Advice In A “post Racial” Society?

Allmight247

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So I recently moved from Houston, diverse mecha in comparison to Chattanooga which is predominantly white. It’s werid having no racial hangups, and being told constantly race doesn’t matter, but as an excuse of preference being told well I’m not into black guys. It’s just difficult... so I’m thinking maybe I should go out to clubs which kinda feels dreadful. I don’t wanna be automatically assigned to the top role just because of the way I look, and if it’s not prefrences it’s stereotyping. It’s wearing down on me because I would atleast like to meet someone, but maybe moving to a predominately white state instead of a place that’s more diverse would be a better option
 
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rtg

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Can you explain a little better what the issue is? Are you black and feel as though people aren’t interested in you because you’re black? Are you saying there are more people who would be interested in you if you were living in a predominantly white place?

What is this top role thing that speak of and what does that have to do with going to clubs?
 
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Can you explain a little better what the issue is? Are you black and feel as though people aren’t interested in you because you’re black? Are you saying there are more people who would be interested in you if you were living in a predominantly white place?

What is this top role thing that speak of and what does that have to do with going to clubs?

Not trying to speak for the OP. Just passing on general information. Male/male sex generally entails people being being a top, bottom, or versatile for what role you like in sex (penetrating someone, receiving penetration, or liking both). A lot of folks stereotype that black men are dominant, and from what I have seen on here? Quite a few assume they would be a top.
 

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Not trying to speak for the OP. Just passing on general information. Male/male sex generally entails people being being a top, bottom, or versatile for what role you like in sex (penetrating someone, receiving penetration, or liking both). A lot of folks stereotype that black men are dominant, and from what I have seen on here? Quite a few assume they would be a top.
Oh thanks. I understand top, bottom and versa, but got confused when he was talking about that in regard to going to a club... I thought he was talking about being at the top of the VIP entry list or something haha.

Maybe this goes to demonstrate that I’ve been absent from here for too long!
 

Allmight247

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Oh thanks. I understand top, bottom and versa, but got confused when he was talking about that in regard to going to a club... I thought he was talking about being at the top of the VIP entry list or something haha.

Maybe this goes to demonstrate that I’ve been absent from here for too long!

Sorry I guess for not explaining correctly, but I live in a predominantly white state (area), and felt that typically white folks in general do not date outside their race, atleast from a gay perspective. Though there are a couple mixed race people they seem to also put lighter skin on a pedestal. Because of this it’s really hard to meet people, and figure maybe that’s an effect of searching for meaningful relationships in an app vs going out to a club or something.

The only time white men have found me attractive is if they think I’m a top because I’m stereotyped as looking like a thug, so it’s hard to escape how people perceive you without even meeting you
 

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Sorry I guess for not explaining correctly, but I live in a predominantly white state (area), and felt that typically white folks in general do not date outside their race, atleast from a gay perspective. Though there are a couple mixed race people they seem to also put lighter skin on a pedestal. Because of this it’s really hard to meet people, and figure maybe that’s an effect of searching for meaningful relationships in an app vs going out to a club or something.

The only time white men have found me attractive is if they think I’m a top because I’m stereotyped as looking like a thug, so it’s hard to escape how people perceive you without even meeting you
Thankyou for explaining. I’m sorry that I don’t have any advice as I can’t specifically relate. However, I can relate to being a racial minority though and being stereotyped because of that. Dating apps are so judgemental and I don’t really think you’d find anything meaningful in a club either.

I’ve just been given some really good advice by some of the women here about how to meet someone, which I’d like to relay to you. If you have any hobbies or do some kind of volunteer work then hopefully that will help with meeting like minded, less judgemental people who will get to know you and will like you for you.

I’m sorry I can really offer you anything more constructive. But I wish you all the best.
 

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Post-racial my ass. You’re a black man; you better own than shit and keep that head high!

As a black man, idgaf about “not into blacks”. My issues is with that blacks who look passed other blacks to get to the whites, as if the former is inferior. Your tone sounds sad. Fuck them. Don’t seek validation form white guys. Black men tend to be dominant; that’s where the stereotype derives. It’s a tendency. But of course there are plenty (and I mean plenty) of black bottoms. So that might have just contradicted what I said before. But that’s beyond the point.

Fuck those dudes. Seek black. And keep seeking. There are also whites who’d be into you’re just looking in the wrong places.
 

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You're experiencing something not bound by sexuality. As a straight black man living in various MAGA-verses as well as diverse locales, fetishism and stereotyping are par for the course ; almost to the same regularity of the "preference" excuse.
Use that mess to your advantage..live your unapologetic Black truth and let the bad ones self select themselves by their own actions and opinions.
 
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Oh thanks. I understand top, bottom and versa, but got confused when he was talking about that in regard to going to a club... I thought he was talking about being at the top of the VIP entry list or something haha!
I thought exactly the same!
but maybe moving to a predominately white state instead of a place that’s more diverse would be a better option
I still don't get it, sorry. I thought you had moved to a predominantly white state and that was the problem, so why would that be a better option? Sorry if I'm being thick.
 

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I thought exactly the same!

I still don't get it, sorry. I thought you had moved to a predominantly white state and that was the problem, so why would that be a better option? Sorry if I'm being thick.
It might be a moot point, as no US state has a majority black population. D.C. Has a black majority, but it's tiny and obviously not a state.
 

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It might be a moot point, as no US state has a majority black population. D.C. Has a black majority, but it's tiny and obviously not a state.

Well I guess i mean a more diverse population as some states are more diverse than others.
 
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Allmight247

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I thought exactly the same!

I still don't get it, sorry. I thought you had moved to a predominantly white state and that was the problem, so why would that be a better option? Sorry if I'm being thick.
Not worded that wrong my apologies, but I meant maybe I should’ve moved to a more diverse state or stayed in the state I was in compared to being in a predominantly white area
 
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Not worded that wrong my apologies, but I meant maybe I should’ve moved to a more diverse state or stayed in the state I was in compared to being in a predominantly white area
Ah,sorry, see what you mean. Don’t really have any advice but seems that diverse, cosmopolitan places generally have more potential for a good social and sex life. Can you go back to Houston or move on to a more diverse area? Though maybe not where they set Get Out:eek:
 

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Not worded that wrong my apologies, but I meant maybe I should’ve moved to a more diverse state or stayed in the state I was in compared to being in a predominantly white area
Did you by any chance look into the Atlanta Georgia area? A good friend of mine has remarked many times that if he ever decided to relocate from the Washington, D.C. area, he'd look really hard about moving to Atlanta as it has a large gay black male population that rivals the D.C. area. He's spent a lot of time in Atlanta; he speaks from experience.

Regardless, I do wish you well. I hope you are able to wade through all the nonsense and find someone that floats your board. Best wishes!
 

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Depends on if it’s a sexual preference or not. Preferences when it comes to who you’re attracted to are not sexist/racist/transphobic etc

I’m only attracted to traditionally masculine men. Effeminate dudes really don’t do anything for me. I’ve been accused of having “internalised homophobia” because my dick doesn’t get hard for “queens” lol.

I think everyone likes what they like and others should just leave it at that. If you get offended that people don’t wanna sleep with you, you’re basically an incel. There’s wayyy more fish in the sea too, so if you keep looking, you’ll find your match :)
 
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Well I guess i mean a more diverse population as some states are more diverse than others.

I think looking at a state-sized area is going to make this difficult for you. Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi and Maryland have relatively large black populations, but where they live and whether they are gay and live in an accepting place is a huge factor, right? States with low overall black populations have cities and towns with large black and gay populations that are far more accepting of lifestyles. And some that aren't....as you are experiencing.

But....it only takes finding one person. Good luck!
 

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Depends on if it’s a sexual preference or not. Preferences when it comes to who you’re attracted to are not sexist/racist/transphobic etc

I’m only attracted to traditionally masculine men. Effeminate dudes really don’t do anything for me. I’ve been accused of having “internalised homophobia” because my dick doesn’t get hard for “queens” lol.

I think everyone likes what they like and others should just leave it at that. If you get offended that people don’t wanna sleep with you, you’re basically an incel. There’s wayyy more fish in the sea too, so if you keep looking, you’ll find your match :)
I’m not offended that people don’t want to sleep with me. I’m more so concerned with why my skin color is a factor. Do all black people look and act the same?
 

Allmight247

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Ah,sorry, see what you mean. Don’t really have any advice but seems that diverse, cosmopolitan places generally have more potential for a good social and sex life. Can you go back to Houston or move on to a more diverse area? Though maybe not where they set Get Out:eek:

I could but better job opportunity here. Cost of living is a little bit cheaper, but I’m just not happy. I mean it’s not just about the sex lol I could easily get it. It’s more so about creating relationships. If your black people only want to be in your proximity if you have a bbc, or some other stereotypical stupidity
 
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I could but better job opportunity here. Cost of living is a little bit cheaper, but I’m just not happy. I mean it’s not just about the sex lol I could easily get it. It’s more so about creating relationships. If your black people only want to be in your proximity if you have a bbc, or some other stereotypical stupidity
But if you're not happy.... Quality of life is more important than cost of living, he said piously - but true, no? Obviously you shouldn’t have to move around, so if you stay put you'll have to change what's around you. As someone said, it only takes one relationship.
 
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