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A strange group ...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by PatriotSam, Nov 2, 2008.

  1. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam Lurker

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    Hey Everyone,

    I've lurked on this site for probably 7 years or so since I first heard of LPSG.

    Being a guy who spends plenty of time on his computer I have to say that I came to LPSG trying to get a better sense of how I rate on the "penis size scale" but I got hooked on the "fictitious stories section" and now I’ve come to realize something far more important about LPSG.

    In the last 7 years I’ve found LPSG members to be some of the most open minded, thoughtful and creative people on the internet. I don’t know if it's the inherent "extreme nature" of the site or maybe it's just the type of people that this sort of topic attracts ... but I am writing this post because I have the upmost respect for the members of this forum and feel that the responses will be thoughtful, genuine and honest.

    That being said, I would like you all to help me diagnose a problem.

    I turned 29 this month and for the first time ever I’m getting a strong sense that I need to find a woman and get married. I feel a vague sort of social or maybe biological pressure telling me that I need to find a wife quickly. I'm also feeling a mild sense of loneliness and the desire to share my daily experiences with someone who is closer to me than any friend or family member.

    It's strange because I’ve never bothered much with girls or girlfriends in the past and now suddenly it seems like finding a woman is of the upmost importance!

    While surfing around the internet today I read something disturbing online ... "If you're 30 years old, if you're not constantly looking at women’s breasts and if you don’t have a girlfriend or wife ... then you must be gay."

    Let me just establish that I am NOT gay.

    That being said, this comment angered me, confused me and got me thinking at the same time. I’m often asked if I’m gay ... or people automatically assume that I’m gay ... and now I’m worrying that maybe something that I’m doing or part of who I am is projecting the wrong sort of image and/or attracting the wrong type of people ... or possibly even impressing/intimidating the right kind of women to where they're anxious to approach me?

    From searching around the internet I’ve gathered that part of my problem may be that I’m too secure, confident, emotionally available, kind, considerate, open-minded, respectful, artistic, passionate, romantic, intelligent, optimistic, ambitious, healthy, helpful, talkative and generally too friendly to be a straight guy … or possibly that I’m “too good to be true”.

    Beyond just being presumed gay … these attributes tend to label me as nerdy, dorky or geeky as well.

    Another strange thing that I notice about myself (or at least I’m classifying it as strange based off of the behavior of others) is that I’m not constantly chasing tail and the opportunity to have sex is not the primary motivating force behind my desire to associate with women ... I mean sex is part of it ... but it's not the ONLY part.

    I just want a beautiful woman who I love so intensely that when I look at her my eyes have to adjust themselves to take in all her beauty and my heart feels like it's going to rip out of my chest. I want to learn every curve of her body, make passionate love to her, hold her close at night and feel our hearts beating together. I want us to understand each other, trust each other and be able to rely on one another. I want to share our lives and our experiences and most of all, I want to know that when I look at her with all that love and passion, she’s looking back at me the same way.

    The hardest part about the whole “being presumed gay” thing is that if I were to explain the feelings in the above paragraph to anyone but my one closest friend … I would likely be insulted, ridiculed and called “gay”.

    Reading through other forums online I found a few responses to similar questions saying how those who are insecure will look at those who are secure with a sense of envy and malcontent. This feels very true for the “why do people think I’m gay” question (as well as some other forms of animosity I get from time to time) … but it doesn’t really help me with the “why can’t I find a girl” question.

    Seems to me like everywhere I go to “socialize” it’s littered with girls that are too young, too old, too desperate, too loose, to ditzy or simply too far away from what I’m looking for.

    Unfortunately, most of the women I’m attracted to don’t frequent “social hot spots” because they’re too busy having an actual life, have independent personalities and don’t follow the herd … which makes them hard to associate with because there’s no one place you can go to find these women in abundance.

    Now that I’ve gotten this far into my post I’m starting to realize that there really may be no solid answer to my concerns … but I’m still interested in hearing the thoughts of the LPSG members.
     
  2. jerkdude75

    jerkdude75 Cherished Member

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    Is being "presumed gay" your biggest concern? That's very telling.
     
  3. D_Rod Staffinbone

    D_Rod Staffinbone Account Disabled

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    hate to say it dude 'cause you might be a great guy, but maybe you're
    turning off the chicks with that big ego of yours and not because of any gay vibe. if you get out of yourself things may start to happen for you.
     
  4. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam Lurker

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    [FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']No no, being presumed gay is not a concern at all. What bothers me is the fact that something in the way I am or how I present myself is coming of as gay ... and because of that it's working against my ultimate goal of finding a woman.

    Although when people who use the term "gay" as an insult is rather annoying to me.
    [/FONT]
     
  5. ledroit

    ledroit Sexy Member

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    I don't think the "gay" label is an issue. Maybe it caught your attention because you don't have 10 years of experience with women to confirm to yourself (and your own opinion is the only one that really matters) that you are preparing for marriage with a woman.

    If you haven't spent much time dating, or looking for mates, I'd say that is where you need to start now. Many people are in your shoes. People spend their 20s getting set up professionally, exploring the world, thinking, getting PhDs, credentials, starting a business, what have you. Some guys don't get serious about marriage and settling down till their mid-30s, 40s.

    The only important thing in this question, and your situation, is you. Not anybody else's opinion, label, classification.

    But for marriage, you need experience in relationships. You can't think your way into marriage, love, or sex. You have to jump into the water and swim. If you do have anything that keeps you back from jumping into the water, you have two choices: 1) think about what is holding you back, or 2) jump in, and see if you can figure out how to swim using your own style.

    My recommendation is #2. If you get into trouble, have problems or questions you want to think about, go to your friends, or talk about them in one way or another in a group like this, or in other groups. Action and interaction is the best teacher when it comes to relationships.

    Get out there, start exploring, do some research, correct your mistakes, develop your interpersonal strengths, and then you'll have a broader base and more material to work on when it comes to what kind of relationships, people, partners make you feel happier, and more like yourself--and what kind does not.

    Forget about labels. Your life, and life itself in a great world full of people, is not reducible to labels and classifications.
     
  6. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam Lurker

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    I don't argue that I'm very self confident ... but my ego is not excessive in the way that you're suggesting. The explanation of my attributes is merely an illustration of my own self awareness. I don't normally run around telling people that I am great.

    The whole "too good to be true" comment actually stems from a past date where at the end of the night i was walking the woman home and she expressed that she was somewhat uncomfortable with me because she felt that I was too nice and too "perfect" ... and she had the feeling like she was going to wake up in a bathtub full of ice with a missing liver or something!

    She said that due to past relationships she felt that something had to be wrong with the situation because "guys just don't act that way" ... which sort of put me off because I don't know how else i would act toward a woman. (respectful and polite)

    I assured her that all her organs where safe and that I had plenty of flaws that she could learn about if she hung around me long enough.

    In the end we never really kept in contact ... something about her insecurity or reluctance to trust me didn't interest me very much.
     
  7. SpeedoGuy

    SpeedoGuy Sexy Member

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    Sam:

    I applaud your recognition of where you are and where you want to go in this life.

    As to being called gay:

    I got called "gay" lots of times because, as a youth, I dared to be more interested in books than contact sports. For a young man, it was, unfortunately, a sure path to nearly complete osctracization in rural California in the 1970s. While I never enjoyed being ridiculed for simply being who I was, the "gay" label never never enraged me like it did some others because it just didn't stick. It had no power over me because it wasn't a hot button issue.

    I've got plenty of insecurities but sexuality isn't one of them.

    As to wanting to meet more women, especially independent minded types:

    I suggest change. Change who you socialize with. Change where you spend time. It makes so much difference about the type of people you are surrounding yourself with.

    Try joining a church. Yup, that's right, a church. You might just be surprised at what you find. I sure was. Try changing gyms (or joining a gym). Try joining an outdoors adventure club or a book club or some kind of co-ed athletic team. Try taking classes at a local community college. Take classes like scuba diving, weaving or mountaineering. Take a co-ed adventure vacation.

    Lastly, the image you project to the world (and how others percieve you) may be completely different than the image you have of yourself in your own mind. The difference may explain some of the social drawbacks you are enduring. Learn to recognize the difference, account for it, and take corrective action.

    Good luck.
     
  8. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam Lurker

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    Thanks ledroit, that's exactly the type of response i expected to get out of this group ... i don't know why but you don't really get the flaming abusive responses here that you do other places on-line.

    Anyway, the highlighted quote above is pretty much me in a nutshell.

    I started my own business and prior to that i was working for a company which pretty much isolated me from contact with a lot of good women. Now that I'm running my own business i find that I'm still isolated from women due to the fact that i work out of my house and don't have anyone to socialize with.

    My friends are pretty much non-existent ... not because i don't try to find them ... it's just that the people i like are as busy as i am ... and as such they are in the same isolated boat. Either that or they're already in great relationships which really takes them out of the whole "hang out" friend pool.

    The women i find that I'm truly attracted too are also very busy people and thus far I've not found a single one who isn't already attached to someone else. The girls i go after (in my opinion) are grade A people and it never comes as a surprise that they've already been scooped up.

    Recently I've been scouring the city trying to gather up locations, events, classes or any other sort of group activity that would involve meeting people with similar interests to me ... and thus far it's been great fun! But i still run into the problem of their being very few women in these activities (science/technology based activities) and any women that do regularly attend are only there to support their husbands or boyfriends.

    Of course, i live in the northeast US and it's a "socially stuffy" and conservative area ... relatively speaking. I regularly attend an event in Arizona every winter where i usually spend a little time in Las Vegas and Los Angeles ... some years i even get up to San Fransisco if i have the time ... and i have to say that the attitude is totally different ... i tend to feel more relaxed and accepted on the west coast than i do on the east.

    I often think about relocating but I'd like to stabilize my business before i make that sort of move.

    But in the mean time I'll just keep trying to put myself into situations where I'm exposed to more people and see where that takes me.
     
  9. CUBE

    Gold Member

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    My straight friend is asked once in a while if he is gay. He always says when they apologize, "Are you kidding, there is no greater compliment. It means I'm attractive, witty, smart, well groomed, in shape, well dressed, and a catch...I worry when they don't think it." Meanwhile he gets tons of pussy. Anyway I am off track. The thing is when you have the need to settle down and find a woman...go for it. What's the problem? You have to look for a partner with some effort sometimes...get out and go for it.
     
  10. shyvixen_chicago

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    ROFL- i almost fell backwards out of my chair laughing out loud at this. :tongue: some people, you just gotta laugh that they would even come up with such a thing. and it's kidneys- not liver. she should have checked her urban folklore before pulling that one.

    nevertheless, i'm pretty much at the same point in my life that you are. i was actually just journaling about this same thing earlier today. have you ever heard of the Saturn return? i came across this one day after hopelessly trolling around on the internet and it just made a whole lot of sense to me.
     
  11. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam Lurker

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    That has got to be the weirdest and most accurate astrological thing I've ever herd!

    The only thing that's completely wrong with the Saturn return experience is the fact that I'm enjoying the changes ... a lot! Furthermore I've been trying to make these sorts of changes since i was 16!

    Constantly trying to be taken as an adult but constantly being treated as a child. I am so looking forward to turning 30 because it feels like that magic "3" makes everyone take me more seriously and because of that i can start to get some real work done!

    Though i have had some shifts in my career, it's generally remained on the same track. I did quit my day job last year to start my own company ... although I've tried to start companies in the past and that's always been my dream ... mostly because I hate bosses.

    One sort of reassuring aspect of the Saturn return is the shrugging off of relationships from my past 30 years. One in particular has been the distance that's been growing between me and one of my childhood friends.

    I was supposed to be the best man at his wedding a few months ago but he ... or she ... someone backed out of the wedding at the last minute for reasons that are still unknown to me.

    I've tried contacting him about it but he won't respond ... i mean you think you would talk about such a thing with your best man.

    I think part of the reason he's upset with me is because i didn't think that his wedding was as important as he thought it was ... i don't know what he expected me to do but all of his groomsmen live in different states and many already have families ... it's almost as if he wanted us to drop everything just to hold his hand thru the whole process ... which i couldn't see happening.

    But the point of bringing him up is that i feel like I'm growing apart from him very quickly. I also feel like if i try to maintain/repair that friendship it's going to cost me a lot in my own life ... and I don't really feel that its worth holding myself back for.

    It seems like his Saturn return is much harder on him than mine is. I just hope that in a few years he'll come back around and we can continue our friendship.

    In terms of finding a girl ... i just want to get on that road right now ... it definitely is me lining things up for the future. I want a wife ASAP and I want to start a family at 32.

    The whole Saturn return thing is very interesting ... still doesn't tell me where to go to associate with the kind of women I'm looking for. See if you can find me a star that will help me out with that.
     
  12. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam Lurker

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    After you told me about the Saturn return i looked it up on YouTube and found this video ... it's very bizarre ... and for some reason i want to go to Burning Man now.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwdPVNHjKE0
     
  13. shyvixen_chicago

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    haha, i've been wanting to go to burning man forever. somehow the idea of living in the desert for how many days and using a bucket for a toilet just doesn't seem to appeal to any of my friends.

    why do you want to settle down at so specific an age? what happens if things don't pan out like that? i mean, hey i wish you all the best luck, but sometimes you can't really pinpoint these kinds of things. love and relationships take time. what if you found your dream girl tomorrow but she had a different agenda? would you not continue the relationship because of that? i'm just wondering...
     
  14. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam Lurker

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    Well you know, they make some pretty fancy buckets these days!

    Porta Potti 465

    And I'm not set in stone about anything ... i just always figured that around 30 seemed like a good time to get married and i like kids so if i got married at 30 i didn't think we would get more than a few years before we had one.

    I'm totally flexible though ... having a plan is nice because you can work toward it ... but it's actually the unknown and the surprises that i enjoy the most.
     
  15. shyvixen_chicago

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    i can see how some people find comfort in having that goal/plan. guess i'm just a bit pessimistic because i have no freaking clue of what i want to do with my life yet. i'm just wanting to try out the whole relationship thing to see what all the hubbub is about since i keep losing friends/family to relationships... it's one of the few things i haven't given any thought to yet.

    maybe i'll get one of those fancy portapotties and go live out in the desert for a minute before trying to settle down. :tongue:
     
  16. whatireallywant

    whatireallywant Experimental Member

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    I'm a woman who grew up being called gay because I DID like contact sports! :biggrin1: (I liked books too, which was also frowned upon! :eek: Where I grew up, being "bookish" was not accepted in boys OR girls, and liking sports was not accepted in girls...)

    The highlighted parts are great ideas! I've done some of these things myself and while I haven't had a lot of success in dating, some of that is due to extreme shyness. I takes a lot for me to just go to a club meeting or to go to church (I have issues with church due to the fundamentalists I grew up around, but I found a church that I can live with, that is much more open minded...)

    It's interesting about how where you live makes a difference. Some people say it doesn't but I say it definitely DOES. I've lived in rural Indiana, as well as Indianapolis and San Antonio. I fit in best in San Antonio, and worst in rural Indiana, where I don't fit in at all.
     
  17. Riven650

    Riven650 Sexy Member

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    I feel a lot of what you're saying here. I went through a very confusing period at school when a group of girls who I didn't know decided I was gay and started sneering 'poof' at me as we passed on the stairs etc. I think they were responding to the fact that my style was slightly unusual (this was in the late '60s. 'Skinhead' was a big style group in our school and I hated it and what it represented. I wore flaired trousers, black leather biker jacket and grew my hair long) and as those girls didn't know what to make of me I guess they were suspicious. I think it might also have been that as I wasn't hitting on them like a lot of the other guys, they presumed I didn't like girls. Truth was that I had been dating girls for several years and simply wasn't interested in them - they were coarse loudmouthed and bigoted. The last thing I'd dream of doing would be to date anyone who'd insult anyone over perceived sexuality. I never held with homophobia, racism, sexism, etc.

    So what's going wrong for you? I might have missed it in your text, but I didn't spot your description of what kind of house or apartment you live in. Once you're passed a certain age this will have an enormous impact on your attractiveness to any potential mate. I have a good friend (he and I were at college in the '70s) who is still in your situation at age 48. Yes, he's 48 an has never had a proper relationship with a woman. I guess he was slightly disadvantaged as a teenager. He was very spotty, and as an only child I don't think he'd had much contact with girls. He certainly didn't seem to know how to approach them and always appeared awkward and childish in company - like a big puppy. This in itself isn't a massive problem, but he never seemed able to give girls eye contact and I think he gave them the idea he wasn't interested. Today he's a successful photographer, makes loads of money, has a very powerful sports car, as well as a new Mercedes full of expensive cameras, but he's very unhappy because he's still single. He came up to visit me and my wife recently (in his lovely sports car) and showed us pictures of the girl he's 'in love' with. She's a 29 year old model and he's been taking her shopping and buying her presents, and he's yearning for her. She's telling him he mustn't, and that she just wants to be friends, and she's got boyfriends, etc. but he's still kidding himself that he's in with a chance and he's carrying on like a besotted 16 year old. That's just the trouble. He doesn't seem to have grown up. My wife and I were very patient and listened to his stories about her, but we found ourselves telling him he should let it go because she's far too young. Then he started saying stuff about he doesn't want a divorcee with kids, etc. and that was the end of it. He didn't stick around to hear any more 'advice'. After he'd gone my wife turned to me and said 'the biggest problem is that he's still living with his mum'.

    There's just a chance that ....... (insert name of aforementioned model) would have a relationship with him if he had his own place. Then he could go through the very necessary business of finding out what relationships are about (sharing, compromise, trust, etc. plus being dumped) the hard way like the rest of us. The obvious problem my friend has is that after his dad died, he decided that he couldn't leave his mum on her own and never moved out. The second, and a less obvious problem, is that he fears failure, so he tends to put obstacles in his own way. The third problem is part of that second problem: He's looking for a woman who fits a very specific ideal; 'single, attractive, nice girl, etc.' and he jumps to conclusions all the time. ie. I asked him why he doesn't go out clubbing, or on a singles holiday, and his answers were the usual 'oh, you know the kind of people who go to those places....." It's a bit like Groucho Marx's famous saying "I wouldn't join a club that would have me as a member."

    So what's going on with you. I suspect you may be suffering from some of my friend's problems. It certainly sounds like you are placing too much importance on finding Ms Perfect and seem to have a plan to be married by a certain date. That's completely silly and self defeating. You've got to take the pressure off, and just try to enjoy yourself in mixed company. Don't compare yourself with others. Don't allow 'finding a partner' to be the main topic of conversation around you - that's a real no-no as it makes you look like a real loser. For god's sake change the subject and stop talking about yourself. Aa Ha! That's another problem that my mate has. When he visited us we spent the whole damn time talking about him. Thereby hangs a tail..... You spent 7 years lurking on this forum and when you finally get round to saying something...... it's all about you. Maybe this tends to go without saying, but I'll say it anyway: You have take an interest in other people if you want them to take an interest in you.
     
    #17 Riven650, Nov 3, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2008
  18. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam Lurker

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    Who says that settling down means you cant go into the desert? I probably wouldn't go unless I had a girlfriend/wife to go out there with!
     
  19. shyvixen_chicago

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    i just always saw self-exploration and the personal journey as a solitary thing...guess that says a lot about how i view relationships then, huh? god, no wonder i'm still single :tongue:
     
  20. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam Lurker

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    You're totally off base with the "I'm all about me" mentality. I'm generally a very caring, helpful person and try very hard to make those around me happy. Of course, there also comes a point where you need to take care of yourself and put your own needs ahead of others. It's obviously a matter of balancing the two ... if you get too biased in one direction you'll get totally out of whack!

    As to my living situation ... i bought a duplex 2 years ago in a rapidly developing small town north of "the big city" and have been fixing it up ever since ... everyone says I'm crazy to put so much effort into the renovations because it's "just a rental property" but i really want to make this place an exclusive "designer apartment" ... something people really want and will love to live in. (I hate doing a half assed job.) I currently have tenants (who have become good friends) in the other half of the building whose rent pays the mortgage ... that was my intention after living in an apartment complex for 3 years with the rent raising each year.

    I graduated from college with a B.S. in Media Arts in 2002 and then went on to work for a fireworks distributor designing all their product labeling, catalogs, TV commercials and other advertising.

    It's a tremendously fun industry to work in but i couldn't stand the management with my previous employer ... so last October i quit that job to start my own specialty marketing company that provides media and marketing services to the whole pyrotechnic industry. It's not making me a ton of money yet but I'm still in my house and the utilities are still on ... I'm struggling a little right now but traditionally the fall is the busy time for marketing in the fireworks business ... so hopefully things will pickup and I'll get a nice push into 2009.

    Regardless of what happens I'm doing what i love so it's all good ... and if i fail the first time around I'll just keep trying until i succeed! I'm in one of those situations where I'm doing what i love ... so by failing ... i just start right back where i began ... which is no real loss.

    But the point of all this is that I'm really well rounded, stable and i love interacting with people.

    My life is going so well that it's almost unfair.

    So my girl problems don't arise from some deep seeded trauma earlier in life ... i think it's really just a matter of finding the right type of woman ... and finding one who is available.

    Are my standards high ... ABSOLUTELY ... but i wouldn't change that for anyone and i don't care what anyone tells me. I'm a great guy who deserves nothing less than a great woman! (That's not to say that I'm not without my flaws.)

    Also, you have to realize that my high standards are just that ... MY STANDARDS ... not anyone else's. I don't play by what the system tells me ... i want a "non-traditional" woman, i want a woman who is healthy and as fit as i am so we can participate in physical activities together, i want a woman who is intelligent and can keep up with me in a good conversation, i want her to have her own career ... essentially i want a woman who doesn't need me for anything other than the emotional and physical relationship that share with each other.

    And as to having a plan ... how is that absurd? Having a plan is not absurd ... however, freaking out when everything doesn't go according to plan is totally absurd ... especially with love and relationships.
     
  21. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam Lurker

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    Well, I've always thought that when you find the right person ... it stops being about 2 separate people and becomes a single life together. I see having a partner as a way to enhance self exploration ... besides I'm not the type of guy would go out into the desert and start sleeping around with a bunch of random people ... although if i had a girlfriend ... i wouldn't mind if both of us went out and slept around with a bunch of random people together! That would actually be rather fun!
     
  22. visceraltuning

    visceraltuning Experimental Member

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    PatriotSam,

    How is your sex drive? Are you interested in sex? Are you interested in sex with other people at all? Are you sexually experienced enough to know the difference between sex with partner VS masturbation?

    Maybe you need to have your hormone levels checked by an MD?

    --------------------
    The gay vibe that you give off might be a result of your demonstrated lack of interest in the women more so that overt gay tendencies.

    Related Story: One time I went to a BBQ at a friend's house. I didn't know anybody but the host. I talked with guys a lot and played a lot of beer pong but did not feel very confident talking with the girls because I was a bit puggy and so did not feel confident at all.

    Well, later on we all went to a party at somebody else's house. I started talking to a girl, and then heard my friend say "See". He was pointing out that I was interested in girls because all his guy friends were starting to think I was gay because of apparent lack of interest.
     
  23. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam Lurker

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    That is both a very funny and relevant question ... i had actually asked myself that question before ... but then i went to a Halloween party and the hostess (who was cute as hell) was wearing a "twister board" costume.

    Her legs where AWESOME and the costume was only slightly longer than a micro skirt.

    I have never wanted to play twister with someone so badly in my entire life! All the yellow dots where on her breasts and ass. RIGHT HAND YELLOW!

    I was trying to have a conversation with her and after my eyes drifted down to her thighs for the 16th time ... i finally just said "I'm sorry I'm trying to keep eye contact but you have amazing legs and I'm having a hard time not staring at them." ... Everyone in the area paused for a sec then we all burst out laughing!

    I did ask her out that night but she was already hooked!

    The truth of the matter is that i just have really good self control ... plus i have a very good understanding of what i like to see in a woman.

    You can parade large breasted and scantily clad club girls in front of me all day and I'll pass on every single one of them ... but show me a fit, independent girl with a great face and a lot of intelligence ... I'll make a move.

    Ultimately though my self control (and confidence) gives me the ability to bide my time without jumping at every girl who glances at me ... plus my motives are geared toward a serious relationship ... so going after the right type of girl is important.
     
  24. visceraltuning

    visceraltuning Experimental Member

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    Glad to hear it.

    Maybe you should take a class at a local university and try to pick-up on grad students.
     
    #24 visceraltuning, Nov 3, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2008
  25. Riven650

    Riven650 Sexy Member

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    We are digging deep here - goodness knows why, we ought to know better - and giving you the benefit of our experience. Some of which might be relevant, some of it not. But you are not adequately acknowledging the time and effort that is being made on your behalf. Instead you're mostly being defensive and re-stating your position. As a consequence, I'm losing the will to engage with you, and I'd suggest - in a last ditch effort to do a little for you - that there are women, lots of women, in your wake that might have been interested in you had you not come across as so 'up yourself'.

    'You can parade large breasted and scantily clad club girls in front of me all day and I'll pass on every single one of them ... but show me a fit, independent girl with a great face and a lot of intelligence ... I'll make a move.'

    Yes. That was you speaking there. I was obviously wasting my time trying to explain why my friend is still single in his late 40's. I'm afraid, old pal, that with an attitude like yours, you will also remain single for a very long time. Read my lips: Just because they have tits and wanna dance, doesn't mean they're not good enough for you. Most of those girls you are being so searingly judgemental about just might be too good for you. And your subconscious fear of this is what motivates to shoot yourself in the foot by slagging them off. You asked the initial question on this thread because you have a problem. The short answer is 'you are your own worst enemy'. We've all been trying to give you the long answer though, which is after all what you complemented LPSG members for. So do us a favour and take at least some of it on board.
     
  26. ColonialBoy

    ColonialBoy Sexy Member

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    For many years I was only interested in guys.

    Then I read a lot about masculinity, and particularly alpha male behaviour. I realised that a lot of my behaviour was beta male, and started changing it deliberately. I talked about sport instead of classical music, called people "buddy" for the first time in my like, started swearing with the boys, etc.

    Then the weirdest thing happened. All of a sudden I started think about chicks, having kids, and if was was to happen it must happen soon. So now I'm interested in relationships with chicks, and try to supress gay tendencies.

    People do change and not everyone is 100% straight or 100% gay.
     
  27. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam Lurker

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    First off, i listen to everything that everyone is saying ... regardless of how i may respond. It all gets weighed in, it all gets calculated.

    I find it offensive that you're accusing me of ignoring and/or wasting the information that has been given to me through this forum. I am totally impressed and thankful for the information I've been given here.

    My slight attitude is only being thrown back at your comments because they are perpetually pessimistic. You seem determined to find a problem in my life ... when in fact it may be (or have been) problems in your own life or "your friends" life that you are now applying to my situation.

    Not only that but your responses are somewhat off topic ... my questions are 1) Why do people perceive me as being gay despite the fact that I am not? 2) Where do I go to find healthy, independent single women who are mentally and socially well rounded?

    90% of the responses to that initial post have been very helpful.

    Your posts seem to suggest that i have some deep seeded issues when in fact, there is nothing wrong with who i am ... nor is there a problem with having high standards. The only "problem" i have is that i have a very good understanding of myself and who I'm looking for ... and that tends to eliminate a lot of women early on and reduces the number of dates I'll actually go on. It doesn't take days, weeks, months or years to determine weather or not someone is right for me ... I know what i want and i can identify it very quickly. I'll play it by ear and if things go well we'll move forward ... of not, we'll cut it off and move on.

    There are 3,291,805,000 women in this world ... I'm looking for 1 ... if i don't set priorities and standards to narrow the field down, I'll have a better chance of winning the lottery!

    And last but not least, I live enough of a public life and deal enough with politics to know that I'm not going to make everyone happy and not everyone is going to agree with what i do ... but i want to make it ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that i fully appreciate every piece of information that i have received here and look forward to receiving more in the future.

    Thank you!
     
  28. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam Lurker

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    I've known about the alpha male theory for a long time. It's an interesting theory but it only applies to attracting women ... once you attract them, there has to be an actual personality there. Plus, acting like an alpha male will not keep a woman happy for the rest of her life.

    I've seen plenty of guys who take that alpha male theory verbatim and they usually get a different label ... jackass!

    I can definitely say that i do have some alpha male tendencies ... but i absolutely do not let that dictate who i am ... i wouldn't stop doing something i love simply because it's not an "alpha male" thing to do.

    "If I want to play with a kitten ... DAMN IT! I'm going to play with a kitten! If you mess with me and my kitten, we're going to kick your ass!"
     
  29. B_Giovani

    B_Giovani Banned

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    I think that if people dont see you with a woman maybe your are gay (they think) and if you have a very good friend and you hang out a lot with him, and more if you go to the gym, then they think you are gay. But who cares what people think, I dont anyway.
     
  30. PatriotSam

    PatriotSam Lurker

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    I don't really care what people think either ... it's just rather annoying that being healthy, fit, friendly, intelligent, clean cut and respectful to women is seen as gay.

    What's even weirder is that smoking, drinking, being out of shape, womanizing, being judgmental and generally rude are considered traits of heterosexual men.

    I mean seriously! I have to act like a jackass to be considered a man?

    What's up with that?
     
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