This is a question for the ladies, and I expect this to take some bizarre turns especially when the guys chip in. Just remember I am asking the women, and that is why I am asking in this forum. So here is the deal: My wife hates oral sex. She does not go down on me and she doesn't even like it much when I give her a tongue bath. The one time she really let go and let me go at it, she came several times, but she has never been comfortable enough to let me stay down there long enough since. I let her know she is beautiful and that I really enjoy her appearance and her flavor, it is just she has a hangup about germs and all that. For her, cock to pussy is what she wants, and a face near either place grosses her out. She is grossed out by her mouth being on my genitals, and also by kissing a mouth that was recently kissing her pussy lips (even if it is freshly washed.) Ok now. After 26 years, this is highly unlikely to change. I have decided that it is not helpful to try to pressure her or convince her otherwise. We have read books together, talked about it and all that. We have communicated. The reality is she likes my dick between her pussy lips, but not anywhere else, and she does not and will not be the kind of woman that gets turned on by looking at or playing with my cock. Don't bother telling me how to change her mind or sell her on trying things differently, after 26 years it ain't gonna happen. One hand-job was more than she felt comfortable giving and it was more than 20 years ago. The only sex we are going to have is vaginal penetration and my hand on her clit to get her to cum. The question is, how do I adapt to giving up on something I always thought I wanted? I am NOT going to go outside the relationship for this. I actually tried that 5 years ago and it was a total unmitigated disaster in every way. The personal, professional, and relationship wreckage was immense and there is still a lot on the deck cluttering up life. Even if everyone in the world but me was getting a blowjob (and that is just a stupid lie from the porn industry) it would still not be worth tossing the marriage for one. I love my wife. She is a good person, a devoted mother and a loving spouse who cares for me in many ways. She just has some hangups around sex. I am not willing to throw away my family, lose my kids, get subjected to the hell of searching around for someone new, basically restart my life again at the age of fifty one. I just want to learn to let go of a silly selfish dream and be happy with the good I have. There it is. Maybe I just need to talk it out in the open to adjust my attitude. I don't want to be resentful. I don't want to expect my way into feeling ugly or unwanted because In my mind I know I am neither of those things. I just don't want my emotions to keep beating themselves up over this. There we go. Flame away all you oral sex lovers, but if anyone has something that might be helpful, I would appreciate it. I am struggling with this.