admitting how many lovers you had

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_thickjohnny, Apr 1, 2009.

  1. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    My boyfriend of about 3 years (and 30 years younger than me) asked me last night how many guys I've slept with over the years. I said well at one time I would go out almost every weekend and could possibly sleep with a different guy every weekend. He started doing the math and got very angry. Of course, being younger he has not had more than about 4 experiences in total. If I had a country flag for every guy I've been with during my travels, it would look like the UN was in attendance. If I counted every guy I've slept with the list would go on and on and on....

    Do you guys share this information with your partners? How do you deal with it if you (or he) out number the other? How do you put it aside and avoid talking about it?
     
  2. Corius

    Corius New Member

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    NO, NO, NO; What happens sexually between two persons IMHO is personal and private and it ought to remain so forever. Disclosing what happened between you and your previous partners is not something which your present partner has any need to know.

    Some go for the tinsel and firecracker aspects of sex; for them casual sex with many partners is what they want. However, that sort of attitude makes sex nothing more than a game, a kind of mutual masturbation routine, with one partner being pretty much the same as the prvious partner and/or the next partner.

    When one delays sexual contact until one has bonded in friendship with another person one comes to see sex as a wonderful way of confirming a bond that has come to be between oneself and the partner. Such sex is fantastic and transforming, something which casual sex never approaches.

    I have had few partners, but I can truthfully say that I loved each of them then and I love them still even though we have not had sex in many, many, years. My present partner is free to draw her own conclusions as to what my relationship with these dear friends included. There is a wonderful mystery surrounding sexual relationships and that is something which is worth keeping.
     
  3. wilwarin

    wilwarin New Member

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    I agree the exact details are not really any of his business. In the gay scene it would be rather naive to think your parter had been a vestal virgin before he met you. As long as you practice safe sex and stay monogamous i dont think there is anthing else to get worried about.

    I also think your partner is being slightly silly in that as you have said there is a 30 year age gap between you and even if you were being virginal you'd still have met a few partners in that time.
     
  4. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

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    We both realize that each of us had a life before we met and don't talk about our pasts. We just concentrate on the present and the future
     
  5. ladsonbehr49

    ladsonbehr49 Member

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    well good argument about not saying anything out loud and in public but I am proud of my record..in 10 years I have had 3 and there were in a relationship...I find that when someone does not want to admit there sexual past, I would come to the conclusion that they are very sexual active and afraid to get a name associated with them.

    I have never cheated or been in open relationship and dam proud of it...
     
  6. londonredhead

    londonredhead Member

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    We don't discuss, is it really relevant?

    Also what counts as another 'number' - I will often suck off a guy in the gym steam room, does that count ... or does it have to be full on anal sex to add another notch to the bed?
     
  7. D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn

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    oh let's NOT count how many sexual partners nick8 has had over the years *sticks tongue out!* ;)
     
  8. D_Cock_Hudson

    D_Cock_Hudson New Member

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    I don't and when asked in a non-sexual situation refuse to give a number. It really is not anyone's business.
     
  9. B_Bonky

    B_Bonky New Member

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    Right on! I'm straight but have had my share of sexual partners.

    It's always the younguns who want to know numbers isn't it? ;)

    NEVER TELL. I always say, "I never discuss my sexual history, and I don't want to know about yours. It's not relevant to our relationship."

    And certainly NEVER spit out NUMBERS.
     
  10. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Never ask for exact numbers, for even rough estimates. Its a sure way to kill a healthy relationship, cause no doubt its going to leave someone feeling insecure
     
  11. greatdickismydrug

    greatdickismydrug New Member

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  12. Mr_Cumalot

    Mr_Cumalot New Member

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    Yeah I couldn't care less how many lovers my girl has had. I only care that

    1) I am the best she has had (open to debate but you know when you're good)

    2) She doesn't want to be involved with anyone from her past

    3) She is a faithful partner to me
     
  13. greatdickismydrug

    greatdickismydrug New Member

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    Perfectly Stated. She is a lucky woman.
     
  14. jodaho

    jodaho New Member

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    never ask never tell. being of a little older generation that lived during a time when different sex partners was the norm I had several (both male and female).
     
  15. D_Betty Beanbags

    D_Betty Beanbags New Member

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    It must be a youth thing because I have attempted to quote numbers before, and there is no freakin' way I ever would again. No number seems right, so I think I'll just stick with only counting by the husbands I have had. ;) Two!
     
  16. B_Bonky

    B_Bonky New Member

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    older generation a time when different sex partners was the norm!? wait a hold on a second.

    I internet date and have never encountered or heard of a more promiscuous group of people. The internet is the ultimate meat market and even a shmo like myself can score a new chick every couple/few weeks. I'm currently dating/screwing 4 diff. girls and meeting new ones all the time. It's amazing.

    Unless you're talking about the ancient greek orgies or something, but that would make you super old ;)
     
  17. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    when my wife and I were dating and getting pretty serious, she asked me how many girls have you had? I told her I wasn't sure. She said, "that many?" I told her probably about 50. She said she wasn't surprised, because I was handsome and hung. so we kind of had a "tell the truth, all of it" discussion. I was 24, she was 19. She told me she had been with 6 guys, her neighbor bf got her cherry. She was somewhat shocked that I had been with 3 different women in 24 hours, and got pissed that I had been "servicing" my last gf AND her mother, not at the same time, or same bed, but yeah, the same night. I was in a "big cock, I'm king" attitude for about a year, and I did fuck some chicks just for the sake of fucking them.
     
  18. B_Bonky

    B_Bonky New Member

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    Now THAT sounds like a story!
     
  19. QuiteOne

    QuiteOne New Member

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    I'm not sure why people are prudish about this. OMG... so you or your partner has had sex before!!! Alert the media. Of course we all have had previous lovers/hook-ups/whatever. What's in the past is irrelevant but should not be kept secret like it's a bad thing. I'm more than happy to share with anybody how many lovers I've had. Just like I'll tell them how many cars I've owned or pairs of shoes I have. What's the big deal.
    My partner and I talk about our prior sexual experiences all the time. Why wouldn't we. We are both very secure in our relationship and love each other dearly.
    If I were single and a prospective lover of mine were uncomfortable with the fact that I've had my share of sex in the past then I wouldn't consider them as a prospect. If they can't deal with it then it's just more drama waiting in the wings. There's too many more important things to worry about.
     
  20. Jovial

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    If two people are together for a while I don't see how they can not discuss it a little. You at least need to mention the serious relationships you've had. Like if you went on some nice trips with previous lovers do you just not mention those trips or do you not mention who you went with? I can see avoiding telling about the one-night stands. But if you had a period of several years of just hook ups what do you say about that time, that you just didn't date at all?
     
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