Acceptable affection between close friends

martin60018

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since I am gay, I dont really expect anything physical. Good gay friends just dont really go there, we become "sisters" (siblings) so no sexual stuff. but between my best straight friend and I, once in a while he'd lean on me etc. then pull back remembering that I am gay. and hot for his bones. he knows this but we talk affectionately about it and all his sexual adventures he had and now with his wife and about his kids etc. and I tell him my reckless abandon etc. so we are open and affectionate mentally with each other. when we were younger we had a few good hugs. and he used to be more physical with me leaning etc. but now since we have know each other for so long, nothing is taboo anymore, I am just waiting for more, but he is str8 so that is the way it is. since he is married, he doesnt use me as his pick up anymore. we used to go out together and he was too shy to talk to anyone, so I did all the opening of conversations for him. good friend he is, he tried to return the favor for me at a gay bar long ago and got hit on so much that night that he said he wasnt coming to the gay bar with me anymore. blessing in disguise cause you have a hard time ditching a good str8 friend if a trick developed and you drove together. :) all you gays out here can relate to this.
 

D_22

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A few years back I was hanging with a group of friends and we went to one of those Haunted Houses things they do every Halloween. Most of my friends were there as a couple and it was me and one other of my friend, let's call him James, who were single. All of them were straight and James noticed I was feeling rather whatever with everyone being paired up, etc. So he actually decided to be affectionate with me, holding onto me, leaning, etc. Even at one point took my arms to hold him. He didn't really care bout anyone else who saw or assume anything, he was just cool enough to make me feel comfortable.

I've been pretty damn fortunate with a lot of my best friends, all of them straight. Not all, but a good number of them can get affectionate with me and I think it's their way of them showing their comfortably with me while also gaining some of that masculine affection that is sorta "taboo."

And no, besides that affection and joking touching each other places, I've never done anything sexual with any of them. Closest thing besides touching was maybe dancing/bumping and grinding and acting stupid here and there like guys usually do.
 

hungboy18

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I 100% think physical contact helps friendships, any relationship can gain from this, it feels good to hug people, I'm gay, but I guess it's something I'd like to have more with my girl friends, for instance, I have two best friends, both girls, one of them hugs me, kisses me, we walk arm in arm... I know we could share a bad, she has slept next to me, with her head on my shoulder many times, she has sat on my lap... the other is kind of awkward, she doesn't want to sleep in the same bed as me at night, but it's ok to take naps together, in that same bed, don't ask me, she's weird, I'm weird and I don't understand that, the other day she kind of saw my butt crack and she was like "oh don't do that" and I was like "don't look", she's just not warm, she hugs me... but there's some distance, and I kind of feel that and I'd really enjoy being close to her, gosh I know everything about her life, including her sex life, secrets, passwords... it's not something sexual at all, I don't mind the idea of me, girls, sex, maybe, someday, in my 30s, but not them, ewwwwww, so I understand what straight guys are saying about being close to other man.

I don't know this is gonna sound weird, but I guess I'd rather be more affectionate with these girl friends than guys in general, and I'm gay, it just goes to prove that people want that, without anything sexual happening... obviously I'd love to have some guys being more affectionate with me, just so the butterflies jump up and down a little bit, but having a special moment with someone close to you, just "hi, I missed you" and a big hug and a kiss, that's a priceless and beautiful moment between friends!
 

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Be a little careful. My close friend of five years not long ago told me he doesn't want any further contact with me. In all that time I never did anything sexual to cause this. He didn't complain when I sat next to him on a drive with my arm around him or kept my hands on his shoulders while he played the piano. But years after that and a year or more after we had our first intimate talks about sex (and I knew he hadn't had sex with a woman in years), he rather suddenly accused me of having been interested in him sexually ever since we met. He won't face the logic that I never made any sexual advances. It has made me wonder a little if he might have homosexual tendencies. Anyway, I miss him.
 

art

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I'm pretty touchy and huggy with my friends, male and female. They're all used to it by now, though it sometimes freaks out new friends who haven't ben warned.

My three best friends in highschool was pretty much the same. We were always hugging each other in greeting, gave each other nude massages, would hang out listening to music or watching tv in our underwear or naked. We often went on double dates (One of them had a car), and frequently had sex simultaneously with our dates (Nothing more awkward that one couple having enthusiastic sex while the other hasn't progressed beyond polite eonversation.) Skinny dipping in lakes or swimming pools. I've slept with each of them (Just slept!) Nothing really sexual with any of them.
 
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D_Bubba_Butter

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Hugging, kissing, nudity, sharing beds are all acceptable between close friends.

But when hugging & kissing naked in bed, as a general rule, I'd keep kissing above the waist & not use tongues so much. Unless my friends thought that was a little stand-offish. I'm known for being shy & prudish like that.
 

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I love the physical affection between my friends and I, but obviously it's different from my partner. Even if I see my friends every day there are plenty of hugs to go around when we meet and leave. We've all been there for each other when tough times come along, and you can never have too many hugs.
I have a friend who's straight, married, and has a little boy, but it always touching someone. . Partly because he was neglected as a child and craves the physical connection with another person, and he's a massage therapist. He's always rubbing shoulders or backs, or hugging someone. He's really comfortable with it and it is never sexual.
I cuddle with my partner on the sofa while we're watching tv or something, and I'm always touching him as we move around the kitchen cooking dinner. I don't like to cuddle in bed though. When I'm in bed to sleep, I just can't relax when someone is touching me.
 

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Me and my best friend have that kind of relationship. (Of course, I'm bi and he's a little bi, but more straight than anything.)

We hug and we sit and can talk about pretty much anything with eachother. Every so often we get together and jack off and make out with eachother, and I know that's usually not normal...

But outside of that, We give eachother piggy back rides in public, long hugs, he's like the brother I never have. When I first started noticing our friendship going from "friends" to "best friends" I got very nervous considering how "touchy feely" I am. After a while he caught on to it and we talked about it, and he said it was actually really cool and we get along great now.

Recently he had to go on a business trip for 2 weeks and before he left he shared a long hug. He got back last night, and I'm going to see him in the morning. I have to be honest, I'm kind of embrassed by how much I missed him and how much I want to see him.

I don't want a romantic relationship with him, or anything like that, he's like a brother to me I guess? I don't know how to explain it other than he's my best friend. I guess it's because he's the only person I can really talk too... I don't know. Maybe I'm just weird. :/
 

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I love emotionally intimate closeness with men and wish I could have more physical closeness. I am am masculine gay men and surprisingly cannot get close to gay men like this but do fairly easy with straight guys. I have always bonded well with straight guys and they with me but I think since they know I am gay would be too shy to do anything like hugs, back rubs etc. Such a shame as it would be nice but the emotional closeness I get is really great.
 

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This is an interesting topic. I've often wondered how many "str8" guys long for more closeness with male friends. In our society its tough to share these feelings with each other. Its almost certain to be interpreted as "being gay"...or at least that's what we're afraid will happen.

If I'm being honest (and this is one place where I feel I can be totally), it would be awesome to have the kind of guy-to-guy friendship where expressions of affection were considered okay and were reciprocated. That being said, I know it would take some getting used to on my part if I found myself in such a friendship. I can already feel myself recoiling just thinking about it.

It's weird (and probably kinda sick) to both want it and have something inside of you repulsed by it. We can get so messed up by societal pressures. But, I think it would be worth working through those feelings to have such a friendship.
 

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i'm a very masculine gay man... all my friends are straight and i'm very touchy feely... most of my friends are cool with hugs, touching and a little flirting... but my best friend is the opposite... he knows i'm affectionate but if i get close to him he'll punch me on my arm or worse... LOL... it's cool, i just know that he's not that kind of dude...

although i don't have any friends that i can chill or walk around naked with, but they've all seen me in my undies or even naked...

i do crave that affection from guys, but i think it's just that i get lonely when i'm single... LOL...
 

Notseingme

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Great post. I seem to somehow attract friends like this and would say that most of my straight guy friends are this way. We have super long hugs, I've shared a bed with all of them at one point or another, we've done massage trades, hang out naked together in the hot tub, etc. Sexuality has of course come up and I've eventually asked all of them if they could ever be or have been bi-curious. They have all very comfortably and openly said no (talking about it at length), and I actually think that it's because they are so comfortable and secure in their heterosexuality that this kind of close affection is possible without any room for misinterpretation as the prelude to something sexual. Not coincidentally, all of these friends are also very comfortable (as am I) talking about things, problems, etc. of a very personal nature, not afraid to show our "naked" emotional selves as well as the physical ones.
In contrast, I also have a number of bi and gay male friends and have this kind of closeness with very few of them. When we've tried, it often either leads to sex or to sexual tension (ending up feeling really uncomfortable), which is an entirely different direction. I'd be curious to hear about success stories of this kind of connection between gay/bi men and how sexual tension/temptation is averted.
I've only developed affectionately close male friendships like this in the past few years and it has shown me an entirely new dimension of possibilities in terms of male bonding and friendships. I highly recommend it!! :)


Lol i am trying to figure that out myself my friend and i met in 05 and lost touch and now he gives me long hugs and i just want to jump his bones but our friendship really isnt like that lol it just makes me want to be closer to him and hes gay as well but yeah
 

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My extended circle of (twenty-something-y-o) friends will extend a hug for 30s if you do the handshake -> full embrace first and actually talk while it's happening. Otherwise it's ENTIRELY for the physical closeness and unfortunately it gets weird.

My family has always been pathologically sparse with physical expressions of love (both parents were non-sexually abused). They probably beam at us thinking it's the highest commitment to my well being but it's frankly warped me to feel that need. I feel you but I have no hopes of massages and bed sharing NOT getting powerfully awkward. If I propsed either to my best friend (straight afaik) he woulds simply decline. He wouldn't judge me (only because we're close; not because it's anything less than cringey).