A sensitive subject that applies to all.

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by phantom73, Jul 8, 2006.

  1. phantom73

    phantom73 New Member

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    Being involved with HIV prevention and advocacy in my community, I would like to get people's honest thoughts and views regarding safer sex (anal or vaginal) with a large penis.

    *I am NOT asking that anyone disclose private information regarding HIV status, or the status of someone else.
    *I do ask that replies NOT contain derogatory remarks. If you feel comfortable with this topic, please share your experience.

    I have had experiences with men who were well endowed and could not find suitable condoms to use during sex. Either they were too tight or restrictive, broke during sex, or cut off virtually all sensation. Sometimes resulting in bareback sex during the heat of the moment and contributing to high risk sexual activity.

    How have you handled this situation if it has occured?
    In your experiences are people aware of any risks involved.
    Do you feel that partners will still engage in unprotected sex due to condom issues despite any risks?
    Is it, or is it not a concern for you?

    PLEASE keep your replies respectful as HIV/STD's arent going away, and this could be very educational for other readers.
     
  2. B_Stronzo

    B_Stronzo New Member

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    I have NEVER had bareback anal sex. Repeat: never.

    And I never would.

    It's of optimum concern that people protect themselves to me. All people.

    Given the promiscuity of my unattached days I'm fortunate (as is my boyfriend) to remain HIV negative. But we're largely an "oral" pair of homos.

    I do not use a condom (nor does my partner) when we perform oral sex on one another.

    In the broader picture, I feel that the population at large is hugely mis/uninformed with regard to HIV/A.I.D.S. This is especially so in the heterosexual community where denial seems to be the rule of the day.

    I know it's viewed still as largely a homosexual male affliction.

    Important topic. Thanks.
     
  3. hung

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    Dear Phantom, Please see my private reply to you. I appreciate what you are doing. It does apply to us all. Thanks.
     
  4. majormadness

    majormadness New Member

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    Never done it without a condom. Ever. I have had a few issues of condom's breaking (thanks to various reasons, such as them being too small or a bit old and past their date), but I always immediately replace them

    I made a pledge a long time ago that I would save bareback sex for a long commitment. Before I marry someone (be they a girl or a boy (because oh yes, it will be legal soon)), we will ensure that we are both negative. Then, in the confines of a monogamous relationship, I will loose the condom.

    If the person I have decided to spend my life with is positive, I will stay with them, but alter our sex life in a way that they will not infect me. I'm a romantic I guess, so I believe that love will eventually supercede sex in my life.

    And if I ever find myself to be positive, i suppose I'll look for a relationship built on compassion and friendship, even if sex and physical attraction are out of the question. If I find myself positive, I'll probably never have sex again, condom or no. I could never live if I infected someone else.

    That's my shpeil. Any other thoughts?
     
  5. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    I hope this isn't off-topic, but I read recently of so-called "conversion" parties, at which HIV negative gay men offer themselves to be fucked by as many HIV positive men as they can in hopes of the "erotic experience of knowing when they are infected." I was so appalled that I couldn't finish reading the article. Has anyone else heard of this mentality that seems to fly in the face of what Phantom and all other posters at this site espouse?
     
  6. Mattness

    Mattness New Member

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    I met this 23 year-old guy online in 2001 and we were messing around at his house, and he started to rub his cock on my hole and of course it felt good, but I said to him, "put a rubber on it and you can do anything you want -- I'm nervous when you do that". He was disappointed that I wouldn't let him continue, but he agreed (side note, he should join this site, since he was too thick to fuck me anyway!) :smile:

    A few days later, while traveling for work, I started to get puss dripping from my dick and had TERRIBLE pain when I urinated. I knew I had gotten something from him. Call it a coincidence, but by chance, there was a hospital across the street from my hotel and I went into the ER. They diagnosed Gonorrhea. After mega antibiotics, I was fine in a few days.

    When I called him tell him the news, he denied it was him who gave me "The Clap". He later apologized after HE started to "drip". I guess at 23, he felt like Superman.

    Anyway, 5 years later, after that ordeal scared the bajesus out of me, and I realized I was very lucky not to have contracted AIDS from him, I have never let anyone near my butt without a condom on. I consider myself very lucky.
     
  7. phantom73

    phantom73 New Member

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    Yes, there are "bug chasers" and "bug givers" out there. I have ran across this as well. Some people get excited about taking this risk simply because it is so taboo to do such a thing. Some feel that getting infected, or infecting someone else, will somehow make them closer or "bond" with their partner in some way. Others (the givers), I suspect, feel some type of power trip when infecting someone else. There is just no easy answer as to why these things take place.
    However, thanks to the media and the drug companies, people (especially the young) aren't afraid of it anymore as society has now labeled HIV as a "chronic and manageable" disease. People believe that they can just pop a pill and move on. This is NOT the case as now with resistant strains emerging constantly things are getting worse. And let's not forget the nasty medication side effects positive people must endure just to stay alive. Yet people, including physicians, keep sugar coating this disease as "chronic and manageable". I'll agree with chronic, but manageable? NO.
    I am unable to fathom some people's sexual actions regarding infection. They just aren't scared anymore....and they need to be.
     
  8. phantom73

    phantom73 New Member

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    Do keep in mind that many STD's do not require a fluid exchange and are far more infectious than HIV.
     
  9. yhtang

    Gold Member

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    There was a episode with this topic in "Queer as Folk" - I can't remember which season though. The character wanted to be "liberated" by becoming HIV+. Like you, I felt it was a really weird idea.
     
  10. hypolimnas

    hypolimnas Well-Known Member

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    How have you handled this situation if it has occured?
    In your experiences are people aware of any risks involved.
    Do you feel that partners will still engage in unprotected sex due to condom issues despite any risks?
    Is it, or is it not a concern for you?

    Yes. As a top I have broken condoms, only about 3 times, all long before I have cum. Breakages were mainly because of not enough lube in my earlier days. Btw I am negative, and when I was really active for quite a few years (in my twenties), I used to get tested every three months. I had a number of regular, and 'almost random' partners, that I was thinking about more than myself I think. The testing had to do with privilege, excellent gay doctor, availability of tests, etc., etc. plus my education and family support.

    Sometimes I will go through several condoms in a fucking session, NOT because they are broken, but because I like to take them off, and feel a guys hand or lips, and then put another new one on, and then get back to fucking.

    I love to fuck ,and hope to have many, many, more years of pleasure, but I am often amazed at guys who bottom, and don't care about condoms. If they suggest not using condoms, or start to manoevure themselves for penetration, before I have a condom on, well I try to make a point of indicating my concern. Usually I just slap them hard on their asses, and they get the point. I might look them in the eye, and say "bad puppy", and then flip them over, and take control.

    Once we are protected, I have no problems about getting down to business. I do store the fact that they were willing to be fucked without protection, and I make a point of being even more careful about any exchange of body fluids, dry kissing only etc. Yes, it does make me wonder who has planted their flag before me, and what risks there may be. But I always enjoy sex...

    What concerns me is that there are so many beautiful guys still who will bend over as soon as they see a cock that impresses them, or drop to their knees instantly, without any moment of consideration for their own well being.

    Part of it, I feel is the way the brain works. When people are 'in love' or infatuated, really horny, or a bit drunk, (that is every weekend at least), their judgement is impaired. The research I've read on this is pretty clear.

    Our brains (well, the way they work, or don't work) put our bodies, and future ability to enjoy sex at risk. Knowing this is a really important part of single persons decision making. Young guys have a culture of taking risks anyway. They are very vulnerable.

    I also know of some research which suggests that lower levels of education are related to unsafe sex practices. Education can make some people more skillfull at considering more abstract ideas/principles, and less immediate concerns in decision making. In my experience there is a little truth to this, but I wouldn't over emphasise it.

    Yes some guys will take risks, to me it has a lot to do with how they value themselves, which to some degree is based on their value in society. Homophobia should be a major target in the fight against aids.

    The whole issue is of concern to me, because I am regarded as attractive by some people, I can be very persuasive and charming, and I am used to having my own way. There are times when I know that, if I didn't insist on safe sex that the stunning men I am with, wouldn't care. I care, and I'm sure all the guys do too, when they are thinking about it, but the human brain is very fallible.

    For me, I love the guys I have sex with, even if it is for one night only! OK even a few hours! Their physical, and emotional openess and vulnerability, is something that turns me on. I feel protective towards them when I am fucking their bodies. The experience of sex should be caring, humanising and uplifting.

    Yes unprotected sex feels great, but as an active top I feel a sense of responsibility. To me it's sexier to be in charge, so what can I say? It's a great combination. Condoms, used effectively, have given me years of pleasure even though I would ideally choose to be with out them.

    There is no doubt that all my early experimention, and just the number of guys I have made love to, around the world, would have gotten me into a lot of trouble, if I wasn't smart about condoms. This is an important message: more condoms equals more years of great sex.

    Sorry about the length of all this, didn't realise my little brain had so many ideas spilling out:redface: .
     
  11. hypolimnas

    hypolimnas Well-Known Member

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    oh, and if there is anyone out there who wants encouragement about safe sex issues, then I'd be pleased to help if I can.

    Jasper
     
  12. ledroit

    ledroit New Member

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    Great thread. I am ashamed to admit this, but if a guy is willing to let me top him bareback, it is very hard for me to resist. I'm negative, and know that a guy who would do this is probably positive already. But still it happens once, twice a year. I am passionate about same sex rules 99% of the time, but every once in a while I just can't obey, and I give in. 100% compliance in safe sex is clearly the only way to go, since it only takes once, and I admire guys who can do that. I just absolutely love bareback topping, unfortunately. And am more self-indulgent than I would like to be.
     
  13. Jeffin90620

    Jeffin90620 New Member

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    As I recall, I read in the LA Weekly in the late 90s of Russian Roulette parties in West Hollywood where several men are invited, no condoms are allowed and no proposition can be refused (meaning you have to cooperate in any activity any other man invites you to do)... and the guests are told beforehand that one of the guests is HIV+.

    The "justification" behind this was to embrace the disease as part of being Gay or to prevent the marginalization of the HIV+ members of the Gay community.

    I tell you, I had such a hard time wrapping my head around this one that I have a hard time remembering the details. I was stunned at the stupidity of it.

    I have been to straight group sex parties (as recently as April) and everyone wears a condom (except the couples, with each other).
     
  14. majormadness

    majormadness New Member

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    I'm a bit unsure on how certain diseases are transmitted. For example, is AIDS just from sex, or from shooting inside? Does anyone know how you get infected with most of the major STDs? I just know that you can get them all from fucking and you can get crabs from contact.
     
  15. hypolimnas

    hypolimnas Well-Known Member

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  16. baseball99

    baseball99 New Member

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    I posted something about STDs on another thread

    AIDs is a syndrome, it may be caused by HIV.....meaning not everyone who has HIV will develop AIDs, but most will. AID's is defined as having an "AIDs defining infection" or your CD4+ Helper T Cell count is below a certain level. Basically HIV destroys your ability to fight off infection. The HIV cocktails basically just decrease viral load. The earliest HIV can be detected is around 3 weeks but you have a window up to 6 months before you seroconvert. During this window period you can still transmit HIV

    Chlamydia and Gonorrhea can cause urethritis, proctitis and epididymitis in men. It can be asymptomatic or painful and you can pass it to your partner whether or not you are symptomatic. These are treated with doxycycline, ceftriaxone or zithromax.....all antibiotics

    Syphilis is a spirochete (like lyme disease) and can go on to cause neurological problems but is easily treated with penicilin

    Herpes is from contacting a lesion on the skin, they can be hidden in the urethra. It is a virus and more than likely will recur. It is usually not fatal but can cause encephalitis if you are immunocompromised. You can also catch or give the virus even if no lesions are present due to viral shedding

    Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) is more of a concern for women and cervical cancer, however men can become infected with it as well and you can pass it on to your female partner. It is strongly linked to penile cancer, which is relatively rare. It can also cause warts

    Haemophilis Ducreyi causes a painful ulcer but is treatable with antibiotics

    There are many more but im tired of typing. Basically any area of the groin can be infectious, not just the penis so you have to play it safe
     
  17. phantom73

    phantom73 New Member

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    I always admire those who are well informed, baseball.
     
  18. Matthew

    Gold Member

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    HIV is transmitted when the blood or sexual fluids of an infected person get into someone else's bloodstream. The main way that happens is through unprotected sex (besides sharing injection needles, etc.). Since other fluids besides semen are sometimes involved in sex (pre-cum or vaginal fluid or blood or rectal mucous), someone doesn't necessarily have to "shoot inside" to transmit the virus. Hope that's helpful.
     
  19. CUBE

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    The idea of "bug chasers" is so far removed from me but I actually think SOME of these stories are fabricated. Setting that aside, I believe these guys (that might try to embrace this mindset that they are negative and want to be infected) are actually positive already and in denial.
     
  20. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Well, something that was weighing quite heavy on my mind lately.

    I was considering the whole bareback thing for a while now. I can't lie. There was something that I considered incredibly sexy, when it came to not using condoms. No hassle, feeling skin on skin, if there was no risk, I would jump at the chance. As of this point, Sex and condoms have gone hand-in-hand.

    After reading some of these comments, I have realized that sex without a condom really just isn't worth the risk that it entails.

    Gonna have to wait until I am married I guess... Oh well... Might as well keep practicing condom sex until I get to that point:rolleyes:

    But seriously, I want to say thanks. I know I am not the only guy, GAY OR STRAIGHT, who thought about barebacking...
     
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