A Sexual Orientation Question

[D_Coyne Toss]

I was wondering what, besides sexual attraction, makes you know that you are more attracted by one gender than by the other.

For example, I know I'd never manage a relationship with another male, because I already find it difficult to get along with male friends.

With other males, infact, I tend to run out of conversation subjects (many of them, without generalising, can speak only about sex, work, sport).

Relationships are often stir also because of my temper: if I feel that someone is competing with me (and competition is usually more common between same sex persons) i react in two alternative ways:

1) I ignore the other
2) I spit stinging answers ;-)

Last but not least, I feel that a girl can give me another point of view, in other words complete myself (again, I am not generalising, i just mean that i feel that MY temper -esp. the stubborn, individualistic, tough aspects- need to be milded by a female touch)

 

[fortiesfun]

For example, I know I'd never manage a relationship with another male, because I already find it difficult to get along with male friends.

With other males, infact, I tend to run out of conversation subjects (many of them, without generalising, can speak only about sex, work, sport).

Turns out that neither of those are much related to being gay. Don't have to get along with, or even talk to 'em. Just fuck 'em.

 

[Industrialsize]

Turns out that neither of those are much related to being gay. Don't have to get along with, or even talk to 'em. Just fuck 'em.

I agree.....look at a pic of a naked man..and look at a pic of a naked woman..Which one(or both) gives you a boner?

 

[rubberwilli]

I was wondering what, besides sexual attraction, makes you know that you are more attracted by one gender than by the other.

For me there was always a deep feeling of attraction. It isn't always sexual, but if I'm going to puruse a relationship that part has to be there. I have many more female friends than male friends, but most of them are all through work relationships and none of my relationships with women have a sexual component. It just never even enters my mind with women.

It's about intelligence, appreciateion for music, ability to smile and have fun. Those are the things that are bigger attractions for me. And a certain level of masculinity.

With other males, infact, I tend to run out of conversation subjects (many of them, without generalising, can speak only about sex, work, sport).

What conversations do you have with women that you don't have with men? Maybe it's a problem with those men and not men in general?

I think I could talk with either men or women about most anything if they really are people that I want to talk to and they also want to engage in the conversation. Conversations aren't always deep probing issues, it's learning how to balance between those two deep and "shallow" issues to keep conversation going along. And it' a two way street as well, both parties have to agree to the conversation.

 

[D_Garmanswait Glassnads]

I totally agree that it's impossible for two men to love one another, they can only fuck right? Casual sex is not really the point of this thread is it? Besides fortiesfun you didn't really answer.

I can totally relate to the OP, I never know what to say to guys let alone guys my own age, older men are alot easier to talk to. Girls besides there bitchiness and general anger make the best friends and partners in my opinion. I know a girl who is just super fun, I really fancy her atm.

P.S. I often get the impression that gay men are sex maniacs, what's with this???

 

[D_Coyne Toss]

I was wondering what, besides sexual attraction, makes you know that you are more attracted by one gender than by the other.

By the way, the woman does give me an hardon

 

[rubberwilli]

I totally agree that it's impossible for two men to love one another, they can only fuck right?

Don't confuse love and sex. They are two completely different issues.

 

[Industrialsize]

I totally agree that it's impossible for two men to love one another, they can only fuck right? Casual sex is not really the point of this thread is it? Besides fortiesfun you didn't really answer.

I can totally relate to the OP, I never know what to say to guys let alone guys my own age, older men are alot easier to talk to. Girls besides there bitchiness and general anger make the best friends and partners in my opinion. I know a girl who is just super fun, I really fancy her atm.

P.S. I often get the impression that gay men are sex maniacs, what's with this???

I beg to differ..but it is totally possible for 2 men to love each other deeply.....I've been with my "husband' for 25 years and we couldnt love each other more!~

 

[D_Garmanswait Glassnads]

I was being sarcastic. fortiesfun wasn't really doing anyone any favours.

 

[submit452]

For me appearance and emotionally and partly anatomy I lean mostly toward women. But, I love to suck cock and my virginity was lost to a guy and I love musclemen so that makes me Bisexual. It therefore is NOT all about what gets you off sexually. Who would you want to marry or be in love with? If you're in love the sex will follow as an afterthought. You can love women and men too. Don't be so hung up on if you're gay or straight. Just love.

 

[playainda336]

I'm not sure if he was questioning his own sexuality as much as everyone else is.

 

[D_Harry_Crax]

With other males, infact, I tend to run out of conversation subjects (many of them, without generalising, can speak only about sex, work, sport).

You need to find more/new male friends.

 

[fortiesfun]

I was being sarcastic. fortiesfun wasn't really doing anyone any favours.

I was being sarcastic, too, Track. The OP is quite serious, and I understand that, but I was giving him a gentle nudge to think about it a bit more seriously. Getting along with male friends is not what is at issue, and as many people in this thread have pointed out, if he has conversational difficulties that may have more to do with the friends than their gender. There is too much at stake in a sexual orientation discussion to treat it as if it were about who you want to hang out with for coffee.

Nothing in post, by the way, says love is impossible. I don't even say anything of the things you read into it about casual sex. You might fuck the same guy for decades. But who you fuck is what orientation is ultimately about. It just is. Love is another, much more complicated matter.

 

[Lex]

The smell of a man is very attractive to me. His brain, his heart, his spirit as well. All of this is much more important that body and cock.

...

For example, I know I'd never manage a relationship with another male, because I already find it difficult to get along with male friends....

I would be careful. This is negative thought and energy and can only bring the bad thing you dread to fruition. Go to counseling to better understand yourself and why you have trouble with other men.

...
With other males, infact, I tend to run out of conversation subjects (many of them, without generalising, can speak only about sex, work, sport).
...

There are many things to talk about. As you get to know each other, you drift away from the cliche' subjects and move towards personal and mutual interests.

...

Relationships are often stir also because of my temper: if I feel that someone is competing with me (and competition is usually more common between same sex persons) i react in two alternative ways:
...

Again. Be careful and self-examine. The need to compete is a form of insecurity. You are seeking validation via external means. I think, why would I want to compete with friends or lovers? Why do I have to feel better than them? And who wants to be around someone who lords themselves over everyone else?

 

[crescendo69]

I have gotten along well with straight and gay friends, both men and women, but am only attracted to certain men. When one of those certain men becomes a friend, it is a very special relationship, possibly resulting in love, but not necessarily. I suppose if I were bisexual, it would be difficult to determine how much I were attracted to men vs. women, i.e., 60% or 80% gay. I guess I would have to tally my fantasies over a week.

 

[fortiesfun]

Having thought about it overnight, I think I owe Track and even better explanation. Here goes:

I am fully capable of writing long tomes, as you are about to see, but most of the time shorthand is the way of the board. We know each other pretty well, and my underlying viewpoints are well enough known in general that I do not always have to make them explicit. That said, you are new enough that a real answer might be called for, and it is even more exacting that my previous (only lightly considered) reply.

I was, exactly as you sensed and were pissed off by, trying to disrupt the thread from the very start. I did, indeed, hope to short circuit the string of replies that would naturally ensue that said stuff like: I know I am straight because I have always been good at football, or because I am no good at decorating, or because I can’t even match my socks without help, or because I hate expressing my emotions.

Explicit in the OP’s question is a very dangerous cultural assumption: That gay men are not just different in their attractions, but actually different in “kind.” They are somehow a different type, so in addition to their choice of sexual objects there are other attendant differences that they will display outside of their sex lives. (Peace to Proud Italian. He is fine guy with whom I have no quarrel. Always liked him, but I do notice that he so strongly identifies with the str8 orientation that he is not always aware of when he is repeating stereotypes about gays.)

Implicit in his examples is the most virulent form of that assumption: That the way gay men are different is that they are actually “inverts.” That is, they have male genitalia but their outlook and instincts are female. I am a strong opponent of those who think being gay is a “choice,” but I am not sure the usual excuse these days, that they have a biological “birth defect” which made them develop as female in all ways except that they have dicks, is any better, and though it has won public sympathy, or pity rather, for gay tolerance it is scientifically unsound and potentially damaging to gay rights.

There was a lot of unspoken cultural baggage packed into the OP’s first message, and an equal amount of submerged opposition in my terse first reply, but I think I actually did do some people a favor by not just answering the question and endorsing the unexpressed and unexamined view that gay men are basically women in men’s bodies. I was completely serious in my assertion that your orientation has nothing to do with whom you want to converse, or compete, or offer you a different viewpoint. It has to do with your sexual desires and those do not correlate to anything else. I know gay men who are masculine, who are athletic, who are not artistic, who are extroverted, who are friendly with women, who are competitive, who are bad at home decoration and don’t manage to keep their homes or their clothes all that clean. Stereotypes have nothing to do with one’s deep orientation.

Sorry that this time I irritated you, but having been at this a lot longer than you, I hope you forgive me for thinking that sometimes I just don’t have the energy to fight the whole battle all over again when a smart-ass comment might just head the whole thing off. Such long replies rarely stir up a real exchange, but usually just kill the thread dead, as I predict is about to happen to this one.

As for love and monogamy, if that is what you want, I hope you find it. I think that is neither a gay nor straight issue myself, but I would not for a second wish for you anything less than that you find your happiness.

 

[D_Garmanswait Glassnads]

As much as I think that went way over my head I appreciate the explanation. I often misinterpret others but isn't the purpose of the forum for making threads and then people replying? I know in alot of cases they could just look up old threads instead of making new ones and as a noob I havn't experienced this kind of tedious repetition.

I'm not sure you irritated me I was probably just participating because I have nothing better to do. I have a very open mind, an innocent perception and quite a mature way of expressing myself, I analyze everything enough to perfectly understand that every scenario and every emotional feeling is original. No one's experience of love or sex can be boxed up and labelled, everything is effectively unique. Nontheless as humans we pursue labells and they often help in understanding ourselfs and allowing others to quickly generalise our personalities, Imagine how slow society would move when every mind is pefectly portrayed to another.

I think I'm ranting on now so I'm not quite sure I've given you the reply you wanted. I know your a cool guy, I havn't been told otherwise.

 

[fortiesfun]

Isn't the purpose of the forum for making threads and then people replying?

Yes, and that is what happened. But one does not always have to accept the premise of the thread to have contributed to it by answering differently than the OP intended. That was my point.

Nontheless as humans we pursue labels and they often help in understanding ourselfs and allowing others to quickly generalise our personalities.

I don't share the general opposition to labeling, but I think one has to be very, very careful about stereotyping. That is different.

I think I'm ranting on now so I'm not quite sure I've given you the reply you wanted. I know your a cool guy, I havn't been told otherwise.

You, of course, are not responsible for giving me the reply I want. (I want to hear that I am right and have completely changed your mind, but the world doesn't always work that way.) Glad to get to know you, however, and look forward to more exchanges.

 

[jeff black]

I don't know if anyone hit on this but what about the idea of how the person makes you feel?

Before the actual "sexual" part of a relationship takes place, I always feel drawn to a personality. For me, you can tell who you are attracted to by how they make you feel as a person. For example, you may be "straight as a board" and then meet a guy who makes you feel like an amazing person. There could be zero chemistry to start, but then you find something about them that you are crazy about.

Blah blah blah, ramble ramble ramble... My point is, I know which side I am attracted to because of how they make me feel as a man/person. You actually feel better about yourself when you are with them.

 

[D_Garmanswait Glassnads]

I feel drawn to a personality more then anything but i've never been made to feel good by another person, I'm incompatible.