Adopting on Behalf of a Same-sex Couple

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by AlteredEgo, Oct 9, 2007.

  1. AlteredEgo

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    I was thinking about Jason-els' thread about gay men wanting to have children, and it made me think about many past similar threads. I was thinking specifically about how same sex couples lack half of what is needed to reproduce.

    I have the female half of the required organs. However, I also have a moral objection to offering my eggs, my womb, and my strength to anyone else to help them reproduce. I feel that with so many unloved children and babies in the world, it is morally reprehensible to use science to create children when natural ones are impossible to conceive. That is not to say I pass judgement on anyone who goes that route. I wish only to explain that I cannot be a participant in such a thing without being a hypocrite.

    In the past, when I have put this view on the table, I was criticized for suggesting that gays and other infertile couples should have to adopt, rather than artificially create embryos. It is difficult to adopt, and even more difficult for singles, or same-sex couples to adopt.

    What about this? I am in a long term, heterosexual relationship. I have a modest, but adequate income, and so does my partner. I live in two low-crime areas. I am a small business owner, and building a second business. I am young, healthy, and three weeks away from excellent credit (when the terrible things I did to my credit history expire and must be removed from my report and no longer afect my score). I could, after my boyfriend and I marry (which we have decided we will do) easily adopt. Well, as easily as anyone else. So do you know what I would be willing to do? I would be willing to adopt children, and surrender my parental rights to gay friends who wanted children. I think that's a good plan, don't you?

    It would be tricky. How could I balance the life of the little one in question so that the transition from my household to the real intended parent's household would be smooth, and not harmful to the child? I figure any good adoption agency wants to make absolutely sure that the child is adjusting well to my custody, and therefore I could not immediately hand over the child. Also, I have never seen an adoption take full legal hold until several months after the child's placement. That I see as the chief flaw in my plan.

    I'd adopt for gay friends if a plan could be formed in which the child could go quickly to the intended couple, and not form security and bonding in my home, with me, and with my family. Grrr. Why can't they just frickin' let queer couples adopt already?

    Meh. Thanks for listening to my poorly organized thoughts on the subject. Also, thanks for any help fleshing out my idea.
     
  2. DC_DEEP

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    Interesting concept, my sweet. I'm not sure how any of that could play out, legally. It would, indeed, be exceptionally complex.

    It is almost frightening, though, how parallel some of our thought processes are.
     
  3. SpeedoGuy

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    Not to thread hijack, but I thought the same when I began the process of becoming an adoptive parent 3 years ago. To my dismay, I soon found there are some very good reasons why so many would-be parents desperately seek artificial scientific means to conceive and bear their own children. The adoption process I participated in proved to be complicated, expensive, heart-wrending and full of hidden agendas that promote bias and prejudice at the whims of the agencies or individuals that facilitate adoptions.
     
  4. Principessa

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    I think I understand where you are coming from; and I think it's wonderful you would want to assist someone who may otherwise be unable to adopt a child.

    There are a small handful of states which allow GLBT couples to adopt children. Most of these states will also allow one partner to adopt the biological child of their partner, thus becoming an official/legal step parent. As a matter of fact I have gay male friends in NY state who adopted a HIV+, bi-racial boy.

     
  5. AlteredEgo

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    I have watched loved ones go through that process. Difficult though it was, I view artificial means as immoral nonetheless. I am unmoved.
     
  6. SpeedoGuy

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    Regrettably, that's exactly the sentiment that greets so many would-be parents who enter into the adoption process. Hence, so many head towards in-vitro/artificial methods.
     
  7. AlteredEgo

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    Well, no one's asked me. But with so many queer couples as friends, it's bound to come up in conversation eventually. Most of them want children.



    Just becasue it is legal doesn't mean it is likely to happen. Regardless of legality, it is nearly impossible to adopt as a gay couple. It is nearly impossible to adopt as a single. The process requires untold stores of money, time, and patience. This is especially true if you want an infant. It's hard enough to adopt if you are a "perfect candidate".




    Me too! I couldn't possibly give the child away. But I couldn't do it in the first place.


    Not so much. It's just contracts. Contracts are easily manipulated with a good lawyer. Parental rights are parental rights are parental rights. Once the adoption is final, I have all of the parental rights and may surrender them as I wish, unto anyone I wish, so long as my contract does not state otherwise. For example. You have a natural son. if you wanted me to be his mother for some reason, all you have to do is sign him over. (Okay, it's slightly more complicated than that, but that's basically the gist of the procedure.) I could so the same with an adopted child.



    Yeah, that's the only one, but it sure is a doozy, ain't it?


    You misunderstand. I'm not talking about what is legal, I'm talking about what happens in practice. Adoption agencies discriminate against certain people. Gays are in that group.

    It's not illegal (again, depending on the wording of the contracts you sign). But thanks for being devil's advocate anyway.
     
  8. AlteredEgo

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    I remain unmoved. Artificial methods are immoral. That does not change for me simply because adoption is difficult. Please get back on topic. There are other threads discussing your point, and if you cannot find one, feel free to start one.
     
  9. SpoiledPrincess

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    I don't feel you have any moral responsibility to offer out your childbearing bits but if you wanted to I think that should be your choice, people here quite regularly give eggs/sperm to a relative and I think it's just an extension of that, however I see the problems coming in when its giving a baby to a couple or person to whom you have no longlasting emotional bonds and I think a lot of women would underestimate their ability to stay emotionally detached from something that was in their body for nine months.
     
  10. AlteredEgo

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    I think that's fine and well for people who have no ethical objections to artificial means of conception. I do have ethical objections, regardless who the recipient of the resultant offspring are.

    My question was about adopting a child, and then permitting another couple to adopt that child from you.
     
  11. SpoiledPrincess

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    I think the goverments wouldn't ever agree to that, from a legal and ethical standpoint it would make more sense to just let it be easier for them to adopt as that is what they're doing in essence.
     
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