I consider it to be a strange problem. I am 22 years old man and I find men attractive both physically and mentally. Therefore, I am bound to be gay, and I accept it of course. My question is as follows: I found a boyfriend a month ago and we meet each other quite often. Our relationship develops. However, I don't know why, lately I'm having strange imaginations of women, which, as a matter of fact, disgust me. For instance, when I'm thinking about men while masturbating, girls show unexpectedly and my libido falls. What is more, I think that I subconsciously want to reassure myself of being gay. Women do not attract me sexually at all (although I like them and have quite nice girl colleagues, this is only conversation and school matters). Strange as it may sound, it's really a big problem to me, and I fear falling into depression. Is there a way of getting rid of those particular imaginations - which are unwelcome by me? Please help...
A Strange Problem,
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musclebutt2
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If at all possible, I recommend you seek a "coming out" support group led by a licensed mental health worker or get professioanl counseling by someone gay friendly. Your problem sounds complicated and it would be a shame for it to turn to erectile dysfunction or other sexual complications by well meant but ultimately wrong advice. I personally think you are haunted by guilt or shame of being gay, but again, I'm just guessing.
I don't want to mess with your head, if you are in a large city, there should be free services available if you ask a gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender community center or social group. If you are old enough, ask the health center at your UNIVERSITY. I don't trust the employees of lower education institutions to be unbiased about this type of thing. You might be able to find free psych help online but I'm not sure; if you can afford it, pay for it. In the long run it might help you function in a healthier manner.
By the way, most large Universities are a great resource. They tend to be more liberal than the surrounding society and there is usually always a GLBT group on campus. You do not have to be a student to talk to them. Ask them for referrals; the same applies to seeking a qualified psychiatrist/counselor. Ask the University health center, you do not have to be a paying student there if asking for an outside referral.
You're fantasizing that's all, apparently fantasizing about women is one of the top fantasies for gay men. A fantasy is usually about something outside our sexual experience, quite often something we'd never do in real life but enjoy exploring mentally. Just relax and enjoy it. These thoughts are probably affecting you sexually just because you're worrying about them.
I normally take a psychological approach to answering questions like this but this time I'm going to draw from a course I took on the practice of meditation.
In this course I learned that thoughts are not the self or the mind. Thoughts can come from the mind, but there is a mind distinct from our thoughts that is a witness to goings on of the world. This witness can see thoughts and react to them but it can also be disciplined to just let thoughts pass without labeling or placing judgement.
My advice to you is to just let these thoughts pass without labeling or placing judgement. If you are gay, let your body behave gay. If your sexuality is more flexible, let your body behave in a sexually flexible manner.
The most important thing is to be accepting of yourself and healthy. You do not need to reinforce to yourself that you are gay by trying to actively dislike women sexually, particularly since disliking women sexually does not equal being gay. Just go with what is healthy and feels good.
What's the worst that could happen in your current mode of thinking? You could try out a vagina, and chances are it probably won't hurt you . . . and if you don't like it you could just go back to cock.
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I don't think your distress is all that unusual for somebody young and trying to figure out their sexuality. I have not heard of an out gay person trying to deny heterosexual thoughts, but I have certainly heard of a closeted gay person trying to deny there homosexual thoughts. I imagine in both case the answer is the same, give yourself a break, relax, try out what you are attracted too with the only rule being be healthy and safe.
You should fuck as many woman as you can to be sure about this. I recommend you get a job at a hotel in DC and fuck as many middle-aged, ho-bag tourist bitches as you can. It help if you Mexican.
crescendo69
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hypolimnas
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I agree, it sounds as though you may be a bit anxious. It can be good to have a reality check with someone qualified. Atleast you may be clearer about understanding what the cause may be.
As men, our emotional state is closely related to our sexuality so I'd take this as a cue to reflect on things that may be bugging you.
If you have been feeling anxious about really enjoying your current situation, there may also be other things (about the future?) to talk about too.
I feel that we make our own reality, and it is important we are encouraged, supported, confident and hopeful. Good luck.
SomeGuyOverThere
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May it be the Kaczinsys? I mean, European medias report an increment of homophobia in Poland, boosted by certain political sectors (this doesn't want to be a comment to such politics, I don't know about Polish politics and Kaczinski and Lepper have been democraticly elected).
Are you worried by that, and by the acceptance your homosexualit would get?
Are you worried by that, and by the acceptance your homosexualit would get?
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