A small rant/vent/get it off my chest

[13788]

suaige: OK I'm going to be a bit open here cause no body knows me anyway and if you've read enough of my responses you'll have pieces of this anyway.

Let me start by saying I found this site yesterday and was on it for 12 hours. It was so nice to be able to finally find people saying they felt the same way.

I have been horny for as long as I can remember, but my first orgasm was when my older brother beat me off. Oh orgasm was a whole new world. This went on for about 2 years and lead to being molested by another relative. Four years of sexual contact with men gave me a lot of sexual & homosexual issues. After 5 years of counseling I'm doing quite well on all accounts now but this has lead to a whole new situation which makes this site great.

Why do I mention this - becuase I can say the guy who molested me would definatley not use this site. He's about 3" hard -- Man- I can't even pull that off pool shrinkage. After all his attention I really had a size crisis complex.

I spent years obsessing over size and trying to compare, looking up charts . Oddly enough it was recently that I found it is limp where I reallly shine and I never really thought of that kind of ironic.

I thought this began to explain things
Like
1) Breifs really arent that great - started falling out of them and down my leg ( I'm really skinny) in te 8th grade and that sweaty balls stuck to my leg are really annoying, It was really hard to fix this at the urinal.
2) Having to adjust a lot is actually pretty common :wacko: when things grow and shrink 4 inches.
3) That whole bulge thing, and its accompanying annoyance
4) Bathing suits just show too much if you are wanting to be modest.

and confirmed that others felt the same way.

5) having that banana in your pocket get so long it pushes the pocket inside out in the 8th grade is really embarrasing & hard to hide especially with the vigor of youth.
6) Others people really do use or at least try using jocks for supportive underwear. Man did I feel weird when I started looking for these.
7) Theres frustration with size and sex. Not getting in all the way, pain, not being able to bang away like I oh so enjoy, etc.
8) Questions over whether I can ever be deep throated.
9) That other guys even bigger than me still look at others mens' size -_- .
10) Hiding a public woody is annoying and makes ones self conscious.
11) That having a foot long cock isn't necessarily all its joked up to be. ( 8 inch either)
12) Being hung seems to be taboo subject. once you accept it you can&#39;t really comment about it. Its too conceited, pretentious or in my case guys start making offers. <_<
13) And although now I truly understand having a big dick doesn&#39;t make me any better or worse, and I can choose how to deal with them it still does come with its own set of challenges that affect my life.

Why such a relief? B) B)
Well I am from a pretty conservative (though I can&#39;t say always moral) family. Once I overcame my fears and issues I was finally able to talk about things. I am divorced am living up to my beliefs in no extra-marital sex. But living with all virgins ( witch I support since none have been married) They can not really relate to what I have to say. And most that I have ventured the subject with are smaller and so don&#39;t relate to what I&#39;m saying.

My big concern, when I get married again, I will have the same sexual problems as in my last marriage. :mellow: Can&#39;t get in all the way, pain etc. Since I will not have sex till my wedding night. That remains to be seen. But, even if so it is nice to know there are others out there with the same concerns some how seems to help.

Also Max&#39;s comments are great. Married 26 years and faithful to his wife, even though he&#39;s had challenges. More power to you man. you give me hope.

For some time now I have been feeling there must be others out there. Glad to find this group. Its such a relief. And truly come as a support.

 

[13788]

Violetkitty: I"m sorry to read all that about your past

Welcome to the board, Im pretty new here too

 

[Pecker]

Originally posted by suaige@Aug 4 2004, 08:03 PM
5) having that banana in your pocket get so long it pushes the pocket inside out in the 8th grade is really embarrasing & hard to hide especially with the vigor of youth.

I&#39;m sure glad to know that I&#39;m not the only guy who was grateful for the ability of pockets to turn inside out&#33;

Welcome to LPSG, suaige. Be sure to find that topic that gives you the opportunity to tell us how you got that username.

As for your concerns about remarrying - don&#39;t worry. You&#39;ll not likely marry a virgin this time. Her experience coupled (oops&#33 with yours will go a long way towards compatability and successful sex.

Keep that positive attitude and remember - you aren&#39;t the sum of the parts of your past - you are as you think.

Think success.

 

[13788]

suaige: hey pecker reply 121 - page 9. witha couple of stories you might enjoy. thanks for the encouragement.

 

[Ineligible]

That&#39;s a great post, suaige. Was this in the context of a Chinese culture? I can imagine the difficulty of trying to conform to the norms of a culture that requires respect for older relatives and a high degree of public modesty with all that was happening to you.

 

[13788]

suaige: fortunately no I was in the states then. I don&#39;t know that would have changed my dad&#39;s resonse much. By the way, if your children are ever molested never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever side with the molestor.

 

[13788]

suaige: another thought. I had a friend who lived in Japan who stated things pretty good once. The [east] asians are pretty modest, but when they get kinky they really know how to get kinky. It of course varies from place to place, but yeah that would make it harder to get good help I&#39;m sure. Don&#39;t really know.

 

[malito]

Welcome to the board big guy. And welcome to the world of the AMAC (adult molested as a child). Actually it is quite normal for parents to minimize or belittle your pain. And that they side with the molestor is quite normal also. After all it is usually their brother or sister who does the deed.
I know your pain in that area oh so well. I can identify with your pain and your confusion.
To this day I question my maleness due to my molestation and the resulting emotional scar.
Welcome to the group. I pray that some here and maybe even me can be of help and support to you.
That is why this group is here.

 

[benderten2001]

suaige, this forum provides each of us opportunities to satisfy different needs.
(We arrive here at different "seasons" of our lives)

Thank you for candidly sharing your background with us&#33; Each LPSG member here could offer his / her own unique "story" and our collective contributions here have made this a very meaningful, most purposeful community.

I&#39;m hoping that you will, as many of us have now, realize you have many of the same issues, questions, and other "needs" which we all ponder together; come up with answers (when we can), and otherwise "support" each other. That&#39;s what we TRY to do here

I&#39;m so glad you found us&#33;

 

[13788]

joe22xxx: Thanks for your honest post. Have to admit though that parts of it made me sad. My brother & I had a sexual relatrionship when we were younger,but I never considered it abuse. I could see how some others might consider it in that way,but for me it was a very enjoyable,pleasurable and warm experience.

Happy to hear that you are working things out.

Welcome to the board.

 

[josh82823]

Suaige - as others have said, keep up the positive attitude. I re-read your post a couple of times, and can feel your pain. Went through some bad shit when I was a kid, so know what you are feeling. Stick around the board, you will be amazed at how much you will learn from some really decent people. Max, Pecker, Benderton and so many others have offered advise and wisdom from life&#39;s experiences, which have been awesome to me. Even though I&#39;ve been around the different boards for a long time, haven&#39;t posted much (just my nature I guess) but to all those that offer sound, reasonable advise - thank you.

 

[13788]

HornyVeteranSJ: Suaige, thank you for sharing your experiences with us. It takes a lot of courage to post what you&#39;ve written. I was sexually abused by my brother that is 9 years my senior. I didn&#39;t get the chance to deal with that issue until I was in the Air Force. I understand fully what you have went through, and I have a lot of respect for you. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.

 

[jonb]

Well, if it makes you feel any better, he was clearly fucked up in the head. Basically a pedophile has a child&#39;s mind with adult hormones; in a sense, they wish they were still children.

As for "homosexual issues", being molested doesn&#39;t make you gay/bi any more than being a rape victim makes a woman more likely to pursue sex with anonymous men.

And yes, it&#39;s normal for parents to side with the perpetrator; typically it&#39;s a family member, and most people would rather have such a case be kept in the closet. (I on the other hand feel that anyone who has sex with a child should be fed to red fire ants. But then again, there have never been any child molesters in my family.)

 

[13788]

suaige: No you are right, but if you do not understand the source of the feelings that can be created by being sexually active with another man, in a damaging but comforting situation it can be really confusing.

 

[jonb]

Well, the best answer I can think of is, males have had sex with other males throughout history. Only in the last century has it been a matter of choosing men xor women. (Everyone picks on bisexuals, eh?) Most often, it&#39;s structured around age or gender* (but never both at the same time), but sometimes it&#39;s just adolescent playing.

*Gender is not the same thing as sex. Gender refers to whether one considers oneself male, female, or "other". Psychologists today recognize sex, gender, and sexual orientation as the three major elements of sexuality.

 

[13788]

suaige: historical repitition does not determine the in/correctness or the good/badness of something. There are varying degrees to which all relations including sexual are healthy or harmful. I guess I would say if it has been healthful all the better, if it wasn&#39;t the best you I guess the best you can do is get help to deal with it and learn to understand and how to make it as much as a benefit to your future as you can. Looking back now, I can see a lot of things I have learned in dealing with it, and can use those to make me a better person and then help those around me. I hope in some way to pay the blessing forward. I&#39;v already had the chance to do this occasionally. It is great to be able to do so.

 

[jonb]

Well, being gay doesn&#39;t necessarily hurt anything. I mean, ultimately, any form of same-sex activity which does cause problems, causes even more problems in its opposite-sex form simply because of the possibility of children. I mean, what this man did to you was obviously dangerous to your psyche simply because you were too young to understand what was happening.

 

[grnman]

Suiage,

I guess many of us here can relate to at least some part of your rant. For myself, I hated being large when I was a teenager, and can completely relate to the problems at that time; gym class, being called a freak, trouble hiding erection, etc. And, of course, sex was a problem not knowing how to do it given my size. Most teenagers don&#39;t know what they are doing anyway, so they tend to just "shove it in." This is bad enough when average in size let alone being much larger.

Anyway, I am glad this site has been helpful to you. I find some of the discussions and information good and useful. Perhaps, some folks may think this site is ridiculous, but us hung guys have our issues too, and not too forget the good comments from the ladies as well.

Good post,

Jack

 

[13788]

suaige: Hmmm, ya.
I had never really thought of same sex vs mixed sex molestation as being worse, but perhaps it is. It is common for those involved to think they are gay & be comfused. Perhaps another element of frustration perhaps just a different one???

You know the hard part of it all at the time was that I sort of did understand. Maybe others had the same experience. I knew pretty quick that I was being molested, I don&#39;t remember where I learned specifically about it, in school I think and I knew that was what was going on. What I didn&#39;t understand was the consequences. I was certain that if my dad found out what was going on it would be the "straw" that pushed him over the edge so to speak and he would kill himself. Thats a whole nother story, but that was a risk too great to take. I thought if I let it happen I would be the only one to get hurt.

Could I have been more wrong? It lead to oh 16 years of confusion, frustration and moral issues. Emotional issues that helped bring about my divorce. My daughter having to live in a split family. And the pain and frustration that accompanies divorce for those immediately involved and their families and relatives.

So is life. Sometimes you do what you THINK IS WISE at the time and find out you were so wrong. OH well. I guess the best that I can say for anybody who is reading this is if you have been molested and haven&#39;t been able to resolve it, NOT JUST COPE BUT TRULY RESOLVE do what ever you can to get that chance. It is a wonderful improvement in life and keeps it from destroying you future as well as your past.