A Question w/ Honest Answers

[despereaux]

Hi-

I have a question for a lot of people. I haven't done this yet and its scary honestly.

How do you meet guys out there?

I mean it can be a one-night stand or just for some action. The thing is that I'm afraid to go out and meet guys, and I'm really curious and I'd like to know :/

The reason why I'm afraid is because I think of my career and I don't want to be at a point in my life where I'm at the Top and then some guy I had sex with just goes ahead and releases that sort of information to the public. And no I'm not famous. . .yet.

Another thing I worry is whether the person is clean. I mean the person can lie and use a condom but I don't feel that's enough and that's a huge thing. I'd rather lick a dirty carpet then be sucking some guy with freaking herpes or something.

As you can see that's me problem ;/ and I keep wondering.

Any replies are greatly appreciated

 

[chiefone4u]

STD's are on both men and women... and both can lie just as easily about having... or not having them.

You'll have to use your better judgement as to believe or not believe them when they say they don't have something you don't want... or request proof from the local health department (recent STD test... which by the way, only will say they DIDN'T have anything WHEN they were TESTED last... doesn't mean they haven't gotten something since they were tested).

As far as meeting guys... there are Gay bars in most cities... you could always try Craigslist.org (you can find some real good guys there... but for every one good guy, there are probably 100 idiots, retards, and jack asses).

There are several websites out there to help you meet some guys... just be careful, and play as safe as you can!

 

[jeff black]

Here is my advice.

First, change your profile so it says that you aren't 100% straight.

Second, from what I've found in my limited time on this earth... is that the only way you can meet people is to put yourself out there. It really depends what you want.
If you are looking for that casual fuck friend or something more... why don't you start by asking your friends if they have any single friends? There is nothing wrong with hooking up with a friend's friend.

I also think it's ok to go to clubs, but I can understand why you would be concerned. However, if you are still an "unkown", it may not matter as people don't remember everyone they meet.

In terms of herpes, play it safe, use those condoms, and don't pick up dirty looking people at clubs.

 

[2322]

Go to the bars and clubs with the express purpose of not hooking-up. If you know you're not going home with someone it takes a lot of the pressure off and you can enjoy the atmosphere.

There are online services like Squirt and Manhunt where you can find guys to hook-up with.

Otherwise just hang out in West Hollywood. Hang out in the coffee shops, the stores, and where ever.

 

[jeff black]

Go to the bars and clubs with the express purpose of not hooking-up. If you know you're not going home with someone it takes a lot of the pressure off and you can enjoy the atmosphere.

There are online services like Squirt and Manhunt where you can find guys to hook-up with.

Otherwise just hang out in West Hollywood. Hang out in the coffee shops, the stores, and where ever.

That's something I forgot.... Living in L.A. It's a good place to be when you are curious.

 

[2322]

That's something I forgot.... Living in L.A. It's a good place to be when you are curious.

God, if only I was as wise at your age....

 

[nudeyorker]

Very good advice given by everyone, however please keep in mind that the other people out there have the same fears about you that you have with them. If you want to meet someone to fool around with go to the bars and the clubs and have fun, just remember to play safe and use good old fashioned common sense when you meet people.
If you want something more... it takes time and patience and honesty with yourself about who you are and what you want and what you want in a relationship.
Someone once told me a long time ago..."What you find in a bar you loose in a bar!" But there is a big wide world of men out there, sitting next to you on an airplane, standing next to you on line at the supermarket. When you put yourself in a frame of mind that you are not on a Man hunt the more likely you are to find yourself in a position to have a relationship.

 

[erratic]

Want to meet people? Try the internet. You can control how much information about you is available on your personal. It's worked for me. You'll still meet douchebags, but you can't avoid that anywhere.

Want to avoid sexually transmitted infections? Use a condom. Don't go near any genitals with blisters or weeping sores on or around them. Have an honest conversation with your parnter about STIs - what you have and what you're concerned about. If that scares your partner away that's probably a sign you shouldn't have slept with him any way.

And as for your partners releasing information about you - you'll have as much dirt on them as they will on you. That's why most people don't tattle to everyone in the known world about every single partner they've had.

These are the risks we all take when we're sexually active. You have to keep your head about you, breathe deeply, plug your nose and dive in. Good luck.

 

[EternalCaverns]

I definitely agree with changing profile from being 100% straight. *chuckes*

 

[despereaux]

Yeah. I'm not going to change it. I was thinking about it today and I think Ill stay girls more than I want to be with a guy.

I mean there is no difference between a guy or girl having lots of sex and getting some STD. I haven't had any thank God I'm clean. But I don't want to risk my career on anything just to mess around with 1 person.

Thank you for those answers though. It made me think.

 

[sexplease]

Just do things you love and go to places you like. You'll meet someone when you least expect it.

Like here maybe. .......................................................................... or over here.

 

[B_pinoyurge]

just go with the flow
or have me... then you're fears will be gone

 

[DaveyDoes]

Everyone has offered good advice and the only thing I could add after reading all this is to wonder what kind of life you're going to have in the closet, afraid of going out and living? Unless you're going to be a politician I think the time that being gay destroys your career is passing us by. Don't worry so much...if you get rich and famous...you can hire lots of lawyers to take care of silly people with things you would rather keep secret to hold over you. I'm sure it keeps plenty of lawyers in business as it is already. Piece of advice...I personally wouldn't go around telling everybody "I'm going to be famous one day". Don't spread pics of yourself naked all over the internet and don't put anything in writing. If you're that worried about being black
mailed...don't give them the ammunition to do it when/if the time comes.

 

[2322]

Yeah and look at it this way...

EVERYBODY these days has a few naked pics of themselves out on the internet. That's just how it is. The governator ran as a Republican and he had nude pics of himself easily discoverable on the internet and they haven't made one bit of difference. Don't sweat it.

 

[slcnewlife64]

Do you have any gay friend?

 

[Badunkbadonk]

Hey Desperaux,

I like this question. It's good to ask these questions as you explore who you are and what you want your life to be. I definitely agree with some of the other folks on here who are telling you that having a gay experience is not a career-wrecker. If you have managed to choose a career that won't allow you to be a little bit bisexual, you may have chosen unwisely. It sounds like you are a little bit bisexual, so beware of choosing a career that forces you to keep your flame under a haystack.

The easiest way to get out there is to make some gay friends. I'm assuming LA means Los Angeles, not Louisiana...Go to Starbucks on Santa Monica Blvd and have a chit chat on Saturday afternoon. Or if you don't like West Hollywood, have a beer on a Friday night at the Eagle. Maybe there's a fun fabulous gay guy at your work who can take you out one night to his favorite night spot. In Los Angeles, the variety of gay experiences that await you are astounding. There are discotheques where hardly a word of English is spoken. There are bars filled with young beautiful boys, bars with muscle bound bears, piano bars where you can croon with white haired old men, bath houses, sex clubs...whatever floats your boat and heats your water. If you pick up one of those free gay magazines at any store or coffee shop in West Hollywood, it will list a thousand and one places to go, with ads, coupons, you name it. It's a little more concise and portable than the internet in terms of reference materials.

Regarding venereal disease: unfortunately, you should assume that everyone you meet has herpes, warts, swine flu and ebola until proven otherwise. This is true of men and women, and it goes for everyone. Your early sexual encounters with a potential mate should feature condoms front and center. There are flavored condoms, female condoms, dental dams, whatever you want to be safe. It sucks, but it's not 1973 anymore and we don't have penicillin for a lot of the nasty bugs you can get these days. As unpopular as my opinion may be in some circles, it's just the facts. If you get to the point where you want a steady partner of either gender, you can have "the talk" and get tested together...etc. Until then, as your older, and probably wiser gay uncle I'm telling you to wrap it up in a raincoat and stay safe. You will be glad you did.

And enjoy your sexuality, be who you are, don't let fear keep you from enjoying all the pleasures life has to offer. Hey, I've had a couple of girlfriends who were really fun people - and now I'm with a guy whom I love very much. You owe it to yourself to experience the full spectrum of your sexuality and enjoy it. There are no judges waiting to condemn you for it. I know God will not be angry with you. I doubt there are any gay blackmailers waiting to pounce and prey on future public figures...so release the fear and just have a good time. Okay?

 

[Corius]

Life has a way of serving up surprises to us. As a very horny teenager, I had to rely on my "right hand" to get my relief as did my peers. I had a very active mind and in my imagination and fantasy I had lots of sex with some very attractive young ladies. The new guy in town who soon became a good friend was like me; we thought of ourselves as regular guys who would someday do what regular guys did: we would find some lovely girl, get married, have wonderfully satisfying sex, and live happily ever after!

But, we were in for some real surprises. We soon became more than friends and expressed our friendship with more and more physical closeness. We had a wonderful zone of privacy at his place and during the summer before our junior year of high school our inhibitions melted away and we discovered a side of our sexuality which we had never even considered before. We enjoyed each other sexually; we learned by doing, and over the course of the next two years we did just about everything that two males can do together sexually. That ended when we graduated and went our separate ways. We both married eventually; I had two very happy long term relationships with other men and two equally satisfactory relationships with women. I have had few sexual partners in my life, but I can say that I loved them all and I love them still.

No casual sex would have come close to the satisfaction of sex in loving relationships for me. Not all friendships have a sexual element, but they are all valuable. When sex is part of a relationship the sex has a way of confirming the bond. I think that even in today's situation, a concentration on relationship as a foundation would eliminate a great deal of the concern about STD and AIDS.

 

[despereaux]

I'm not gay. Its more of bi-curious, I have no naked photographs of myself on the net which is good, and I wouldn't amount to that, maybe but not my face on them.

I have no gay friends either, at least I don't think I do. Since I'm too busy working on my career. I tend to care less of other people since that's my main focus.

And what Governer were you talking about? Because if its of Arnold S, Cali Gov. I don't find anything wrong with his Body Building pictures, since that's what he did when he was younger, and back them I'm sure that was a common thing

 

[surferboy]

so all of a sudden you no longer want for try a guy, yah? i'm a firm believer in that sexual desires don't just disappear.

you said you're scared of being outed at the height of your career. first off, what do you do that makes you scared for being true to yourself? secondly, no one really cares if public figures are gay or straight or bi. it's when they lie about it that it becomes a big deal (though, imo, it shouldn't matter either way). kinda like when keanu reaves came out as being bi, and when he said he fooled around with river phoenix. no one cared because he wasn't hiding anything.

 

[D_gittholx]

Like everyone says man, not many careers would be destroyed by being bi or gay. Just curious - if you don't mind. What career path are you looking at ?
Unless it's politics (even in that case it's becoming a smaller issue by the minute), you should be fine.