Advice on juggling a gay relationship and living with 'anti-gay' parents

[integritymatters]

Well do you plan on your guy waiting on you that long? Or you afraid he will find someone else ..

You take the money find a cheap place to live( good luck from what I hear it’s expensive as hell)

.. sign a contract with your guy to move in with him as you find work..

I know it be hard for me to wait that long for my man to come be with me.. sometimes the things you want in life come to you if you dive in and see how it goes

Also, he has a house.
I don't want to make it seem like I'm intruding, since I was raised to be courteous and to never depend on anyone for money.
So part of why I'm waiting is also out of respect and grace for him, too.
I live in a 3 bedroom house with my mom (and she and I helped with the construction and sweat equity of our house), and my mom is also barely getting by; she works 2 jobs and makes just over $5,000 a month, after taxes.
So that's why she forced me to apply for government assistance 10 years ago, since she said, "I can't afford to raise you anymore"; so I'm leaving in 6 months because I'm 27 and I have to live for myself, and stop allowing my family to control me.
I deserve independence and freedom - and that comes before everything and everyone (except my man, of course), since I'm doing this for my man.
And even if I move to Nebraska (which was my original plan 2 months ago), I'll still visit and go back and forth between NE and California ever so often, just so we get as much quality time as possible.

Option 3:
I leave all my stuff at home in New Jersey, pack 1 bag of clothes with my wallet and identification (license, insurance cards, banking info, etc.).
I call a homeless shelter, and if they have vacancies, I simply book a flight to Los Angeles and stay in a shelter and start from scratch.
I've been used and abused by everyone for my whole life - so there's nothing worse than waiting 6 months to get more money, or just going to a homeless shelter and waiting there.
I was going to be nice about it, but now I'm ruthless - when I put others first, I was used and abused; so this move is the first time I've ever put my needs above others.

 

[integritymatters]

Well do you plan on your guy waiting on you that long? Or you afraid he will find someone else ..

You take the money find a cheap place to live( good luck from what I hear it’s expensive as hell)

.. sign a contract with your guy to move in with him as you find work..

I know it be hard for me to wait that long for my man to come be with me.. sometimes the things you want in life come to you if you dive in and see how it goes

I thought about what you said, and I asked my boyfriend:
"I was thinking about my move. I was going to move to LA early next year. But I can move way sooner if you're okay with you and I getting our own place. Would you be fine with that? I completely understand if you don't want to."
The reason why I said "getting our own place" is because he lives with his younger brother; it's only the two of them.

 

[PutItInHere691]

If he lives with his brother and they have separate bedrooms and they both respect each others space and sexual preferences .. the living with them shouldn’t be a problem..

I lived with a guy I was with.. his brother was fine with it .. at first he said he didn’t want to hear any sounds or moaning or screams of pleasure coming from the room.. then she says if she can’t get that from a guy she is with then she didn’t want to hear it… .

Then she laughed and says it’s ok that
he was just kidding ..

Having him move out from his brother may put him in a financial bind so he may say no.. I know I wouldn’t of it were me.. I’d give him time to find a room mate to share the bills with if he wanted to move out …

 

[cmche180]

I have not read these previous messages but the only advice i can give you is: do not seek their acceptance, seek your own. maybe one day they’ll come around and realize how wrong they are but maybe they wont. don’t waste your life living it to appease them or accommodate their bigotry.

 

[integritymatters]

If he lives with his brother and they have separate bedrooms and they both respect each others space and sexual preferences .. the living with them shouldn’t be a problem..

I lived with a guy I was with.. his brother was fine with it .. at first he said he didn’t want to hear any sounds or moaning or screams of pleasure coming from the room.. then she says if she can’t get that from a guy she is with then she didn’t want to hear it… .

Then she laughed and says it’s ok that
he was just kidding ..

Having him move out from his brother may put him in a financial bind so he may say no.. I know I wouldn’t of it were me.. I’d give him time to find a room mate to share the bills with if he wanted to move out …

He's wealthy (his net worth is public knowledge since he's a public figure).
He's worth around $2 million.
But even without money, I wasn't raised to depend on people financially; it just makes me seem like a leech (and I've got relatives who freeloaded off me and my mom, and I dated freeloaders as well).
When a man asks me for money, it's my #1 red flag - I'd rather dump him, so he gets a job and stops wasting my time.

Also, his brother is my ex.
I dated he and his brother at the same time, until last week; his brother cheated on me, but besides that, we were simply incompatible and much too different.
His brother is my current boyfriend, and he's been loyal and supportive of me; I did ask him about us getting our own place together, and he completely ignored my question.
He's 24 and rich, and I'm 27 with the abusive family to escape; if I was him, I'd be out all the time too!
But I'm deeply introverted and my boyfriend is more an introverted extrovert; and he's truly the first loyal & supportive person I've ever known, so I'd be heartbroken to lose him.
Before I even met him, I'd been betrayed and used by exes so many times, that I said, if I meet one more asshole, I'm never dating again - and 2 weeks later, I met my current boyfriend, and we've been dating for 3 months now.

 

[AussieJackson]

You may want to consider getting a therapist to help you with the process of revealing this to your parents. They certainly will be shocked when they find this out.

Honestly, I don't think that's for me. I don't mind opening up here, there's a certain level of anonymity that can be maintained, but I'm very different in person. I wouldn't feel comfortable opening up to a stranger, in person.

I have not read these previous messages but the only advice i can give you is: do not seek their acceptance, seek your own. maybe one day they’ll come around and realize how wrong they are but maybe they wont. don’t waste your life living it to appease them or accommodate their bigotry.

It's not so much their acceptance I seek. I just want their love. I know if I come out, it will damage an already shaky relationship. Never say never, but I doubt they will change their minds. Mum is a maybe, but dad won't.

 

[integritymatters]

I've been trying to move out for 10 years. Things have escalated since my last post, and my mom has gotten physical with me on 2 occasions: once in October & once as of last night.
She has daily mood swings - it's been that way my entire life - and I tried to appease her to avoid holding her accountable, until the argument in October.
I decided to take my power back; I called her a narcissist to her face.
Even when she tried to antagonize me during our second argument last night, I didn't care about her reaction; I was just tired of suffering in silence my whole life to avoid retaliation and more abuse.
I forgot to mention the first fight involved her berating me for 2 hours and then taking our TV remote out my hand, then she took my cell phone out my hand and she threw it 10 feet across the room.
And on our recent altercation last night, she got in my face and screamed at me (I forgot everything she told me, but I have an audio recording of it).
After that, she told me, "It's either the remote or that cell phone. One or the other!", so I gave her the remote to avoid her taking my phone (because obviously, I'm an adult and taking my phone is an invasion of privacy).
She said about me this morning, "You're a disappointment to me! You're not in school, you're not working - you need to be SOMETHING!"
The part she forgets is I used to work as a travel agent and my travel license is active until April 2027.
So now, I've got $7 in my bank account & she's got me isolated.
I'm trying to find a job as a History tutor, since my goal of becoming a phlebotomist didn't work out.

After our second altercation last night, I was holding back tears; I have dealt with the "s" word a few times and when my mom found out all those years ago (I was a HS student then), she screamed at me, "Get that su***de s*** out your head!"

I also decided that the only way for me to stop protecting my abusive family is by publicly sharing my story.
So I'm doing an interview with a YouTube podcast to share my story & expose the abuse.
I'm sick and tired and that interview is my way of taking action.
I also hope that maybe my interview can help other men suffering in silence like I have been (and technically, still am).
There are a lot of other things I could say regarding the abuse, but I'd rather save it for the interview.

 

[plus_1]

Sounds really tough. I hope things improve