A Woman's Body Language

[D_Etienne Neerdowell]

I find this to be a very difficult topic to get a grasp of. When in a pub/nightclub type environment people are usually far more overt and open in the body language that they use - maybe it's because of the relaxed surroundings or the partaking of alcohol or a mixture of the two.

However I find that the complexities arise when dealing with woman on a more day-to-day basis. The prime basis is that body language is very often a subconscious manifestation of a person's thoughts at that given moment and I find that, in say the work environment, we mostly try to control these emotional indicators. As such body language can be very difficult to interpret and very often mixed messages are sent.

As such do woman try and control their body language at work and do we all tend to shy away from engaging in romantic trysts with close co-workers.

So the crux of my post is really for insightful female comment though of course all are welcomed to contribute.

 

[paigexox]

If I am genuinely attracted to someone, I won't shy away from letting them know with *intentional* body language. The real problem for me is that I know my demeanor and body language (intentional and un-intentional) vastly varies depending on my mood. One day I might be very kind and flirtatious, the next I will want very little to do with the person because I just want to be left alone, and I understand how confusing that can be to someone of the opposite sex. Another problem is that men also get attire jumbled up into the whole body language thing -- so I might be wearing a top showing a bit of cleavage, and someone of the opposite sex might read this as "I am soliciting myself," when it isn't the case at all. Certainly dressing a certain way sends out specific messages, but more often then not I find men those dress cues more strongly than the other physical cues that say "go away."

I think the key (if you're looking to make a move) is simply to seize the moment, or use your own charisma and personality to create a gap to make a pass. I know it sounds cheesy, but think back to your bar/club example... You are simply catching a unique stranger at the right time (and sometimes not!), and probably have lowered inhibitions yourself, so you follow through.

Annnd I feel somehow really out in left field now, so I'll just sit back and see where the discussion moves from here. :biggrin1:

 

[curious_angel]

<snip>..However I find that the complexities arise when dealing with woman on a more day-to-day basis. The prime basis is that body language is very often a subconscious manifestation of a person's thoughts at that given moment and I find that, in say the work environment, we mostly try to control these emotional indicators. As such body language can be very difficult to interpret and very often mixed messages are sent.

I can't speak for the "all" but personally I do try to conceal my emotions at work. When I'm negotiating a deal I can't afford to let it all "hang out". I'm sure when I'm attracted to a guy it shows, but it's usually involuntary. Unfortunately, I have a thing for guys in suits, so it's hard to hide sometimes.

As such do woman try and control their body language at work and do we all tend to shy away from engaging in romantic trysts with close co-workers.....

As a rule I actively avoid romantic trysts at work. It just complicates an already political situation. I haven't always been successful.

lecock80, do you have a crush on someone at work? Or is your reason for posting more general?

 

[_Edu]

Unfortunately, I have a thing for guys in suits, so it's hard to hide sometimes.

I think 99% of the women I know love guys in suits :tongue: hahah

 

[D_Sue Ellen Brastretcher]

I think 99% of the women I know love guys in suits :tongue: hahah

I knew I was a freak. I am the 1% of women who does not love a guy in a suit. I will take jeans and a t shirt every day of the week.

 

[xX_Sarah_Xx]

I find this to be a very difficult topic to get a grasp of. When in a pub/nightclub type environment people are usually far more overt and open in the body language that they use - maybe it's because of the relaxed surroundings or the partaking of alcohol or a mixture of the two.

I think an important reason you leave out here is that women might act differently throughout their hormonal cycle. When they're dressing up for a night in the club and they're ovulating, they're more likely to be showing a little more cleavage, to be a little more assertive, to be a little more forthcoming and sociable than when you'd catch them on a different "timing". I can just very often tell during a night at the club who of my female friends is having a little hormone-rush. They often attract more male attention that night because they're looking for it more than others, or because somehow guys pick up those signals and zone in on them.
It's something I noticed with myself too. Usually a night in the club means having fun with friends, dancing my extra energy off and harmlessly flirt with a few people. But on some nights, I just want to be noticed, and find myself to be "on the lookout". I'll much easier turn my back to my group of friends and talk to people I don't know or only know a little. And I go to the bathroom more too because that gives me the opportunity to roam around a little alone and catch a few eyes, scout the environment? ^^

So yes, the women you meet on a night at the club might act somewhat differently from the ones you see in an everyday setting. I'm definitely not saying that all women at a club that dress provokingly and give off signals are ovulating. Just that there seems to be a slightly higher chance. Or at least that's what I noticed when hanging out with the girls

However I find that the complexities arise when dealing with woman on a more day-to-day basis. The prime basis is that body language is very often a subconscious manifestation of a person's thoughts at that given moment and I find that, in say the work environment, we mostly try to control these emotional indicators. As such body language can be very difficult to interpret and very often mixed messages are sent.

There's so many more things on someones mind at work. What kind of "such body language" do you mean? Can you give an example of those kind of mixed messages?

As such do woman try and control their body language at work and do we all tend to shy away from engaging in romantic trysts with close co-workers.

So the crux of my post is really for insightful female comment though of course all are welcomed to contribute.

Romantic trysts with co-workers are never a good plan in case it ends badly. If someone gets hurt, there's always uneasiness. I think a lot of people are sensitive to this and will prevent things like that happening. So even if they feel attracted, they mentally put a block on that thought and maybe that kind of "mixed signals" can originate there.

But really, give us more detailed examples of those mixed signals, and a situation description. I'm good at empathizing and trying to put myself in someone elses place to try and put things into perspective a little, but we really need more details to answer your question. :smile:

 

[helgaleena]

Work is not a good place to get romantic. Males as well as females will try to stay away from that because it distracts you way too much!

I am one of those whose feelings show even when I don't clue in to them myself, which means that at work I am definitely at a disadvantage in trying to stay on topic. Thank goodness for telecommuting.

 

[D_Etienne Neerdowell]

Firstly, thanks for the feedback.

As a rule I actively avoid romantic trysts at work. It just complicates an already political situation. I haven't always been successful.

I know that it does but it's such a grey area - is it just totally off limits?

lecock80, do you have a crush on someone at work?

Yes, and it's quite vexing as I'm not sure that I can wait until I leave the company before I say something. I would really rather not be in this situation but since it's arisen I need to assess the best way of dealing with it.

There's so many more things on someones mind at work. What kind of "such body language" do you mean? Can you give an example of those kind of mixed messages?

But really, give us more detailed examples of those mixed signals, and a situation description. I'm good at empathizing and trying to put myself in someone elses place to try and put things into perspective a little, but we really need more details to answer your question. :smile:

Ok, say for instance when I'm talking to her she'll touch her hair, she turn her chair or change her stance to face me directly whether it's an individual or group discussion. I've caught her looking at me during team meetings, which wouldn't have been a big issuing (she may have been looking through me) if she didn't flinch and bow her head as if she had been caught.
It's all atypical indicators which while they don't suggest that she's head over heels it indicates a form of interest (possibly).
On other occasions the body language is just plain bad - I'll talk to her when she's sitting down and she'll begin to sit on her hands or worse fold her arms.
I just it all very confusing - and I would hate her to that I could offend her by misjudging her body language and inferring that she was in some way flirtatious, which she isn't it isn't in her nature to be overly flirtatious.

 

[vaeyinn]

Okay, if that were me, it would mean that I probably have a crush on you but don't want to act on it. So if she's interested and single, she's probably very worried about inter-office complications. Or maybe not and she'll think you're creepy. It's very difficult.

I'd recommend waiting. I have no idea how to fix it if you just can't wait, because the awkwardness of having been mistaken about her flirting isn't something I would want to face every day at work.

 

[Serial Kisser]

I'd say, unless I'm really into someone or on the opposite, really NOT into someone, I'm not really aware of my body language.

 

[xX_Sarah_Xx]

Ok, say for instance when I'm talking to her she'll touch her hair, she turn her chair or change her stance to face me directly whether it's an individual or group discussion. I've caught her looking at me during team meetings, which wouldn't have been a big issuing (she may have been looking through me) if she didn't flinch and bow her head as if she had been caught.
It's all atypical indicators which while they don't suggest that she's head over heels it indicates a form of interest (possibly).
On other occasions the body language is just plain bad - I'll talk to her when she's sitting down and she'll begin to sit on her hands or worse fold her arms.
I just it all very confusing - and I would hate her to that I could offend her by misjudging her body language and inferring that she was in some way flirtatious, which she isn't it isn't in her nature to be overly flirtatious.

When are those "other occasions" when her body language says please go away? When she acts like that, are you alone with her, or are there others around?
Seeing as you described that when you caught her looking she flinches and looks elsewhere, I'd definitely say there's at least an attraction.

You could do a little body language research... (or just give us more details still!) We don't know your work relation with her, but if you sometimes have to work together or discuss things, get a little closer to her, stand behind her at her desk invading her personal space *a little* more than you normally would. (Not in a creepy way though ) See how she reacts. Does her breathing change or does she get nervous? Or is she just going on undisturbed and moves her chair away from you? It's easy to cover that up and make it look not-threatening if her body language is negative and not influence your work relationship. It's also easy to go from that to flirting with eyes and give her goosebumps if it goes well...

I'm guessing you two are already pretty "aware" of each other. If you're in a crowd of people, do you have the feeling she knows where you are all the time?

 

[need2bsexy2]

Generally, I find that when a woman in a social situation violates my personal space or touches me on my hand or arm, that she is interested in me in some way (probably not sexually but in a desire to get to know me better). That may lead somewhere that you might be interested in but it has to develop. At a different time, violate her personal space and observe her reaction. Touch her hand or arm and observe her reaction. This type of relationship takes a while to develop. Be more available to her in the business situation and just TALK. Stand back and wait to see what happens. maybe it will, maybe it won't.

 

[B_crackoff]

I think that in the litigious nightmare world we live in, if in an office environment - just say no -& just steer clear!

Unless you know that they are not a fruitloop, ignore any signs whatsoever, & if you cannot help yourself, behave with restraint & decorum - clarity, not suggestiveness, especially at work.

I once worked with a very clever, & gorgeous Mediterranean, who walked around with the blood red nipples of her silicon enhanced breasts, straining through the flimsy material of her virtually transparent white top, whilst wearing slitted short skirts with golden toned thighs.

She use to lean over desks smiling to guys, yet complained each & every time she was hit onto the boss. Promotions came her way, slapped wrists, or the door for her victims. The other women hated her, it took a little longer for the guys. Lol!

Unless you're sub 25 - never bother - it's harder to rebuild a career after you've been disciplined for any type of sexual scandal.

If you must - just be direct, not flirtatious i.e "are you single, do you want to go for a coffee/drink?" If it's a negative response, just redline it forever.

Personally, I've always taken the route that if they don't throw themselves at you(with a little encouragement), they're not truly interested. There are plenty of bars!

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Um... the facts?
Most people who did not meet a SO in school or College, met them at or thru their work.

If you are attracted to her, the proper thing to do is to wait until you see her acting friendly, and or interested, and then ask if she would care to step out of an evening?

If she says no... then you saunter off and treat her precisely as you have previous to asking... no harm no foul.

If she says yes then you arrange for a date and, in an environment away from the office, see how things go.

What you do not do is pursue any kind of overt flirtation in the office as a means of getting her to go out with you. ( tho subtle things might go over well...) Do not make her work day a trial or embarrassment.

But time is of the essence. Women seek men who are ambitious and bold. They like to feel that you find them attractive enough to take a risk of rejection.

They are judging your suitability as a mate based upon whether you go after what you want, or are so timid as to let too much time slip by and appear vacillating, meek, or without passion.

What happens to most men who are unsure of themselves is that a woman will signal an interest... for a while, and then very rapidly signal disinterest, because you did not make your move when she was receptive.

She can tell when you are interested... and if you wait too long... she will decide you are not ambitious enough for her. And it is very hard to overcome this change in her perceptions.

So... the best advice is to work on your timing, and your self confidence.
recognize that a woman wants to see you want her enough to lay your heart on the line... and she want to see you are decisive in doing so.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Ok, say for instance when I'm talking to her she'll touch her hair, she turn her chair or change her stance to face me directly whether it's an individual or group discussion. I've caught her looking at me during team meetings, which wouldn't have been a big issuing (she may have been looking through me) if she didn't flinch and bow her head as if she had been caught.
It's all atypical indicators which while they don't suggest that she's head over heels it indicates a form of interest (possibly).

This sounds like she's flirting with you big time!

On other occasions the body language is just plain bad - I'll talk to her when she's sitting down and she'll begin to sit on her hands or worse fold her arms.
I just it all very confusing - and I would hate her to that I could offend her by misjudging her body language and inferring that she was in some way flirtatious, which she isn't it isn't in her nature to be overly flirtatious.

But this part I find as confusing as you do. Maybe she's just more comfortable in general with her arms folded?

I think you should be upfront and ask her out for a drink. Flirting back in the office can be a bad idea, because if you've got the wrong idea and she's NOT flirting, she could report you for harassment. But there's nothing wrong with asking someone out for a drink, unless she says no and you don't back off.

Hope it works out for you :smile:

 

[B_curiousme01]

It's important to be professional at work in order to develop strong working relationships with co-workers and earn respect. So yes, I would say that when I am working, I am in "professional" mode. If I did go have a drink after work, it would be to unwind. I would feel more open to discuss anything other than work while having a drink and generally just socializing.

 

[EllieP]

I wouldn't go by my body language, that's for sure! Too many times men have read a lot more into me than I thought. Sorry, I'm not displaying my boobs for stares. They're just there, and there's not a whole lot I can do about it short of a Victorian corset that would end up suffocating me.

I do flirt with my clients sometimes, but it's only to put them at ease and be a bit more comfortable. They're probably spending tens of thousands of dollars on redoing their home, and I want them to be happy while doing it.

Also, I met my husband in the workplace - his, not mine. It was in a bar where he was playing. Sometimes it works out.:wink:

 

[D_Etienne Neerdowell]

....get a little closer to her, stand behind her at her desk invading her personal space *a little* more than you normally would. (Not in a creepy way though ) See how she reacts. Does her breathing change or does she get nervous?........

I completely understand the sentiment of your post but I wouldn't quite know how to pull that off without feeling as if I was acting like a creep. And because we have to work together, occasionally quite closely, I feel as I should really respect those boundaries even more so than normal - does that make sense in a roundabout way?

I'm guessing you two are already pretty "aware" of each other. If you're in a crowd of people, do you have the feeling she knows where you are all the time?

I do have that feeling my I'm really not sure if it's imagined because of my own inflated self-importance - if a woman isn't up front with me I can have a real hard time interpreting non-verbal communicators.