Actively Bi and your partner doesn't know?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by biandupforit, Nov 5, 2009.

  1. biandupforit

    biandupforit New Member

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    Just wondering how many bi people are on this forum and their partner doesn't know? Or do they know and how does it work for you?

    I've been with my GF for nearly 10 years and have been bi since before we got together. I'm happily bi and keep it to myself. In fact very few people know I'm bi. Because of my job I keep things to myself.

    Anyone else in a similar situation?
     
  2. catman

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    Well I think there is a 'doesn't know' and 'doesn't acknoledge', while married to my late wife, it was 'known' that I have a very high sex drive.... That said did I play with other men? yes. Women? NO. Was I always safe? always. Did I ever cross a line? no. I have/had several married friends (men) who we used to 'help each other out'...case in point at one point several of us had pregnant wives..solution, jacking off together...

    Does this 'qualify'? We never discussed it...
     
  3. dolfette

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    do you mean ''actively'' as in, ''i acknowledge my bi side'' or as in, ''i'm a cheating piece of shit who's using bisexuality as an excuse to fuck around behind her back'' ?

    personally i've been openly bi since my teens. it's caused a few ripples on occasion but nothing major...however i do think it's easier being a bi female than a bi male.
     
  4. ges

    ges Member

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    I was actively bisexual and my wife suspected everything I did (came home 30 mins late, had a phone call from a male she didn't know etc, etc). I had admitted that I'd had homosexual sex before we got married - for us, that was a BIG mistake.
    At the time of our marriage, I was very confused about my sexuality - to the extent that I hated myself for not being normal (whatever that was).
    I was fearing that I was gay (a TERRIBLE thing in my mind at that time).
    I have only recently concluded that I'm Bi, that it's no big deal to most other people, and that it's still going to take a long time to come to terms with. My marriage is over (3 months ago), after 27 years. It seems that the best thing for me is to just have a relationship with myself.
    To answer the question, my wife didn't really know if or when I was being unfaithful sexually, but she didn't need to, the marriage was doomed simply because she knew the possibility existed.
    By the way, I still haven't really learned to like myself: bisexuality has had a pretty devastating effect on my life.
     
  5. sawka63

    sawka63 New Member

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    Yes I have been actively bi since a teenager, no my wife does not know, but am always careful and am always safe, usually mutual masturbation or massages with "happy endings". As for the people out there who think that being BI is just an excuse to "cheat or screw around" on your partner is not the case. I was married a long time before finally giving into the feelings again that I had as a teenager, as a teen it was easier supposedly I was experimenting. My wife and I enjoy a good sex life, she or I have no complaints, but there are just somethings that she cannot give me and for that I look elsewhere, like it was said earlier mutual j/o with other married guys is a common thing for me. THere are more "bi" guys out there than people want to admit. I have a majority of my extra activity with married men, who no one would have any clue that there is a hint of "bi" or "gayness" to them, but they certainly enjoy mutual masturbation, carressing, kissing etc., Some of the guys are "macho" sport minded guys, who think nothing of j/o with me, touching my cock etc
     
  6. D_CountdeGrandePinja

    D_CountdeGrandePinja Account Disabled

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    How sad that some of us are not allowed to be the wonderful creation that God made us to be.

    God doesn't make any junk! Be proud of who and what you are.

    Have a great day.
     
  7. Torque8

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    Have been actively bi since my college days (a little over 10 years) but only with about 3 buds unless I'm on the down-low out of town. Mostly pumping and muscle worship sessions. Have kept it a secret from my past and current gf's.
     
  8. justine

    justine Member

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    I have been bi since before marriage 38 years ago. For many years a great friend also married and I shared a wonderful relationship for over 17 years. It was my decesion to leave Chicago and become a hobby farmer. We are still great friends and never talk about those years we shared sexually. Presently I have truly been blessed with Mark a 33 year old former marine. We have been sexually active since June of 2009. His wife is a demanding non appreciative person. He just announced she is pregnant and expecting a baby in June. He said previously there were a couple of male to male experiences but he did not like it. Mark is a great looking guy who has many women on the side and his wife has put a spy program on his computer and presented him with quote her evidence that he is flirting and having affairs. He denied this to her but has been honest with me that he was doing her best married gf. Mark said his wife's gf has stopped seeing him. Having him as a best friend and a gift from God I am very grateful for our relationship. Being bi is very difficult if one cannot be open about it. I have never been active with many men but the few I have been all have been married and are dealing with the same issues I face. Not sure what my wife would say if she knew but I honestly believe she does know and her choice is not to mention it. As most married men know after many years of marriage the sex in the bedroom slows down or stops completly. My advise to any married man is consider what can happen if your partner finds out and are you really ready to deal with the results. I agree that God created all of us and he knows who and what we are and for me that is all that matters. Remember what Popeye use to say " I am what I am" and that sums my life up completely.
     
  9. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    My cousin was married for 15 years and tried to suppress his tendencies towards men. When his marriage fell apart he met another divorcee while dropping their kids at school. It turned into a great affair for the two of them - all the time claiming they were looking for the right woman. Now, the friend is in a committed relationship with a man and my cousin is just playing with bi married men who don't get what they need from their wives. He told me that it's amazing how many bi married men are out there.

    Honestly, I think that, even a gay man in a committed relationship, might like to have a friend on the side like this. Not fucking around cheating every other day with a stranger, but a real friend just to have something new from time to time.
     
  10. hud01

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    I have been in yes and no. If I could pick my next relationship, I would like it to be yes. I don't like to lie or hide things.
     
  11. Fnord

    Fnord New Member

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    I am NOW a happily married bi-guy, but that is only because I finally came out to my wife a couple of years ago. We now have a so-called open relationship where I have some limited freedom to date guys (and yes, she knows about my dates). My wife also has the option to pursue dates, which she does too. No, she is not bi, but I feel that we have equal rights. Anyway, I have basically always known I am bi, but I had no idea how to label myself when I was younger. Plus I kept falling in love with both men and women - really difficult to understand if you simply do not know what being bi is. When I got married, I had decided that I would make a sort of final choice and ignore the other bit of myself (after all I was madly in love with my wife!). This, however, did not work. Eventually, my other side resurfaced and so I started experimenting. I kept this up for a number of years, but became increasingly frustrated with the lack of real room I had to fully enjoy being 100% myself. This thus led to me coming out to my wife about my bisexuality and negotiating room to date. For now, things are working out for us.

    Just my two cents' worth!
     
  12. biandupforit

    biandupforit New Member

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    Dolfette - I'm somewhere in the middle. Yes, I fuck around behind her back but only with men. Why do I do this? Well, we've been together a long time but I couldn't ever come to tell her because I know she would be crushed. Why don't I fuck around with women behind her back? I never feel the need. Is this the path to accepting I'm gay? No, I don't think so because my feelings for women have not changed over the years, but I have become more accepting of my bi side. Would I like to come out to her and my friends/colleagues? No, I don't live in a social circle where it would be easily accepting but this doesn't get me down.

    I don't have all the answers cause I'm still trying to work them out but as said above, I feel I would be lieing to myself if I denied my bi side. Am I lieing to her in the process? Yes but I can live with that!
     
  13. invisibleman

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    What is going to happen if you aren't as careful with your sexual interactions with men and you actually lose your girlfriend and/or your job? Would you be honest with your bisexuality in future relationships with women who could handle who you are?

    I met a guy in your position but I think that the wifey knows. I think that women know that their man is bi...but is afraid of losing their man.
     
  14. jerryhall

    jerryhall New Member

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    I was married for 14 years to a woman I still love, although more like a sister.

    When she found out I was having an affair with a man, she felt a betrayal on a level that I never imagined. You don't want to hurt somebody like that.

    Of course, it IS DIFFICULT to sort through all the feelings, and guys who are bi or gay don't necessarily mean to hurt the women they are with. But my only advice would be regarding the unknowing individual(s) in your relationship(s) to think hard about what you owe them and act accordingly.
     
  15. Fnord

    Fnord New Member

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    It depends on each individual situation really, in my opinion. You can't really tell other people what the best solution is, because there are too many factors involved. In my own situation, our marriage was beginning to suffer because we were not communicating openly enough anymore. I was getting very frustrated about not being the whole me. Our sex life was going down the drain and I was increasingly ratty. Finally, a (gay) friend of mine who knew about my bisexuality said: "Isn't it time you just grew up, accepted yourself, and came clean about the whole situation? Or were you planning to sneak around in the shadows for the rest of your life?" For me, those words really hit home. But it really depends on who you are and how you feel about yourself and your relationship. The sense of relief I experienced when I told my wife was enormous. Of course it was a shock for her, and of course we both cried. But it turned out that she had had an affair on the side for nine months that I knew nothing about, because she too was becoming frustrated with our relationship. After everything was out in the open, we REALLY talked - about 8 hours straight! When is the last time you remember talking to your partner for 8 hours straight? But we laid everything on the table and totally revamped our relationship. And best of all, we promised to be completely open about how we feel and what we want. For us, it has been a miracle cure. We are both very very much happier people. We have MUCH more sex together again. But we are also free to pursue other things. We tell each other about it (and yeah, we sometimes worry about each other), but the main thing is that we stay open. Let me repeat, I don't think this would be for everyone, but for me in my situation it is a perfect solution.
     
  16. B_aussie8in

    B_aussie8in New Member

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    umm why does it matter that u never had sex with other women. YOu fucked men thats still cheating.
     
  17. B_aussie8in

    B_aussie8in New Member

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    represent! i agree people use their bisexuality as an excuse to cheat.
     
  18. B_aussie8in

    B_aussie8in New Member

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    Oh please. How many men have seen women that aren't their wife and they'd love to bone and stopped themselves. This is a load of shit if u wanna be bisexual tell ur wife or divorce her.
     
  19. Fnord

    Fnord New Member

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    Essentially the conclusion that I drew too. So that is exactly what I did!
    However, I dispute the notion of 'wanting' to be bisexual. I simply AM. :cool:
     
  20. lgtrmusr

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    I suspect a frank admission of my sexual history would have similar results. Thanks for sharing.

     
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