Advice desperately needed

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by rugger89, Aug 14, 2010.

  1. rugger89

    rugger89 Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2009
    Messages:
    135
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney Australia
    Firstly I'm typing slightly intoxicated on my phone so forgive me if it's not entirely coherent. Ok so I'm gay....my friend is slightly compicated but he's gay as well I guess (he's complicated) anyyyyywAy he's one of my closest friends.... I love him dearly and i think he's interEsted in me and I'm slightly confused. Like I love him as I wud my closest friends (which for memis a big deal). Im insanely affectionate with him.... I'm pretty sure he likes me and I cud pursue something there if I wanted but I'm so unsure. Like I like him, feel so comfortable and affectionate around him but I'm it sure if I see ukmmas a boyfriend...like honestlyL
    I'm so confused. On the one hand I really like him but Then i tell
    Myself im no intrested in him. Uonestly i dont kniw why. we get along i like him, hes not ugly by any means but maybe its a i view him as such a close friend and couldn't see myself dating him. But we are so compatible and we both kinda hint at it. I'm not sure if it's fear of where it will go or what. But I don't want to lead him on at all cause he deserves better than that. K honestly don't know what I should do :( date him? Or stick with friends!!! Someone offer advice plz I'm so confused
     
    #1 rugger89, Aug 14, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2010
  2. prepky

    prepky New Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2004
    Messages:
    494
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    kentucky
    just remember if you do date and it ends badly, then the friendship ends as well......i personally would just remain friends.
     
  3. IntoxicatingToxin

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2006
    Messages:
    10,133
    Likes Received:
    152
    Why don't you talk to him about it? If you guys get along that well, then surely he'd be open to a conversation? Just tell him how you feel. If he likes you in "that" way, then you discuss the pro's and con's of moving beyond just a friendship, etc, and see if it's something you both want to do.
     
  4. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    42,918
    Likes Received:
    38
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC/Honolulu
    If he is your friend and you love him like a brother than just remain friends. If not explore the relationship by talking openly, honestly and sober. Believe me some of the worst decisions are made while intoxicated.
     
  5. lvsxy808

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2006
    Messages:
    2,549
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    327
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Surbiton (GB)
    I've answered this same question to other posters in the past, and I'll offer you the same advice.

    Tell him what you've told us. Be honest about all of this, including the part where you're worried about damaging the friendship. No games, no guessing, no trying to decode confusing signals. Just clear and honest.

    Hopefully, even if he doesn't share your feelings, your honesty will show him that you do really care about him as a friend, not just as a potential fuck.
     
  6. avg_joe

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    3,284
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Mofu Female Body Investigator !!!
     
    #6 avg_joe, Aug 14, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2010
  7. avg_joe

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    3,284
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Pathetic. Female Body Investigator.
     
  8. DV8

    DV8
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2006
    Messages:
    1,071
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    152
    Gender:
    Male
    I personally believe that anyone you date or pursue a relationship with should be your best friend. Because we all love people in our lives, but it takes a lot to actually LIKE someone you love, if you understand what I'm getting at...If you two are really good friends, then even if you pursue a relationship and it doesn't work out, at least you can fall back to a friendship- as long as you don't put a huge stigma on it... Nothing should change between you two- except the fact that you wouldn't date or mess around with anyone else- unless that's something you two agreed upon, ya know? Talk to him about it, and see where he stands. There's endless possibilities, and I would hate to see you miss out on an opportunity.
     
  9. rugger89

    rugger89 Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2009
    Messages:
    135
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney Australia
    Ok so update: as soon as I posted this we had a lol SMS chat..at like 5am mind u and he said:
    it's kinda weird because you just summed up exactly how i've been feeling to. I really like you too but when i think about our friendship i back off cause i wouldn't want to ruin it. Also we're both new to this and although im not one to play the field i don't know what'd happen if we rushed into something. I don't know its hard to say over sms because things can get misconstrued.
    No it's really confusing and its weird cause we kinda think the same and the affection makes it harder. That's why id rather see you face to face to make more sense of it all. Not necessarily a date but just meet up with no uni ppl etc"


    But see my biggest issue is he seems to think the relationships the biggest problem but I share the view of Dante. I told him that our friendship in my
    Mind isn't an issue cause in pretty confident we would lapse back into that, unless if course something dramatic happened...it's more so I'm not sure I'm attracted to him that way. And I don't know if that's because I need to do a mental rearrange and put him in the mire than friends category...anyway I told him that I'm not sure if he entirely got it.
    At any rate we kinda said we wud meet up on wed and figure it out, but now I'm not sure If i want to...it all seems so real now and all those doubts are hitting home hard?

    I don't want to lead him on. Do u think i should just go out with him wed and see if there's any sexual connection (cause I think that might be it lol...I'm not surrni can see myself kissing him...again unsuren if it's a friends thing or I dont like him thing)

    Anyway sorry for the rant and thanks for the advice
     
    #9 rugger89, Aug 15, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2010
  10. azladd

    azladd Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2006
    Messages:
    202
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    122
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Phoenix, Arizona
    If you tell yourself that you're not interested in him and that you cannot see yourself dating him- why even go that route?While I believe a good relationship should start off as good friends, the feelings must be mutual from you both. If they aren't, you risk hurting the other person because you have not been honest with him or yourself with regards to your feelings. I think you further blur the lines by having sex with him if you know he wants more from you than you are willing to give relationship wise. I think the first step should be to put your friendship in the right perspective and determine from there if there is a possible relationship based on the same feelings and motives.
     
  11. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    You two are fumbling together so whatever you do keep the pressure OFF and keep things light. Quit calling the time you spend together a 'date' for gosh sakes. That entire concept is fraught with way too much baggage. Just have fun together.
     
  12. Joll

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2009
    Messages:
    14,526
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    724
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Wales (GB)
    I'd just wait and see what happens. If you feel like getting it on and stuff, do it - if not, just be mates.
     
  13. sexplease

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    1,724
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    87
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Santa Monica CA
    my advice:

    take with a grain of salt things people say when they are at all:
    1. half awake
    2. intoxicated
    3. mad

    clear your head,
    read the chapter on Friendship in Kahlil Gibran - (The Prophet)
    then take a long walk alone and learn to give of yourself
     
    #13 sexplease, Aug 18, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2010
Draft saved Draft deleted