A strange group ...

[PatriotSam]

I just always saw self-exploration and the personal journey as a solitary thing ... guess that says a lot about how I view relationships then, huh? God, no wonder I'm still single! :tongue:

Well, I've always thought that when you find the right person ... it stops being about 2 separate people and becomes a single life together. I see having a partner as a way to enhance self exploration ... besides I'm not the type of guy would go out into the desert and start sleeping around with a bunch of random people ... although if i had a girlfriend ... i wouldn't mind if both of us went out and slept around with a bunch of random people together! That would actually be rather fun!

 

[visceraltuning]

PatriotSam,

How is your sex drive? Are you interested in sex? Are you interested in sex with other people at all? Are you sexually experienced enough to know the difference between sex with partner VS masturbation?

Maybe you need to have your hormone levels checked by an MD?

--------------------
The gay vibe that you give off might be a result of your demonstrated lack of interest in the women more so that overt gay tendencies.

Related Story: One time I went to a BBQ at a friend's house. I didn't know anybody but the host. I talked with guys a lot and played a lot of beer pong but did not feel very confident talking with the girls because I was a bit puggy and so did not feel confident at all.

Well, later on we all went to a party at somebody else's house. I started talking to a girl, and then heard my friend say "See". He was pointing out that I was interested in girls because all his guy friends were starting to think I was gay because of apparent lack of interest.

 

[PatriotSam]

How is your sex drive?

That is both a very funny and relevant question ... i had actually asked myself that question before ... but then i went to a Halloween party and the hostess (who was cute as hell) was wearing a "twister board" costume.

Her legs where AWESOME and the costume was only slightly longer than a micro skirt.

I have never wanted to play twister with someone so badly in my entire life! All the yellow dots where on her breasts and ass. RIGHT HAND YELLOW!

I was trying to have a conversation with her and after my eyes drifted down to her thighs for the 16th time ... i finally just said "I'm sorry I'm trying to keep eye contact but you have amazing legs and I'm having a hard time not staring at them." ... Everyone in the area paused for a sec then we all burst out laughing!

I did ask her out that night but she was already hooked!

The truth of the matter is that i just have really good self control ... plus i have a very good understanding of what i like to see in a woman.

You can parade large breasted and scantily clad club girls in front of me all day and I'll pass on every single one of them ... but show me a fit, independent girl with a great face and a lot of intelligence ... I'll make a move.

Ultimately though my self control (and confidence) gives me the ability to bide my time without jumping at every girl who glances at me ... plus my motives are geared toward a serious relationship ... so going after the right type of girl is important.

 

[visceraltuning]

That is both a very funny and relevant question ... i had actually asked myself that question before ... but then i went to a Halloween party and the hostess (who was cute as hell) was wearing a "twister board" costume.

Her legs where AWESOME and the costume was only slightly longer than a micro skirt.

I have never wanted to play twister with someone so badly in my entire life! All the yellow dots where on her breasts and ass. RIGHT HAND YELLOW!

I was trying to have a conversation with her and after my eyes drifted down to her thighs for the 16th time ... i finally just said "I'm sorry I'm trying to keep eye contact but you have amazing legs and I'm having a hard time not staring at them." ... Everyone in the area paused for a sec then we all burst out laughing!

I did ask her out that night but she was already hooked!

Glad to hear it.

Maybe you should take a class at a local university and try to pick-up on grad students.

 

[Riven650]

We are digging deep here - goodness knows why, we ought to know better - and giving you the benefit of our experience. Some of which might be relevant, some of it not. But you are not adequately acknowledging the time and effort that is being made on your behalf. Instead you're mostly being defensive and re-stating your position. As a consequence, I'm losing the will to engage with you, and I'd suggest - in a last ditch effort to do a little for you - that there are women, lots of women, in your wake that might have been interested in you had you not come across as so 'up yourself'.

'You can parade large breasted and scantily clad club girls in front of me all day and I'll pass on every single one of them ... but show me a fit, independent girl with a great face and a lot of intelligence ... I'll make a move.'

Yes. That was you speaking there. I was obviously wasting my time trying to explain why my friend is still single in his late 40's. I'm afraid, old pal, that with an attitude like yours, you will also remain single for a very long time. Read my lips: Just because they have tits and wanna dance, doesn't mean they're not good enough for you. Most of those girls you are being so searingly judgemental about just might be too good for you. And your subconscious fear of this is what motivates to shoot yourself in the foot by slagging them off. You asked the initial question on this thread because you have a problem. The short answer is 'you are your own worst enemy'. We've all been trying to give you the long answer though, which is after all what you complemented LPSG members for. So do us a favour and take at least some of it on board.

 

[ColonialBoy]

Hey Everyone,

I turned 29 this month and for the first time ever I’m getting a strong sense that I need to find a woman and get married. I feel a vague sort of social or maybe biological pressure telling me that I need to find a wife quickly. I'm also feeling a mild sense of loneliness and the desire to share my daily experiences with someone who is closer to me than any friend or family member.

For many years I was only interested in guys.

Then I read a lot about masculinity, and particularly alpha male behaviour. I realised that a lot of my behaviour was beta male, and started changing it deliberately. I talked about sport instead of classical music, called people "buddy" for the first time in my like, started swearing with the boys, etc.

Then the weirdest thing happened. All of a sudden I started think about chicks, having kids, and if was was to happen it must happen soon. So now I'm interested in relationships with chicks, and try to supress gay tendencies.

People do change and not everyone is 100% straight or 100% gay.

 

[PatriotSam]

We've all been trying to give you the long answer though, which is after all what you complemented LPSG members for. So do us a favor and take at least some of it on board.

First off, i listen to everything that everyone is saying ... regardless of how i may respond. It all gets weighed in, it all gets calculated.

I find it offensive that you're accusing me of ignoring and/or wasting the information that has been given to me through this forum. I am totally impressed and thankful for the information I've been given here.

My slight attitude is only being thrown back at your comments because they are perpetually pessimistic. You seem determined to find a problem in my life ... when in fact it may be (or have been) problems in your own life or "your friends" life that you are now applying to my situation.

Not only that but your responses are somewhat off topic ... my questions are 1) Why do people perceive me as being gay despite the fact that I am not? 2) Where do I go to find healthy, independent single women who are mentally and socially well rounded?

90% of the responses to that initial post have been very helpful.

Your posts seem to suggest that i have some deep seeded issues when in fact, there is nothing wrong with who i am ... nor is there a problem with having high standards. The only "problem" i have is that i have a very good understanding of myself and who I'm looking for ... and that tends to eliminate a lot of women early on and reduces the number of dates I'll actually go on. It doesn't take days, weeks, months or years to determine weather or not someone is right for me ... I know what i want and i can identify it very quickly. I'll play it by ear and if things go well we'll move forward ... of not, we'll cut it off and move on.

There are 3,291,805,000 women in this world ... I'm looking for 1 ... if i don't set priorities and standards to narrow the field down, I'll have a better chance of winning the lottery!

And last but not least, I live enough of a public life and deal enough with politics to know that I'm not going to make everyone happy and not everyone is going to agree with what i do ... but i want to make it ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that i fully appreciate every piece of information that i have received here and look forward to receiving more in the future.

Thank you!

 

[PatriotSam]

I realized that a lot of my behavior was beta male, and started changing it deliberately. I talked about sport instead of classical music, called people "buddy" for the first time in my like, started swearing with the boys, etc.

I've known about the alpha male theory for a long time. It's an interesting theory but it only applies to attracting women ... once you attract them, there has to be an actual personality there. Plus, acting like an alpha male will not keep a woman happy for the rest of her life.

I've seen plenty of guys who take that alpha male theory verbatim and they usually get a different label ... jackass!

I can definitely say that i do have some alpha male tendencies ... but i absolutely do not let that dictate who i am ... i wouldn't stop doing something i love simply because it's not an "alpha male" thing to do.

"If I want to play with a kitten ... DAMN IT! I'm going to play with a kitten! If you mess with me and my kitten, we're going to kick your ass!"

 

[B_Giovani]

I think that if people dont see you with a woman maybe your are gay (they think) and if you have a very good friend and you hang out a lot with him, and more if you go to the gym, then they think you are gay. But who cares what people think, I dont anyway.

 

[PatriotSam]

I think that if people don't see you with a woman maybe your are gay (they think) and if you have a very good friend and you hang out a lot with him, and more if you go to the gym, then they think you are gay. But who cares what people think, I don't anyway.

I don't really care what people think either ... it's just rather annoying that being healthy, fit, friendly, intelligent, clean cut and respectful to women is seen as gay.

What's even weirder is that smoking, drinking, being out of shape, womanizing, being judgmental and generally rude are considered traits of heterosexual men.

I mean seriously! I have to act like a jackass to be considered a man?

What's up with that?

 

[SpeedoGuy]

I realised that a lot of my behaviour was beta male, and started changing it deliberately. I talked about sport instead of classical music, called people "buddy" for the first time in my like, started swearing with the boys, etc.

A question arises, though, ColonialBoy: Were you just putting on an act to be one-of-the-guys or did your whole personality change so remarkably?

 

[Florida Boy]

Interesting post. This is a place where you can expect to get thoughtful and hopefully helpful responses. I first read it this morning and now I see it again. Since the post is so long, you've give us a lot to sho-ot at. Most of it will probably not be complimentary. As you say, there is no simple answer to your post or your supposed dilemma.

You don't say if you are getting laid at all. I'm certain there are people far more arrogant and aloof than you that are getting pussy. Short of paying for it, that it. Your self-centeredness is at the root of your problem. In spite of this, you look down on the object of your attraction, ie, 'littered with.'

I think that deep down in your soul, you know that you are not even close to deserving their attention, and certainly not their charms. Your hard shell of aloofness and arrogance are classic example of a scared little boy, hiding.

Your post seems quite introspective. However, you are looking in all the wrong places inside yourself. First, get over yourself.

Hopefully, this post didn't seem harsh or judgmental.

a concerned forum member

 

[Florida Boy]

I don't normally run around telling people that I am great.

I'm sure you announce it in hundreds of other ways.

When you told that story, I at first wanted to say that she was a slut. But when you made it all her fault, I could see that she used a self-deprecating way as getting away from you.

Are you voting for the gop?

 

[PatriotSam]

Your post seems quite introspective. However, you are looking in all the wrong places inside yourself. First, get over yourself.

Hopefully, this post didn't seem harsh or judgmental.

Of course it's introspective ... it's a post i started to get opinions on my own situation ... in what sense would i have a post about my situation if i didn't talk about myself? That would be like going to a psychologist and talking about my Uncles former room mate.

Also, you're the second person who has responded that thinks that my self awareness of my attributes is some sort of ego trip ... it's not! I simply know who i am ... and YES i think highly of myself, that's called self confidence ... that's not some sort of psychological problem ... and more than likely it's a benefit to my situation.

The only people i look down on are those who don't follow their dreams, maintain a victim mentality and live their lives based off of someone else's standards.

The people i look up to are hard working, self-starting individuals who have their own style and don't play by the rules set forth by the system.

I know who i am and i know what I'm looking for ... many people go through their lives trying to figure out who they really are ... what their true path is. I'm lucky enough to already know this information.

You say that I'm looking in all the wrong places within myself ... please explain?

Thanks!

 

[PatriotSam]

I'm sure you announce it in hundreds of other ways.

When you told that story, I at first wanted to say that she was a slut. But when you made it all her fault, I could see that she used a self-deprecating way as getting away from you.

Are you voting for the gop?

Why would you say she was a slut? That's a rather harsh statement for someone you've never met.

She was a very nice girl who i would love to be friends with and actually ended up going out with her and her group of friends a few weeks later. We had drastically different schedules so we haven't really talked to each other much since ... but there's nothing wrong with her.

And I'm not sure why you're saying it was her fault?

From my perspective she wasn't the girl i was looking for so i decided not to pursue her.

You're trying to read into things too much.

I am republican but I'm voting for Obama ... but I'll be happy with either candidate ... they would both make excellent presidents. I'm actually so optimistic about his election I'm putting on a suit just to go out and cast my vote!

I hope the door doesn't hit Bush's ass on the way out ... wait ... actually I hope that it does!

 

[NCbear]

PatriotSam,

I've just skimmed this briefly, but I have a few thoughts.

(1) It's possible to be self-absorbed without being arrogant. Could it be that you need to look outside the norm--the norm of your job, the norm of the routines of your life, the norm of the types of women whom you've met, etc.--to see what else is possibly out there for you? Change could shake you up a bit and maybe show you a few new perspectives (new environments, new activities, new types of women) and new opportunities. Did SpeedoGuy's suggestions help?

(2) Again, it's possible to be overly self-absorbed without being arrogant. Could you be doing a bit too much introspection and simply resolve to do something new and different each week? Meet a new person? Talk with a new woman? Go to a new club? Etc.

(3) Remember that the only person you can change is you. The only environment you can change is yours. The only lifestyle, routines, etc., you can change are yours. Think about that, and then try something different. Advisedly, of course, and in a considered way--not just something new for the sake of being new. :tongue:

(4) Some of your statements remind me of my straight brother and a gay friend--both of whom have found it very difficult to meet new people because they are both shy and (regularly) depressed. It's taken them years to be social. If this is you (I don't know whether it is, so take this or leave it), then you may want to watch how other men do it--men who may or may not have more obvious self-confidence than you do. Women are attracted to openly or obviously self-confident men--not assholes, but not shy guys either. To a certain extent, you've got to flaunt your bright colors in this mating game if you want to attract another brightly colored bird.

Please don't construe these comments--this is what you can do--as judgments on what you should have done or as some strange type of blaming you for your own situation. Sometimes, we are stuck in a part of the country that simply doesn't have certain kinds of social networks appropriate for our needs.

But still, part of my thinking is that you can move. And you can make other kinds of changes as well.

Try it.

NCbear (who wishes someone had said some of this to him awhile back--and who hopes he isn't projecting his own issues or the issues of his loved ones onto PatriotSam)

 

[ColonialBoy]

A question arises, though, ColonialBoy: Were you just putting on an act to be one-of-the-guys or did your whole personality change so remarkably?

Its not an act, and I do everything in a consistent way. And yes my personality did change.

I was diagnosed with major depression and had lost all perpective. Then I studied psychology & sociology (including pop psychology) to try to understand myself. I had no self awareness & little emotional intelligence. I was the ultimate computer nerd and was WBAFC. I was an omega-male without knowing it.

Urban Dictionary: WBAFC

From all my reading, in 2005 I had some form of "renaissance" and saw the error of my ways. Depression got better, I started at the gym, went drinking with the boys & chasing chicks.

Now I know how a "jock" sees the world instead of how a "nerd" sees the world. Chicks are a dime a dozen, I'm the prize instead of them. And I'm a lot more confident.