A question for those who are after straight men.

[xxsweet_spunkxx]

Thanks for your response.

Whether you intend it or not, the problem IMO is that there are so many unexamined homophobic assumptions behind your question that are open to challenge.

First, you've framed the question in terms of gay people seeking sex with 100% straight men only who by your definition would never be interested and if they were would not be straight but "at least" bicurious. Yes? That scenario is unrealistic and loaded, and plays to these homophobic tropes, all of which appear in your posts:

• Gay men as sexual predators seeking to prey on and 'convert' non-gays
• Insistent gays who never get the hint and "can't take no for an answer"
• Gays as saddos, desperately seeking sexual interest and response where there is none and "sabotaging their own happiness"
• Gays unscrupulously "taking advantage of" straights who are incapacitated/drunk
• Gays as disrupters of straight family life - in your loaded scenario, gays are trying to seduce straight men who are "happy in their own life" and happy in their relationships
• Gays "disrespecting" straight sexuality - as though straightness were a prize or standard, more 'respectable' than gay sexuality - why can't they "settle" on their own kind

Then there's your offence when you misread someone's post as referring to you as gay. "Wtf man" etc. Why is that cause for offence? Gays are not generally offended when they are thought to be straight, it happens all the time. The only reason to be offended is if you think it's wrong or inferior.

In my experience, your narrowly defined scenario isn't true to life. Perhaps that's why nobody has yet come forward to own up that "it's their mission in life to go after straight men" - which is clearly the confirmation that you are seeking from this thread. That's not generally how it happens.

The few times I've had sex with men who identify as "straight" (one went on to marry and have kids though he wasn't in a relationship at the time) they have tended to come on to me, at least there was mutual interest. You can tell when there is. None of your assumptions about gay predatory behaviour applied and I think they seldom do.

You've mentioned lesbians several times. I know quite a few and every single one of them has had sex with a man at some point in their lives. That doesn't make them not lesbians. And it doesn't mean that they have been preyed on by insistent, unscrupulous, sad, disruptive, desperate straight men - which is the image of gay men you are promoting here. Usually it's because they were curious to find out what it was like or it just happened before they'd fully decided on their sexuality. Now if you met a lesbian whom you found attractive, who seemed to show mutual interest, would you hang back out of "respect" for her stated sexuality or would you sleep with her? I'm thinking most straight men would do the latter. Not for bad reasons, but just why not?

That I think is more how you should see gay men's interest in men. Basically, like you are attracted to women regardless of their sexuality assuming you find them attractive, that's what it's like for gay men: we are attracted to men. Not straight men necessarily, all kinds of men. And if they are interested in us and want sex, what's the problem? If they define themselves as straight but are still interested enough to have sex, so what? This isn't a matter of gay 'conversion' or anything of the kind. It's just sex. And gay sex is no better or worse than straight sex.

Thank you for your response, and man... seeing your point of view, and how you took my posts makes me feel horrible actually man. In no way did I mean to make it seem like I was generalizing all gay people. That is very far from my intention. I have had same sex sexual experiences, that I truly have cherrished, and some of my closest friends happen to be gay. I know gay people aren't predators, evil, or homewreckers. I was specifically addressing the people who openly admit they are after straight guys. There aren't many, don't get me wrong, but there are people on this site with usernames such as "gay4straight" (sic), and even in real life situations, I have encountered people who are after straight men. My question was addressed to those people. Not to gay people in general. I understand though, the confusion, and now that you pointed it out to me, I realized how my question could be seen as offensive.

I don't think someones sexuality makes them any better or worse than any other person. I don't even look down on the select few gay people who are after straight men, I'm simply wondering why some people specifically seek out "straight" men. Again, not saying everyone does that, but it is a real thing that some people participate in. As someone replied to me, they prefer married men because it's simply uncomplicated, just oral sex without conversation, dinners, gifts, etc... I accepted that response, and while I can't relate, I respect everyone.

 

[328982]

Thank you for your response, and man... seeing your point of view, and how you took my posts makes me feel horrible actually man. In no way did I mean to make it seem like I was generalizing all gay people. That is very far from my intention. I have had same sex sexual experiences, that I truly have cherrished, and some of my closest friends happen to be gay. I know gay people aren't predators, evil, or homewreckers. I was specifically addressing the people who openly admit they are after straight guys. There aren't many, don't get me wrong, but there are people on this site with usernames such as "gay4straight" (sic), and even in real life situations, I have encountered people who are after straight men. My question was addressed to those people. Not to gay people in general. I understand though, the confusion, and now that you pointed it out to me, I realized how my question could be seen as offensive.

I don't think someones sexuality makes them any better or worse than any other person. I don't even look down on the select few gay people who are after straight men, I'm simply wondering why some people specifically seek out "straight" men. Again, not saying everyone does that, but it is a real thing that some people participate in. As someone replied to me, they prefer married men because it's simply uncomplicated, just oral sex without conversation, dinners, gifts, etc... I accepted that response, and while I can't relate, I respect everyone.

Fair enough, thanks I think maybe this site exaggerates and polarises people on this particular issue, because it's a sexual hothouse and there are definitely some gays on here who are targeting straight men and getting off on that vibe. Plus a load of boring, stupid questions in Ask a Straight Man, which assume that straight men are up for it when they aren't. That would get on my tits pretty quickly as an exclusively straight man! And there probably is something in the idea of gay men being attracted to masculinity which is associated with straightness and possibly some self-hatred or esteem issues given that we are sort of taught that gay = bad and straight = correct. (I mean even the word straight denotes what isn't bent.) But I guess I'm just looking to counteract that with what I've experienced and feel about most gay interactions in the real world. Peace

 

[buck8]

I appreciate your response, and I can understand your point of view, but I do have some questions, if you don't mind me asking. I get that casual sex with no strings attached is something a lot of people enjoy, and everyone is different, but do you kind of want something more than just sex or giving a bj? Me personally, I can't have sex with someone unless there is an emotional attraction, and I know I'm in the minority, living in the age of hookups, tinder, grindr, etc... But I actually value and cherish a full relationship.

I am no one to judge, so I hope this following question doesn't seem like I'm looking negatively at you or anything like that, but does it ever bother you, knowing how devastated the wife would probably be, if she found out that her husband was getting a blowjob from not just another woman, but from a guy? Clearly you aren't the one cheating, so you technically did nothing wrong, but I just personally don't think I could knowingly be with someone that was in a relationship, but to each their own. Like I said, I'm not here to judge anyone, just kind of wanting to understand it, and you have been one of the few who has responded.

Also, to be fair, if they are married but are willing to let you blow them, I think they might try fooling themselves into thinking they are straight, but a 100% straight male, I don't think would ever do something sexual with another guy. Perhaps I'm wrong, but it seems to me they are bicurious or some degree of bisexual if they are just going to allow it happen, or actively seek it out.

For me in particular, as noted above, I don't actively chase "straight" men, but I do like being with those who I find attractive and send signals through body language and stated curiosity before letting them know I'm interested, too. And of course they're not 100% straight when they engage in same-sex activity, but they may well have been up to that point. Sexuality is fluid for many of us. I identify as 100% gay--I'm not attracted to women nor do I want a relationship with one. But you know what? I've masturbated women, eaten pussy, and received head from women. Why? Because I was in a situation where they were available and wanted to sexually interact (mmf three-way and orgy), and I'm sexually inquisitive, so I did. That doesn't make me in any way want to identify as bisexual. I'm into men and only men, but if a very attractive man said "my wife and I want to fool around with you, but we only play together," I might do it again. And I'd still identify as gay, because I define who I am and don't care what others think. There are straight men who are situationally bi, but they will always identify as straight. Big deal. Who cares? Why must sexuality always be fixed? I don't get it.

As for married men, every single one I've played with has been in a sexless marriage. They seek m4m encounters because they don't want to be with another woman. To them, that's adultery. I'm not saying M2M isn't, but this is how they think. I don't love the idea, but I usually meet these men through personals and don't do the dance with them like other straight-identified men. They'll find it somewhere anyway, so . . . (shrugs).

And let me make something clear based on the tenor of some other posts in this thread. I am happy. I'm not self-sabotaging. I have no issues with intimacy. I've been truly in-love and in longer-term, monogamous, happy relationships. Those relationships dissolved due to outside forces (job transfers, familial pressure, etc.). I'm sure I'll be in-love again. I'll know it when I encounter it. I have friends who are absolutely lost without a relationship and will jump from one to another just to be in one. Not me. I'm perfectly comfortable being single in the meantime. And when there is chemistry between me and a willing man--gay, bi, or "curious,"--I will sexually enjoy myself whether I think there is potential for a relationship or not. I don't have any Judeo-Christian hegemonic heterosexual binary hangups, and I'm not ashamed of it.

This is my story. I've seen gay men aggressively chase men who weren't interested in them, gay or straight, and can't take "no" for an answer. Heck, I've been on the receiving end of unwanted affection myself. I must agree that men who do this are pathetic. The first pass can be flattering, but no means no. It's crazy, sleazy, and creepy to be pushy about sex, so I get why some men would get pissed off. A guy doing this to a woman would probably get arrested.

 

[chadstallion]

I appreciate your response, and I can understand your point of view, but I do have some questions, if you don't mind me asking. I get that casual sex with no strings attached is something a lot of people enjoy, and everyone is different, but do you kind of want something more than just sex or giving a bj? Me personally, I can't have sex with someone unless there is an emotional attraction, and I know I'm in the minority, living in the age of hookups, tinder, grindr, etc... But I actually value and cherish a full relationship.

I am no one to judge, so I hope this following question doesn't seem like I'm looking negatively at you or anything like that, but does it ever bother you, knowing how devastated the wife would probably be, if she found out that her husband was getting a blowjob from not just another woman, but from a guy? Clearly you aren't the one cheating, so you technically did nothing wrong, but I just personally don't think I could knowingly be with someone that was in a relationship, but to each their own. Like I said, I'm not here to judge anyone, just kind of wanting to understand it, and you have been one of the few who has responded.

Also, to be fair, if they are married but are willing to let you blow them, I think they might try fooling themselves into thinking they are straight, but a 100% straight male, I don't think would ever do something sexual with another guy. Perhaps I'm wrong, but it seems to me they are bicurious or some degree of bisexual if they are just going to allow it happen, or actively seek it out.

I have an emotional relationship of long standing; this is just 'sex for fun' sport.
I leave it up to the man regarding his wife/relationship issues. I find the willing married guys on a dating/sex site; if they are already members of this site then they must have worked through whatever relationship problems and have thought through the consequences before I get to them.
I find the married ones the safest to play with. we both have to be in tip top health conditions; mutually assured safety ?!

 

[phillo12345]

I have noticed (not just on this site, but in life in general) there are a lot of gay people who fantasize, or actively seek "straight" men to either give oral to, or go further. I'm curious as to what the reasoning is? I realize there is a study that claims most people are somewhat bisexual to some degree, but when someone is straight, they are straight. Perhaps they can acknowledge that another guy is good looking, but beyond that, nothing. And I know there is the argument "A mouth is a mouth", and while that might be true, there are psychological things that go into it as well.

So, basically, is the goal to try to "convert" someone who is straight to relax and let you get your jollies off by sucking them? Or is the goal to make them question their sexuality? In my opinion, if a "straight" guy is willing to let another male suck them off, they are at least bicurious to the very least, but there are also people who are 100% straight, and 100% lesbian, etc... that would never allow anything like that to happen, unless they were really intoxicating and you end up taking advantage of them.

I can see being attracted to someone who is off limits, for example I've had crushes on females who are lesbians and would never do anything with a dick. But I'm genuinely curious why someone who is gay or bi, wouldn't settle for someone else who is gay or bi, rather than trying to seduce someone who is happy with their own life.

No negative judgement, just genuinely curious.

The fantasy is: this is a man who is not at all attracted to men but magically gets a boner with me. It's a fantasy. You have to remember most gay men in their hyper horny formative years have only straight men (or closeted gay/bi men who might as well be) to lust after and I'm sure that has a lasting impression on a lot of us.

Personally, this always seemed like an illogical fantasy or at least one with a self-destruct mechanism built into it. Your goal (fantasy) is sex of some kind with this hypothetical straight guy but as soon as you're having sex with him he's not straight anymore. Oh and also he's completely turned off by your body, face, smell, etc. Sign me up.