A Story About Four Straight Friends

[CorCordium123]

I think all the differences of opinion for Dylan might be because of his trauma. Those of us who experienced trauma as kids give a lot of grace for people who have a hard time figuring things out.
I have always preferred serial dating to hooking up so I see nothing harsh about Samuel’s condition. Honest but not harsh.
Dylan is a mess. He manages his emotions with sex and alcohol and liberally drowns any conflict in both. Whatever his trauma was we will see that that’s why he has a hard time making real decisions and figuring his life out

 

[DreamLoveAngels]

Anyone else didn't recieve the email for the updates???

Also, Dylan is a manipulative, gaslighting little bitch for what he said to Samuel, Monica and Corey.

Samuel isn't wrong for setting a boundary and being mad, even if the "relationship" is too new, (which the same applies to Monica who had the same reaction to Samuel, but it's SOOO nice to see how someone actually ignores that about the girl but not the bi guy, but can't expect much when their comments gives off both racist and homo(bi)phobic vibes.... -_-) if Dylan didn't want to respect said boundary he should have walked away the moment Samuel set it, but he still stayed only to break said boundary ( which btw, if i remember correctly, he gaslit Samuel into accepting, and yes, to be fair, Samuel could have walked away from Dylan too when he expressed he wanted to be "free", but i guess we have to accept Dylan not breaking it off with Samuel cause he was "excited" about this new person he met, but we can't do the same for Samuel... -_- -_- -_-).

I don't know what the deal with Michael is, but to me Dylan is most likely Bi, which explains the moments in which he looks at Michael with a more "gay eye" but still exited when messaging with Monica, and Michael seems just like a straight rich full of himself guy who likes to have power and control over others, so all he does i see it as a powertrip to feed his own ego, with JUST a speckle of "care" for his "friend".

And Dylan obviously has much more issues than just having internalized homo(bi)phobia and anger issues, that won't be solved unless HE HIMSELF will actually try to look for help to deal with them.

 

[DreamLoveAngels]

Anyone else didn't recieve the email for the updates???

Also, Dylan is a manipulative, gaslighting little bitch for what he said to Samuel, Monica and Corey.

Samuel isn't wrong for setting a boundary and being mad, even if the "relationship" is too new, (which the same applies to Monica who had the same reaction to Samuel, but it's SOOO nice to see how someone actually ignores that about the girl but not the bi guy, but can't expect much when their comments gives off both racist and homo(bi)phobic vibes.... -_-) if Dylan didn't want to respect said boundary he should have walked away the moment Samuel set it, but he still stayed only to break said boundary ( which btw, if i remember correctly, he gaslit Samuel into accepting, and yes, to be fair, Samuel could have walked away from Dylan too when he expressed he wanted to be "free", but i guess we have to accept Dylan not breaking it off with Samuel cause he was "excited" about this new person he met, but we can't do the same for Samuel... -_- -_- -_-).

I don't know what the deal with Michael is, but to me Dylan is most likely Bi, which explains the moments in which he looks at Michael with a more "gay eye" but still exited when messaging with Monica, and Michael seems just like a straight rich full of himself guy who likes to have power and control over others, so all he does i see it as a powertrip to feed his own ego, with JUST a speckle of "care" for his "friend".

And Dylan obviously has much more issues than just having internalized homo(bi)phobia and anger issues, that won't be solved unless HE HIMSELF will actually try to look for help to deal with them.

Okay, i went back to find what happened, and i'll stand corrected, Dylan didn't gaslight Samuel into accepting "starting a relationship" but from what i read, Dylan accepted Samuel's condition with his usual carelessness about serious situations, even though Samuel told him he didn't have to.

Let me leave this here so y'all ain't have to work as hard as i did:

SAMEUL: "Dylan, I know this is all new to you. But I cannot do this while knowing you're seeing other persons as well. As I said before, if I'm dating someone, he's the only person I'm paying my full attention to. And I kind of expect that the other way around as well."

DYLAN : "Yea, I guess", he said.

SAMUEL: "If you think it's too soon to be exclusive, you should also say so. I don't want to force it on you right now."

DYLAN: "I just value my freedom, you know what I mean."

SAMUEL: "I know. Sorry, Dyl, but dating kind of means you have to sacrifice some of that freedom."

DYLAN: "Can't we just see where it goes."

SAMUEL: "Sorry, that goes against my principles."

DYLAN was silent for a while and then concluded: "Alright, sure. I'll give it a try".

SAMUEL smiled relieved: "Thank you, Dylan. That means a lot to me."

Samuel leaned in and kissed him on his cheek.

 

[CorCordium123]

Okay, i went back to find what happened, and i'll stand corrected, Dylan didn't gaslight Samuel into accepting "starting a relationship" but from what i read, Dylan accepted Samuel's condition with his usual carelessness about serious situations, even though Samuel told him he didn't have to.

Let me leave this here so y'all ain't have to work as hard as i did:

SAMEUL: "Dylan, I know this is all new to you. But I cannot do this while knowing you're seeing other persons as well. As I said before, if I'm dating someone, he's the only person I'm paying my full attention to. And I kind of expect that the other way around as well."

DYLAN : "Yea, I guess", he said.

SAMUEL: "If you think it's too soon to be exclusive, you should also say so. I don't want to force it on you right now."

DYLAN: "I just value my freedom, you know what I mean."

SAMUEL: "I know. Sorry, Dyl, but dating kind of means you have to sacrifice some of that freedom."

DYLAN: "Can't we just see where it goes."

SAMUEL: "Sorry, that goes against my principles."

DYLAN was silent for a while and then concluded: "Alright, sure. I'll give it a try".

SAMUEL smiled relieved: "Thank you, Dylan. That means a lot to me."

Samuel leaned in and kissed him on his cheek.

I’m glad you retracted that part. I was legit like Samuel cannot approach setting boundaries and being patient with a new bi/gay person. It’s just so fair and clear. I think my problem is I am attracted to men like Dylan in terms of how I imagine he looks AND in terms of broken men that need some TLC to get started healing.

 

[DreamLoveAngels]

I’m glad you retracted that part. I was legit like Samuel cannot approach setting boundaries and being patient with a new bi/gay person. It’s just so fair and clear. I think my problem is I am attracted to men like Dylan in terms of how I imagine he looks AND in terms of broken men that need some TLC to get started healing.

Girl, please, you better be a psychologist, cause helping someone who isn't looking to be helped themselves is EXHAUSTING. I'll pray for you.

As for Samuel and the situation, of course it's not easy being patient with a person trying to accept their sexuality, however in this case Dylan is failing at basic human decency, and i don't feel comfortable using his newfound sexuality to excuse his behaviour, even if that's not the only motivation for what he does, and solely focusing on Samuel and his reactions to what Dylan does.

 

[vamansam]

One knows when a boundary is met with please or with displeasure. Dylan didn't want this but the alternative was not being with someone he was excited to meet. In my opinion, an unreasonable boundary to have so early on, but whatever, I do think they are incredibly incompatible in what each wants from a relationship.

And Samuel being clingy has been so far all Sam has been since he started this with Dylan. It's like the manly secure bi guy he use to be is gone and only a clingy overdramatic gay guy remains. Samuel has his use in the story but I really am not excited for more guilt trips to come considering Dylan wants to sleep with more people.

It seems like you don’t understand how boundaries work. Sam made it very clear that he is only interested in sex with someone with whom he is monogamously involved. It is irrelevant whether it’s early or late in the relationship. Sam, like every other person, gets to decide who he wants to have sex with and under what circumstances.

Once Sam communicated his choice to dylan he had the chance to either take it or leave it. Both would have been reasonable options. What is not okay is to say “I want to fuck you so I will agree to your conditions but then go ahead and flout them because they are inconvenient to me.”

If you think Sam expressing clear preferences and setting clear boundaries prior to consenting to sex in a way that makes him comfortable with physical intimacy is “unreasonable” and “clingy”, ngl, that’s a pretty warped way to approach basic consent.

 

[vamansam]

Really hoping for a Michael/Dylan scene soon! Want to see Dylan get railed by that long hard cock enough to make him forget everything else

 

[Raphael2000]

Also, Dylan is a manipulative, gaslighting little bitch for what he said to Samuel, Monica and Corey.

What do you mean? He was quite clear right to Monica and Samuel?? He has ended things with Monica and said to Samuel what he meant.. Corey I would agree with, I don't know what's up between them tbh.

 

[RubberDuck98]

Im not surprised at all if dylan gonna pull some bullshit where he gets into the hospital at this rate. Might even be self afflicted.

I've been thinking about this as well. Especially after reading last chapter. For a moment I thought he'd actually wanted to 'disappear', the way he walked on the beach and such.. Terrible. He's always pushing his own boundaries. Doing extremely exhausting sports. Searching for alcohol and cigarettes all the time. Any distraction. He'd prefer any distraction over actually reflecting on his past. There's only been one or two times in which he's in contact with himself. I truly wonder what has happened to him.

 

[DreamLoveAngels]

What do you mean? He was quite clear right to Monica and Samuel?? He has ended things with Monica and said to Samuel what he meant.. Corey I would agree with, I don't know what's up between them tbh.

Did you not see how he gaslit her into believing she was crazy for asking him if there is someone else knowing very well there is, and flipped the blame of the break up onto her??

Remember this is what he says to Monica

"Mon, it doesn't matter. There's nobody. You're making things up."

"Yea. You should calm down. You're hallicunating. You just want there to be someone else so you're not at fault. I don't fancy you. There's nothing more to say."

and this is how he tries to gaslight Samuel, but he doesn't fall for it.

"Did you leave?" "I wanted to but my ankle got sprained." "Did you sleep in Monica's bed?" "No, in Camilla's. She was upstairs." "Alone?" "She was with Theo."

Samuel looked at him, his expression cut through Dylan's words. "I mean you. Did you sleep alone?", he asked sharply. "Yea, I did", Dylan quickly defended himself. "So you didn't sleep with Monica?" "Well, she was there. But just as friends, you know. I was tired and I slept the whole night through." "And nothing happened?" Dylan was silent for too long when he recalled the morning. "I.. Not really, no. We didn't have sex." He did not dare to lie so refrained from the truth. "Not really?", Samuel asked immediately. Dylan remained quiet. His mind was racing for a way out but he could not come up with anything. Samuel awaited in silence and thereby forced Dylan to formulate a next response. He struggled to find any words, let alone the right ones. "I.. We didn't have sex", he only repeated. "But she blew you?", Samuel asked unexpectedly. Dylan had never seen him this direct before. "Yea", he admitted.

 

[Raphael2000]

Did you not see how he gaslit her into believing she was crazy for asking him if there is someone else knowing very well there is, and flipped the blame of the break up onto her??

Remember this is what he says to Monica


and this is how he tries to gaslight Samuel, but he doesn't fall for it.

OK I can see that.. But in the end he was honest to Samuel. He just didn't want to say it at first. Still he chose to talk to him and Monica directly about it. So he solved it. He couldn't really talk about Samuel with Monica. Breaking up is never easy.. She will handle it well.

 

[CorCordium123]

Did you not see how he gaslit her into believing she was crazy for asking him if there is someone else knowing very well there is, and flipped the blame of the break up onto her??

Remember this is what he says to Monica


and this is how he tries to gaslight Samuel, but he doesn't fall for it.

He lied. He’s been doing it the whole story.
At some point if you’re enjoying the story you have to be open to the idea that Dylan isn’t intentionally hurting people. And that maybe what we see in the story will be how he breaks the cycle of being his own worst enemy. This is far from gaslighting - lying yes, to cover his ass. Not gaslighting

 

[DreamLoveAngels]

He lied. He’s been doing it the whole story.
At some point if you’re enjoying the story you have to be open to the idea that Dylan isn’t intentionally hurting people. And that maybe what we see in the story will be how he breaks the cycle of being his own worst enemy. This is far from gaslighting - lying yes, to cover his ass. Not gaslighting

Ok now, a simple search will tell you the difference between just lying and gaslighting.
Wether he realises or not, gaslighting is what Dylan is doing because that's what benefits him.


Gaslighters carry out emotional abuse through various methods including DENYING, MINIMIZING, and DISMISSING YOUR FEELINGS. Lying is when someone withholds the truth about something or provides false information when knowing it's not true.

 

[RubberDuck98]

Ok now, a simple search will tell you the difference between just lying and gaslighting.
Wether he realises or not, gaslighting is what Dylan is doing because that's what benefits him.


Gaslighters carry out emotional abuse through various methods including DENYING, MINIMIZING, and DISMISSING YOUR FEELINGS. Lying is when someone withholds the truth about something or provides false information when knowing it's not true.

Thanks for sharing this. It still doesn't answer the question for me though. The author describes literally Dylan's thought process of withholding the truth. He is indeed providing false information but only because he has no clue what to say instead.

What is interesting to me is that the moment he hesitates he thinks about what Michael would do. Only because of that thought he lies to Monica. Nothing else. Dylan was dealing with the breakup 'relatively' well but once the thought of Michael intervenes it became, in your terms, emotional abuse (although Monica doesn't know about it of course).

 

[RubberDuck98]

The thing is, that his behaviour is not intentionally aiming to hurt Monica. I believe Dylan actually thinks he has dealt with the breakup well (and Monica does so too in her ignorance).

"Listen, Mon. I got to go, alright. Just talk about it with someone and you'll be fine." She smiled hesitantly. "It won't be that easy, Dyl, but thanks." "Just don't think about it, alright." She grinned nervously. "Thanks for the advice. I'm sure I've just forgotten about you by tomorrow." "I'm serious, Mon. You should just move on."

Since his behaviour is not to fuel his own personality (as narcissistic people like Michael might do), I believe it should not be considered gaslighting. But hey, I'm happy to hear other's interpretations.

 

[DreamLoveAngels]

The thing is, that his behaviour is not intentionally aiming to hurt Monica. I believe Dylan actually thinks he has dealt with the breakup well (and Monica does so too in her ignorance).



Since his behaviour is not to fuel his own personality (as narcissistic people like Michael might do), I believe it should not be considered gaslighting. But hey, I'm happy to hear other's interpretations.

Apparently psychology doesn't agree.
Unintentional gaslighting can stem from failing to acknowledge another person's opinion. Even if done unconsciously, constantly pushing one's own ideas, feelings, or perceptions of something constitute gaslighting.
(Unintentional Gaslighting: What It Is, Examples, & How to Respond.)

The thing with Michael for Dylan to me is that he's jealous, because he sees him as someone sure of his life, who doesn't seem to have any problem in archiving what he wants, someone sure of his sexuality, someone who's able to focus on what he's doing, basically all of the opposite of Dylan, and he's comparing himself to him and using him as a point of reference, which makes him focus more on his own issues and his inability in solving his own problems.

And mind you, when it comes to personal relationships, Michael is not the person to take inspiration from given that he's basically a thot and thinks only of satisfying his sexual needs, and for prefessional situations, he's getting mostly to where he is because of nepotism, so he thinks Dylan is not archiving anything ONLY because he's not focusing on it, when the truth is that if Michael didn't have the connections from his family he would have had to work MUCH harder than he did to get to where he is.

 

[RubberDuck98]

Thanks. I wasn't aware of unintentional gaslighting existing. I still find it difficult to hold Dylan accountable when the act is unintentional. Of course 'he should know better', but he doesn't know better so why is he at fault?

 

[RubberDuck98]

For Michael I would totally agree. Dylan's idealising him for no apparent reason. He is obsessed with Michael's confidence. Both Dylan and Michael have the thought that everything will be solved once Dylan acts more in accordance to Michael.

 

[CorCordium123]

The only way this could be gaslighting is if he is unknowingly gaslighting himself too. Not all real world catchphrases work for these fictional stories. Intentions and sub-narratives matter.

The person suffering the most from Dylan’s behavior is Dylan. He’s way too evasive and broken to wear the label gaslighter reserved for the most narcissistic of users.

Immature. Check. In denial. Check. A typical guy who lies about his sex life to avoid conflict. Check. A guy who sinks others into a spiral of self-doubt and misery by manipulating their perception of themselves. Nope.
Intention matters. And consequences. The consequences of the supposed gaslighting have been worst for Dylan in every relationship. Family. Friends. Hookups. Lovers. If he’s gaslighting, he’s got nothing to show for it and he wins the award for worst gaslighter ever.

 

[DreamLoveAngels]

The only way this could be gaslighting is if he is unknowingly gaslighting himself too. Not all real world catchphrases work for these fictional stories. Intentions and sub-narratives matter.

The person suffering the most from Dylan’s behavior is Dylan. He’s way too evasive and broken to wear the label gaslighter reserved for the most narcissistic of users.

Immature. Check. In denial. Check. A typical guy who lies about his sex life to avoid conflict. Check. A guy who sinks others into a spiral of self-doubt and misery by manipulating their perception of themselves. Nope.
Intention matters. And consequences. The consequences of the supposed gaslighting have been worst for Dylan in every relationship. Family. Friends. Hookups. Lovers. If he’s gaslighting, he’s got nothing to show for it and he wins the award for worst gaslighter ever.

See, the thing is, Dylan objective to me is getting the response he's looking for, which we're able to see it's a negative one, but TO HIM and his standards is a positive.

What he's looking for is a way to run away from his problem for as long as possible, not hurting other, but the only way he knows how to archive that is by unconciously using gaslighting as the mean to get that, which ends up hurting others.

How you're getting that this:

A guy who sinks others into a spiral of self-doubt and misery by manipulating their perception of themselves. Nope.

is not exactly what he did to Monica and Corey, i don't know, but maybe you should go back and re-read the latest chapters and see their response to what he tells them, which AGAIN, doesn't have to be intentional to be what it is.

If i slap someone, the end result is the same, they got hurt, whether it was intentional or not.