About to go to a Gay Club for the first time...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D2Have, Dec 29, 2011.

  1. D2Have

    D2Have New Member

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    Hey guys, I am 20 & gay. My gay friend has been trying to convince me to go to a gay club with him on new years eve. I am tempted to go.

    However, I am a very shy and reserved person, and have never ever been to a club of any sort before. :frown1: So I am actually really worried about how the experience will be like.

    See, I really want to be social. I want to be approached + approach others, but I'm afraid I'm gonna be all awkward and just close myself down on other people just because I am nervous and really don't know what to do.

    So please, if you guys can spare me some specific tips or suggestions on what to do in a gay club (I know I just have to be 'natural' but cmon that's actually really hard for someone like me you know...).

    Any help is appreciated! Thank you all!
     
  2. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    All clubs are intense places with music, lots of people and a lot of sexual energy flying around, whether gay or straight. I suggest that it's a good thing to do with a friend but you might want to leave yourself an out of some sort. If it starts to get uncomfortable, you can always leave. For more shy people, it takes a few visits to fit in and just have a good time.
     
  3. casandra

    casandra Active Member

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    Just relax, nothing has to happen unless you want, if dress code is naked just enjoy the wonderful sights !!! Here in Gran Canaria there are mam, many gay bars catering for every different fantacy with dark rooms and cruising areas. I go to an outdoor daytime club, naked, huge erect cocks strutting around, sucking and fucking loving an audienceof other guys watching and stroking eack other off !! But you Don't have to get involved if you don't want -- Go and ENJOY
     
  4. casandra

    casandra Active Member

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    See my photos Basement Studios gay sex club, best wishes
     
  5. avg_joe

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    A lot of sex, drug and alcohol. Just have a good time there.
     
  6. ruggero

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    remember you don't have to do anything other than be there. The first time is always overwhelming, but heck, you've got to get it out of the way so you can go again with a little more experience up your sleeve.
    Don't worry but I'd suggest if there are any dark areas you might avoid going into them until you know your way around. (I was thrown stoned off the deep end into a steam room and clung to the walls as I tried to figure out where I was and what those noises were in the dark!)
    So what if you "faux pas" and I doubt you can, so what if you can't yet spar verbally. Just say "sorry I'm with my boyfriend", and you'll be O.K.
    Good luck and let's know how you go.
     
  7. Stuftpouch

    Stuftpouch Active Member

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    Not all clubs are "sex" clubs with dark rooms and boners you guys are scaring this guy.
     
  8. buffaloboy

    buffaloboy Active Member

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    It's great that you want to be sociable but take your time. Try and make some eye contact with someone first and see if they reciprocate, before just launching straight in. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to talk to people. Sometimes it happens, but if it doesn't it's not a reflection on you. You're fortunate though, in that it will be new year's eve, as that's when people tend to be in good partying mood and a bit more open and approachable than they would be generally.

    I've always found clubs great places to people watch and, oftentimes, people will come over and chat to me at the bar, which is usually nice.

    Good luck, and hope you have fun. Come back and tell us how you got on.
     
  9. hrdhatdad

    hrdhatdad Active Member

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    You should definitely go to a gay club but maybe not on New Years Eve. From the way you described yourself, it will probably make for a lonely New Years. The clubs will still be there after the holiday.
     
  10. D_CountdeGrandePinja

    D_CountdeGrandePinja Account Disabled

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    Yes, there are "clubs" but there are also "bars" where you can meet and talk or not with some interesting people. In the gay community, unlike others, there are many venues - social, sexual, community-minded and religious to be part of and enjoy!

    RELAX - Happy & Healthy 2012.

    Give it time, you have a life-time ahead of you, please God.
     
  11. lvsxy808

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    Precisely. Nobody said anything about a sex club. From what I can tell he's just talking about a nightclub - dancing and drinking and socializing. That so many of you assumed sex was automatically involved frankly says more about you than it does him.

    Now, to the OP:

    It is true that some gay clubs have what is called a backroom - a room set aside for men to get more familiar with each other than you might expect. Such places are usually populated by people who enjoy public sex. If you go in there, you will probably find that the lights are low-to-none and hands will come at you from every direction trying to grab for a fondle. It doesn't sound like you're anything like ready for that, so don't think for a second that it's mandatory or something all gay men do in a club.

    But many more clubs will have no such place, and are just for dancing and socializing. I suggest you go with your friend, make clear to him that this is your first time and you're going to need some support, and then enjoy yourself. Does this friend have other friends he's meeting there? If so, try to strike up conversations with them, chat, find things in common.

    (Although the music is often so loud in these places that it's difficult to hold a conversation at all. That's why body language becomes more important.)

    Obviously it's much easier to tell someone to relax than it is to actually do it, but trust in your friend to back you up. Drink a little - enough to relax you, but not enough to become a sloppy mess. Recognize the effect it's having on you, and where your limit is. If you hear a song you like, get the hell up and dance to it. Don't inhibit yourself unnecessarily.

    Especially with this being New Year's Eve, the club will probably be absolutely rammed busy. It's entirely possible that you and your friend may lose each other in the crowd. Therefore you should mutually agree in advance a specific and easily findable place within the club to meet again if you do get separated.

    Carry enough money to get you home afterwards, but not so much that it presents a theft risk. Keep it somewhere inaccessible - a zipped pocket, your sock maybe - so that it's not easily pickpocketable. Gay clubs are much less prone to violence and theft than straight clubs on the whole, but with that many strangers around, it's always a good idea to keep your wits about you.

    The final word is one that I live by - it's always better to regret the things you did do than regret the things you didn't. Good luck, and have fun!

    .
     
    #11 lvsxy808, Dec 29, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2011
    devo28673 likes this.
  12. nudeyorker

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    Don't try to be someone you are not, just be yourself. That is often part of the reason so many people are nervous in situations like this because they worry they will forget how to act and what to be.
    My advice on going to a party or a club is to go with the expectation of having a good time and if you don't... then leave.
    If you are going with a friend make sure you both have enough money to get home in the event one or both of you decide to continue the party elsewhere. Don't over-serve yourself in an effort to make yourself more relaxed and comfortable; it does not do that it just makes you drunk and sloppy.
    Take a deep breath and have fun!
     
  13. D_CountVonBhigBohner

    D_CountVonBhigBohner Account Disabled

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    You are going with a friend, so that makes it much easier than going alone. I say go, you can always leave if it's not your thing.
     
  14. D_Woody_Bush

    D_Woody_Bush Account Disabled

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    That is the sort of advice I would have needed back then!

    As the previous replies state, the good thing is that you have a friend to go with. That makes it so much easier to explore the place together, it gives you someone to chat to initially, which in turn will help you to relax and this may encourage someone else to approach you.

    And if you find yourself tensing up just remember: underneath all those outfits/make up/hair/... we're all naked and the same :rolleyes:
     
  15. D_Alec_Baldtwins

    D_Alec_Baldtwins Account Disabled

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    To the OP, I'll just mirror what most of the guys here are saying. If you're just going to a regular gay bar or club, as distinct from a sex club, overt sexual behavior out in front of everybody is not the norm. To be sure, the atmosphere may be sexually charged, as it often is at any club, and I'm sure you know that too much alcohol can make anyone do stupid things, but the odds that some guy is going to stumble up to you with a full hardon wagging in front of him is pretty small, and would probably get the guy thrown out.

    Gay clubs, like any other club each have their distinct culture, depending on the kind of crowd they draw, but on New Year's Eve, you can pretty much expect a fun, party-like atmosphere wherever you go. While I appreciate the danger in making broad statements like this, one of the things I like about gay bars is that I rarely see the rowdy, testosterone-and-alcohol fueled obnoxiousness, showing off, competitiveness, fighting, and other bad behavior that I'm so used to seeing from guys in "straight" clubs. Gay guys know how to party, but the crowd is typically a lot more chill. I'm a lot more comfortable in gay clubs than I am in straight ones, indeed, I really don't go party in straight clubs anymore.

    I think you can expect to have a fun time. The people-watching is great, and the guys usually friendly and open. If you show the right body language, you may be approached and chatted up or asked to dance, and as the evening goes along, maybe even touched or hugged in a friendly way if you've hit it off with a guy, but anything more than that is highly unlikely. Good luck!!!
     
    #15 D_Alec_Baldtwins, Dec 29, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2011
  16. AtomicMouse1950

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    Agree to go, but meet your friend there. Take your own vehicle, so if you DO become uncomfortable, you can leave when you want. I think you'll like it however.


     
  17. brklynboy

    brklynboy New Member

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    Solid advice. Could'nt have said better.
     
    #17 brklynboy, Dec 29, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2011
  18. FuzzyKen

    FuzzyKen New Member

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    Remember that this young fellow is 20 and not of legal age for drinking. This will have a great impact on where you legally can go. State laws vary regarding the presence of individuals under legal drinking age in clubs and bars period. The first thing you need to do is to make certain that your destination will let you in the door or not throw you out if your age is discovered. That could be a problem for you and your friend.

    If it is allowed remember that the first time you go it is in some ways going to be "sensory overload" and this is particularly true of clubs. Loud music some of which may be somewhat suggestive in it's own way, and a state of being a little overwhelmed are possibilities.

    You need to realize that this situation is not foreign and over time as you explore the gay community each place is going to have a little bit of "nerves" in the beginning.

    The first "leather bar", the first "drag show" and many other things in a public setting can make people nervous. This is in fact normal and it is just part of you and your acceptance of yourself and the community around you and what it offers as you explore that part of your life.

    The only thing I probably should suggest is that you and your friend choose a place that is not one that tends to be "in your face" or "over the top" as far as what might be expected of you.

    I wish you the best of luck my young friend and I wish you also a happy and prosperous New Years celebration.
     
  19. D2Have

    D2Have New Member

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    ^I'm in Canada, the drinking age is 19 here, so I can actually have a few drinks, though I'll probably just get beer lol... not into drinking anything else really.

    Thank you guys, I am still debating if I should go, I really want to, because I've just ended a relationship recently, and have been fallen down depressed and bored at home everyday. So I thought going to the club w/ my friend is a new way to meet new people, or at least get myself out there and try something new.

    Definitely.. the drag shows and leather dancers will kinda freak me out cuz I'm so not used to it. I'm going to a pretty famous club: Fly, so I don't think that it's gonna be filled with people looking for just sex (???)

    Anyway I really appreciate all the comments, they are helpful. =)
     
  20. matelalique

    matelalique Active Member

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    Oh, I really wanted to do a post about cutting a hole in the back in your boxers and getting down on your hands and knees when you walk in ... and you can certainly find this kind of bar if you want to.

    I was out last night in Chelsea in NYC (I live in Chicago and I was out alone), and it wasn't doing much for me so I headed home. I often go out alone - and often go out with buddies. Talk to your friend about where you are going, and how you are getting home, and what happens if either of you feels like going home.

    That said - it is supposed to be fun, and I've had a lot of fun out on my own, and I've met great guys. I would suggest forcing yourself to talk to at least three people. I would expect two of them to completely blow you off. Talk to the one who doesn't.

    Enjoy yourself, and an orgasm at the end of the night is the cherry on top, but not an expectation.
     
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