OK, a bad pattern of behaviour has developed in your relationship. This is not uncommon Gisella. It is posible to break out of it, but first you have to realise that ALL parties contribute, and that your input will to some extent be adding to the problem.
Before looking at him, how about you? At the beginning of your post you talk about 'running to' your man, your dad, grandad, etc. and that your mom also did that. There's nothing wrong with wanting, expecting, or needing someone's support, but this 'running to' sounds a bit childish to me. In an adult relationshipthere has to be equal give and take. Are you ready for that?
What about him? The things that attracted you to him in the first place are still there - his looks, his intelligence, kindness, sence of humour, etc. So what's wrong? I'm sure the fact that he is willing and able to talk to you about his emotional scars would have been one of the things that attracted you to him - theres nothing wrong with that. Likewise, he probably enjoyed being 'needed' by you, and enjoyed it when you chose him as someone you wanted to 'run to'. Do you know what? I think you might be slightly resentful of the fact that his emotional needs match your own, and you would really prefer him to be 'daddy' when you want to 'run to' him.
I'm sure you realise that if one partner expects to be emotionally supported, but isn't willing to provide an equal amount of support... Well, it isn't an adult relationship. It will always break down. What's going on now is that you are both withdrawing support by being less sympathetic but both still wanting support. Your relationship can't continue like this. But you don't want it to break down like the last one do you?
It probably isn't too late to late, but you'll have to make changes. Both of you. I think you come from a fairly traditional family Gisella, where the men are men, and the women are women. But you are a little different. The 'intellectual you' doesn't want a swarthy traditional he-man, who keeps his feelings to himself for fear of not looking manly. No. You like a guy who can talk to women. A man who can laugh at himself. A man who can express himself. A man who won't bore you witless with his macho bullshit and sexist attitudes. But the 'emotional you' learned a pattern of behaviour from you mom - that was reinforced by your dad. The little girl in you still wants a big chest to cry on. And you want it when you want it, whenever you want it. You need to be able to 'run to' your man G, but now that you are a grown up you must not expect him to always prioritise your needs. Sometimes, his need will be greater than yours. And it doesn't make him any less a man. On the contrary; I think it is important that he makes sure you don't get it all your own way.
What I think you and your guy should do is: Lots and lots and lots of hugging, kissing, walking hand-in-hand. Have lots of sex. Pay each other complements. Big each other up to your friends and family. But also, try to manage your affairs individually. What I mean by that is that you should try not to dump responsibility on each other. So clean up after yourselves, manage your own financial things. Lastly; you both need to find ways to value solitude and enjoy your own company. And that will mean time away from the computer Gisella, away from us. See if you can manage without so many strokes each day. By strokes I mean complements. Do you realise that guys and girls on this forum alone probably pay you about 35 complements per second ;o) You could probably manage with, oh let me see... less than half that number. It would free you up to get out and enjoy some fresh air, ecercise your body. Long walks G. With him, and on your own. Go for long walks - regularly. It works for me, and for Mrs Riven650.
Much love X (from yet another of your many many admirers)
