Advice Needed

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Pierced7.5, Aug 7, 2008.

?

Do all guy guy relationships have a side friend for a little playtime?

Poll closed Aug 21, 2008.
  1. Not healthy and will end up hurting someone.

    8 vote(s)
    61.5%
  2. It is the way male gay relationships work and completely natural/normal

    5 vote(s)
    38.5%
  1. Pierced7.5

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    So I had an interesting weekend. I ended up hooking up with my gay cousins boyfriend. Now they were both ok with it at the time, almost planned. Nothing major happened just lots of touching, kissing, and some oral but neither of us even finished. Lots of Liquor involved. After the fact we are still cool but even though all parties are ok with some consentual making out and possible touching, I feel like I am going to contribute to their relationship being harmed in some way. I mean, how much good can come out from one guy playing with another while trying to maintain a good trusting relationship with his BF.

    So, I guess I want to know... (Because I am quite reserved when it comes to relationships) is having a side guy, almost pity fuck normal between guy guy relationships? I mean is it possible to play with a friend while having a meaningful long term relationship?

    I think I would crawl up and hibernate forever if i found out that in the process of being their charity case, I messed them up. I am an adult and have to take responsability for my actions and would rather loose them now on good terms and just disappear than to hurt them in anyway.

    Please.... any thoughts? Im super confused.

    P7.5
     
  2. dudepiston

    dudepiston New Member

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    Yep you're right you're an adult & you must take responsibility for that part of it, but having said that, these 2 other guys aren't robots, they have free will too & if the consented to all this (which it sounds like they did) then although it's hard, the chips will have to fall where they may. I'm guessing they were much more OK with it than you might imagine, and that it might have HELPED them, for all we know. Maybe you provided a spark for them, maybe they felt good helping out a friend.
     
  3. Hotasballs

    Hotasballs Active Member

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    I think that there are a lot of different factors to consider.

    How long have your cousin and this guy been dating? If it's a long term relationship (several years) it will be more likely to withstand some outside play. I say this because in most LTRs that allow extracurricular activities do so because both men have no doubt that they love each other and have something much deeper that whatever might happen on the side.

    What are they rules of their relationship? One of the great things about being in a gay relationship is that you can create the rules and limits however you would like them. Some couples are (like me) exclusively monogamus (sp?), other allow outside fucks, but not the same person twice, no kissing, etc., and then there are the couples who only play together. I think that you can ask questions about the "rules of engagement" for their relationship. If you're going to be involved, you have every right to know.

    If you find out everything beforehand and they (I guess just he) and you are comfortable with it, go for it, have fun.

    I would caution you on two things however:

    1. Don't involve alcohol. There's a greater chance boundaries will be crossed that will hurt someone.

    2. Think about the fact that your cousin is involved. He's family and that's forever.

    Hope that helped.
     
  4. Pierced7.5

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    Their relationship is fairly new but very serious. I like seeing them together as they are happy and devoted to each other. Like you said, he is family and that to me is more important than any sort of play ever. Their rules are simple. No Fucking. But side clauses, which i dont really want to delve into as i really would never do much more than little touch or play here and there. I dont want more from either. I personally just love the male bonding and freeness the contact and warmth. So i would never hurt the other and i am not the type to fall in love. So I will never get in the way of them. Id never fight for affection or even a silly text message. So...

    Yes, no large amounts of Alchohol. And yes that was helpful.






     
  5. Pierced7.5

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    I hope this has helped them. I can take solace in that. And if they felt better in "helping out" then that is good too. I can only hope that after all this is done, that we are all closer. Good friends and tight family. Id settle for that.


     
  6. SpeedoMike

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    such behavior is indicative of an open relationship. remember that each person has his/her own "values" and you should not attribute to him/her your values. not criticizing your concern, just making an observation.

    BTW, you make it sound like that are much younger than you. are they?
     
  7. Pierced7.5

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    I do think you are right. They do have a more of an open trusting relationship and I am not one to question that. I just want to make sure I am not going to make this all go sour just because a little affection is shared. Age? Just a few years younger than me. Age is not the issue.

     
  8. SpeedoMike

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    they must enjoy your company... hope you enjoy theirs. :smile:
     
  9. Pierced7.5

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    I do. I can be myself, open and honest. That is priceless.

     
  10. rbkwp

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    ALL very good suggestions/advice i think.
    If i can add . i suggest you continually ask for there confirmation
    --are you OK'? with my participation etc (if your not already)
    but do it 3 x weekly or whatever (its almost like your humbling yourself in there presence'--maybe to the point where they get Sick of your asking)
    i believe then (after several months) you may get some idea of just how much they treasure your part in there lives...similarly it will possibly give all 3 of you an OUT clause..
    Just make sure you look after YOUR Needs as well/ dont leave yourself vulnerable and hurting if eventually they shut you out..thats the danger of playing the Game as such.
    GOOD Luck
    enz
     
  11. CALAMBO

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    good god...you are all adults...when everybody has thier cocks out and shit is happening, does it really matter???...is it that big of a lovers quarell over some heavy petting...if so stay clear of them...more than your involvement is going on in that mess..why don't you all get naked and jumpe in a pile and then be happy
     
  12. Pierced7.5

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    Gotta love the sensitve men like you in this world...

     
  13. Pierced7.5

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    I do like all the replies. If anything it is great perspective.

    I do keep asking and well, even that annoys me because it is obvious i am unsure of their stance.

    And well, "MY" needs... well, i will always have needs so why worry about them. Some are dulled and the rest can be dulled. It is no big deal if you ask me.

     
  14. Pierced7.5

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    Thanks again for your thoughts on this subject. I do find it interesting that so far the poll results are 50/50. Like it is just a matter of taking it case by case and taking individual feelings in consideration.

    This has helped put a bit maybe more than a bit of perpective on the matter.

    P75
     
  15. Pierced7.5

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    I just wanted to give a follow up for those that replied. So far, with a bit more of sober communication, things are well. There is clear understanding of what is not acceptable and as long as we all communicate no feelings are hurt. At least that is how it seems for now.

    Has something like this ever happened to any of you? Family having fun together like this?

    I am now interested in future events and how this will pan out as well, I really do not want anyone to get hurt.

    *sigh*
    P75
     
  16. Pierced7.5

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    Last follow up and maybe a way of sharing a lesson.

    It all turned out bad. They broke up. I had a falling out with my nephew and well I dont talk to the other guy at all.

    MY nephew and I are really cool now and hang out every so often so, blood may be thicker than water in this case. Regardless. The polls were correct.

    Let family be...and never take any part in any sort of family sharing. Just doesnt work.

    Cheers....P75
     
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