A Theory

[TomSchmo]

About a year or so ago I was seeing a therapist and I told him about how i was attracted to penises and not necessarily men (I consider myself straight and he knew I thought of myself as straight) and he came up with an interesting theory as to why this could be.

He said that since I lacked a strong deep relationship or friendship with males, and I was not able to develop such relationships, that my desire for that deep friendship had manifested into trying to develop a sexual relationship with other men, and for me that centers around a man's penis.
That isn't what he said verbatim so try not to analyze each word.

Has anyone else ever heard of anything like this?
Thoughts?

 

[mitchymo]

Unless there are some psychologists on here i doubt anyone will be able to give a good reason. The idea that you have tried to form some kind of sexual relationship with men through the interest of the penis to replace an ordinary relationship seems a bit odd. What do you mean when you say 'not necessarily attracted to men'?
It may be that you have gay tendencies which are supressed and so manifesting themselves with an obvious focal point. Did this doc offer any suggestions as to dealing with your interest?

 

[TomSchmo]

Unless there are some psychologists on here i doubt anyone will be able to give a good reason. The idea that you have tried to form some kind of sexual relationship with men through the interest of the penis to replace an ordinary relationship seems a bit odd. What do you mean when you say 'not necessarily attracted to men'?
It may be that you have gay tendencies which are supressed and so manifesting themselves with an obvious focal point. Did this doc offer any suggestions as to dealing with your interest?

By not necessarily attracted to men, I meant that only a penis would turn me on and nothing else about a man.
And he suggested I join some clubs where I'd be forced to have a friendship with guys like a fraternity.

 

[JacobFox]

Pretty psychoanalytic there and I think there are probably a lot of psychologists who would give you an answer like that.

I can't say I buy into that too much, but the best thing to do when a therapist brings a theory like that up, is to decide if you think it could have truth to it. If you do so, then you can start to maybe work on those relationships and then see if this changes at all.

I'm not exactly a psychoanalyst (cognitive behavioral here) so I can't say I would ever tell anyone this. But I have heard things like this before.

 

[hung]

Or was he hitting on you?

 

[445247]

You are just afraid to admit that you are bisexual or attracted to men sexually at least. The Kinsey scale just says that you can either be Gay or Straight at both ends and everything else inbetween means that you are bisexual. If you were straight or heterosexual you would not have any attraction to men or their genitals at all. As for your therapist find a new one, a better Therapist who understands bisexuality and how you can be something else besides gay or straight.

 

[Principessa]

About a year or so ago I was seeing a therapist and I told him about how i was attracted to penises and not necessarily men (I consider myself straight and he knew I thought of myself as straight) and he came up with an interesting theory as to why this could be.

He said that since I lacked a strong deep relationship or friendship with males, and I was not able to develop such relationships, that my desire for that deep friendship had manifested into trying to develop a sexual relationship with other men, and for me that centers around a man's penis.
That isn't what he said verbatim so try not to analyze each word.

Has anyone else ever heard of anything like this?
Thoughts?

No, I've never heard anything like that before. It sounds more like 1970's psychobabble to me.

Don't be afraid to change therapists if you aren't comfortable with them or you feel that their assessments are way off base. Of course if you try 2 or 3 shrinks and they all say the same thing then maybe they do have a clue. :redface:

 

[ginger_qboy]

i tend to agree with Lawnboy. your attraction to penises is just that, an attraction to penises. the psychoanalysis offered by your therapist sounds more like dream interpretation than psychology. his analysis seems plausible if you were speaking of dreams involving a strange attraction to only penises not men.

i see your situation/concern from a different angle than your therapist. he suggested that your penis attraction comes from the lack of strong male-to-male relationships. from the limited information you have given i would suggest the opposite. perhaps your lack of strong male-to-male relationships stems from your attraction to penises. i am not suggesting that you are gay rather you have a sexual attraction that you are not comfortable with. your uncertainty or discomfort with your attraction to penises subconciously alters yoru behaviour around men - such as making you anxious, withdrawn, generally uncomfortable in close male-to-male relationships. (again limited information provided in your op).

when you are around men how do you behave? do you think about penises? do you think about the penises of the men in your company? are you resentful towards your attraction of penises? how do you feel about your attraction to penises, are you accepting of it?

i do not have my psych degree yet but i would suggest seperating the concerns you have even though they influence each other.

1) attraction to penises. i am sure you have spent a significant amount of time analyzing/thinking about it, but have you accepted it for what it is, an attraction? you say that you are str8 - meaning you enjoy sex and emotional relationships with women but you also have an attraction to penises, what's wrong with that? each time you are bothered by your attraction you need to ask yourself why am i bothered by this? what is so wrong with my attraction? who is going to know? am i worried this makes me less of a man? - because it doesn't!!! etc...

2) male-to-male relationships. i would need to know more before i could suggest anything. are you not interested in the same topics as most men in your social circles? do you feel awkward around men? what do you see as the problem(s) relating to men or developing strong friendships with men?

society and social norms tell us to act a certain way to prevet any kind of social sanctions such as being judged, ridiculed etc... sadly, many of these social norms that we strictly adhere to cause problems for those that step outside the norms. For example, social norms of male jobs versus female jobs. male nurses have been ridiculed as some believe it is a woman's job likewise female pilots have encountered resistance as it is a male dominated occupation. Same principle goes for sexuality. Far too many people maintain ancient social norms that men love pussy and anythign else makes him a fag!

Feel free to message me if you want to discuss your concerns further. I'd be happy to hear what you have to say and perhaps help if I can.

Please note: the bit about social norms was to demonstrate their affect on all of us. In no way do I believe women are better suited for certain occupations "women's work" compared to men. The examples above were just that, examples.

 

[D_Billy_Ballscrost]

In theory, maybe that has some truth to it. I have never had a close relationship with my father, and consider myself "straight" (although I think labels are stupid, and am just using it for common ground here), yet I feel the same about penises as you do. I am not "attracted" to men, and have no sexual desire for them. I enjoy jacking off with other guys, but other than that, I don't have the desire for anything else. Some would say I am "curious" (again a "label"), but I am not curious about men in any other way. To be honest, I don't even really know which "label" I fit, so I tend not to use them other than for a common ground to discuss things from.

I have had strong friendships with males though, so that doesn't seem to fit the theory. Of course, there are always other theories to change "current" theories... So, the theory is just that- a theory. What you are feeling is okay to feel, and you are not alone. My "theory" is that this is the way I am, and I am okay with it. I live a very happy life, and enjoy being married. I also enjoy having a jack off buddy, another committed "straight" male, and we watch porn, drink some beers, and have a good time together. Neither my wife or his fiancee know about this, and we intend to keep it that way. They both know we jack off separately, just not with each other. The jacking off with a buddy "satisfies" my "attraction" to penises, and I have made meaningful "friends" through the experiences. You need to satisfy that attraction in your own way for yourself...

My advice is to be who you are, and strive to be okay with it. Feeling what you are feeling is completely okay, and I am sure that you and I are not the only "straight" guys to feel this way. There are so many "straight" guys out there looking for jack off buddies and such that I am sure feel the same way you and I do. Good luck...

 

[B_Artful Dodger]

Is it just sayin u need a bud...?
I dont really get the question tbh

 

[midlifebear]

Screw the idea of joining a fraternity. Why lower yourself? Instead, search for a local jack off club somewhere near you and go join in a mutual whack off session with men who probably share similar feelings about "just penises" turning them on. You can then explore your interest more thoroughly and see for yourself if jacking off with other straight men is something you'd like to explore.

 

[445358]

In theory, maybe that has some truth to it. I have never had a close relationship with my father, and consider myself "straight" (although I think labels are stupid, and am just using it for common ground here), yet I feel the same about penises as you do. I am not "attracted" to men, and have no sexual desire for them. I enjoy jacking off with other guys, but other than that, I don't have the desire for anything else. Some would say I am "curious" (again a "label&quot, but I am not curious about men in any other way. To be honest, I don't even really know which "label" I fit, so I tend not to use them other than for a common ground to discuss things from.

I have had strong friendships with males though, so that doesn't seem to fit the theory. Of course, there are always other theories to change "current" theories... So, the theory is just that- a theory. What you are feeling is okay to feel, and you are not alone. My "theory" is that this is the way I am, and I am okay with it. I live a very happy life, and enjoy being married. I also enjoy having a jack off buddy, another committed "straight" male, and we watch porn, drink some beers, and have a good time together. Neither my wife or his fiancee know about this, and we intend to keep it that way. They both know we jack off separately, just not with each other. The jacking off with a buddy "satisfies" my "attraction" to penises, and I have made meaningful "friends" through the experiences. You need to satisfy that attraction in your own way for yourself...

My advice is to be who you are, and strive to be okay with it. Feeling what you are feeling is completely okay, and I am sure that you and I are not the only "straight" guys to feel this way. There are so many "straight" guys out there looking for jack off buddies and such that I am sure feel the same way you and I do. Good luck...

You can't have it both ways and say that labels are meaningless, fuck society, etc. and then say how you are not bisexual and then claim that you are somehow straight or heterosexual even though you are sexually attracted to both men (or just men's genitals) and women, and have sex with both men and women and are not heterosexual or straight. Maybe join a Fraternity of closet queens? :wink:

 

[D_Billy_Ballscrost]

You can't have it both ways and say that labels are meaningless, fuck society, etc. and then say how you are not bisexual and then claim that you are somehow straight or heterosexual even though you are sexually attracted to both men (or just men's genitals) and women, and have sex with both men and women and are not heterosexual or straight. Maybe join a Fraternity of closet queens? :wink:

Again, it is all in your perception... If you want to define me as "bi", then fine. I don't want it "both ways" as you say, because I don't even fit into either "way" in my own opinion. What I am saying is that I think allowing yourself to be defined in the "strict interpretation" of anything, when you don't truly fit the "definition" is just silly.

I will be honest and say that I don't really know what "way" I am, because I don't fit the "societal definitions", and that I just think that "labels" are stupid. Unfortunately, those "labels" are what society functions on, and no matter what we say here on the LPSG, it isn't going to change...

 

[445358]

Again, it is all in your perception... If you want to define me as "bi", then fine. I don't want it "both ways" as you say, because I don't even fit into either "way" in my own opinion. What I am saying is that I think allowing yourself to be defined in the "strict interpretation" of anything, when you don't truly fit the "definition" is just silly.

I will be honest and say that I don't really know what "way" I am, because I don't fit the "societal definitions", and that I just think that "labels" are stupid. Unfortunately, those "labels" are what society functions on, and no matter what we say here on the LPSG, it isn't going to change...

You wrote yourself how you see yourself as nothing but straight/heterosexual and then you say how you are not bisexual even though you are sexually attracted to both men and women and are not either gay or straight, and then you claim how you want to be considered straight/heterosexual and yet labels do not mean anything. Sorry you can't have it both ways when it comes to having sex with men and women and not being considered a closet case because you consider yourself straight/heterosexual.

 

[445358]

About a year or so ago I was seeing a therapist and I told him about how i was attracted to penises and not necessarily men (I consider myself straight and he knew I thought of myself as straight) and he came up with an interesting theory as to why this could be.

He said that since I lacked a strong deep relationship or friendship with males, and I was not able to develop such relationships, that my desire for that deep friendship had manifested into trying to develop a sexual relationship with other men, and for me that centers around a man's penis.
That isn't what he said verbatim so try not to analyze each word.

Has anyone else ever heard of anything like this?
Thoughts?

Ignore your therapist he wants you to stay closeted or in denial and perhaps you secretly want this too. Just come out as being bisexual and your life will be a lot easier and you will be happier as a person. Find another therapist who understands how you are bisexual.

 

[fullpak]

tsf....here in central ny too...feel the same way you do...also did not have a grat realtionship with my father....I am divorced...but loved pussy...but also am attracted to men's penises...not men in general...but the penis...love to jack off with a bud from time to time....feel I am just me....and just live with it...no questions asked

 

[vlls]

im on the same boat, straight but attracted to penises... but ive had strong relationships with male friends... in fact ive even done stuff with one of them. i dont think that theory stands... i think this attraction to the same sex genitalia regresses into our primitive instincts

 

[swedish fish88]

Question: did you ever see another guys penis while growing up (locker room, comparing, etc.)? If you didn't, maybe this is why your so curious about them.

 

[atlas23]

What do u think about ur relationship with men?

 

[Howard10011]

I think there's a lot to the theory and I can relate to it to some degree. I believe that there are men who find greater satisfaction in being with women, yet are fascinated with the penis (or male anatomy in general) because it may have been foreign to them while growing up. This is likely the result of an absent or distant father and a lack of male figures.

Those who say you're just "denying" your homosexuality are offering simple-minded bromides that should be ignored. If your therapist's theory resonated with you, there's very likely something to it.