About-face at the family reunion....

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

Or just that they'll lose us. Relationships become more important than other concerns as people age.

NCbear (who's glad that Mattness has experienced a shift in his mother's behavior toward him)

Sometimes, it's because they've begun to heal themselves. Most parents who acted the way ours have are warped by the pain of their own lives. My parents were nuts. Completely and totally nuts. Well, my dad is still crazy and meaner than a snake to me. In later years, my mother was so sorry for what she'd done. She changed some but not totally. She even told a friend. Poor (insert name here). How he suffered. How he must have suffered. The friend told me later.

 

[NCbear]

NC, I haven't had an experience like that but my partner has. It deals with his mother.

When he came out, his parents cut him off, which devasted him as he was very close to his mother. They never spoke for about 3 years. Then, when they saw each other at family events, she was cordial but chill. Over time she thawed a little bit more but still strongly disliked his boyfriend at the time.

By the time he moved out here, he and his mother were getting along better but I wouldn't say that they were close anymore. His aunt on the other hand never had a problem with him being gay and openly supported him. His aunt and uncle lived here in Washington when he moved out here.

We started to date and he told me that one thing he really missed from his mother was on Valentines day she would have a special box with little goodies in it waiting for him on the bed when he came home from school. So with his aunts help, I called his mother and asked if she wouldn't mind sending the box out here so that we could continue that tradition. She was a tad bit distant with me, as she had never known me and said that she would think about it. A month later, we still didn't have the box so I called back and talked to his father. His father said that she was very attatched to the box as it had a lot of pleasant memories for her and that she wanted to keep it.

Three months later she comes out to visit her sister, my partners aunt, and the boyfriend is all nervous and trying to prepare me for her. He was very happy that she was coming out here but he kept saying over and over again how she did not like his ex-boyfriend and that I should expect the same treatment from her. I kept telling him not to worry about it.

So she comes out for three weeks and we just hit it off like we're old friends. My boyfriend kept asking here: "Who are you and what have you done with my Mother?" She even stayed with us for 3 days, too. My boyfriend couldn't believe it. They had again become as close as they were before he came out.

So she leaves and goes back home. Around the end of May, my boyfriend starts to get homesick and he books a plane flight back home for the 4th of July weekend. I'm not able to go because of work constraints.

So he gets back home, suprises his mom because July 2 is her birthday and has a great time there. He is continually shocked by everyone because they try to pump him on information about me.

Apparently, I made a huge positive impression on her and when she went back home she just talked me up like I was the best thing next to sliced bread.

So his trip home was one of the most pleasant he's had in years.

Thanksgiving comes around and we both go back to his parents. His mother insists, INSISTS, that we stay at their place. Which we didn't mind because of money constraints. Then the boyfriend is shocked even more when his mother let's us sleep in the same bed. OK, bed is a relative term. We slept on an air mattress on the living room floor. The impact on the boyfriend was still one of: "These have to be pod people."

The final unthawing came when his sister, right in front of me says: "Too bad you're dating someone now. I wanted to fix you up with a couple of my gay co-workers." I just laugh at this but later my boyfriend tells me that his sister told him to his face that he was going to rot in Hell and that he would never see his neice ever again.

So he had one of the most pleasant visits with his family he's had in years in 2006 and it's only gotten better since then.

I'm really happy for you, Sklar! Great story!

NCbear (who really likes hearing about positive changes in people's lives)

 

[NCbear]

Complete turnaround? Yes, but not with a happy outcome.

My sister, who I once thought I had a lot in common with and could trust like a friend, proved to be an adversary rather than confidante.

Bummer.

Sorry about that, SpeedoGuy. Here's hoping that situation can change for the better.

NCbear (who's about to welcome his brother back from Thailand, but who only has space for him on the fold-out couch in the living room)

 

[NCbear]

UPDATE: My lover and I visited my parents' house over the Christmas break, and my mother (especially) was again very gracious. Surprisingly so, really.

NCbear (who continues to think things may be looking up, and who's considering a variety of ways to rid himself of the tremendous anger he'd built up during his early years)

 

[Lex]

NC Bear--I am so happy that things continue to move in positive directions in this area. Maybe some of your mojo will rub off on my dad?

One can hope right?

Hugs.

 

[Mem]

UPDATE: My lover and I visited my parents' house over the Christmas break, and my mother (especially) was again very gracious. Surprisingly so, really.

NCbear (who continues to think things may be looking up, and who's considering a variety of ways to rid himself of the tremendous anger he'd built up during his early years)

Good for you.

Mem (who is growing quite fond of the unique 3rd person style that NCbear ends his posts with):wink:

 

[SpeedoGuy]

NCbear (who continues to think things may be looking up, and who's considering a variety of ways to rid himself of the tremendous anger he'd built up during his early years)

Sounds encouraging, NCbear.

And if you figure out a strategy for dealing with that anger, please let me know.

 

[Lex]

Good for you.

Mem (who is growing quite fond of the unique 3rd person style that NCbear ends his posts with):wink:

It's a rather older posting style--I remember first seeing and doing it back when I first started posting on the net (regarding other matters) around 2000 or so.

Since few do it anymore, it is nice that NC Bear has it as a signature style point.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

UPDATE: My lover and I visited my parents' house over the Christmas break, and my mother (especially) was again very gracious. Surprisingly so, really.

NCbear (who continues to think things may be looking up, and who's considering a variety of ways to rid himself of the tremendous anger he'd built up during his early years)

That's awesome. Maybe some therapy based in that type of situation would help you. Not that I think you need therapy, just a thought.

 

[B_Lightkeeper]

My SO moved in with me while I was living in another town about 50 miles from where my parents lived. I came out and told them I was gay and they accepted it, although I think they probably suspected. Anyway, he was always invited to family gatherings and if he had to work and couldn't go, relatives always wanted to know where he was. Dad even took both of us to Hawaii to a ballgame and around the pool while there, a few drinks loosened his tongue and he remarked "I wish %#$&^ (my brothers name) was more like you guys. " He (brother) was on his third wife, who neither of my parents really cared for. I always appreciated hearing that acceptance. When my SOs car was stolen from a mall parking lot and found stipped, Dad paid for the storage, towing and repair bill above what little insurance paid.

Mother loved my SO also. When I had hepatitus, she whispered to me "you two shouldn't be sleeping together for awhile!"

As for his parents, his dad was a good bit older than mine - since he was the youngest of six children, they accepted me also. His mother died a few weeks after we met, so I hadn't been around her too much, but at her funeral, one brother told me to sit with the family at the church.

Sorry to ramble on but the strangest thing - my Dad died on a Sunday and was buried on Tuesday. Thursday of that week, his Dad died (also of a heart attack) and we buried him on Saturday. I imagine they're both in Heaven and perhaps wondering to this day if we're OK and still together.

I knew friends that had parents as well as friends disown them after coming out. We were .....and are lucky!