Advice - BF with possible ED

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by D_Sibbelah Largeankles, Dec 2, 2009.

  1. D_Sibbelah Largeankles

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    Hi all! I hope this is the right place to post this, if not, please forgive me as I am new here :redface:

    I think my boyfriend has ED and I was hoping someone could give me some advice. His penis is larger than what I am used to so I wasn't sure if size had anything to do with it (I've seen a few threads on ED and meds on this site and wasn't sure if it was common in larger men). :confused:

    Here's the situation. We've been dating for a few months and the problem has been present since our first attempt at intercourse. Initially, we both thought it was a psychological thing (nerves, etc.) But as the problems persisted, I began to think that the problem was more physiological in nature. His penis will be fully erect for approximately one minute as we're getting the condom ready for sex but it quickly softens. After it softens once, his erection will ebb and flow but never maintains its initial hardness. The same story applies for oral sex. We've never successfully had sex and by successful I mean sex where he finishes. I've managed to make him cum twice using a combination of manual and oral stimulation but both efforts took at least an hour.

    He still thinks that his problem is psychological so I am not sure how to tactfully broach the topic of ED (if at all). With the things I have done to stimulate his cock and balls...I can't imagine that there wouldn't be some sort of prolonged physiological response. We've tried many different methods to try to correct the problem - from me putting the condom on so he doesn't get "distracted," to cock rings, to shortening/eliminating foreplay. None of it works. He is in his mid-20's. He eats well, excercises several times a week, takes vitamins, etc. so I don't think it is a lifestyle thing. He is getting frustrated for obvious reasons and I don't want his ego to be bruised. I'm willing to be patient but I can't imagine how difficult this is for him.

    Anyhow, I apologize for the long-winded thread. To sum it up, I am looking for advice on how to tactfully suggest to my boyfriend that he should go to the Doctor and get things checked out. Any advice you guys could offer would be much appreciated!
     
  2. SpeedoMike

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    I consider the term ED to be rather generic catchall. figure there is some kind of issue and seek help.

    the usual answer is to see a doctor. the body is a complex thing and a wilted willy could be a symptom of something else. what about meds he may be taking?

    a good work up can find an undiagnosed problem and allow treating it.

    an exploratory visit with a therapist might prove useful. after all, depression can result in sexual problems.
     
  3. gigantor

    gigantor Member

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    Its pretty simple to get a sample of viagra. Why don't you guys try that out.
     
  4. Lex

    Lex
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    Exactly. Your BF should talk to a doctor and see what the doctor thinks of prescribing something to help him out.
     
  5. D_Sibbelah Largeankles

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    I agree that he should see a doctor. It is sort of a sensitive subject as you may imagine. He is embarassed and I don't want him to think he's a failure. Any tips on how to suggest he see a doctor?
     
  6. inspectahdck

    inspectahdck Member

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    my ex's boyfriend had something similar to ED, not sure if its actually that, but she told me a little bit of anal actually helped a lot. and i mean anal on him, not you(or both)
    just something with a head so he can graps on it with his PC muscle. maybe he likes anal, even if hes straight.
    just my 2cents
     
  7. jtmony08

    jtmony08 Member

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    Lack of blood flow to his penis could be a sign of having a lack of blood else where as someone mentioned. There are over the counter alternatives to viagra. Stiff Night's (which works better than viagra for me) a pill I've taken, but that may not solve his problem. Neither will viagra for that matter. A doctor is his best course of action no matter how sensitive the subject is. If anything, he'll appreciate your support. Oh, forgot to ask, can he maintain an erection when he's masturbating? If so, it may be psychological and not physical. I had the same problem some years ago and believe it or not, it was my prostate. Had a doctor examine me and he informed me that my prostate was enlarged. Caused me to have frequent runs to the bathroom among other things. Once that was fixed, all other problems were resolved as well. The doctor told me that men tend to visit the doctor only when something's wrong with our hearts or our penises. In this case, it's his penis so he's within the bylaw of seeing a doctor. Just get him there.
     
  8. Rikter8

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    Get em on here. We'll persuede him to see a doctor, and help him realize how common a problem this is.

    If not, then I would just be direct with him. Tell him you want to go with him to see the doctor when he gets frustrated. It's better knowing, than not knowing.
     
  9. nicenycdick

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    When something doesn't work right, you get it fixed. This is even more so with the human body. If his penis is not working the way it should, he should see a doctor immediately. Not only because it is so important to have a good sex life, but also because when something doesn't work the way it should, it could easily be an indication of a more serious condition. For that reason alone, it is imperative that he check this out...and soon.
     
  10. drdna

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    For someone in his twenties, this is almost certainly a psychological problem. Get it checked out.

    The human sexual response is a mysterious thing. I remember there was this one red-headed girl that I really really had a crush on. When the time came to consummate the relationship, I could not keep it up. Very similar to the problem described in the original post. It was frustrating because I really cared for her, the women prior and subsequent, I had no issues with, excellent prolonged erections.
     
  11. D_Sibbelah Largeankles

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    I appreciate everyone's advice, thanks so much!



    As far as I know, he can maintain an erection when he masturbates when he is alone. If he masturbates in front of me, he still has difficulty maintaining an erection. So perhaps it really is psychological....

    ...Or perhaps it's me :redface:

    Which would still be psychological.

    Where should I direct him to? Should he see his general practitioner first? I believe he goes to the VA Hospital for check ups and things, maybe he should start there.

    Again, thank you all so much for your advice!
     
  12. ericbythebay

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    Start with his GP. There may be other things in his medical history that the GP would know about.
     
  13. dj30905

    dj30905 New Member

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    Could be more of a psych issue. I've actually had this problem before, but only after I came back from Iraq. I could keep a stiffy most of the time while jerking, but not when I'd have sex with gf. She knew it bothered me, and she was pretty cool about it. Eventually, I felt bad for not being able to perform for her and this stress would be there even when I jerked, so it hit the point I'd lose my woody while masturbating quite often. I go to the VA as well, so just tell him to make an appt at the VA. I didn't take any meds and it started getting better, but I still have the issue from time to time if I think about it. I've learned to relax and go with the flow. Likewise, he may have underlying psych issues from military, or could be from stress at first attempt with you as far as his performance goes, or even a combination of both. Could be stress, even if you/he don't realize he's stressed. I'd recommend that he just go to the VA and let them know. They can handle things from there and see if a Rx is needed, if there may be some unknown physiological problem, or if it is just something going on in his head. It's nothing to be embarrassed about and this happens to many more young people than people realize.
     
    #13 dj30905, Dec 5, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2009
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