A Question? Is your dick connected to your heart?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_Hung Jon, Aug 21, 2007.

  1. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    There's a lot of talk here about sex without emotion. I'm not putting it down but I'd like to know if there are guys who'd rather have sex with a woman or person they love than just anyone? If I don't want to make out with a person, then I'm probally not going to want to fuck them. In my experience so far wihen I'm intimate with someone it's difficult not to feel some love or emotions for them. For me this isn't a moral issue but maybe just the way I'm put together. Any comments? Thanx.

    :biggrin1:
     
  2. Osiris

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    First thing is people have to understand sex and love are two completely different things and you can have one without the other.

    There are people who deeply love someone, but the thought of sex repulses them. On the flip side, there are people who can sleep with someone (I have in my past), have really great sex, get out of bed and go their seperate ways and possibly not even talk to each other ever again.

    I do find that if you love someone, the sex ceases to be that and becomes love making. I've had a lot of sex, but only some love making, most of the love making is now that I have my true love and soul mate.
     
  3. ben_big_willy

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    I am the same way. Sometime I wish it were not so--that I could freely seek out pleasurable experiences for myself--but, I don't seem to be wired that way. If I so much as kiss someone, I feel a very special bond with them.

    I watched the movie, "Short Bus" a few weeks ago (I highly recommend it) and it got me thinking... I found myself wishing that I could participate in something so casual and non-posessive, but I was shocked by how inhibited I felt while watching it. I kept thinking, "I could never do that! I could NEVER do THAT!"

    I should never say, "never," as I am discovering that as I get older, my attitudes towards a lot of things have changed significantly. Who knows how I will feel in 10 years...?
     
  4. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    Thanks for the comment, Ben Big Willy. I can't figure out how to kiss someone or make out with them, & at the same time not feel some emotion for them. It would be like a mouth massage. Kinda gross to me.



     
  5. Osiris

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    You two have just learned something it took me forever to learn and I think it points to you guys having a giving heart. It's rarer than you might think.

    I do notice this trait is more pronounced amongst most gay men. My gay male friends are easier to share love. The downside I have shared many a bottle of wine with a heartbroken friend as a result.

    I envy you being able to do this so early in life.
     
  6. 50%more

    50%more New Member

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    Hmmmm. Well perhaps, I have had sex most with myself, and I love myself most. :biggrin1:

    On a serious note. I loved one woman that I never had sex with more than some that I have. Of course good sex sometimes blinded me from other emotional issues that later destroyed the relationship. But I am still growing and learning.
     
  7. the1andonlybe

    the1andonlybe New Member

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    In my very limited experience (1x with 1 woman) I can say that for me there can be sex without emotional attachment.
     
  8. Fire Agate

    Fire Agate New Member

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    meh, sometimes:smile:
     
  9. lafever

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    :smile: How do you know me so well hung Jon?


    lafever
     
  10. Hockeytiger

    Hockeytiger Active Member

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    For me it was a matter of emotional maturity. When I was a teen, I loved my high shcool girlfriend but only so much as I was capable of that emotion at the time. There was an emotional connection, certainly, but looking back at it now, it is like comparing the light of a candle to that of the sun. The sex was more physical than emotional. As I said, I think it is a matter of emotional maturity. I still hold a special place in my heart for her.

    After I hit college, I caught my first college girlfriend cheating on me. That pretty much killed all emotion associated with sex for some time. I needed to heal. Eventually I found someome else who helped heal my wounds and the emotion returned.

    Yes, I much prefer sex associated with emotion much more than emotionless sex. It is much more meaningful. However, when I was younger, I prefered, or at least fantasized about, sex without commitment, or emotion. I primarily needed release, but things changed.
     
  11. OPPinSLC

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    It's the same for me. I guess I need some emotional connection for sex.
     
  12. LeeEJ

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    At the very least, I need to enjoy being around the person before wanting to have sex. I guess that I don't need to be madly in love, but I can't imagine getting in the sack with someone I didn't like.
     
  13. Calboner

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    While the idea of having sex with someone purely on the basis of physical attraction appeals to me in fantasy, it has never appealed to me in any actual case. People who engage in casual sex are in a way profoundly incomprehensible to me. I mean, I think I superficially understand what goes on with them, but it is nothing that I can realistically imagine going on with me.

    The thing that gets me down is that it seems as though the people who spend some period of their lives engaging in casual sex are the ones who are most likely to stumble into lasting love, while the ones like me who go looking for lasting love and for whom love is a condition for having sex end up with neither love nor sex. :frown1:
     
  14. hans_talhoffer

    hans_talhoffer New Member

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    when i fuk it's heartless, only time i felt emotion was when i was eating out my gf and getting her off and stuff
     
  15. benderten2001

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    To me, it seems there are fewer men around here these days who will speak up (the way I tend to) for "older traditional views".

    One poster has already mentioned "maturity" and perhaps that is what's behind my rationale. I dunno.

    I never have figured out "one night stands" per se. To me, getting in the sack purely for the physical seems so (?)....animalistic. Something's missing in that "impulse type behavior". Humans are much different than mere animals. Humans are emotional. We have a higher caliber of understanding and responding to physically coming together. Or, at least we should have!

    The sex act, whether we want to acknowledge it or not, is more than just the physical. MUCH more. Perhaps without even being aware of it at the time, when we have sex, we inevitably stir up not only the physical, but the emotional, psychological, and even the spiritual aspects in this avenue of human life. Yes. We can try to deny this fact, even dismiss it in our conversations here. But, the truth remains nonetheless that human sex is on a whole different level. Or... it's deserving to be.

    The moment two people come together sexually, each one will never quite be the same. Something will always be (?) ... "different" between them from that point onward. Their intimacy will always be a shared memory. Each could go their seperate directions afterwards, even go out of each others' lives completely. But that sex act between them will always be tucked away in the memory file. Why not then, assure such a memory has some real meaningful substance to it, you know? Today's casual sex and "hooking up" isn't even an immitation to what sex could really be. What it was intended to be.


    I think many of us will attest that once we personally know the joys of commitment and meaningful sex in a loving relationship, well, it tends to sell one for life that this is indeed the much preferred route to take.

    This is of course, very much my own opinion, but having sex to take care of only the physical (at least to me) seems very, very selfish. You wind up not only cheating yourself--deprived of what sex could really be emotionally, but perhaps worse yet? The other person gets cheated pretty badly as well.
     
  16. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I'm not sure of all the things you say because I don't want to judge other people's sex lives. Like I said at the beginning of this thread this isn't a moral issue to me or something I think everybody should do. It's just the way I'm wired. When I like or love someone I want to kiss them and be close to them & then I get a hard-on. It's like the hard-on happens because I'm feeling aroused that we're together. I'm not really sure if peeps who hook up don't have similar experiences. I've hooked up with girls who I was attracted to & wanted to make out with so it's not that I wanted to make a commitment. My body and my mind sort of work together usually.
     
  17. ledroit

    ledroit New Member

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    mine is definitely hard-wired to feelings. I can have sex with almost anybody, regardless of how I feel about them, but if I really care about somebody, and we are having an intense, very personal conversation, I can start leaking or get a semi even if the topic has nothing to do with sex at all. Just from the intimacy alone. It's kind of funny to hang up the phone and find a wet spot even though sex was the furthest thing from my mind. I guess it is just the emotional intensity that does it.
     
  18. WildHoney

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    Resident fem slut chiming in ...... I am married and for me sex and making love or even sometimes emotion are two entirely seperate things .

    We have candle lit loving, passionate, spooning sex when feel the need to be connected or feel needy .......and then I have great throw me against the wall fucking when I feel naughty and wanton ( more often than not this is my kinda sex :tongue: ) all within my marriage.

    To me they are entirely different things. I like both, but prefer my sex wild and primal. I have been married for nearly 20 years and most of our fucking is breathless passionate hard fucking. I like it like that, I am not really built for loving sex most days.

    When I need raw hot sex, we have a great night at home, watch porn, fuck like teenagers, or we sometimes go to swingers clubs and have wild hot sex with strangers!!

    I like all forms of sex and think they all kinda have their place in my life. Casual sex included. I have some memories of hot casual sex that will last me till I am 90.......

    So I guess I am thumbs up for casual sex, I do however have a deeply satisfying emotional commitment from a man at home, so I get my fix for that anytime I need it. He fills my emotional needs in day to day life.

    :smile:

    Honey
     
  19. ledroit

    ledroit New Member

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    I totally agree with this. I don't think it's a moral thing at all, or a sign of being selfless or old fashioned or any of that. I think it is just the way your brain is wired.

    Some people have more intense wiring between emotions and language, and can express feelings more easily with others with their bodies. Language and sex both involve bodily movement, but not always personal expression. I think there have been studies showing differences between male and female brains when it comes to that, and differences between straight & gay men's brains as well. But I don't think it matters whether sex and love are combined in someone at the same time, or separate, as long as the person can be real in both. The rest is just a kind of talent for communicating personal feelings with your body, I suppose, and being sensitive enough for it to feel contagious when someone else does the same.

    But I can enjoy sex just as much with a heartless bastard who is into sex as with a guy whose soul I can feel in practically every move he makes. Probably why I can enjoy rugby as much as ballet.
     
  20. Drifterwood

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    Great topic.

    I'll answer without thinking too much about it.

    I have never been to a swingers club or the like. I imagine that this situation is the closest that you can come to having pure sex for sex' sake.

    For me, good sex is very intimate (i.e. uninhibited and passionate). Passion is an emotion, I think, so I have found that when I have been uninhibited and passionate with someone, there is always a tenderness between me and her. I am a post coital cuddler.

    I can't really see the point of not wanting to have passionate and uninhibited sex, even if I only sleep with the person once. I think people who are like this can recognise each other and I have been very lucky with my casual partners.

    Sadly, the least emotional sex that I have experienced is at the end of relationships, when one partner or both are just using the other's body to get off on.
     
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