Advice about Mixed Signals I've been getting from a guy.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Refresh7, Nov 8, 2009.

  1. Refresh7

    Refresh7 Member

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    Ok, so first let me say, I consider myself straight, but I have fooled around with like two guys when I was like 13. lol I'm a 20 yr old college sophomore, and in one my classes there is this guy.

    He is a freshman, and he looks near my 5'7 height and skinny like I am and has these indescribable dark but glistening black eyes with his black hair. I can't figure out what his nationality is (def not black/asian lol and i'm very sure he's not latino but if I had to stereotypically guess I'd say moderately-tan russian) and more importantly, I can't figure out what his sexual orientation is. He doesn't at all have gay face, but his face does give off this vibe I can't explain.

    Now the obvious question is what has he done to make me think he's not straight? Well the thing is, it's more than just one thing. It's not a feminine personality, mannerisms, or voice though.

    It's this calm demeanor and relaxed voice, and relaxed nature. Everytime I see him on campus, he's smoking, and I know that he's been given this stereotypical "stoner" image. And obviously, that doesn't indicate anything, when you read this, but how he presents himself with this calm voice, he seems so indifferent to an alpha male AND feminie demeanor. He's neither.

    Now, one day when we had exams, he sat next to me in the back, and needed to borrow a pen. We had a brief conversation that was initiated by him about studying and how stupid the class was...and the entire time I couldn't stop grinning, and giving bashful looks, and I knew even in that moment how utterly stupid it was to act like that when I didn't even know his orientation, but I knew anyway, and I honestly couldn't help it. And that's not me at all. lol He smiled during the conversation too, because of the jokes we were making of the teacher, but his smile was just as vague as his personality, and I don't know what to think. He could very well just be a very friendly straight guy but when we pass each other on campus it's just this weird feeling (probably mostly from me) of us trying to give each other enough attention when we nod and say hi and keep walking. It's driving me crazy! lol

    Can someone offer some insight?
     
    #1 Refresh7, Nov 8, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2009
  2. D_Harry_Nutz

    D_Harry_Nutz New Member

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    Get to know him better assuming he is straight and then find out. a) You made a new friend b) You might find out he is gay

    Thats my two cents.
     
  3. Refresh7

    Refresh7 Member

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    I like that idea. Thanks.
     
  4. LittleDicky

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    From what you've written, you are describing YOUR reaction to his appearance, personality, and even his voice.

    I'd say that you -- even though you identity as straight -- are infatuated with him. It could be nothing more than admiration (on your part) or a "non-sexual crush." You are still young enough to still be figuring out what you find attractive in a person.

    I wouldn't put the blame on the other guy. In my opinion, you haven't described any signals that he is giving you. But, YOU seem to be interested in him.
    _
     
  5. 1kmb1

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    if youre straight, why do you care?
     
  6. Refresh7

    Refresh7 Member

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    I think what you're saying is very true. This is all coming from my perspective. I think I'm letting my infatuation get the best of me. But I've never been in this situation before, where I've felt it could actually be reciprocated. I'm not going to make an ass out of myself (more than I have already during that conversation ha.) But yeah the only "signal" I could say would be his smile during the conversation, I mean we were talking about school, how funny is that topic really? lol
     
  7. Refresh7

    Refresh7 Member

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    Honestly? Because maybe if I knew how he felt that might change. lol
     
  8. invisibleman

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    Oh, sooky, sooky! :eek:
     
  9. ZOS23xy

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    People often have mixed feelings of many sorts of someone they're envious of. Some youthful attitude mixes in with some form of sexual confusion. I've recalled liking mens' bodies for years without any sort of arousal.

    I've written on this before. Sometimes you want for yourself what you see.
     
  10. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    You clearly have a crush on this guy; nothing wrong with that. You may even be correct that he is sending you subtle, instinctive positive reaction to this. But I agree with other people about pursuing a friendship with him first. As you get to know him better you'll figure out whether or not those "clues" will lead to anything more.
     
  11. Maliken

    Maliken New Member

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    Oh my god... i think you just described me to a T. That's scary, but i am about 6'0 with green eyes is the only difference. Anyways as far as advice, if you think he is straight and you ask him out you could push him away forever, which could be really bad if you two are good friends, but if hes merely a friend from class and you don't already have a meaningful relationship, why not ask?
     
  12. BigDallasDick8x6

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    Ask him what clubs he goes to. That's often an non-threatening way to find out if someone is gay. If they are totally str8 they will (usually) only list str8 clubs. If they are totally "out" as gay they will list gay clubs. If he wants to keep a str8 facade to most of the world but is interested in you, he'll list 3 or 4 str8 clubs and 1 gay one. To which you reply "Oh I've been there" or "I've always wanted to check that out." Which is his opportunity to suggest you go together sometime. Good luck.
     
  13. B_jeepguy2

    B_jeepguy2 New Member

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    Hey, why not just invite him to meet you for coffee somewhere. You can chat with him and get to know him better. Not sure where you go to school, but I went to a large university in the east and I was totally amazed how many guys...even guys who were supposedly "straight" and had girlfriends would swing both ways and mess around with a dude.
     
  14. Refresh7

    Refresh7 Member

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    *Update*

    So I need someone to tell me if I'm projecting again, because I got a weird vibe today.

    Basically, we don't have the same classes anymore, and therefore don't speak to each other, but we have class in the same building. For the past couple of weeks we often pass by each other and I avoid eye contact by texting but feel like his eyes are on me, and today when I sat outside of my classroom on a bench texting, he sat on another bench next to me and just sat there not doing anything, not waiting for anyone, but I felt like he was waiting for me to look at him (which I didn't), and then he just split, and went into classroom.

    What the hell do I do? lol
     
  15. D_Helmer Heighballs

    D_Helmer Heighballs New Member

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    for gods sake man, have a fuller conversation than saying that the class is crap.
    heres a pointer start off a conversation about something dumb and then move on to something meaningful, guage is responses to your emotions, if hes blanking them and trying to change the subject hes str8, if hes gay he will prob giv u a cuddle (generalising here bit take it easy) if hes bi, or curious, he will listen, and i mean actually listen not just nod.

    remember this could be the best thing to happen to you dont let it go by. dont let it slip through your fingers, you will question it for ur life if you do.

    fear nothing, love everything. listen to the rhythm of ur heart it will guide you when you see no path.
     
  16. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    Dude, whatever you do, DON'T ignore this guy. It's probably off-putting to him since you guys used to talk and now you don't even acknowledge him.
     
  17. Chase1600

    Chase1600 Member

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    Chemistry is chemistry.

    Straight guys can have chemistry. You guys took a class together. You had some fun together laughing about the dumb class and the teacher; it’s the spark of a friendship between two guys who just kind of like each other.

    If that’s it; why not go ahead and make friends with this cool guy. You like him, that’s obvious, and why not like him, and after all look at it this way, if you like him, he must be fairly cool.

    Or maybe there is more.

    Maybe the chemistry you see and feel is that he kind of likes you in a sexual way. Your post makes it seem you are definitely amenable to this. It would be a shame to miss out.

    The next time you see him go out of you way to go up to him and ask how it’s going – or whatever it is college dudes of the third millennium say. How’d he make out in that class? What’ve you been up to? How’s it going this semester? What are you taking? How about a cup of coffee? You can even say, “I’m sorry I didn’t get to hang with you more last semester.”

    Suppose you say something like that. It’s not an out and out proposition. The very worst that can happen is that he doesn’t respond, doesn’t think you are all that cool, thinks you are kind of dorky and dumb to regret you didn’t get to hang just because you took a dumb class together. He’ll basically forget about it in a micro-second and then you will basically forget about him having suffered – at the worst – about three minutes of embarrassment.

    On the other hand, you might make yourself a really great new dude buddy or maybe even someone to get close to.

    What you might gain must be up there at the 90% + level of all time great friendships; and what you might lose – at its worst – is like a 1% level of barely decipherable awkwardness.

    So what’s it going to be?
     
  18. TheRob

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    I am str8 so I can't help you too much with mixed signals from guys but I get a ton of mixed signals from women...
     
  19. lopo2000

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    I learned a lot now about gaydar, and maybe the best thing to do now is to keep giving him subtle yet a bit obvious signals to him. See how he reacts. I don't encourage you to avoid eye contacts, because my experiences showed me how disastrous it can be, and depressing it can become. Try to initiate contacts, find a reason to talk to him (perhaps him asking you to lend your pen might be his excuse to talk to you). Believe me or not I used to have a guy friend who acted exactly like this, and he's sooo handsome so I was a bit flattered. But, I kept feeding my ego and hoping that he approached me, rather than me taking controls of the situation and approach him myself. So, I appeared to be this kinda arrogant guy, though I didn't mean to. So, when we eventually ended up being friends, the friendship wasn't that sweet, because he already had this bad impression towards me. So, my advice to you would be, be friendly and see the results as two-folds; if he responds like he's interested in you, or he wants to be your good friend.

    Anyways, I just didn't understand about one thing, how come you can just 'change' to be gay?
     
  20. rostrick

    rostrick New Member

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    Just stop being so weird and awkward around him and treat him how you would like to be treated. You're obviously smitten, whether you're gay, straight, or just slutty. Get to know him before he loses interest.
     
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