Advice to brother?

[D_Ben Twilly]

I would. Sex education in schools these days is pathetic. The boy needs to know first that condoms exist, and second that they are not an option, they are a necessity. How would pjg117 feel if his brother got someone pregnant or caught a disease, and he knew he could have warned him and didn't?

At eighteen or nineteen, he knows that condoms exist. You may feel that sex education is deficient, but don't exaggerate. Further, condoms are an option. Not a fashionable thing to say in our birth control devoted culture, but it's true. If this young man isn't deemed mature enough to make choices about his own sex life without his brother "warning" him by saying that his values on birth control are the only way, maybe the only advice given should be to keep it in his pants.

 

[EdWoody]

Where the hell are you getting "values" from? This is just about common sense. Telling any horny teenage boy to keep it in his pants is like telling the sky to be green, or telling cats to stop being cats. It ain't gonna happen.

And no, condoms are NOT an option for a teenage boy, unless he wants to be laden down with a child or an incurable disease. They are a requirement, until the day they are in a stable, secure, adult relationship, which won't be for years yet. Why do I see so many miserable teenage boys pushing prams around, and girls living completely off the dole with three kids by three different fathers before they're 19? Because people told them condoms were just a choice too.

 

[D_Ben Twilly]

Sex is for adults, and adults know that there are ways to responsibly have sex other than using birth control and hoping it prevents your actions from having any natural consequences.

 

[dolfette]

you could just bulk buy the rubbers and gift them.
students are usually short on cash.
make playing safe easy.

 

[EdWoody]

Sex is for adults, and adults know that there are ways to responsibly have sex other than using birth control and hoping it prevents your actions from having any natural consequences.

He's not an adult, he's a teenager. Teenagers have sex. Deny it or say it shouldn't be so all you want, but it is so. And being so, he should take the appropriate precautions.

And what are these ways to have sex that don't that don't require contraceptives that you mention? Anal? Still get diseases that way. Oral? Still get diseases that way. Frottage? Mutual masturbation? I doubt a teenage boy's gonna stop there if the girl says go for it.

There's no reason for him not to use condoms, and be told to use condoms by his brother, other than ignorance or willful denial.

None of which was even the point of the thread in the first place. All I'm saying is, I don't see any problem with the older brother telling the younger brother to use condoms. That's what older brothers are for.

.

 

[D_Ben Twilly]

And what are these ways to have sex that don't that don't require contraceptives that you mention? Anal? Still get diseases that way. Oral? Still get diseases that way. Frottage? Mutual masturbation? I doubt a teenage boy's gonna stop there if the girl says go for it.

Not having sex before you're prepared to accept its natural effects with people you're not willing to face them with. And before YOU deny that it can be done, it certainly can if the maturity is there. If it isn't, sex should be discouraged as it is for responsible adults, not indulgenced kids.

There's no reason for him not to use condoms, and be told to use condoms by his brother, other than ignorance or willful denial. None of which was even the point of the thread in the first place. All I'm saying is, I don't see any problem with the older brother telling the younger brother to use condoms. That's what older brothers are for.

And all I'm saying is that he's been told to use condoms before, and that for his brother to put in his oar about it (not his place to tell him what to do anyway) is going to honk him off - which is the kind of advice the question asked for.

 

[dolfette]

ostrich parenting.

 

[D_Ben Twilly]

This isn't about parenting at all. It's about a sibling trying to feel like a big man by giving his little brother sexual advice while originally hoping to work in discussion of what a big penis he's blessed with. Frankly, I'm not even so sure this is real.

And the approach I'm describing is not ostrichly at all, even if applied to parents. It involves instilling the value that sex is more meaningful than just getting laid with a faceless whore, and should be done with enough discretion that you don't have to have a barrier between you and whatever nasties the unknown pussy you're boning might be full of. It's quite a bit more involved than a generic "Use a condom," which doesn't require much communication, emotion, or humanity to pass along. In my opinion, the approach that allows you to give an all-purpose sentence's worth of generic advice and not have to touch it again is the ostrich parenting. A full scale cop out, in fact.

 

[Euphoria01]

id talk with him, take him condem shopping, and put some pics up or ur puccini 8 by 6 sounds Nice.

 

[basque9]

I would say make it clear to him - like explicitly clear, not obscure hints - that you're available if should need any advice. But after that, refrain from actually giving him any advice unless he specifically asks for it, because it could indeed be awkward if it's unwanted.

Do make sure that he knows he has to be safe, that it's not a question of maybe or ought to - be safe, no excuses, no exceptions.

I like this approach...puts responsibility where it belongs, on the young individual.

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

I would say make it clear to him - like explicitly clear, not obscure hints - that you're available if should need any advice. But after that, refrain from actually giving him any advice unless he specifically asks for it, because it could indeed be awkward if it's unwanted.

Do make sure that he knows he has to be safe, that it's not a question of maybe or ought to - be safe, no excuses, no exceptions.

I like this approach...puts responsibility where it belongs, on the young individual.

I like it too, though I'd go easy on making sure he knows he has to be safe.
A single statement on that point should be enough; if he has a pulse, he will have heard all that stuff many times.

And you have to be careful giving advice to teenagers. They're as apt to run counter as to accept it.

So yeah: I would make clear I was available if he wanted advice.
And then let the kid take things forward from there if he so chooses.

 

[catman]

Never hurts to open the door to conversation- gay/straight doesn't matter- I think your intent is admirable- tell your brother you care and open the door for conversation....never assume that people 'know everything' esp in this day and age...

how about 'if you ever need condoms, or info, come to me' line?

 

[laser90]

This isn't about parenting at all. It's about a sibling trying to feel like a big man by giving his little brother sexual advice while originally hoping to work in discussion of what a big penis he's blessed with. Frankly, I'm not even so sure this is real.

.

I agree with Vance88. I don't believe this is real. Red flags for me are: "I’m 8X6 Not huge but large" - standard dream size for men and of course no pictures. 100% straight but wants to work the conversation to talk about his big penis? Come on.

As an older brother I never talked with my younger brother about sex, had he asked I would have. I'm sure he knows what to do and half the fun is exploring and trying thing for the first time. Remember the first time you had your first pop? Wow I thought I discovered something new!

Oh and if you think he has not has sex.....I have got a bridge in New York I can sell ya

 

[dolfette]

as a big sister, i talk to my sister about sex all the time.
if you create an open and honest relationship, you will never regret it. we talk about any problems we're having, get a second point of view, offer and receive advice.

it's fantastic! for both of us.

sometimes all we need to hear is, 'i know how you feel. that's happened to me too.' sometimes one of us has more experience with an issue, or a type of birth control. more recently it grew into pregnancy, then parenting conversations.

i really don't understand how anyone who has never had this kind of relationship can say it's not a good thing. it's all pro, no con. it's a weird kind of prudishness that recoils at the idea of intimacy with your own family.

 

[Hoss]

Hey all, I've been lurking around the site for a while, but I haven't made any posts yet.

Anyway, one of my younger brothers (age 18) is going off to college in a few months. To make a long question short, I'm wondering if you guys think I should have 'the talk' with him about being careful, lots of foreplay, etc. He hasn't started having sex yet. I just remember that when I started, my freshman year of college, I would have liked to have known what to do to make things a little easier (this site would've helped quite a bit). On the best days, I'm 8x6, so not huge but hung. It's made things a little difficult in the past. I've never seen my brother hard, but we've showered together while camping in the last two years, and he looks like he's inherited a large one. We never talk about sex or anything in my family, so I think it might be awkward approaching it, but I think it's a conversation worth having. Thoughts?

He's probably aware that he's on the larger than average size and when the time is right he'll meet the man or woman that he has an interest in and they'll figure out what to do. If he has real trouble he will see a medical professional or perhaps then ask you questions. Anything before then could prove to be problematic. I'm 61 and never yet had this kind of talk with my brothers and don't want to.

 

[marcjohnson]

I appreciated this discussion, be it real or not. I had been thinking about talking to my brother as well since I am several years older than he is; this discussion helped me make an informed decision about it. Thanks!