Advice please

RedStrat

Experimental Member
Joined
Feb 6, 2013
Posts
31
Media
0
Likes
2
Points
43
Location
Richmond (Virginia, United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
My sweet lady and I have trouble with getting her to finish.

She has some guilt and shame wrapped into getting off.

She's been through some complicated stuff that makes her feel like she forcing me to do something.

She also can tell when it takes long enough that it starts to bother me, I may start to feel inadequate or wonder why I'm needed, like I'm not making any difference.

She is also into kinks that she's embarassed about, that she doesn't want to practice in reality, and feels bad that she needs to think about them instead of me to finish.

This is a discussion about external orgasms.

So far our tools are:
Her favorite vibrator
Cunnilingus (I'm okay at it)

I'm not sure how to handle this in a way that is SAFE.

Lately she's gotten to where she hides needing to get off in order to avoid feeling guilty.

I haven't been offering as much if I don't feel I can commit to a 30 minute attempt of humiliation.

She's really in to me, but it seems like trying to encourage her to come makes it more difficult.

However with internal orgasms, all I have to do is ask gently and she's convulsing.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

Mythical Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 14, 2012
Posts
18,468
Media
154
Likes
65,016
Points
508
Location
U.S.A.
Verification
View
Sexuality
Pansexual
Gender
Female
Wait... you said she's hiding needing to get off, then you say she's having 'internal' orgasms just fine? (I'm guessing that means penetrative sex)

Doesn't that mean she is in fact, getting off?

I'm not trying to be mean at all, I'm just trying to understand the actual issue. She wants to have clitoral orgasms and can't, and gets self conscious? Is that in the ball-park?
 
1

185248

Guest
Wait... you said she's hiding needing to get off, then you say she's having 'internal' orgasms just fine? (I'm guessing that means penetrative sex)

Doesn't that mean she is in fact, getting off?

I'm not trying to be mean at all, I'm just trying to understand the actual issue. She wants to have clitoral orgasms and can't, and gets self conscious? Is that in the ball-park?
I think he, she, they...robodude... found the video:) Considering since 2013, all he or she or robodude have asked about, is a video.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Tattooed Goddess

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 17, 2007
Posts
14,088
Media
70
Likes
20,572
Points
668
Location
United States
Verification
View
Sexuality
60% Straight, 40% Gay
Gender
Female
And when you put pressure on her to orgasm you are sabotaging her ability to do so.

Sometimes you need to get off without your high pressure partner taking it all so personally that you can't orgasm.

My first 100,000 or so orgasms were done solo. I can rarely orgasm with another person in the room. I'm used to my own groove.
 

MickeyLee

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Posts
34,545
Media
8
Likes
50,199
Points
618
Location
neverhood
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
often women who come from penetration will not cum from clitoral stimulation
cuz i am reading ya post as she is not orgasmic from clit stimulation but is orgasming with PIV

stick with the PIV orgasms and be happy
no more pressure, no more feelings of inadequacies, no shame, no humiliation

btw it's kinda rude to ask advice then not provide clarification when its requested
 

RedStrat

Experimental Member
Joined
Feb 6, 2013
Posts
31
Media
0
Likes
2
Points
43
Location
Richmond (Virginia, United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I posted this last night, I'm surprised to have seen so many replies.

I am indeed discretely referring to clitoral orgasms.

It's something that troubled a previous relationship as well, my partner's feeling of unfairness that I should have an equivilent orgasm yet not reciprocate the same.

To explain further, an orgasm from penetrative sex that is internal is not nearly as satisfying, and usually makes the need for an external (clitoral) orgasm greater.

I've tried supporting her kinks and made it clear it's okay to think about those things, but it is usually difficult whether I'm doing it or if she is.

Come to think of it, I don't know much about what would cause a woman difficulty orgasming externally in general.

I would post in the "Ask a woman" portion of this forum, but my replies and further questions usually get deleted.
 
6

693987

Guest
To explain further, an orgasm from penetrative sex that is internal is not nearly as satisfying, and usually makes the need for an external (clitoral) orgasm greater.

..says who? Says you? Or says your partner? Orgasms "purely" from penetration are freaking awesome for me, and I'm sure they can be awesome for others too. Penetrative orgasms don't make me wistful or needing clitoral stuff at all. Unless your sweetie explicitly told you what you said above, this whole thread may well be more about ego rather than what actually works for your partner.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

TexanStar

Worshipped Member
Joined
Jun 15, 2014
Posts
10,496
Media
0
Likes
14,978
Points
183
Location
Fort Worth (Texas, United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I posted this last night, I'm surprised to have seen so many replies.

I am too, but mainly because I'm still confused. A lot of places that should have pronouns don't and it's making it hard to understand what are complaints on her part, and what are beliefs on your part. Is she complaining? Or you're complaining?
 
  • Like
Reactions: AlteredEgo and rtg

nailz

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Apr 22, 2016
Posts
1,581
Media
75
Likes
19,400
Points
533
Location
Fucking (Upper Austria, Austria)
Verification
View
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Female
To explain further, an orgasm from penetrative sex that is internal is not nearly as satisfying, and usually makes the need for an external (clitoral) orgasm greater.

o_O

It takes me less than ten seconds to give myself a clitoral orgasm and I can do it any time, as many times as I like until I get too sensitive or bored.

Why would that be more satisfying than a nice long pounding building me up to a toe-curling, quivering, omfghelpmeimgonnaloseconsciousness vaginal/gspot orgasm?

o_O
 

Tight_N_Juicy

Mythical Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 14, 2012
Posts
18,468
Media
154
Likes
65,016
Points
508
Location
U.S.A.
Verification
View
Sexuality
Pansexual
Gender
Female
Really though, is this something *she specifically says she's upset about? If I'm getting off I'm getting off. I'm not picky about whether it's vaginal or clitoral. Orgasms pretty much universally rock for me.

I just had to ask this^ because even though you say she feels guilty for not getting off, you say she's having orgasms. Am I wrong, or isn't having an orgasm how we get off?
 
  • Like
Reactions: AlteredEgo

rtg

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Dec 24, 2011
Posts
3,604
Media
1
Likes
9,816
Points
458
Location
Brisbane (Queensland, Australia)
Verification
View
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
I just had to ask this^ because even though you say she feels guilty for not getting off, you say she's having orgasms. Am I wrong, or isn't having an orgasm how we get off?
She probably feels "guilty" because he keeps hounding her about it and making her feel like shit and inferior.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tight_N_Juicy

RedStrat

Experimental Member
Joined
Feb 6, 2013
Posts
31
Media
0
Likes
2
Points
43
Location
Richmond (Virginia, United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
So I'm back again.

The stuff I've been saying so far is about my non binary partner who has female parts and body for the most part, who has explained to me the nature of orgasms in her case.

(I don't know what term is morally acceptable yet for non binary folkes as a pronoun, "them or they" feels dehumanizing)

In my partner's particular case, inernal orgasms are so easy, all I have to do is ask her to come and it happens, with a little stimulation of course.

It's been said that orgasms of any kind for a woman could be different, I assumed I'd mostly get more supportive replies.

My vagueness wasn't intentional, but I don't think I'm going to find what I'm looking for here.
 

MickeyLee

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Posts
34,545
Media
8
Likes
50,199
Points
618
Location
neverhood
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
ummm, dude... you should have lead with my partner is a non-binary person
also.... chosen pronouns are never dehumanizing. they and them are the acceptable pronouns for heaps of people.
but ask your partner what they prefer.

non-binary might be the reason they are not getting off from clitoral orgasms.
not an issue of stimulation, doing it right or wrong, but of the type of stimulation and how they relate to their body.
clitoral orgasms are uniquely female/feminine. there might be a touch of body dysmorphia involved with getting over the edge.
like, dudes cum from getting fucked, penetration orgasms are not strictly female. they might be more accepting of a penetration orgasm.

my advice? perform oral on them because they enjoy it.
don't expect an orgasm from oral sex.
orgasm from oral probably will not happen but they will enjoy the pleasure you are giving.
concentrate on giving pleasure not giving a clitoral orgasm.
when they reach the point of needing cum switch to penetrative sex.
have as many happy orgasms as you both need to feel satisfied.

also... if they identify as non-binary play with the gender dynamic.
give them head while they are standing and you are kneeling.
putting them in a more dominate, less feminine/passive role.
if they are into ass play, play fag for a night.

i think given an opprotunity to express their gender ID with their sexualty would be very empowering
 
3

328982

Guest
Yeah, or you could be pretend dykes and strap on dildos for the night :rolleyes: