A thread for the "undecided"

Discussion in 'Show Off' started by Theunbroken, May 16, 2007.

  1. Theunbroken

    Theunbroken New Member

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    After some internal debate with myself, i have finaly decided to throw this out into the wide open and see if it is a 'common' thing..

    The truth of the matter is, i dont know what i am, there have been times when women have not managed to "arrouse" (great spelling, 2 am in my defence) me, and when having a good old browse through the porn sites with lots of different pic i am drawn to the guy on guy...

    I dont know if this is sheer curiosity, or whether there is a hint of gayness coming through there...

    Was wondering i suppose if anyone has been through this, and if indeed they know any ways just to narrow down the answer?
     
  2. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Well, sir, welcome to the world of Jeff Black.

    Here is the only advice I can offer. You are gonna like certain things, and not like others... as time goes on, it will become clearer. I suggest you just keep an open mind to options and if you find an attractive woman that turns you on, go for her. However, if you happen to find a guy who turns your crank (so to speak), well give that a shot.

    The great thing about sexuality is that it is fluid and constantly in motion. It doesn't change, but perspectives can. I recommend you just see what happens. With the exception of going out and having sex with a member of each gender, there isn't much else you can do to have a surefire answer.

    Does that help at all?
     
  3. IntoxicatingToxin

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    ^^
    What he said.
     
  4. Theunbroken

    Theunbroken New Member

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    the strange thing is, when i mentaly think about doing things with another man, (not to sound disrespectful or homophobic,) it doesnt fill me with joy, you know? but i guess its just that because im so filled with doubt i dont know what my feelings are at the moment.. i would hazard a guess that i am maybe straight, but the 2 only ever times i have been close to sex with a woman nothing has ever.. like.. happened, i hear all these stories about guys being hard before any forplay or anything.. but meh.. nothing happened, and doesnt help that i do act rather homosexualy.. not quite sure what my brain is doing :p
     
  5. wanker

    wanker New Member

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    I think I'm very similar.

    I guess it doesn't help that I was bullied all the time at school for not being into the same things other guys were (and the fact that I didn't treat girls like crap and actually got on with some of them)
    Now I have the roblem that I have zero confidence when it comes to acting on my attractions.
     
  6. Theunbroken

    Theunbroken New Member

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    that is my new found saying, as my name is rob, i have roblems.. you, sir, are a legend.
     
  7. wanker

    wanker New Member

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    o...k - thats a strange way to look at a typo.
     
  8. rob_just_rob

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    That worked really well for me. Of course, I had to do that more than once, just to be sure... :wink:
     
  9. Caelestis

    Caelestis New Member

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    Hello dear. (You know who this is, right? Palah, SotF)

    This might be a long one. (erm, lol)

    Minor relevant background: My parents split when I was 2 years old. I lived with my mother who is very open-minded and spent every weekend until I was 18 with my father who is very *ist. Yup, racist, sexist, homophobic. OK, homophobic doesn't end with ist, shh :p

    On weekends away with my father I used to hear how the very thought of gay sex made him feel sick. I always found that amusing for a guy who bathed nude with a dozen other guys under the disguise of "rugby", but there ya go...

    During my normal life with my mother I used to meet and befriend gay men. I went to a barbecue once at the age of 16. Found out I was the only straight man there. Boy, was I popular... Two of my best adult friends were a gay couple.

    You can only imagine how these mixed messages may have "shaped" my mind.

    Anyway....

    From the time I lost my virginity (kinda - I'll explain) at 18 until I met Kotchanski at 21 I had sex (kinda - I'll explain) with 5 women. On a sidenote, I loved university. I only actually managed to keep an erection and cum with one of them - I had an awesome right arm... I was on viagra when I met Kotchanski, but she cured me ;)

    University was a strange time for me. Thanks to my mothers friends, I was quite open to thinking about some men. Thanks to my fathers retarded teachings, I find it hard to think about men in much depth, sexually.

    I find it very difficult to watch gay, man on man porn. Browing the LPSG galleries, pages upon pages of dick, actually makes me feel a bit queasy. On the other hand, I love flirting with guys, and I really wanna give a guy a blow job, and take anal.

    I would suggest you've got nothing to worry about until you try and experiment with your options. There are many sites that will help you find a similarly minded guy who thinks experimenting with another guy would be interesting.

    There's nothing wrong with bisexuality, or curiousity. There's nothing wrong with experimenting. Try some stuff and see what you think or you'll be asking yourself the same questions forever.
     
  10. bluekarma

    bluekarma Well-Known Member

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    I'm attracted to both men and women. Granted most of my sexual experiences have been with men, women creep into my fantasies OFTEN. If I had more access to some bisexual women, I'd probably fulfill many more of them. Does that make me gay? Who knows. Who cares? I do what feels good, and what I won't regret the next day. Good luck figuring it out, and I hope I didn't dismiss any of your feelings, or anything...I'm just speaking for myself.

    x CG
     
  11. LouisVauban

    LouisVauban New Member

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    Amen to all of the above.

    Labeling yourself or looking for a label at this stage is limiting yourself. I sometimes feel society has a bad habit of MAKING YOU CHOOSE. You don't have to.... let time and experience take its course.

    I knew a therapist who identified sexuality based on what your fantasies are when you jerk off. But, that doesn't mean you can't jerk off to both!

    Remember, very few of us who identify as "gay" marched in with our dance card, ready for a life that isolates from the mainstream. It just evolved and there was no other way. Self-hatred is a miserable tool. We hear the word "Pride" bandied about in the gay world... this has much more to do with accepting ourselves and letting go of our self-hatred than throwing on a tiara and marching down Main St (althought that can be fun).

    When I was 18, I knew I preferred men... but I also had a miserable hatred towards them (probably father stuff). I could NEVER see myself having a realtionship with a man. I married a woman (who knew I preferred men) at age 19. By the time 22 rolled around, I knew that that was not going to work.... I outed myself to ease myself out of the marriage.

    I hadn't let myself evolve... By 23, I had labeled myself "Gay" and marched off to Greenwich Village.

    To this day, about 10% of my fantasies are women. I haven't acted on that in many years... and quite frankly, I'm not sure I'm going to met too many woman who'll want to mess around with someone who is 90% gay... but who knows? As I get older, I realize that now that I am comfortable with myself, ANYTHING is possible.

    Best of luck to you... and be in no rush. Let nature take its course... and yes, despite rumors to the contrary, having "gay" feelings is very much part of nature.
     
  12. Freddie53

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    Some good answers here. Some suggestions

    1. View the gay porn and the straight porn. Which one turns you on the most? It may be the same, all one way or some mixture. This is critical to me. When you are just about to cum what images then enter your head. Male or female. That answer if it is always one or the other tells it all. If it is a mixture, you still have some exploring to do whether with someone or just on your own.

    2. This one is the most difficult. There is sexual activiites and there is romantic love where you want to spend all your time with one person, go out to eat with them, still love them dearly if in a car wreck their face was disfigured. In other words the love transcended sex and went beyond that. You may not be ready for that stage yet. Then again some people never are. Some are at that point for a while and then are back to just finding people to have a good time with.

    3. Don't use a person to help you and misrepresent yourself. I am not saying what is right or wrong, I am saying be honest and don't hurt the other person. If you are just having a fuck buddy, be sure the other partner knows this and doesn't think you are about to propose a longterm living together relationship when in fact you are just experimenting.
     
  13. kudo451

    kudo451 New Member

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    Jeez, would you listen to this?
    Sounds like we all have issues to work out. The big point I think was made early on by Mr. Black. The truth about sexuality is that it is fluid, and the younger you are the more fluid you will find it to be.

    Truth is I today I am more gay than ever but I know what its like to have been in love with a woman more deeply than I have ever been in love with a man. I also know that many of my first gay experiences where with what turned out to be str8 guys in my old neighborhood. Most of my young gay friends now are gay in the streets and str8 to their peeps.

    Socialization as well as hormones play huge roles in our early lives but definition does come. However, life is just as fluid as sexuality. Things will set in their own time but until then be true to who you are today. Don't try to figure out who you will be for all eternity; Just today.
     
  14. fortiesfun

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    It is an extremely common thing. This thread has some information in it that helps establish that, at least. Pay attention particularly to the last section of Post 2.
     
  15. ssamontillado

    ssamontillado New Member

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    just go bi
     
  16. Brent

    Brent New Member

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    Jeff Black had the best comment, man. You'll find your way. Define yourself - don't let others define you. And be open to what comes your way (so to speak).
     
  17. malandro(growing)

    malandro(growing) New Member

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    I don't know if I'm straight/bi or even gay!
    I got obsessed about big cocks when I started PE,
    After that, it was only one step to like movies with twinks/boys with my age with a big cock (bigger than mine, at least);
    But also I love woman's butts! woman's breats! I love to see beautiful girls at TV, at movies etc.
    Before PE I only wanted to see girls! I loved to see lesbian movies! Lol, I was always thinking about having sex with my friends (female) , but now... When I see someone of my age (male) I'm always trying to figure how big is he, if he is gay or no, etc.
    But I still get shy in front of beautiful womans, I'm thinking that I'm not sure about my sex orientation because I'm still virgin, lol, so that's why I'm unsure, I didn't have experienced yet anything sexual, do you know what I mean? I had my traumas during all my life, those traumas didn't me get along with my sexual life... It's kinda sad, I know, but we all have our injuries, right? :p
    Only my story, sorry for my English
     
  18. mr obd

    mr obd Member

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