Advice Sought

garcon29

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I have a part time gig as a tutor for high school kids. One of my students is a senior boy who is 19 years old and has some special needs. He spends a large amount of the time we are together with his hand down his pants. It is bizarre and distracting to have him masturbating while I am reading The Odyssey or Shakespeare aloud to him. (Nice to think that he is that turned on by great literature!) I have thought of telling him to stop it, but it is a bit awkward because his parents are usually in the next room and I don't know what their stance on it would be. Should I tell them what he is doing and ask them how to deal with it or to intervene and ask him to restrain himself until lessons are over? That would be an awkward conversation too. Any suggestions?
 
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T_Lurch

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I would immediately order him to stop it. If he does not, then refuse to continue the lesson. Being special needs, obviously you would have to temper your approach somewhat.

If his parents disapprove of you rebuking him for his inappropriate behavior, then I would tell them you can't continue to teach him if he's going to disrupt the lesson in such a way. You have a right to not feel uncomfortable teaching a student.
 

hzs3fg

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I would immediately order him to stop it. If he does not, then refuse to continue the lesson. Being special needs, obviously you would have to temper your approach somewhat.

If his parents disapprove of you rebuking him for his inappropriate behavior, then I would tell them you can't continue to teach him if he's going to disrupt the lesson in such a way. You have a right to not feel uncomfortable teaching a student.

The problem with this approach is, he could easily turn it around and claim that *he* demanded the tutor stop or *he* would report him.

The OP needs to get out in front of this and do so immediately.
 
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T_Lurch

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The problem with this approach is, he could easily turn it around and claim that *he* demanded the tutor stop or *he* would report him.

The OP needs to get out in front of this and do so immediately.
That's a fair point.

I suppose it depends upon the student's guile and if he's capable of such duplicity.
 
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Squirrel1

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This could end up bad. Just bring as many people as you can into the loop, just to cover your back if things go wrong.
 
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7053701

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If you don't deal with this immediately, you are looking at prison plus a lifetime on the sexual offenders list.

When it comes out - and it eventually will - you will be the one who takes the fall.
Let's not get carried away. None of what you said is going to happen. Masturbation by special needs students is more common than you might think.

To the OP:

Talk to your supervisor, and then to the family. In that order. Be matter of fact. This is a behavioral issue that can be worked on. Your supervisor needs to know, so they can work out a plan to shift his masturbation to another activity, then inform the parents of that potential solution.

You don't go to the parents with the problem. They hired people to deal with their special needs child because they are not trained to do that themselves. Go to your supervisor first, find a solution, and then that will be presented to the parents.


Some reading material.
Another link
 
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wavejock

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If you don't deal with this immediately, you are looking at prison plus a lifetime on the sexual offenders list.

When it comes out - and it eventually will - you will be the one who takes the fall.
A little dramatic no? he didnt say he was acting on anything...Just how to deal with it.
 

Prof_X

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I have a part time gig as a tutor for high school kids. One of my students is a senior boy who is 19 years old and has some special needs. He spends a large amount of the time we are together with his hand down his pants. It is bizarre and distracting to have him masturbating while I am reading The Odyssey or Shakespeare aloud to him. (Nice to think that he is that turned on by great literature!) I have thought of telling him to stop it, but it is a bit awkward because his parents are usually in the next room and I don't know what their stance on it would be. Should I tell them what he is doing and ask them how to deal with it or to intervene and ask him to restrain himself until lessons are over? That would be an awkward conversation too. Any suggestions?

People with developmental disabilities often do not really think to much about what they are doing. My son (with Down Syndrome) often plays with his penis or butt or ears or tounge etc. Masterbation is more directed. My son is just feeling around and certainly does not realize that his behavior is not appropriate.

Let his parents know that he has his hands in his pants during lessons and ask them how they would like you to handle the situation. This is important because the if the student learn that he can make you uncomfortable or end the lesson by putting his hands in his pants - he now has power over you.

Ignore the behavior - ask the parents how to respond.
 

Prof_X

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I won't add to any of the advice, but I will say I'm wondering why you're reading the Odyssey and Shakespeare to someone who is has such special needs that he can't control his behavior. Does he get anything out of the lessons?

WOW that is arrogant and the basis of most discrimination against people with disabilities.

The U.S. Americans with disabilities act mandates that all learners be given access to learning at all levels. It is illegal deny any student access to education.

30 years ago people with Down Syndrome were institutionalized. They rarely lived past age 12. Now people with DS live into their 60s, get married and hold jobs. My son is 10 and reads his favorite comics in two different languages.

Prof_X assigns you homework. You must watch the movie Crip Camp Crip Camp | A Disability Revolution it is currently on netflix and was nominated for a couple of Academy awards in 2021.
 
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garcon29

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Here is an update: This is a private arrangement for tutoring so there is no "supervisor" to report to. I encountered the dad outside as I was arriving at their house last Thursday and asked to have a word with him. I explained that his son was developing the habit of putting his hands down his pants during lessons and that I didn't know how I should deal with it - ignore it, tell him not to do that, or let his parents speak to him about it? Dad replied that they had been struggling with that as well. They had come up with the tactic of using a hand gesture of an open hand, palm up, flipped upwards, to indicate that he should get his hands out. He said that it generally worked and seems more effective than a verbal instruction. He didn't seem to be taken aback by the conversation or to regard me as suspect, but rather appeared to take a "we're all in this together" attitude. It turned out better than I had expected. Later, as we were reading, the son started getting his hand in there again several times and each time, when I gave the sign, he pulled out. Success!

As to why we read Greek classics and Shakespeare, the answer is twofold: they are part of the curriculum, and the kid enjoys them. Just because a person cannot control his/her actions, it does not mean that they are not intelligent. He is on the autism spectrum and is nonverbal. He does a lot of pacing, spinning, waving his arms, and humming or repeating certain words or phrases. He cannot focus on a page long enough to read a text. He has a very difficult time communicating through a letter board or keyboard and writes few words and only with extreme difficulty. But he does register enjoyment or displeasure and expresses humor and dislike and FRUSTRATION. I can not imagine what it must be like to be in his situation.

Thanks again for all the responses.