a women who just doesnt like sex?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by bigdog83, Oct 14, 2008.

  1. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Member

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    how would one deal with someone like this? i am just wondering because today at work i was passing a converstation where the guy(my age, early 20's) was telling someone "she just doesnt like sex, i mean what am i going to do rape her......i mean she tells me she loves me, but she just doesnt like it"

    and then i was thinking......well this is easy, just talk to her blah blah and try to find out the real reason and make her comfatable.....and also let her know sex is part of a relationship.......but then i came back from fantasy land and realised i dont know much about women.


    so i was just wondering, how do you deal with someone like this?
     
  2. whatireallywant

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    There could be several reasons for this...

    1. She has a physical problem that makes sex unenjoyable, in which case she should see a doctor.

    2. She has psychological issues, either from a repressive upbringing, or childhood sexual abuse, or several other things, in which case she should probably see a therapist (it is probably easier to overcome a repressive upbringing than the other issues, though...)

    3. Maybe she is just trying to be kind of nice but really just doesn't like sex with HIM, in which case they both need to find someone else.
     
  3. Principessa

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    Hmm, my gut reaction is to tell him to dump her. :redface:

    Talking does seem to be the logical answer. Letting her know sex is a normal part of a relationship will probably just drive her away. :frown1: If she was abused as a child, raped as a teen, or just grew up in a religious/conservative family she's going to have issues he can't fix alone. Asking her what she likes won't help as she is probably inexperienced and doesn't know what will get her off.
     
  4. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Maybe she isnt the problem, maybe he is a bad fuck :eek:
     
  5. D_Selmus_Swallow

    D_Selmus_Swallow Account Disabled

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    It's either a physical problem, psychological problem, or case of inexperience and ignorance of what gets her off on her part, or if those are absent it's just that he doesn't know or doesn't want to do what it takes to get her into it.
     
  6. ManlyBanisters

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    Sometimes there is nothing to be done. She can seek help to get her to like sex but really it is her problem and if she does not want to deal with it, hasn't got the physical or psychological will to deal with it, then she doesn't have to.

    Likewise, if sex is important to him he does not have to stay with her.

    An example: a friend of mine is seeing a married man. His wife does not like sex - she doesn't feel she is missing out and she doesn't want to deal with it as she does not feel she has a problem. She and her husband have never had a sexual relationship that I know of. They love each other very much, they adore being married, they just don't have sex. She is perfectly OK with him having fuck buddies (like my friend) - he gets his sexual needs met there and his emotional needs met at home. It works for them - and for my friend who is a bit of a commitmentphobe and likes a 'safe fuck' who will not fall in love with her.

    Not for everyone - but there you have it. The OP's colleague can try to help his girlfriend but if she won't be helped then he has the choice to stay or go.
     
  7. B_hey listen up

    B_hey listen up New Member

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    Find out if the girl is in birth control and just recently switched to a different type of birth control. The women can surely give more information on this but I can assure you sometimes a new birth control (or going on it for the first time) can wreach havor with hormones etc.
     
  8. whatireallywant

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    I grew up in a religious/conservative family and overcame it. :biggrin1: But my family wasn't QUITE as bad as some families out there about that, so maybe she came from one of the extreme ones (like some of my relatives...). And if she was abused as a child or raped as a teen she will need a lot of patience and most likely therapy. This is one of the things that really makes me angry about people who do things like that! I'd like to give them a taste of their own medicine, but I don't know that that would do any good.

    Or, it could be that, too. :biggrin1:
     
  9. transformer_99

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    Regardless of who is the problem, either way, he should move on and find someone that is equally as bad in bed, but is a participant in life and not a spectator, so he can at least get laid ? At least the next partner he winds up with, they both can work on improving what they both are poor at ?
     
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