Advice to brother?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by pjg117, May 15, 2011.

  1. pjg117

    pjg117 New Member

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    Hey all, I've been lurking around the site for a while, but I haven't made any posts yet.

    Anyway, one of my younger brothers (age 18) is going off to college in a few months. To make a long question short, I'm wondering if you guys think I should have 'the talk' with him about being careful, lots of foreplay, etc. He hasn't started having sex yet. I just remember that when I started, my freshman year of college, I would have liked to have known what to do to make things a little easier (this site would've helped quite a bit). On the best days, I'm 8x6, so not huge but hung. It's made things a little difficult in the past. I've never seen my brother hard, but we've showered together while camping in the last two years, and he looks like he's inherited a large one. We never talk about sex or anything in my family, so I think it might be awkward approaching it, but I think it's a conversation worth having. Thoughts?
     
  2. sevener

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    Yeah, approach it head-on if he infers to you that he wants to know more... sure. Nonetheless, if I were you I wouldn't be too keen myself on getting too personal, it might sound a little patronising/authoritative? Just sound like an older brother :)
     
  3. SomeGuyOverThere

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    I don't think it'd be a good idea. If your family is closed about things, it's just going to be really awkward for both of you, and sound quite patronising to him.

    I think if he approaches you, then you should give advice, but otherwise let him figure it out on his own. Generally, people are very bad at taking advice that they didn't ask for (and often worse at taking advice they did ask for but didn't conform to what they wanted to hear...).
     
  4. mthomson2020

    mthomson2020 Member

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    is he also gay?
     
  5. buzzrider7

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    Maybe you could skip an awkward talk, but at least point him to this site, saying that is helped you figure out a lot of useful stuff about sex, especially if he has inherited part of the family wealth.
     
  6. lvsxy808

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    I would say make it clear to him - like explicitly clear, not obscure hints - that you're available if should need any advice. But after that, refrain from actually giving him any advice unless he specifically asks for it, because it could indeed be awkward if it's unwanted.

    Do make sure that he knows he has to be safe, that it's not a question of maybe or ought to - be safe, no excuses, no exceptions.
     
  7. dolfette

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    i know this is a wild idea,
    but why not just have a conversation?
    don't set out with a script,
    just open the door and see where it leads.
     
  8. commando1463

    commando1463 Member

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    I would suggest approaching it as an older brother. Not going in with any preconceived notions about what to say or when to say it, don't want to come off as scripted or preaching. Just let him know that you are there for him and that he can talk to you about anything and it will remain between the two of you. I agree trying to force it might be uncomfortable but by the same toke, it is always nice to have someone you trust that is available to you.
     
  9. bigirishman

    bigirishman Well-Known Member

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    Whats the deal? It is the 21st century. Give him a little heads up about what to expect and what to do. Just dont freak him out about the whole thing. Mabie share a few embarrising stories, tell him where you went wrong. Im sure it will just make you guys closer and so what if he is a bit awkward at first. You are both adults and you just want to give him advice.
    Just keep it relaxed
     
  10. jockmaestro

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    I agree, but, sorry to say, must correct word usage. The poster means if he IMPLIES he wants to know more: Speaker implies; listener infers.

    There is NO substitute for a caring older brother's advice. Even if he balks, he'll appreciate it.
     
  11. phndoc

    phndoc Member

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    My brother is 6 yrs older then me. It woould had been nice if we could have a talk, now and then.
     
  12. D_Ben Twilly

    D_Ben Twilly New Member

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    I'm with the people who say offer to talk about stuff, but don't give him advice on how to have sex unless you want him to leave for college thinking what a patronizing jerk his older brother is. If he wants advice he'll take you up on it, but unsolicited advice is usually not received well. I get that you just want him to benefit from what you learned the hard way about sex, but you usually can't save other people when it comes to that. Just ask any parent who has tried to talk openly about sex with their kids, only to have them make the same mistakes they made and wanted to spare them from.

    Definitely let him know you're down to talk about this stuff though. Even if he doesn't want sex advice from you, he will probably want to tell you about it when he does start doing it. Sexual initiation is exciting, you love knowing the things you've been finding out, and having an older brother to talk to would be awesome then.

    All of this is assuming, of course, that you're right about him not having sex yet. I chose not to share with my family when I started doing it, and they were completely clueless that I knew anything about it until a long time and many partners later. Could be that he could tell you a thing or two about how to have sex with a big dick.
     
  13. simbablk

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    Open the door to conversation but don't give any advice unless he explicitly asks for it.

    If the conversation opens itself up to further discussions them so be it. You'll know when to expound and when to be vague. Allow him to control the pace of the conversation and the amount of information shared.

    Simba
     
  14. coachreffn

    coachreffn Active Member

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    This may not be terribly PC....but, frankly, since you state that you are 100 % gay and I am assuming you think your brother is primarily straight, what would you say to him about sex? He is eighteen and I think probably has a clear understanding of how things work. What is helpful for a young man of that age is to make yourself available about talking about relationships with a girl. I think he can handle the mechanics of sex for himself.
     
  15. D_Harry_Crax

    D_Harry_Crax Account Disabled

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    What he said. The only advice I wish I had been given for college would have been "drink less and fuck more" and "come out sooner."
     
  16. pjg117

    pjg117 New Member

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    thanks for all the help, guys. I think I'm just going to approach it by saying "wear a condom, go to class and I'm here if you ever have any questions about anything."

    One more thing: I didn't realize it because this was my first post, but when I signed up I accidentally said 100% gay. I'm actually straight, not that there's anything wrong with that (hopefully people get the Seinfeld reference...)

    Thanks again for the help.
     
  17. parchissi

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    Mentioning to him how going off to Uni was for you and things you came up against be it of a sexual, study habits, classes, etc sort of stuff - might be a way to ease your mind - personal experiences rather than personal advise might be an approach worth considering.
     
  18. D_Ben Twilly

    D_Ben Twilly New Member

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    I wouldn't even get that specific. He knows what condoms are if he wants to use them. Stick with a general "study hard and call anytime you want" message. I know you just want to help, but sex advice of ANY kind is going to come off as a really condescending eye-roller. Avoid it like the plague.
     
  19. D_Alec_Baldtwins

    D_Alec_Baldtwins Account Disabled

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    I didn't have an older brother, and no one ever had "The Talk" with me, I pretty much figured things out on my own. I suppose if I'd had an older brother, I would have been fine with him counseling me a little bit, but I would have found it very creepy and weird if he'd said anything about my cock, especially its size. If you want to give him advice and he's open to it, do it, but I'm not sure why you think the size of his cock has anything to do with the discussion, and I think you'd be making a mistake to go there.
     
  20. lvsxy808

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    I would. Sex education in schools these days is pathetic. The boy needs to know first that condoms exist, and second that they are not an option, they are a necessity. How would pjg117 feel if his brother got someone pregnant or caught a disease, and he knew he could have warned him and didn't?
     
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