Advice on talking to a girl on facebook

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Harry_Pitz, Feb 14, 2012.

  1. D_Harry_Pitz

    D_Harry_Pitz New Member

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    So here is the situation:
    I met a girl about a year ago, she was in to me and I into her. But I was dating another girl at the time. I added her on facebook (to see if she had any bikini pics :biggrin1:) but never sent her any message or anything.

    I'm an old fashioned guy that calls girls on the phone, even sms I never use, so I'm new to this and I have no idea what the normal way of doing business is. Any advice, hints, tips?
     
  2. D_Harry_Pitz

    D_Harry_Pitz New Member

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    To be clear: I want to ask her out on a date.
     
  3. tgirlsrgreat

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    how about

    hey i think you are really cool and was wondering if you would like to meet sometime and have a cup of coffee?
     
  4. erratic

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    So Facebook is the only way you have to get in touch with her?

    Ask her if she'd like to go out for a drink, or a coffee, or whatever it is that you like to do that's public and low-key like that. It's straightforward and show's you're interested and confident. It's also not overwrought or awkward. "Hey, how's it going? I was wondering if I could treat you to a latte tonight? Just you and me." Something like that. If she goes for it, you have a decent chance of sparking something off; if she doesn't, it's an easy way for her to say "not interested" without shooting you out of the sky with both barrels.

    My theory with using the internet to arrange dates is the less internet involved, the better. A coffee/martini date gives you the chance to show initial interest quickly, and then move on to find out if you're compatible IRL or not in short order. It also gives you more chance to work your real-life charm.

    I used to do a lot of online dating (it's common for us queers), even though - like you - I'm more of an in-person and over-the-phone guy. I found the quick date route to be the best fit for me.

    Good luck!
     
  5. D_Harry_Pitz

    D_Harry_Pitz New Member

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    It's not weird or awkward that I shut her down without an explanation before? I don't have to mention that in any way?
     
  6. tgirlsrgreat

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    how do you know she was "into you"?
     
  7. erratic

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    This is a great question. Just assuming that she's into you (and has always been) sends a bad impression.
     
  8. D_Harry_Pitz

    D_Harry_Pitz New Member

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    I know she was back then. It's not difficult to notice when someone is flirting with you...
    I don't know if she is right now of course...
     
  9. erratic

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    Did she figure out after you were friends on Facebook that you had a girlfriend? If she found out at some point that you had a girlfriend when she was hitting on you, then you have no reason to explain yourself.

    Otherwise, you might work it into the conversation that you were interested in her, but attached - and you're not the straying type.
     
  10. tgirlsrgreat

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    you are being rather obtuse. was she messaging you? what was she saying? you said you never messaged her, did you post on her board, she on yours? help us out dude.
     
  11. D_Harry_Pitz

    D_Harry_Pitz New Member

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    I met her in real life, added her after that on facebook, no messages were ever sent. Not from her not from me.
    Not all communication goes through the internet you know...

    I met her not long after that first meeting, but we didn't talk much because of time constraints, but I'm sure she was still into me back then.
     
  12. D_Harry_Pitz

    D_Harry_Pitz New Member

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    I don't think so, I don't really do stuff on facebook except untagging drunk pictures of myself, so I've never updated my marital status or posted anything there.
     
  13. D_Harry_Pitz

    D_Harry_Pitz New Member

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    Ok, so I just asked how she is and what she is doing these days and I'll ask her out after she replies.
    If she doesn't reply I'll ask her anyway.
     
  14. erratic

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    Good luck.
     
  15. tgirlsrgreat

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    good plan
     
  16. SpoLLe

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    Don't say "please respond"
     
  17. Hoss

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    How about if she doesn't reply you leave her alone because it means she doesn't want to communicate with you right now. She may in a month or a year but not now. You get too pushy she might discard you completely.
     
  18. D_Harry_Pitz

    D_Harry_Pitz New Member

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    I think she can handle ignoring one more message...
     
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