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After diner, Dylan laid down on bed leaning with his back against the wall. He was quickly followed by Samuel who put his head on Dylan's stomach. It pressed lightly on his abdominals while they talked about arbitrary topics. Dylan enjoyed being in his presence. The atmosphere became slower and more intimate as a result of the empty bottle of wine.
Dylan began to play with his curly hair while his thoughts drifted off towards two days earlier. He began to feel light in his stomach when he recalled making out with the girl in the club. Even though he could not remember her face, he clearly did not forget Theo mentioning it lasting more than two minutes. He felt guilty. That he knew for sure. Yet he did not know how to bring it up. He knew Samuel would not accept it and he wished he had never done it in the first place.
"What's the matter, Dyl?", Samuel's soft voice suddenly said. Dylan woke up from his thoughts and only mumbled: "Mmm?". "You've stopped curling my hair", Samuel explained in a curious tone, "And you're breathing fast again".
Dylan quickly focused on his breathing and continued to play with Samuel's hair. His finger spiraled along with the dark, curly locks while he thought about what to say. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth before closing it again. What if he got kicked out? Samuel would have every right to do so.
Dylan felt his heart beating in his chest. He pressed his lips together. He needed to say something. What would Michael say? Michael would have probably manned up and taken matters into is own hands. He cleared his throat again but nothing came out. He steadily continued to play with Samuel's hair to not arouse any suspicion and it seemed to work.
"Shall we go to bed?", Samuel asked after another minute. "What time is it?", Dylan's voice cracked. He coughed. "Around eleven. We need to get up soon, no?", Samuel replied. He tried to lift himself up but Dylan's arm remained around Samuel's chest. Samuel laid down again and titled his smiling face towards Dylan. "Am I stuck?", he joked. Dylan smiled artificially and looked elsewhere. "I eh..", he began, "I don't know".
He had repeated many sentences in his head yet none of them seemed to do justice to the situation. Samuel turned his body around and observed Dylan with care. "What's the matter, Dyl?", he asked genuinely. "It's nothing. No worries", Dylan replied quickly. Samuel held silence, presumably to give Dylan some time to think, yet it only made him more nervous. "I was out last time. With Theo", he began slowly, "I don't know.. I was quite drunk. I wasn't really thinking about it". "About what?", Samuel asked carefully.
Dylan could see how Samuel paid attention to every little detail in his facial expression, so Dylan strived for being impassive. "You know.. Stuff just happens in a club. You weren't there", he said and realised it could not have been a worse explanation. Samuel waited patiently until he had found the words to continue. "I eh.. There was this girl. We made out", Dylan finally confessed, "But she was a nobody. I don't know her name. Nothing else happened".
As a response, Samuel closed his eyes and remained silent. He sighed deeply before opening them again. His bright smile had been replaced by thin, serious lips yet he did not appear to be angry.
"Why did you want to kiss her?", Samuel finally asked. Dylan scoffed: "I didn't. Theo pushed me. I wasn't really thinking about it". "Did you stop it?" "Yes", Dylan began, "Eventually". Samuel's silence affected him more than any words could have.
Dylan waited for Samuel to speak up but eventually got impatient and asked brusque: "So, what do you think?". "Me? What am I supposed to say now, Dyl? I'm sure you didn't mean to act like it, but it did happen. This is not what we had agreed upon last time." "You'd forced me to agree though", Dylan defended. He felt frustrated and wanted it to be known. Samuel turned around and locked eyes with Dylan. "Is that how you feel about it?" "Yea. I didn't want to be exclusive. I value my freedom, alright. You made me agree with it without any reason." "Dylan, I told you I only want to do this when I can trust the other person to not sleep around with anyone. I know you would..." "I didn't sleep with her", Dylan cut him off in a raised voice, "Besides, why would it be a problem? It's just a girl, innit. Why would you care".
Samuel sighed and clearly had trouble articulating what he thought. "Dylan", he stated slowly, "I know you're afraid to commit but that's the key part of dating: to commit to one person and one person only. It doesn't mean it immediately has to last forever, but it shows that you're serious about it". "I just don't want to be chained, alright. Can't we just do like open dating?"
Samuel remained patient even though Dylan could see him getting more irritated. "Dylan, I.. Would you like it if I made out with someone?" "I'd be fine with it." "Honestly?" "Promise", Dylan lied.
Samuel looked him in his eyes and then looked elsewhere. "Alright.. Say we would do 'open dating', or whatever you'd call it. Would you become jealous if I sleep with some other guy?" Dylan hesitated and recalled the perspective of Theo's girlfriend. "Yea, probably. But that's different." "Why? Because it's the other way around?", Samuel asked sharply. "No. But it's.. That's with a guy. That's just weird, innit." "How so?", Samuel asked to force Dylan to formulate a better response. "I don't know", Dylan had to admit, "It's just.. I don't want to see you with a guy, you know what I mean?". "Do you think I'd like to see you with someone else?" "No, but it's.. I don't know." Dylan could not find the words he was looking for and began to doubt whether these existed in the first place.
Samuel rested on his arm and thought about the conversation. He waited patiently until his thoughts had became coherent and concluded: "Dylan, I said it last time as well but if you think it's too soon to be exclusive, you should say so. I don't want to force anything on you and I'm completely fine with taking things slowly. I only want to be able to trust you, so I know that you're taking it seriously as well. For me, that means being exclusive is necessary, but if you've got other suggestions, we can of course talk about it".
Now it was apparently Dylan's turn to think about what Samuel meant. He had trouble with understanding why it was necessary. He could just emotionally be committed rather than physically. It was only when he recalled the broken situation between Theo and Kate that something dawned on him. "Yea, I guess", he began, "It's just difficult, innit". He noticed he was clearly not as articulated as Samuel but he hoped it would be enough. Luckily, Samuel smiled empathically. "I know, Dylan. I'm happy you mentioned it to me. We will figure something out. I will try to give you as much space and time as you need." "Thanks", Dylan said genuinely. Samuel kissed him on his cheeks and smiled. "But only if you quit being such a flirt with everyone", Samuel joked. Dylan smiled carefully. "Sorry, mate. I'll give it a try." Samuel raised his eyebrows and Dylan understood what he was after. "I meant.. I'll stop, alright?"
Dylan began to play with his curly hair while his thoughts drifted off towards two days earlier. He began to feel light in his stomach when he recalled making out with the girl in the club. Even though he could not remember her face, he clearly did not forget Theo mentioning it lasting more than two minutes. He felt guilty. That he knew for sure. Yet he did not know how to bring it up. He knew Samuel would not accept it and he wished he had never done it in the first place.
"What's the matter, Dyl?", Samuel's soft voice suddenly said. Dylan woke up from his thoughts and only mumbled: "Mmm?". "You've stopped curling my hair", Samuel explained in a curious tone, "And you're breathing fast again".
Dylan quickly focused on his breathing and continued to play with Samuel's hair. His finger spiraled along with the dark, curly locks while he thought about what to say. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth before closing it again. What if he got kicked out? Samuel would have every right to do so.
Dylan felt his heart beating in his chest. He pressed his lips together. He needed to say something. What would Michael say? Michael would have probably manned up and taken matters into is own hands. He cleared his throat again but nothing came out. He steadily continued to play with Samuel's hair to not arouse any suspicion and it seemed to work.
"Shall we go to bed?", Samuel asked after another minute. "What time is it?", Dylan's voice cracked. He coughed. "Around eleven. We need to get up soon, no?", Samuel replied. He tried to lift himself up but Dylan's arm remained around Samuel's chest. Samuel laid down again and titled his smiling face towards Dylan. "Am I stuck?", he joked. Dylan smiled artificially and looked elsewhere. "I eh..", he began, "I don't know".
He had repeated many sentences in his head yet none of them seemed to do justice to the situation. Samuel turned his body around and observed Dylan with care. "What's the matter, Dyl?", he asked genuinely. "It's nothing. No worries", Dylan replied quickly. Samuel held silence, presumably to give Dylan some time to think, yet it only made him more nervous. "I was out last time. With Theo", he began slowly, "I don't know.. I was quite drunk. I wasn't really thinking about it". "About what?", Samuel asked carefully.
Dylan could see how Samuel paid attention to every little detail in his facial expression, so Dylan strived for being impassive. "You know.. Stuff just happens in a club. You weren't there", he said and realised it could not have been a worse explanation. Samuel waited patiently until he had found the words to continue. "I eh.. There was this girl. We made out", Dylan finally confessed, "But she was a nobody. I don't know her name. Nothing else happened".
As a response, Samuel closed his eyes and remained silent. He sighed deeply before opening them again. His bright smile had been replaced by thin, serious lips yet he did not appear to be angry.
"Why did you want to kiss her?", Samuel finally asked. Dylan scoffed: "I didn't. Theo pushed me. I wasn't really thinking about it". "Did you stop it?" "Yes", Dylan began, "Eventually". Samuel's silence affected him more than any words could have.
Dylan waited for Samuel to speak up but eventually got impatient and asked brusque: "So, what do you think?". "Me? What am I supposed to say now, Dyl? I'm sure you didn't mean to act like it, but it did happen. This is not what we had agreed upon last time." "You'd forced me to agree though", Dylan defended. He felt frustrated and wanted it to be known. Samuel turned around and locked eyes with Dylan. "Is that how you feel about it?" "Yea. I didn't want to be exclusive. I value my freedom, alright. You made me agree with it without any reason." "Dylan, I told you I only want to do this when I can trust the other person to not sleep around with anyone. I know you would..." "I didn't sleep with her", Dylan cut him off in a raised voice, "Besides, why would it be a problem? It's just a girl, innit. Why would you care".
Samuel sighed and clearly had trouble articulating what he thought. "Dylan", he stated slowly, "I know you're afraid to commit but that's the key part of dating: to commit to one person and one person only. It doesn't mean it immediately has to last forever, but it shows that you're serious about it". "I just don't want to be chained, alright. Can't we just do like open dating?"
Samuel remained patient even though Dylan could see him getting more irritated. "Dylan, I.. Would you like it if I made out with someone?" "I'd be fine with it." "Honestly?" "Promise", Dylan lied.
Samuel looked him in his eyes and then looked elsewhere. "Alright.. Say we would do 'open dating', or whatever you'd call it. Would you become jealous if I sleep with some other guy?" Dylan hesitated and recalled the perspective of Theo's girlfriend. "Yea, probably. But that's different." "Why? Because it's the other way around?", Samuel asked sharply. "No. But it's.. That's with a guy. That's just weird, innit." "How so?", Samuel asked to force Dylan to formulate a better response. "I don't know", Dylan had to admit, "It's just.. I don't want to see you with a guy, you know what I mean?". "Do you think I'd like to see you with someone else?" "No, but it's.. I don't know." Dylan could not find the words he was looking for and began to doubt whether these existed in the first place.
Samuel rested on his arm and thought about the conversation. He waited patiently until his thoughts had became coherent and concluded: "Dylan, I said it last time as well but if you think it's too soon to be exclusive, you should say so. I don't want to force anything on you and I'm completely fine with taking things slowly. I only want to be able to trust you, so I know that you're taking it seriously as well. For me, that means being exclusive is necessary, but if you've got other suggestions, we can of course talk about it".
Now it was apparently Dylan's turn to think about what Samuel meant. He had trouble with understanding why it was necessary. He could just emotionally be committed rather than physically. It was only when he recalled the broken situation between Theo and Kate that something dawned on him. "Yea, I guess", he began, "It's just difficult, innit". He noticed he was clearly not as articulated as Samuel but he hoped it would be enough. Luckily, Samuel smiled empathically. "I know, Dylan. I'm happy you mentioned it to me. We will figure something out. I will try to give you as much space and time as you need." "Thanks", Dylan said genuinely. Samuel kissed him on his cheeks and smiled. "But only if you quit being such a flirt with everyone", Samuel joked. Dylan smiled carefully. "Sorry, mate. I'll give it a try." Samuel raised his eyebrows and Dylan understood what he was after. "I meant.. I'll stop, alright?"