Advice Please!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by ThisOneGuy, Apr 12, 2008.

  1. ThisOneGuy

    ThisOneGuy New Member

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    Ok, so there's this guy I like. Defining 'like' would be...I'm totally obsessed with him! I don't want to get into the details of my obsession because it will look creepy, but you know how it is...

    A bit of background won't do any harm I guess. I've known him for roughly 5 years. However for the first three we talked rarely. It wasn't until the fourth year that we became friends. We talked alot, had a laugh, we could basicly tell eachother everthing, I had no attraction to him at all. The 5th year, I haven't seen him in about 2 months. Another friend shows me a picture of him and he changed alot. It wasn't until then I thought he was attractive. So I start hanging around with him again, everything is the same as before, having a laugh etc. I really don't know when it happened but I just fell in love with him. This is when things started getting awkward. I feel like I can't open up to him as much anymore, I feel VERY uncomfortable when we're alone and conversation is pretty difficult. I still see him as a very good friend, best even, but I think we are still growing apart.

    I really want to tell him how I feel but I'm afraid of it making things even more awkward or making him feel so uncomfortable he won't want to be around me. I've heard things that lead me to believe that he is bisexual. I even asked him about it, although he dismissed it, I still couldn't help think he was, I mean most of his actions lead me and others to think so. Another thing that sucks is he has a girlfriend, although thing are pretty rocky at the moment, he even told me he has considered breaking up with her.

    I really need some advice on whether I should tell him or not, I think I should but when i'm talking to him I can't bring myself to say it.
    Should I say? :confused::confused:
     
  2. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    doesn't sound like you like HIM at all ... more like something, buried deep, an idea, a notion not yet fully formed, an unrecognized need within you, that triggered the obsession
     
  3. HyperHulk

    HyperHulk New Member

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    Because you asked the question, I'll give you my honest response. No, I don't think you should tell him. One sided crushes isn't love love, it's a crush. He's not even where you are. He's focused on himself and his own relationship that is in chaos. If you tell him, you add something else to his plate that will most likely overwhelm him. And you would be telling him for all the wrong reasons, namely selfishness, because it's what you want for you, not what's best for him. That's not love. He's giving you multiple reasons to not go there--he says he's not bi (why try to prove him a liar?) and he has a gf.

    So you want a self-identified straight guy to dump his gf, fall in love with you, come out and start a relationship with a guy? What are the odds that that works out well? That you won't be the rebound guy, if he is gay or bi? That you won't be his experimental guy? That he's ready to radically change his life?

    If you really truly love him, consider trying this. Enjoy your friendship with him and put those feelings to the side for now. Really get to know him and build trust and respect. For the time being, shift your romantic focus to guys who are in the same space as you.

    If you tell him now, it's almost like you're trying to sabotage the relationship because if you can't have him as a lover, you don't want him as a friend. I think if you really love him, hold on and build the friendship, if, in time, down the line it develops into more, than that's the bonus. But if you sabotage it now, you will definitely never have a shot at being lovers but also, you lose a great friend, and what value is there in that?
     
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