I would first like to state that I'm not trolling here, I'm not looking for anyone to cam with or humiliate me, I'm simply posting my experiences and thoughts on here because I think it might be therapeutic and there are many informed people on this website that may have some thoughtful inputs. I think I've become addicted to SPH. I've tried talking to my gf about it but she doesn't really understand it. When I'm fooling around with my gf I imagine her teasing me and making fun of me. I imagine her with ex lovers who are bigger than me and it gets me so damn horny. I try my best to get her to tell me I'm small because it's such a turn on for me. Problem is, after I cum, I feel terrible. I feel guilty, like I have a disorder and I need help for it. I don't like the feeling it gives me afterwards at all. I think SPH stems from past experiences. Not directly comparing the two but I believe it's similar to how many prostitutes experience some form of sexual assault in their early life. The first time I had sex, when I was 16, my girlfriend made the usual naive, high school girl comments: "Are you in?"(I was) and she even asked me if I had pulled out, when I told her that I hadn't she said "Oh, I can't even feel you". This was demoralizing and I felt awful. Overtime it changed from something traumatic to something that I began masterbating to. My next girlfriend would tell me I had a small penis and talk about how much bigger her ex boyfriend was than me... It was embarassing to my conscious mind but a huge turn on to my subconscious mind. I feel that these experiences have changed me and formed the way I desire SPH now. Here's the kicker, my dick isn't even small. Most would say it's well above average at 6.75x6.25 but it still turns me on to hear that someone thinks I'm small. I know I don't have a "small" dick and I'm not looking for anyone to tell me it's average sized and I should be happy with what I have. I just wanted to share my story and what was on my mind. I wasn't really looking for this, but maybe someone would have some insight on how to stop being turned on by SPH. Anyways, I know SPH is a sensitive subject to some on this website. I hope I have shed some light on the topic for those that don't understand it.