both for altruistic reasons (the act of making you feel good in of itself makes me feel good) and selfish (if I can get you wet and pulsing around my cock it feels better for me) reasons.

Is it fair? Well, yes. I have little expectation to ever meet someone with the same sexual capacity, the need for the same sexual connection as me. Nor do I really want to. I'm happily married to the woman of my dreams and it is my goal to ramp up her sexual hunger and apetite each and every time we make love.

Having said all that does it feel like it's unfair I do most of the work to make sex complete? In a way, yes to that too. It would be nice if she took a more active role. If we were in a FWB type relationship, then this would be totally unfair. But we're not. She takes care of me in far more ways than I take care of her.

It is what it is.

It's been an enlightening experience for me over the years exploring my own sexuality, but I always find it striking how so many males end up in an unfortunate situation where they always felt the onus was on them. Often I have found this even made things unnecessarily awkward as it made power flux in the bedroom a bit... weird.

I treat sex like it were a vessel. The vessel needs to be topped off. If the dominant in the relationship is the male, most of that vessel is filled by the man. The expectation is written in the first encounter and unfortunately, especially if the woman is passive, the discussion regarding that vessel doesn't come up quickly enough. Like the ruts on a weather beaten road, the habits and expectations get more and more ingrained and less and less malleable.

Case and point can be seen very clearly on this site. I fully understand what the acronym LPSG stands for, but in many cases there is very little help taking place for people encountering "endowed issues," and many more subjects that seem to be loathing in size race of fucking superiority to satisfy the opposite gender "better."

I've noticed that too and that's primarily why it says I joined in 2005 and didn't really start being active until 2009. I am trying to change that.

It is a real shame to see this, because I often feel too much importance is placed upon the size of male (I know, hypocrite!), and too little attention is given to those parallel dimensions of the female. I don't think it's so much a need to have an extraordinary dimension on one side, but rather a compatibility between partners that can extrude every last ounce of what is both *between* the couple. This is just one, of many possible examples that seem to demand more of the man -- cases I hope we could discuss a bit more.

Ahh, there's the rub. It takes work and effort to be good at anything and a sense of priority. Men feel they have to work to get the sex, so we put in the effort to get better at it. Women feel they put in the effort in other places to get the sex, but the effort is placed on attracting the male specifically.

I wish I said this, but I read this on someone's sig:

"The desire of the man is for the woman. The desire of the woman is for the desire of the man." - Anne Louise Germaine de Stael

Unless, of course, you like to silently shoulder a burden, or I've just gone totally bananas. :biggrin1:

By all means, share the burden.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Is it fair? Well, yes. I have little expectation to ever meet someone with the same sexual capacity, the need for the same sexual connection as me in real life. Nor do I really want to. I'm happily married to the woman of my dreams and it is my goal to ramp up her sexual hunger and apetite each and every time we make love.

Thought that needed a bit of editing . . . :tongue: